If I Was Your Boyfriend

Justin’s Point of View

I was here in Verona and Chrissy was right in front of me. She was literally in my arms. I pour my heart out to her but she says it’s all just empty words. I mean I don’t blame her for not believing me.

‘I really just need time.’ She explains quietly once we were inside of the elevator.

‘Time.’ I say with a nod, ‘I can do that.’

We get up to her room and she sits down on the bed while I take the seat near the bed. Her knees are brought up to her face supporting her chin. Her face practically read: stress. Her eyes were tired and her eyebrows were knitted together. I hated myself for doing this to her. There weren’t any words to make it better or any song to make the pain away. She lets out a loud breath moving back on the bed.

‘Do you want her? Are they any feelings there? I mean any shred of love for me. I’m not sharing you with Selena. I won’t hold you back from her either. Just let me know.’

‘There is not one ounce of me that has any feelings for her. I’m done with her – I will never be around her again.’

Truth is, I honestly lost all respect for Selena. I wasn’t about to disrespect her because that’s not who I am or how I was brought up but it would definitely be best if she steer clear of me and Chrissy, for good. Jess, too. If I could go back I’d never hire her for the part. The funniest thing is that Chrissy actually thought the world of Jess when she sat in on the auditions. Tracey, I don’t know. I’ve never said more than ten words to that girl but apparently she had an agenda out for Chrissy too. I don’t know what’s the problem with those three. I wish I could’ve walked in the room while they cornered Chrissy. I never wanted Chrissy to find out about the past like that. That’s almost worst than the paparazzi blasting it all around the world.

‘Why Justin?’ Chrissy’s voice breaks into my thoughts. ‘Why her of all people?’

‘I don’t know Chris. I was stupid. We were just starting out. Everyone in the world was saying how bad I was for leaving her for another girl so quickly. I thought I owed her something. Things got so out of hand. She’d always make me feel so guilty for having feelings for you. I never intended to hurt anyone. Especially not you.’

‘Why didn’t you just tell me what was going on then? You let me open myself up to you. We were together for months! We shared everything together. We lived together. Never once did you decide to fess up.’

She lets out a muffled sob and I didn’t know whether she was going to be sick or what. I wanted so badly to comfort her but I didn’t think that would be best right now.

‘I know.’ I quietly nod my head, ‘I had so many chances to tell you but it never seemed like the right time. I was so scared to lose you.’

‘So just lie to me instead.’ She shakes her frustrated.

From where she sat I saw the tears running down her face. She wipes them away with the back of her hand looking away from me. It wasn’t long before my head dropped and I shed tears of my own. With my hands I hide my face.

‘Justin?’ she sniffles.

The bed creaks before Chrissy is down on the floor beside my legs. She leans up to move my hands away from my face.

‘What are you thinking right now?’

‘It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You’re the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I haven’t been eating or sleeping. I hate being in that damn apartment alone. Every day I am reminded that we aren’t together and just how badly I screwed things up. I just want what we had back. I was stupid to jeopardize it in the first place. Now I’m just trying to fix it all.’

‘Do you want to get out of here?’ she offers standing to her feet.

‘And go where?’

‘I have a place in mind.’

Chrissy grabs a black hoodie from her suitcase and pulls it over her head. I do the same and head out of the hotel with Paul and Kenny. We arrived at a familiar place. Different colors of locks were all alongside the metal gate. This is where I came about five long months ago with Chrissy. I remember it like it was yesterday. We came here and put a blue lock on the gate with our initials on it. Chrissy climbs out of the car before me and waits patiently for me to get out.

‘There are a ton of blue locks out here.’ I point out looking at her.

‘I know. But at least we know what color it is.’ She says heading over to the gate.

I hid my smile as I follow behind her. Here we are in Verona, Italy hidden by hoodies looking for a lock we put up here months ago. I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Chrissy’s Point of View

Justin and I walked by one another looking for the lock we put on the gate during our first trip to Verona. As we went lock to lock I couldn’t help but glance at all of them. Each had it’s on set of initials and dates of anniversaries. Some short like a few months. Some long like a few years. Paul and Kenny stayed a few feet behind us allowing us to talk.

