If I Was Your Boyfriend

‘I'm ready.’ I announce emerging from the bathroom. Justin was sitting in the chair of my room flipping through the copy of the Fault In Our Stars I kept on the dresser.

‘Took you long enough.’ he laughs before stretching his legs as he stands.

‘Oh whatever.’ I fan him off sliding my feet into a pair of Toms. ‘We're headed to the hospital now. See you guys tonight.’ I say waving before we go out the door. Justin punches in the address and the GPS starts it's navigation.

‘Do you remember what room she said?’ Justin wonders curiously getting onto the highway.

‘Annabelle Thirwall, room 453.’ I answer looking over at him, ‘someone will be at the front waiting for us when we get there too.’

‘Sounds good.’ Justin replies nodding his head.

‘How is it going to be?’ I ask quietly. ‘You go all the time to children's hospitals, right?’

‘Yeah, I'm not going to lie, it is overwhelming seeing all the kids so sick and not being able to do anything about it.’ Justin explains, ‘it never gets easy to see.’ Not too long later we arrive at the large hospital and get out of the car. Sure enough there were several workers waiting by the sliding doors.

‘Hi welcome! We’re so happy to have you here.’

‘Thanks for having us.’ Justin shakes each of their hands.

‘So you are planning to go from room-to-room, right?’

‘That’s the plan.’ I reply trailing behind Justin.

‘Sounds good, they’ll definitely be happy.’ One of the workers say. ‘Right this way.’ We follow to the elevators and are taken up to the second floor. ‘You guys can work your way up to the fourth floor, feel free to talk to as many you want and however long you want. Not a lot of people stop by to see them.’ The woman explains. A small, weak, faint cough comes from a room with the door slightly cracked. I grab a hold of Justin’s hands holding it tightly.

I had never been in a hospital full of sick children before.

This was all pretty new for me.

‘I’m right here.’ He whispers leading the way into the first room. A small girl was laying on her bed wrapped in her sheets. ‘Hello.’ Justin calls out happily. She turns her head staring at us, obviously shocked and speechless. ‘you can’t get up can you?’ Justin eyes the IV she’s connected to. She shakes her head sadly. I leave Justin's side to hug her gently. Her small hands pat my back.

‘I like you.’ her voice is small and tired.

‘I like you too.’ I smile down at her as Justin leans into hug her before placing a kiss on her cheek. ‘Bye sweetie.’ she lifts her arm in an attempt to wave goodbye. ‘Where's her parents?’ I ask once we get into the hallway.

‘Madison's parents are with the doctor I believe.’ A nurse informs me. I nod moving onto the next room with Justin.

On our journey through the hospital was sad, yet beautiful in a way. There were so many beautiful, unique kids we had the pleasure of meeting.

Like this beautiful little boy named Rocky who was battling a form of brain cancer. ‘You have the same name as our dog.’ I remember Justin blurting with a small laugh, ‘I'm sure like him you're courageous and strong. That's why I picked to name him Rocky, because like the boxer from the movies, I saw that he had heart and that's one of the best qualities to have. I bet you have heart too. Never lose your heart, okay little man?’ Justin goes into explanation with him. Even though he was ill he challenged Justin to an arm wrestling match in which he easily won.

‘That's a cool jersey you have on.’ I point at the Lakers jersey which was too long for him but in a cute way.

‘Yeah it is, who's your favorite player?’ Justin asks.

‘Thank you. I like Steve Nash.’ the little boy turns showing off the back of the jersey that said Nash on it.

‘Hey, I know Steve Nash. He's a really good friend of mine. Did you know he's Canadian, like me?’ the boy nods his head several times. ‘I've actually played with him before.’

‘Did he win?’ Rocky laughs completely into Justin.

‘He beat me pretty bad.’ Justin admits. ‘I'll see you soon buddy.’ we hug Rocky before leaving for the next room.

Then there was Daniella. Daniella was this 9 year old who was suffering from one of the most common forms of cancer in children, leukemia. The expression on her face when I entered the room was priceless. She rushed from her bed wrapping her arms around me. ‘I'm Daniella.’ she smiles happily.

‘Hi Daniella, I'm Chrissy.’ I kneel down to get eye-to-eye with her.

