Summer With the Bertram Brothers

Chapter 20

We sit on the island. Nothing moves. The sky is grey with clouds and I start to miss the sun. Tiny bird chirps tickle my ears as I close my eyes. The thick smell of fishy water mixed with Trim’s aftershave fills my nose. The rocky pebbles prickle my butt and I shift myself. Trim’s eyes land on me.
“You’re quiet.”
I sigh and open my eyes.
“You’re quiet, too.”
“So?” he grins.
“I’m waiting for you to talk,” I shrug my shoulders.
“I’m waiting for you to kiss me,” he smiles.
I blush and try to change the subject.
“I haven’t gone fishing for a while. Let’s fish tomorrow,”
“We could just buy fish at the grocery,” Trim humorously suggests.
I roll my eyes and laugh at him, “No, you’re supposed to enjoy the art of fishing.”
“The art of fishing?” Trim raises a mocking brow.
“Whatever, you know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean, babe,” he says, leaning into a sweet kiss. I’m reminded of my first kiss with Trim. I feel so close to him, like I knew him all my life, even though I know so little about him. I cuddle under his arm and wish that this moment will never end.
“Can I tell you something?” I say, taking in a breath.
“What is it?” he asks.
“Rico and I… kissed,” I start, “More than once.”
He pulls his arm away from me, “Why are you telling me this?”
“I’m trying to be honest,” I reply, not looking him in the eyes. But I can feel his gaze upon me.
“Are you?” Trim says monotone.
I look up defensively, “He kissed me. I never wanted him to—”
“I’m a better kisser, right?” he picks up a twig in his hand and tear off the leaves, slightly grinning. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
“Yes,” I answer.
I watch him open his mouth to say something but then he closes it, pausing in time.
“You’re better everything,” I continue. He smiles and looks back at me.
“Just so we’re clear,” he cups my face and pulls me to him, “You’re lips, they’re mine.”
He kisses me lightly. I nod my head closing my eyes. He makes me week in the knees. I’m glad I’m his girlfriend.
He whispers on my lips, “And everything else.”

Sirens come into earshot. Red lights flashes through the dark over the sandy hill rushing towards my street. A wave of worry fills my head and I pull myself to my feet.
“What’s going on?” I ask out loud. All I can think about is my mother. My fears seem to come back to me. I turn to Trim who was right behind me.
“What’s the matter?” he asks me softly.
“I think I need to go home. Can we go?”
“You’re worried about you’re mom?”
I nod. An ambulance… what are the odds. We rush off the island and cross the lake back to the town. I follow the path to my place and spot the ambulance in front of the door. I swallow hard and run as fast as I can. No, no, no, no, no, no! I see Eva kneeling down with teary eyes.
“What happen?!” I shout to her. She sees me and stands up as the stretcher appears with mother lying down in it motionless, “Mom? What happen to mom?”
I panic and cry out for someone to answer me. Eva holds my shoulders and stutters.
“Mom’s dead.”
I look into her eyes and can’t move. I didn’t believe her. I shake my head.
Eva sniffs, “She’s—They said she killed herself.”
I shift my head to the frame of the door, watching her body gets zipped up in a black bag. I scream out and cover my face, feeling as if this is my fault.
“No!” I falter as Trim stays by my side and holds me. I yell out for mom to come back like a little girl, that she can’t leave… not like this. I never wanted to admit it. All the doctors say it. The neighbors gossiped about it. How depression was taking over my mother’s life. I always thought she’ll get better. She has to get better. Why does it have to be like this? Everyone said not to worry. That worrying wouldn’t help. I know now that not worrying doesn’t help at all. It’s just as painful. I couldn’t see clear through my watery eyes. So I shut them. I shut down.
Mom is dead. Dad is dead.
I want to die too