Let's Take a Moment to Reflect on the Past Few Years of Our Lives

ALLIE'S POV

When we finally got back to our flat, we were both absolutely knackered. As soon as we were through the door we both collapsed on the sofa. Simultaneously we let out a huge sigh of relief, happy to be back in the comfort of our own home. The traffic in London is awful anyway, let alone on a Saturday night...well early hours of the morning.

"Oh my god, I don't think I can stand. You'll have to carry me to bed," Erica said, flipping on the tv, trying to see if anything good was on.

"Dude, if you're that tired, why the fuck are you watching tv?"

She grinned at me. "I'm still high on adrenaline. That's the best bloody gig I've ever been to. I swear they get better every year." I had to agree with that. It was like they just improved each time. "So, what was it like meeting the delectable foursome?"

I couldn't hide the smile that spread all over my face. "Amazing."

It wasn't long before we were both squealing like the fangirls we are, and I told her every detail. What they'd said, what they smelt like, how they hugged, and showed her pictures. The last picture I showed was of me and Alex hugging, he really was my favourite. Erica cocked her head to the side.

"He really does look like the boy in that picture you know. You both look exactly the same...just older and with different hair." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oh come on, it's not him. I think I'd know if I saw my first best friend."

Erica looked me directly in the eye. "But you don't even remember his name."

I hung my head in shame. "I know."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay? You seem really sad about it."

I sighed as Erica pulled me in for a hug. "Well, it's just...the boy in the photo...he was my best friend. And he was my first kiss, my first love. I know it sounds strange but...I just miss him. I won't ever get him back now." My heart was aching. It was as if my memory of the boy had disappeared along with a part of my heart. I was in mourning for his name, for all the wasted time not talking to him. If I'd had just kept in contact with him, who knew where we would be now? We could be a real couple. Or still best friends. As long as I had him. But I only had my memory of him.

In the end we went into our separate bedrooms and fell asleep. And like every other night, I dreamed about the hazel eyes and nameless face. But this time...there was more to it. I knew who he was. I could put a name to the face.

[dream]

"Alex! Alex! Mommy says we're not supposed to climb the tree!" He wouldn't listen to me, he never would, so I followed him up, ignoring the protests in my head from my mother. But I was only half way up when I fell off the tree and scraped my knee. I let out a cry as five year old's do, and my best friend of four months looked down, saw me and climbed back down.

He wiped my knee and hugged me, making sure I was okay. "Hey, Allie, let's promise to be best friends forever, yeah?"

"What, like even when we're old?" Alex nodded. "Okay then! I promise!" And we shook pinkies. It was the first promise of many.

Then we were on swings and it was his ninth birthday. We chased the leaves and when I fell down he picked me up. We hadn't liked his mother's cake so we escaped because it was Alex's birthday and he was allowed. But then both our moms came after us and dragged us back, but still let me sleepover at Alex's. Lights were out by nine, but we stayed up talking.

Then it was Christmas and the boy with the gap in his teeth opened his window that faced my own and called out to me. "Allie! Mom says you and your mom can some over for lunch and we can play some games and stuff. She might even let you stop over!" Nothing could hide our excitement about spending Christmas together. He was thirteen now.

He knew I had been crying. Because I hadn't stopped crying since November. When we had discovered something that would change the rest of our lives. The news that my daddy wasn't coming back. I had Alex to cry to, and he never complained. He was always there for me. He never let me cry alone. I'd told him everything. How empty I felt, how much I missed my daddy, I even told him that sometimes I wet the bed because I was so upset. He was always there. And when I wet the bed when I stopped over once, he didn't say a word. he just found me some dry clothes, changed and washed the sheets without his mother knowing, and came back to hold me as I cried in his arms. That was when I fell in love with him, at the age of ten.

This Christmas we were alone. Grandma and Grandpa didn't want to see us. I never knew why. They were just always so sad. My mom didn't have anyone to cry to. She had Alex's parents, especially his mom, but there was so much she hadn't told Mrs Gaskarth. She hadn't told her how many times I'd caught her swallowing these funny little sweets, how many times I'd picked up empty bottles with my mom still passed out on the couch. How many times she had cried alone.

So we went to theirs, and for once my mom was happy. We were all laughing, and my mom and I both stayed over, but I stayed in Alex's room again rather than the guest room with my mom. That was the best Christmas I had ever had. And it was the last Christmas I had ever had when everything had felt okay.

ALEX'S POV

I sighed as I opened another Stella. To be honest, I didn't even want to be here. We were having a party on the bus, to celebrate finishing tour. I was too depressed to even have half the can, which was weird because normally there was nothing better than drowning your sorrows. How could she not remember me? She had promised me that she would always be my best friend, that she would always be here. That she would never forget me...but she had. She had broken every promise. But I still loved her.

So I went back to my bunk, knowing that this time I was the one who was leaving. I drowned out the noise of my fellow band mates and the crew partying it up. But I could still hear my own small sobs. I didn't know why I was so upset...I just...she was everything. Maybe I would have been okay if I hadn't seen her, but I was glad I had. At least this way I knew she was okay. And she was listening to our music. So we still had some sort of connection. I small smile fell across my lips as I thought about that and I stroked the picture taped to the inside of my bunk of Allie and I, she was nine, I was eleven, we were sat on our swings, hugging.

"I miss you Allie," I whispered to it, and kissed Allie's smiling face, drifting off to sleep.

ALLIE'S POV

"Allie! Allie! Wake up!"

My eyes snapped open in fear. Oh my god. That was awful. I never liked remembering my dad's death or how my mother had reacted to it. It was just awful. Although, the boy in my dreams still comforted me. I was gasping for air and finally my gaze landed on Erica, sat on my bed with a worried face.

"Are you okay?" she asked, panicked.

"Yeah...I just had another dream about...well you know." Erica nodded. She did. She knew whenever I cried in my sleep it was something to do with my dad. But this time must have been worse because somehow I knew I'd been screaming.

"But that wasn't it right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well...you were screaming as if you were talking to someone."

Oh. This time I smiled a little. "Yeah, I was crying to that boy, that friend from back in Baltimore."

Erica smiled. "I know, I kept hearing you say his name. Turns out it is Alex after all."

What? No, my best friend was not Alex. I'd remember if my best friend was called Alex Gaskarth. I know that I knew his name in the dream, but now I was awake I just couldn't remember it, my tongue couldn't place the name. "Nah, it's not, it was probably just the fact that I was still thinking about the meet and greet."

"Oh come ON! Why couldn't it be him? You said he was a little off when you met him! And he knew your name without you saying it! He looks like the boy, why is it so hard to believe?" she said, throwing her hands up in despair.

"He was probably just tired when I met him, and I probably did tell him my name but just forgot because I was meeting my hero! He looks nothing like that boy, my best friend...well...there was something different about him."

Erica nodded. "Right, but what if you took that part of him away with you when you left? What if you broke his heart too?"

"He never broke my heart," I mumbled.

"No, because you broke it yourself."

I sighed heavily. Couldn't argue with that. "Look, it's not him. I know it's not. I would know, okay? I would always know my best friend if I saw him again!"

"Right," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "Hey, aren't you supposed to get packing?"

"Oh shit! Yeah! Fuck, I have too much stuff to pack! Help me!" Erica laughed at my sudden change of mood, but helped nonetheless.