If I Was Your Boyfriend

It had been a full two weeks without Justin. An entire fourteen days. A week ago I had to make the statement confirming that Justin and I went our separate ways just to get the paparazzi away from my house. Paul was back. He was not to let me leave the house without him. Everything’s been so hectic these last few weeks. I didn’t give a reason as to why Justin and I broke up. No one actually knows why we broke up. So there’s a lot of speculation and gossip floating around. I’ve heard that Justin cheated on me with the girl back in the Bahamas to I cheated on Justin with Chase from the movie. Apparently Justin and I are fighting over Rocky. Not true. I take Rocky to Pattie’s house where Justin will pick him up or something. I honestly don’t know how that works once I leave him with Pattie. LA was definitely big but felt so small. I couldn’t leave my house without being reminded of him. By something or someone.

‘There you are.’ Paul’s large frame hovered over me in the backroom, ‘have you forgotten about the meeting with Adidas today? If we don’t leave now we’ll be late.’

‘Okay.’ I drag myself from the sofa and out the door with Paul.

Heartbroken or not, business doesn’t stop in this town. The show literally must go on. Adidas was one of the promotions I had started working on. I would be getting my own collection with their brand where I would design clothes and shoes with them. Today’s the first day where I would be sitting down and start exchanging ideas with them. The car ride to Adidas’s office was quiet and long. Paul doesn’t say much besides rambling on about the whether. Los Angeles had been receiving a lot of rain lately and today the sun was out bright. When we get to the office Paul helps me out of the car and into the building.

‘Chrissy Thorton! So glad you could make it. We’re looking forward to starting this collection with you. Please, come on in.’ some guy in a suit flags me down once I step off the elevator.

‘I will be right out here if you need anything.’ Paul says taking a seat in a chair off to the side of the room. I follow the suit and go into the room. Inside the meeting room there were even more suits. I look down at my leggings, long sweater and flats suddenly feeling underdressed.

‘Take any seat you’d like.’ He advises me taking a seat in front of the room.

I sit down in the first empty chair and cross my legs under the table. There was a large window overlooking busy Los Angeles. I get a piece of paper in front of me, as did everyone else at the table. I look around the room to come face to face with a large poster of Justin. His eyes were pulling me in and I couldn’t look away. My bottom lip quivers uncontrollably as I push myself away from the chair.

‘Is everything okay?’ the head of the meeting wonders nervously standing up too.

‘I just- need a moment to get myself together.’

‘Okay. Come back when you’re ready.’

I head out the room and leave the door open rushing down the hallway.

‘Who left the poster up?!’ I hear him shout at the employees.

‘Chrissy, what’s the matter?’ Paul is near me within two seconds.

‘I can’t do this.’ I break down into tears colliding myself with him. ‘It hurts so much.’

‘I know.’ Paul’s large hand lightly comforts me. ‘Just take five. Go get some water and collect your thoughts.’

‘Okay.’ I go across the hall and get drink of water from the fountain and head back in the meeting room. The poster of Justin had been taken down and out of sight. I take my same seat and slid the paper in front of me and grabbed a pen from the middle of table. ‘Let’s get started.’

Justin’s Point of View

‘Come on Rock.’ I stand from the sofa at this empty apartment and hold open the front door. Rocky sprints past me and out the to the yard while lock up the apartment. The shiny black Range Rover was parked out front fresh from the mechanic’s. It just back from being in the shop for the last two or so weeks. I open the backdoor for Rocky and let him climb inside. ‘Time to hit the studio.’

I have literally been living in the studio for days. I’ve just finished writing this track and stayed up for hours the other night recording it. Scooter was pushing to have it out as soon as possible for me. There has been so much speculation about what took place between Chrissy and I. I’ve never been the type to come out and say whatever’s going on because I hate explaining myself or defending myself to media outlets. It was time to let the music do the talking. The way I like it. When I get to the studio I see Scooter is already sitting there on his phone.

‘Bout time you got here. Late as usual.’

‘Because LA traffic was terrible as usual.’ I mock back, setting Rocky down on the floor.

I don’t even know if he’s supposed to be in here. I just bring him along so he won’t be at the apartment all by himself. Plus all he does is sleep in here anyway. I throw the pillow from my other hand and watch as he scratches the pillow trying to find the perfect spot.

‘So as you know – the MTV Movie Awards are in a week and a half. The producers need to know if you’re coming or not because they’re holding a seat for you.’

‘Sure, I’ll go. Maybe Ryan will fly out and tag along.’

