Let's Take a Moment to Reflect on the Past Few Years of Our Lives

ALEX'S POV

I really wanted to know what was going on with Allie now. It was freaking me out. It was like she kept having these...I don't know, fits of anger, I guess, sometimes I think they made her forget who I was and she kept yelling about me being a stranger, but if I managed to get my arms around her, she'd remember me. We'd been invited to a new years party by Zack. His family were holding it and my mom and dad were going too, but I didn't think it was really the best thing for Allie. She had seemed so shaken up since that little fight a few days ago, and now, new years eve, she really didn't seem any better.

So instead to mark the occasion we were staying in out pajamas all day and eating junk food, and watching the tv. She had a call from her mom, wishing her a happy new years early, because of time differences later and her mom didn't wanna be up till like three in their time to wish her daughter a happy new years. Currently we were just snuggled in front of the tv with my two favorite guys in the world, ben and jerry.

I knew what was on my mind, it was like a huge elephant in the room, but I was wary of Allie, I didn't know how she'd react. I just needed her to tell me so badly though. So I went ahead.

"Allie...are you ever gonna tell me what's going on with you?" I kinda regretted it as soon as I said it and felt Allie freeze, but I knew it had to be said.

"Alex..." she trailed off, sadness in her voice.

"Okay, okay, I know you don't wanna talk about it, not yet anyway, and I'm not asking you to tell me right now, I'm just saying...like...will you ever tell me? I just, I need to know. So that I know you...trust me I guess. I hate seeing you so upset, it's killing me, constantly worrying over you. I hate feeling like I can't help you. I need you to tell me so that I can start to help you. I want to be here for you, I really do, but I need you to help me out here. Give me something to work with. Please."

Allie sighed, and I didn't think she was going to answer me, but she did, in the end. "I will tell you Alex, I promise. But not yet. For now just let me...I don't know, just let me be happy right now. I need to be happy. I need you."

I smiled down at her, and in all seriousness said "I need you too Allie," and gave her a gentle kiss, to which she responded, and soon the kiss deepened, the ice cream all but forgotten.

ALLIE'S POV

Well after decided it would be a lazy day, Alex was quite energetic. We'd had that talk on the couch and then things had progressed to the bedroom department. Meaning we had to get changed, which I was kinda pissed about. Of course Alex was all for just wandering around the house naked, but I'd insisted it was too cold.

I felt a little happier though, after our activities you could say. It had changed the topic from what I was hiding from him, and now neither of us could stop smiling. We snuggled a little closer on the couch and it was more...comfortable I guess.

"Hey, wanna hear one of the songs I wrote for you?" Alex suddenly asked, chirpiness present in his voice.

I giggled. "Yeah. Okay, go on then."

Alex grinned at me, got off the couch and went to get his guitar. He came back and sat on the ground in front of me, rather than next to me on the sofa. "Okay, so it's called Pumpkin Pie."

I was fine with just hanging out
I was living like a player in a west coast town, yeah
I never thought that I would ever settle down
Always, one girl after the other
Didn't wanna be your boyfriend, all I needed was your number
Lemme share a little bit of what I found

There were so many flavors I wanted to taste

But then Jamie, I thought she was the one
But she played me just like 21
Then Katie, I couldn't get enough
She was just like pumpkin pie
And then Katie she kinda had a thing with Stacy
And that was pretty fun, but lately
I wanna go to sleep with the same girl
The same girl every night

Some girls should come with a warning
And a dose of penicillin first thing in the morning
But last night that never really crossed my mind
Always, one girl after the other
I was hitting on your roommate, I was flirting with your mother
And now I guess I'm feeling it was always like that time

Like Jamie, I thought she was the one
But she played me just like 21
Then Katie, I couldn't get enough
She was just like pumpkin pie
And then Katie she kinda had a thing with Stacy
And that was pretty fun, but lately
I wanna go to sleep with the same girl

I want the same girl every night
Who wants the same guy every night
In the same bed every night
Every single night
I want the same girl every night
Who wants the same guy every night
What a perfect fucking life
Every single night

So many flavors I wanted to taste
All those girls, well how can I forget those names
Like Jamie, I thought she was the one
But she played me just like 21
Then Katie, I couldn't get enough
She was just like pumpkin pie
But baby, you're the only one that can save me
I guess I'm in love, cause lately
I wanna go to sleep with the same girl
The same girl every night

"What'd you think?" Alex asked as he strummed the last few chords and finished the song.