‘Tell me one thing you like about me.’ Justin says aloud out of nowhere.

‘Your eyes.’ I say without hesitation.

‘I like your smile.’ He replies. ‘You’re up.’

‘I like your smile.’ I retort.

‘No. You can’t use something that’s already been used.’

‘I like the sound of your voice.’

‘Hm, singing or just talking?’

‘I love when you sing but I love the sound of your voice when you’re talking even better.’

‘I like how you look in the morning.’

‘How do I look in the morning?’ I turn to look at him.

‘You have this tired smile and not a stitch of makeup on and it makes you look so beautiful. Everyday waking up to you is amazing.’

‘Oh.’ The only word I managed to get out in that moment.

Butterflies swelled in my stomach as I turned my face away from Justin. Two and a half hours later we came in front of a blue lock.

‘That it?’ Justin wonders hovering behind me.

I hunch down onto the ground and take the lock between my fingers. JB+CT

‘This is it.’

‘Wow.’ Justin kneels down behind me, ‘I swear we just put this up a few days ago.’

‘More like months ago.’ I smile running my fingers along the lock. ‘It seems like to long ago yet so recent.’

‘I know what you mean.’ Justin replies.

His voice was closer than what I thought out to be. I turn looking directly in his captivating brown eyes. Justin’s lips were wet from his constant licking. His tongue glides out against his bottom lip once again as he stared at me. Justin’s jaw clenched making him look that much more attractive. Our lips gently brushed against one another before I yank away from Justin. His expression goes from confused to hurt in a single second. I stand to my feet and hurry back towards the van with Kenny and Paul, Justin only a few feet behind. The ride back to the hotel was silent and uncomfortable. From the corner of my eye I could see Justin looking over at me. Once we got to the hotel Justin told me he would see me later before heading off to his room to relax.

Just left your house. Your mom said you’re in Italy with Justin?? – Danielle.

Long story. I’ll be home in a few days for MTV awards. Would you and Garrett like to be my date? – Chrissy.

We’d be honored. Where’s Justin? – Danielle.

Justin’s in his room. I’m here w. Paul. – Chrissy.

But you went to Italy together? – Danielle.

Long story. Again. We’re working on our relationship. Talking things out. Laying everything on the table. – Chrissy.

Well good luck! – Danielle.

Thanks! I’ll see you when I get home. – Chrissy.

See you then – Danielle.

‘Chris, may I come in?’ – Justin’s voice was gentle on the other side of the wooden door.

‘Sure.’ I say not bothering to get up from the bed.

Justin walks into the room in a tee shirt and a pair of sweats. He looks at the empty space on the bed unsure before taking a seat in the chair.

‘About what happened back there…’ he says.

‘We don’t have to talk about it.’ I cut him off shaking my head. ‘Let’s talk about something else.’

‘Well you really shouldn’t leave your hotel door unlocked.’

‘Any intruders will have a very large man to answer to.’ I smirk over at him looking back at the TV.

I was able to find Titanic on but they were talking in Italian. I had the subtitles on but wasn’t really reading what it was saying.

‘I’ll never understand why they just didn’t take turns.’ Justin shakes his head at the TV. ‘I mean, sure she’s the girl but come on.’ He eyes me with a smile I knew too well.

He was trying to get me to go into a full on rant of just how romantic it was. Although, Rose could’ve swapped places with him even for a few minutes. I mean Leonardo definitely didn’t deserve to die.

‘True.’ I nod looking at the TV.

‘And they people took so long to even come.’ Justin goes on. ‘Those boats shouldn’t have even left in the first place. I would’ve pushed the guard overboard if he didn’t want the other people getting in their boat.’

‘You would be the one to start a full on riot while the boat was sinking. Titanic would be an action movie if it were up to you.’

‘You know me too well.’ Justin barks out a loud laugh making my heart ache. ‘The boat would have grenades to blow up anything in its way.’

‘Please make a titanic remake.’ I laugh until my sides start to feel sore.

‘Only if you’re my Rose.’ Justin shoots me a small grin before taking his eyes back on the TV. ‘I’ll play a pretty convincing Leonardo. Some people have even told me I look like him, you know that right?’

‘Whatever you say.’ I smile back at Justin.