If I Was Your Boyfriend

I didn’t exactly know where I was driving to, far away as I could get I guess. The car was filled up thanks to my trip to the gas station yesterday. So that wasn’t an issue. My phone lights up on the seat next to me. I briefly look down to see it clearly read Justin. At the next red light I hold the button at the top of the phone until it turns off. When Justin saw me with the guy from Barnes and Noble he decided to go out with Jess. He decided to make me feel the way I made him feel. If he only he talked to me he would’ve known. I swallow the hard lump in my throat fighting the urge to cry. I pull over on the side of the busy highway and cut the engine after turning on the hazard lights. I strangled sob falls from my mouth as I lean my head against the steering wheel.

Justin’s Point of View

I call Chrissy for the twentieth time only to get her voicemail once again. How could you be so stupid? So careless? So insensitive? So disrespectful? If you lose her then it’s your own fau- wait, she wouldn’t leave me over something so tiny. Would she? She loves me just as much as I love her. She can’t leave me. She cannot leave me. I call again and instead of hanging up before the beep I wait.

Hey, Chrissy. It’s me, Justin. You know that. If you didn’t, it’s Justin, your boyfriend. Or at least I hope. We are still together right? I mean if we broke up you would’ve said so, wouldn’t you? I’m really rambling right now. Look. I’m sorry Chris. I am so sorry. There are no words to make up for what I did but that’s all I know to say when something like this happens. I hate fighting. I hate not talking. I hate when you’re upset. Ironically I’m the reason you’re upset. What I did was incredibly dumb and careless. I really should wrap this up before the machine decides to cut me off. Well. I love you so much baby. Call me back. Bye.

I sit in the parking lot waiting for Chrissy to come back but she never does. I didn’t think she would just leave me like that. But the look in her eyes… I will never forget how she looked at me in the parking lot. Her eyes were so full of pain and disappointment. I reach out to touch her but she pulls away from me. She tells me not to touch her. She looked me right in my eyes and said, “don’t touch me”. It felt like a knife went right through my gut. It all happened so fast. I stand in the car trying to be clever and keep her there but all she has to do is slam the car into reverse and go out the parking lot anywhere, which is exactly what she did. My throat grows tight with that annoying lump you get when you know you’re about to lose it at any given time. She’s not coming back to this parking lot. Maybe she’s at the apartment! Yeah, maybe she just went there. I climb into my car and fasten my seat belt before speeding out of the parking. I take all the back roads avoiding the traffic and lights until I make it home. I rush into the house only to find Rocky sleeping on the sofa. Once he spots me he jumps down as if he was never up there.

‘So that’s what you do when you’re alone, huh?’ I sigh sitting down on the sofa patting the side next to me. ‘Let’s hope Chris comes back pal.’

I sit on the sofa in pure silence while stroking Rocky’s fur. An hour later there was a soft knock on the door. I wonder if Chrissy forget her key to the apartment. I carefully move Rocky aside and practically run to the door, scrambling to unlock it. I literally yank the door open fast. ‘I’m so sor-…’ I cut myself looking into the eyes of my mom. ‘Oh.’

‘Well hello to you too.’ She says with a smile as I let her inside. As bad as I was feeling it was great to see my mom. I haven’t seen much of her since I moved out and she started working on her book. She gives my body a tight squeeze after I close the door.

‘I’m sorry mom, I just thought you were Chrissy.’

‘Is she not here?’ mom asks, clearly surprised.

‘No. We got into this argument at this parking lot.’

‘A parking lot? I’m guessing this was a pretty big argument?’

‘Well you could definitely say it wasn’t one of the better arguments in the history of relationships. She sped off and I haven’t seen her since.’ I explain, feeling like crap all over again. How could you do that to her? I didn’t mean to hurt her. Yeah you did. That’s exactly what you meant to do. I was just pissed off. That’s a lousy excuse. You claim to love her so much but you go out and do something like this? I do love her.

‘Justin.’ My mom says cutting into my thoughts, ‘did you hear me?’

‘No, sorry, what mom?’

‘What exactly happened between you and Chrissy?’