I giggled at him. "I love it, it's so cute!"

Alex smiled back at me, set his guitar down and reclaimed his spot on the couch. "Awesome, because I love you," he said as he kissed me, and I could feel the smile on his lips.

I pulled back a little and bit my lip. Alex tipped my chin up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, searching my eyes for an answer.

"Well...uhm...you know how you said we were gonna get married someday?" Alex nodded. Good. "Well...do you think...that maybe...well...we could make it sometime soon? Like real soon?"

His eyes narrowed and he cocked his head to the side. "How soon?"

God I was so scared to look at him. But if I didn't ask I would never know. I just...I needed him to marry me before it was too late. "Like maybe...if it's possible...in a month?" I didn't even know if I had that long.

Finally I risked a peek up at Alex's face. He didn't really look mad or shocked or anything...just sort of thoughtful.

"Why? We have all the time in the world, why so soon?"

I shrugged and tried to think of a good answer. One that wouldn't give me away. "Because I love you, and we already waited so long. I just...I guess I want you to be mine as soon as possible..."

It was no good, Alex wasn't going to just leave it. "Okay then."

My head snapped up and my eyes popped. "Really?!"

Alex nodded and my heart fluttered. Oh my god, yes! This was actually happening! "But..." and my heart sank again. Always had to be a but. "But I need you to tell me what the hell is going on with you right now. I don't wanna marry you if you're not gonna let me help you."

"Don't you want to marry me?" I asked quietly. Ashamed of myself for even saying that, because Alex's eyes widened and he came to kneel in front of me, taking both my hands.

"Allie, of course I do! How could you even ask that?" I just shrugged. "God Allie, I waited so long, of course I wanna marry you, hell I'd marry you now if I could, but I just need to know what's going on. Because honestly? I'm so fucking scared. I want to help you, I really do. But sometimes it's like you don't trust me enough to tell me."

I shook my head. "No Alex, not at all, it's not like that, no way. I just...I don't want you to leave me..."

Alex's hands cupped my face now while he still knelt in front of me, his face close. "Allie, I am never leaving you. Not ever. Okay? But I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me. I'm getting so scared...and I just...I can't..."

It sounded like he was crying, so slowly I looked up and sure enough, liquid flowed from his closed eyes. Oh god. "Alex...please don't cry."

"How am I supposed to stop? How? When you won't tell me what's wrong, why you want to get married so quickly, how can I not cry?" And finally he opened his eyes, and I started to cry with him. Pulling him close to me and hugging his body, I tried to soothe him.

Funny, me, the one who was causing him so much pain, and I was soothing him.

Suddenly we heard huge cheers and fireworks, and was snapped back to reality by the tv that was still playing. Alex and I looked at each other, eyes now dry and sore, but still emotional, and heard the neighbors celebrating. We looked at the tv screen.

"Oh...it's gone midnight..." Alex said.

I laughed at him. "Yeah, I guess so." He looked back at me, and smiled tenderly.

Slowly pulling my face to his, he said "Happy new years baby," and kissed me long and passionately, making our new years resolutions right there and then.

"I will marry you, if it's what you want. I promise you, by the end of the month, if it's what you want, I'll marry you, no matter whether you tell me or not," Alex said, pulling back from the kiss slightly.

I smiled, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up, a mixture of happiness and sadness in those salty tears. "Thank you," I whispered to his ear as I held him close.

Then he carried me upstairs and we made some more resolutions, more promises we couldn't keep.

I woke up in the middle of the night, Alex's arms still wrapped around me. I snuggled close to him and his arms unconsciously wrapped around me tighter. He was still asleep, I knew that. He looked so beautiful when he slept. And for that moment I was content with the fact that he had promised to marry me at the end of the month. But like I said, Alex's promise was a promise he couldn't keep. I just didn't know it yet.

I leaned in close and whispered to his sleeping face, knowing full well he wouldn't hear me, "You want to know why I want to marry you so quickly? Because I don't have much more time."

And then I fell back to sleep, to consoling dreams of me in a white dress, walking down the aisle to meet my groom. My best friend. My Alex. It was the last dream I would have of Alex Gaskarth.

ALEX'S POV

"Because I don't have much more time."

I guess she figured I couldn't hear her, but I could. I was only half asleep.

What did she mean?

I was so scared, so very scared, so I just held on to her.

How was I supposed to know she would leave me again?