‘Sounds good to me. Let’s hear the final product of this new smash.’

‘Alright.’

Once the song is finished and Scooter tells me how much he likes it I call up Ryan asking him to fly to LA so we could hit up the MTV Movie Awards together. Chrissy would’ve normally gone with me. But we’re not together anymore. Wait-

‘Is she going to the award show too?’

‘I’m not sure. She’s nominated right?’

‘Yeah, for best actress.’

‘I could call up Nikki or Chloe and ask them.’ Scooter offers pulling his phone out.

Before I knew it he was dialing either Chrissy’s manager or her publicist.

‘Hey there Scooter.’ Chloe, the manager’s voice rung into the speaker. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Not much. Going to leave the studio here in a bit. Hey, I was calling to see if Chrissy was going to the MTV Movie Awards by chance.’

‘She’s supposed to be since she is nominated for her very first award. Is Justin?’

‘As far as I know he is.’

‘Well I’ll guess we’ll see you guys there.’

‘Alright see you around.’

Scooter sets the phone down and looks over at me.

‘Guess you’ll see her there.’

‘Great.’ I mumble back his way, ‘so is this final track the one being sent to iTunes?’

‘That would be the one. Why? Do you think there needs to be some changes?’

‘No. No. I love it how it is. When are we sending it over to iTunes?’

‘They can have it released at midnight if we want. It’s completely up to you when it’s released.’

‘Midnight?’

‘Like I said – up to you.’

‘Let’s go with midnight. I’m anxious to see what people think, especially Chrissy.’

‘I’ll make the call.’

Chrissy’s Point of View

As I toss and turn in my bed I grab my phone to look at the time. 2:40 A.M. I sign on to Twitter to see what new rumor was swirling around now. My entire timeline just about was raving about some surprise song Justin released tonight. With a few quick hits of my phone I typed in Justin’s name on iTunes and waited for the results to come up. At the top there was a new song entitled Heartbreaker. I press buy and type in my iTunes password to confirm the purchase. Time seemed to drag by while it downloaded onto my phone. When it finally downloaded I didn’t waste any time pressing play.

“Girl you don’t know I feel, since you’ve been away.

Oh baby.

Any chance that you could take my call if I called you today?

Girl you say, that you don’t, wanna talk but it’s cool.

I’ve been thinking bout you all day long.

Hoping you’ll pick up your phone.

Girl you know, that I don’t, wanna lose your love.

Oh baby, oh baby.

Oh girl I got a secret place that we can go, cause I really wanna be alone.

Baby nobody else gotta know, just meet me later on the low.

Don’t tell me you’re my heartbreaker, cause girl my heart’s breaker.”

Near the end of the song there’s a bit where Justin begins talking.

So what I’m really trying to say is

And what I hope you understand

Is despite of all the imperfections of who I am

I still wanna be your man

I know it hasn’t been easy for us to talk with everyone being around

But this is personal, this is for me and you.

And I want you to know that I still love you.

I know the seasons may change

But sometimes love goes from sunshine to rain

But I’m under this umbrella and I’m calling your name.

And you know I don’t wanna lose that

I still believe in us.

“I still believe in love, I still believe in us.

I hope you believe in us, the way I believe in us.

You don’t see, cause what you don’t see, is when we don’t speak.

I really don’t sleep, I wanna talk to ya.

And I if I had the world, in my hands, I’d give it all to ya.

I wanna know if you’re feeling, the way that I’m feeling.”

Where’s this secret place? – Chrissy.

I think you know. Meet me there in 20. – Justin.

I kick out of bed and grab my jacket, purse, and keys slipping out the front door. I climb into the car and start it up hoping not to wake up my mom. It was three in the morning and I was going to meet my ex-boyfriend in a secret place. I had a feeling Justin was referring to the dance studio we had rehearsals at for his video when we were still getting to know one another. I drive to the familiar studio and sit in my car waiting for Justin to arrive. I wait for half an hour into four in the morning before I drove back to my house.

Justin’s Point of View

I lay in bed knowing I had to get up to go meet Chrissy but I did not have the energy. I honestly wasn’t expecting to hear from her tonight. I’ve been up for days, weeks actually and the doctor gave me a sleeping pill to help me sleep. My eyelids were so heavy and my entire body just felt numb. Get up. Get up and go meet her. I can’t. There’s no way I can drive my car like this. I’ll run off a cliff or something this time. Maybe I’ll just reschedule. Where’d I put my phone? Yeah, I’ll just call her – tell her what’s going on. I just can’t keep my eyes open right now.