If I Was Your Boyfriend

I practically run down the stairs before the delivery driver had the opportunity to ring the doorbell again. Rocky is sitting by the front door with his long tail happily swinging from side to side. He frantically jumps against the guy’s legs while the driver politely plays with him. I slip him a twenty-dollar bill before shutting the door behind me. ‘C’mon Rock.’ I laugh, locking the front door. As I’m setting up the food along the coffee table, Justin jogs down the stairs with his usual journal tucked under his arm.

‘It smells amazing.’ He muses while jumping over the back of the sofa in his usual dramatic fashion. ‘I’ve been craving their fried rice all week.’

‘I’m pretty sure I daydreamed about it the other day,’ I nod in return, not facing him. My face was actually getting sore from the smile that wouldn’t leave. I had a feeling it was going to be there for a while.

Justin was actually going to propose. When? Where? Did he have some over-the-top engagement planned like back in Paris or is he going for something more small and intimate. I refrain from practicing my surprised expression while Justin flipped through the many channels. I couldn’t stop picturing the ring. Its beauty was burned into my mind. It wasn’t the same one from our attempted engagement for all of thirty minutes. It was different, just as perfect. If not more. ‘Someone’s awfully quiet tonight?’ Justin comments and I feel myself slightly stiffen. ‘Are you still worried about your speech? Baby, I promise that you’re going to do great.’

‘No, it’s not that.’ I say standing from the ground to slip into his open arm, ‘I was just thinking about, things.’ I chime coyly, grabbing my little paper box of Chicken Pad Thai.

I think back to many times that Justin and I talked about getting engaged. Our lives have been so hectic over the last few months, we barely had time to go on a date let alone get engaged. I remember the night in Paris perfectly. He actually managed to rent out Disneyland in the middle of the night. He rigged a giant screen that played pictures of us while an orchestra played Fall in the background. How could he possibly top that?

‘Well, I’m intrigued – what things are you thinking about?’ He smiles, finally coming to a stop on some movie with The Rock.

‘It’s nothing important, really.’ I shrug, not taking my eyes from the TV, ‘Are you going to finish that song of yours tonight?’ I ask, desperate to get the attention off of me.

‘I think so, it finally feels like it’s coming together so we’ll see.’ He speaks shyly, Justin was definitely a perfectionist. He wouldn’t even show me a glimpse of a song until it meets his standard.

After dinner, Justin and I stand in the backyard while Rocky roams around under the bright lights that flooded the grass. ‘C’mere.’ He signals me with a single stroke of his finger. ‘You’re too far away.’ I happily fall into his arms and rest my head on his chest. ‘Better.’

‘Justin?’ I question, using my teeth to pick at the inside of my mouth. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘You can always ask me anything – I thought you knew that by now.’

‘Do you remember on the plane back from Paris, it was after Carter tried to blow up the hotel with you in it.’

‘Yeah,’ He speaks matter-of-factly with an oncoming grin on his face, ‘It’s been pretty hard to forget the many near-death experiences Carter put us through. How come?’

‘Well, do you also remember when we were on the plane and you asked me if I would still marry you? Did you mean it? Is that something that you still want?’

‘Of course I meant it,’ Justin answers without a beat of hesitation, ‘I want you and this for the long run. We can get a lot more dogs and take them all to Belize with us and only come back to the California for Thai takeout. You’re all I ever want Chris.’

‘You’re all I ever want.’ I bury my face into his bare chest, feeling at home.

Justin’s Point of View

When Rocky finally trots his way into the house, Chrissy leads the way up the stairs. I carry Rocky in my arms with his large head resting on my shoulder, like my own personal kid. He gets into his bed in the corner of the room while I roll into the bed beside the literal love of my life. She studies the ceiling as her eyes slowly start to close. Every time I look at her, I have to fight off the urge to get down on one knee. I’m not sure if the women in our life would appreciate it if I just randomly proposed in a room with my dirty socks on the floor. I could hear the lecture from my mom right now. I don’t think Chrissy would mind. Maybe. I pull her into me because I just had to constantly feel her at all times. She looks up at me through a yawn and a sleep smile. ‘What about you?’ I question, cutting into the silence.

‘What about me?’

‘Is becoming Mrs. Bieber something you still want?’ I ask, thinking back to her question outside.

‘Mrs. Bieber has a nice sound to it.’ She simply retorts, eventually allowing her eyes to close.

It did have a good sound to it.

Chrissy’s Point of View

‘We’re going to be late,’ Justin warns in the doorway with a smirk as he pulls his black blazer over his black button-down shirt. ‘You don’t want to miss your own speech, do you?’

