Second Heartbeat

The wedding was beautiful. Cam cried while Brian couldn’t stop smiling. They were so much in love, it was obvious by the way they looked at each other. I tried to keep my eyes on them during the ceremony but they’re traitors and kept wandering to Zacky. He looked so handsome in his tux it was just wrong. No man should be able to look so good.

Soon enough the ceremony was over and it was time for more pictures. That’s code for standing around being bored until you’re forced to smile on command by a complete stranger. I guess the guys by now would be use to it, I however, was not. “Somebody please kill me now.” I sighed from where I was laying on the front pew.

“You don’t even have kids yet.” Dani flopped down with a deep sigh.

“Awwww. The little guy is adorable.” I said sitting up.

“He’s even more hyper then his father. Something I didn’t think was even possible.”

We both turned hearing said father and son laughing like lunatics. Jimmy had Dane over his shoulder, holding his tiny hands out by his wrists as Jimmy ran around. “They’re playing airplane?” I guessed.

“Or superman. Dane is a huge superman fan right now.”

Dani’s entire face lit up when she talked about her husband and son. All of my friends seemed so incredibly happy it wasn’t funny. I guess I was the only one fighting ‘the blues’. But wasn’t that the story of my life? There was only one time I had been really happy. My eyes found Zacky without conscious thought, even with him the happiness hadn’t lasted. He looked at me as if sensing my eyes on him and I averted my gaze immediately.

“You still love him don’t you?” Dani said soft enough no one but me would hear her.

I looked back over at him. “Don’t be ridiculous that was a lifetime ago. He’s a different person and so am I.”

Dani’s eyes followed my gaze. “You’d be amazed at how little he really has changed, at least when it comes to the stuff that matters.”

I raised a brow at her. “And that means?”

“That deep down he still loves you too.”

I rolled my eyes. “Dans you’re such a hopeless romantic.”

She turned finding her husband and son, her hand resting on her huge stomach as she watched them. “How can I not be? I have everything I could ask for and then some.”

I hugged her shoulders with one arm. “Well at least you got your HEA.”

“Hea?”

I smiled wide. “Happily Ever After. I’d gladly forgo mine if it meant my three best friends got theirs.”

Dani reached up patting my arm. “You’ll get yours too, mark my word. You just always have to take the long way to get anywhere.”

I smiled at her. “There’s nothing wrong with taking the long route. It’s scenic and allows you to stop and smell the roses.”

“Well I think there’s a rose on Zacky’s lapel. You should go smell that.”

I burst out laughing causing everyone to stop and stare at me and Dani. “Sorry.” I managed to get out between belly laughs. “Ignore the crazy people behind the curtain.” I said waving off the looks we were getting by stealing a line from the Wizard of Oz which for some reason caused the two of us to laugh harder.

--

The ceremony was short and sweet. It was amazing to me how in love those two still were. Hell so was Jims and Dani, and Val and Matt. My eyes had wandered over to Zacky more than once as my curiosity got the better of me. What would have happened if I hadn’t been afraid to get hurt all those years ago? If I would have had faith in Zacky and I, if we had stayed together. Would we be married, possibly with kids? I stopped myself. Visiting the island of ‘what ifs’ is a trip one never survived intact, but still my eyes kept wandering.

Things didn’t get any better at the reception, damn bridal party dance. I swear Cam put me with Zacky on purpose. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he rested his hands on my hips. I swear I forgot how good he smelled and it had nothing to do with the cologne he was wearing. We danced in an uncomfortable silence until I just couldn’t take it. “You’re really good at this.”

Zacky chuckled. “Don’t sound so surprised. I’m good at a lot of things.”

I smiled at the playful smirk on his face. “Wow where have I heard that before?”

Zacky’s eyes twinkled with merriment as he looked down at me. “I can’t help it if it’s still true, even more so now then back then.”

I laughed. It felt so good bantering back and forth like this with him, made me realize how much I had missed him these past years. “I see you’re still as humble as ever. I’m glad some things never change.”

“Or in Jimmy’s case, grow up.” Zack replied laughing.

I turned seeing Jimmy break dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Have you ever seen a giant break dance? Let me tell you it’s pretty damn funny. Everyone stopped dancing as Jimmy ate up the spot light. I swear I almost peed my pants when he did the worm. Now mind you this is all to a slow love song. By the time the song was over we were all in stitches.

--

I don’t know why but the dj had brought a karaoke machine with them. At first it was fine, because we were sober and no one was stupid. But as the night wore on we drank more and more until no one could remember why karaoke wasn’t fun.

Too soon it was my turn. I picked a song I had been listening to a lot since coming out to California. I knew none of them would know it seeing as how no one here listened to Ke$ha. But ‘Harold Song’ fit the seventeen year old me to a tee and right now she was front and center. It was like I had somehow transported back in time. I was in New York, miserable, and missing Zacky so bad I felt like I was dying.

I miss your soft lips. I miss your white sheets.
I miss the scratch of your un-shaved face on my cheek.
And this is so hard cause I didn't see
that you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in strangers on the street.
I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep.
And in the limelight, I play it off fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
[Ah]

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

Remember the time we jumped the fence when
the Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in.
You held my hand and then made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me across the world, we
promised that this will last forever but now I see.

It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
[Ah]
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

It was a past (he was a past life) life, a beautiful time.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise. [Till the sun rise.]
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

My eyes had stayed on Zacky the entire time. I had tried to look away but couldn’t. I was memorized by his gorgeous green eyes. God how I had missed those eyes. I missed the way he looked at me more. I’m so pathetic. To make matters worse I can feel tears pricking at my eyes as everyone stares at me in stupefied silence. Guess it had been pretty obvious to everyone what that song was about, or should I say who.

I put the mic down and quickly exited the room. I wiped at my tears angrily as I paced back and forth in the lobby. Who could I have done something so stupid? I might as well told Zacky I still loved him right there and then. Good Lord! Love Zacky?! What has gotten into me?
I don’t love Zacky, not anymore.