‘Well you know Jess, right? From the video?’ I pause looking over at her. She offers me a nod to go on. ‘Last night I saw Chrissy with some guy at Barnes and Noble. Don’t worry, he has a girlfriend. Of four years. I didn’t know that until this morning. I got mad and went out with the crew including Jess. I didn’t tell her. I left my phone in Jess’ car. She brought it back this morning. Chrissy and her were talking. Chrissy found out from Jess making it so much worse. Chrissy says I didn’t tell the entire truth when I came home last night. She was mad. I was mad. I yelled at her. She said that I only went out last night out of spite. Which was true. She left me in the parking lot. Now I don’t know if she’s coming back.’

Mom doesn’t say anything right away. She just sits there nodding, taking it all in.

‘I screwed up, so badly.’

‘Why didn’t you just ask her?’

‘That’s what she asked me. I honestly don’t know. I wasn’t thinking last night. I regretted it as soon as I saw all of the missed calls and texts she left me. She was so worried about me. She actually thought something bad happened. But it was already too late when Jess brought my phone over.’

‘Oh Justin.’ Mom says patting my back, ‘you do not act out of anger.’

‘I know. It was stupid to do.’

‘Have you tried calling her?’

‘Tons. She won’t answer the phone. Finally she turned her phone off.’

‘Do you know where she could’ve went?’

‘Home? The beach? Danielle’s? I don’t know! She could be anywhere in Los Angeles.’

‘Well she’s going to come back when she wants to. Don’t rush it.’

‘How long am I supposed to wait for her mom?’

‘Well if you love her, however long she’s gone.’

‘She’ll be back tonight. She won’t stay gone.’

She didn’t come back that night. She didn’t even call me that night. I call her mom who hasn’t seen her. I call Danielle who hasn’t heard from her. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I watch news expecting the worst possible news to show up. I kept my phone near by for any phone call.

I take myself up the bedroom where I ended up falling asleep around six in the morning. The next time I woke up it was after nine in the morning. I check my phone but nothing shows up. I throw the phone into the wall, another stupid mistake shattering the screen. I rush to the floor gathering the tiny pieces that scattered on the floor.

‘No. No. No.’ I try to turn the phone and but the screen stays black. ‘No.’

I hurry to the closet and toss a hoodie over my head. I slip my feet into a pair of Vans and run out the door. I climb into the Range Rover and hurry to the nearest AT&T store, which wasn’t opened yet. Great. I sit in the parking lot until the workers slowly stare dragging in.

‘Hey, I really need to get a new phone. Right now.’ I say once the door’s open. ‘I’ll pay whatever the cost will be but I just need a phone with the same number.’

‘Alright, just a sec.’ the guy types in my information onto his computer. ‘What happened to the phone?’

‘I, uh- it’s sort of broken.’ I slid what’s left of the phone across the smooth counter. ‘I’ll pay for the damage.’ I add in awkwardly looking away. Their store was fairly empty considering they just opened about fifteen minutes ago.

‘What kind of phone are you looking at?’

‘The same one, if you have it in stock.’

‘One second.’ He says before walking to the back. I impatiently tap at the counter while waiting for the guy to come back.

I really hope Chrissy doesn’t try to call while I’m waiting to get a phone. Who am I kidding? She’s not going to call. That’s how much I screwed up. My girlfriend hasn’t talked to me in nearly twenty-four hours. Twenty-four long agonizing hours. I am going to lose it. I swallow more oncoming salty tears while the guy is still in the back. I take this time to look at the phone cases hanging on the black walls. I take a blue one off the wall and place it on the counter just as he comes back with a black box in his hand.

‘Alright, here’s one we have in stock right now. Are you wanting that case too?’

‘Yeah, add this in there.’ I say with a nod.

The guy, Eric, rings up the cost for the new phone and case before taking the phone out its box. I swipe my card and scribble down my signature on a receipt while he sets the phone on the counter.

‘Thanks Eric.’ I hurry out the store and to my car as I put the case on.

Immediately I call Chrissy’s number and thank God it rings.

‘Come on Chris, answer. Come on.’ I mutter to myself waiting for her to answer.

‘Hello?’

‘Chrissy! Where are you?! Do you know I’ve been going out of my mind, worrying about you!’

The line is silent for a bit. I thought she hung up for a second. But the call was still going.

‘Hello?’ I say cutting into the silence.

‘I think I just met my dad.’

‘You what?’