I couldn’t believe that today was finally the day. Justin and I were going to a women’s support group in LA, where they were introducing me as an honorary member. They wanted me to share my own traumatic experience with Carter and I had been worked on my speech day and night. Our families were both coming for extra support. Nikki told me that there would be cameras there filming today.

‘I brought ten different dresses – how can they all look horrible.’ I frown, turning in front of Justin’s expansive mirror.

‘You look perfect, baby.’ Justin insists wrapping his arms around my waist to rest his chin on my shoulder.

‘Do I really or are you just being a really supportive boyfriend?’

‘Both, but you always look perfect to me. You got this, Chris.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you.’ He repeats, his brown eyes study me through the mirror. ‘Let’s go.’

I slip my feet into my heels and grab my blazer from the bed before carefully following Justin down the stairs. He patiently waits by the passenger door of the Range Rover like the perfect gentleman. I climb inside and twirl my promise ring around my finger, wondering when he’d replace it.

‘You know, if you had your clothes, or all of your stuff, at my house you wouldn’t have to bring clothes over.’ Justin says, not taking his eyes off of the road. ‘Possibly come back to me and Rocky.’ I wordlessly look out of the window and he takes my silence as a bad thing. ‘Or not. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be throwing this on you this morning.’

‘I was just thinking about the last couple of months that we lived together. I know that neither one of us likes thinking about it and how we’re both at different stages than we were, it just wasn’t really a home. I guess I’m a little hesitant.’

‘Good thing it’s a completely new house, right? So far we’ve only had good memories in it and I don’t want that to change either, but I think eventually one of us is going to have to cave and move in with the other – as much as I like your doorman, my place is a lot bigger.’ He teases, slipping his fingers through mine, ‘Just think about it, not today but play with the idea.’

‘I will.’ I answer, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

Security comes to meet us as we walk into the women’s center. Paparazzi were shielded behind a bright orange barricade. Justin glances around curiously, never letting go of my hand. ‘Hi you two.’ Nikki smiles, ‘you’re just in time. Your families are already in their seats and Justin, I made sure you’re good to go. Chrissy, you can go sit with your family and once Justin introduces you, you’ll just come on up. Afterwards, the women want to meet with you privately away from all the cameras.’

‘Sounds good.’ Justin nods, placing his large hands on my shoulders, ‘I will see you up there, okay?’

‘Say good things.’

‘Nothing but.’ He promises, pressing his lips to my forehead.

I watch as Justin follows behind a man talking into a headset towards the stage. Nikki leads me to the main room, where there were much more people than I thought. Several people stand to their feet to clap as I walk by. My mom scurries over to wrap her arms around me, ‘Hi, sweetie – are you ready?’

‘Finally, yes.’ I retort, looking at the several cameras set up in the back of the room. Dani and Garrett supportively wave as did Pattie. I wave back and slide in next to my mom and Jeff. It wasn’t long before Justin was walking onto the stage. The room erupts with claps and supportive whistles. I watch as he pulls his speech from the inside of his suit and carefully unfolds it.

‘Hi everyone, when they asked me to be the one to introduce Chrissy, I unflinchingly agreed within seconds. As some of our close friends and family know, I have a habit of rambling on for a solid hour when I talk about Chrissy. It is hands down the easiest thing on the planet to do. She doesn’t even need an introduction, if I’m being completely honest. Every day, she speaks for herself through her grace and her courage. Chrissy takes all that life offers her, the good and the bad, and never complains in the slightest. I am not here to go over all the gory details that I’m sure you all have heard over a thousand times – because it feels like Chris and I have told them over a thousand times. Today isn’t about me, it’s definitely not about him, it’s all about Chrissy. I find myself constantly dumbfounded even after the all the years I’ve known her as I watch her resilience, growth, and bravery. I want to tell you a little bit about the Chrissy Thorton that I have the greatest pleasure of my life knowing, so if you will, please indulge me for a second here. Chrissy is loving, so loving and so caring. She is constantly going out of her way, putting her needs behind the needs of others, her beautiful smile never fading for even a second. She looks out for the people around her, especially me and our little guy Rocky. I don’t know where we would be without her constantly taking care of us and watching over us. She is fearless, as you may have learned over the last couple of months. She stood in front of the world and shared her very important story with her head held high and her shoulders thrown back. She is strong. Through this journey of hers, she hasn’t changed who she was as a person. A person like Chrissy is really rare to find these days, but I am happy sharing her with you just for today as long as I get her back once this is over. She is still the same loving, caring, fearless, strong person that I have always known. As terrible as this situation was, I’m glad that you got to know and witness the loving, caring, fearless, strong person that is Chrissy Thorton. Let’s give it up for Chrissy, everyone.’ Justin concludes, being the first to clap. As I stand he walks down the stairs to help me onto the stage. I wrap my arms around his neck, ‘Now it’s your turn.’