‘Oh I know! Look!’ she takes my hand and pulls me over to her bed. ‘My mom made this for me.’ she hands me a piece of paper full of clippings of different pictures of me.

‘It's so pretty. I love it.’

‘Can you sign it for me?’

‘Of course I can sweetheart. Do you have a pen?’ I ask Danielle's dad who was talking with Justin. He quickly retrieved a blue ink pen and handed it to me.

To Daniella, I am so lucky to have met you today and I will always remember it forever. You are such a beautiful soul and person.

With all the love in the world, Chrissy Thorton.

‘Thank you so much.’ she hugs me for the fifth time since I've walked into the room.

‘You are so welcome.’ I hug her one last time before walking out of the room.

‘Wow it's 4:27.’ Justin points at the digital clock on the wall.

We've been here for over three hours?

‘It doesn't feel like we've been here that long.’ I reply slipping my arm through his.

‘I know.’ He nods in agreement, ‘here we are. Room 453.’ Justin lightly knocks on the closed door and the woman, Diane answers the door.

‘I can't believe you're actually here.’ the surprised expression on her face is evident.

‘Of course we are. Can we meet little Annabelle?’ Justin inquires.

‘Yes.’ she slowly cracks the door open, ‘Annabelle, you have visitors.’ the door is now fully opened and our eyes meet these big dark brown eyes.

‘AH!’ she screams louder than any kid we've heard today. Her room is decked out with the tons of pink items and in the corner is a Justin cardboard cutout. Her wall has an arrangement of separate posters of Justin and I.

‘Hi, you must be Annabelle.’ I crouch down hugging her as she starts to cry. She sniffles against my shirt not letting go, ‘how are you doing? Good?’

‘I loved the video.’ she peeps quietly hugging Justin next.

‘You did?’ Justin smiles, ‘that was the plan.’

‘We're so glad you like it.’

‘I can't believe you're here!’ Annabelle cries tears of joy.

‘I had to meet you when I met your mom in the store.’ I sit down and talk to Annabelle as Justin had to take a phone call about something.

‘He's really cute.’ Annabelle leans over and whispers pointing at Justin who was walking back and forth by the door.

‘Yeh, he's cute.’ I agree.

‘Can he be my boyfriend?’ Annabelle wonders.

‘I'll tell you what, we'll share em.’ I laugh.

‘I'm never going to see you again after this, am I?’

‘You will, I'll come back.’

‘Promise?’ her small pinkie finger is extended in front of me.

‘I promise.’ I wrap my pinkie around hers giving it a small squeeze.

‘Now we're best friends forever.’

‘And even after that.’ We stayed for another hour talking to Annabelle before we had to leave.

‘Is there anything we can do for you Annabelle?’ Justin asks as we help her gather all of the toys we played with it.

‘Could you sign my standup?’ she points to the younger-version of Justin.

‘You got it.’ Justin grabs one of her many colorful markers and walks over to the corner. I grab a pink marker and follow him.

Annabelle, you are such a pleasure to have met. You truly inspire me just as much as you say I inspire you. You're one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and so cute not to mention. Whenever you want to talk, I'm here for you. We'll talk soon. Best friends forever, right?

All my love, Chrissy T.

‘Bye Chrissy. Bye Justin.’ she hurries stealing one last hug in. ‘Please don't forget to come back.’

‘We won't.’ Justin assures her before we say good bye for the hundredth time.

Justin doesn't say much as we walk to the car or once we get inside. His hands clutched the steering wheel as he kept his eyes forward.

‘Is everything, okay?’ I ask nervously.

‘She just, she... reminds me of Avalanna.’ he looks over at me with wet eyes. I unbuckle my seat belt and slide over to him resting my head on his shoulder. ‘I miss her so much.’

‘I know you do. I bet she misses you too.’ He pulls the car over to wipe his eyes and hug me. ‘I love you.’ I mutter into his shirt.

‘I love you.’ he repeats leaving a kiss on my forehead.

‘Now we have to sit down with our families and tell them our plan.’ I lay my head back against the head rest.

‘Can't we just go to Taco Bell and hide out at the apartment.’ Justin laughs starting the car back up.

‘I wish.’ I laugh along with him as he gets onto the highway on the direction back to my house.