Shut Your Eyes

“You have to tell him.” Vero pointed out decisively.

After lunch we’d decided to wander around downtown and enjoy the nice winter day – a rarity for Pittsburgh in January. Vero’s arm was linked through mine and we walked slowly, a snail’s pace against the quick bustle of downtown.

I made a point of staring down at our feet. Vero’s were clad in sleek black leather boots while I was still stuck in my heels from the night before. We tread carefully, being sure to avoid the patches of ice that still lingered on the salted sidewalk.

Vero had dropped all conversation of Gavin once our food came. I’d almost thought she’d dropped it completely in favor of more pleasant conversation but sure enough the topic was back on her lips the moment our feet hit the pavement outside the café’s walls.

“He’s the only one who doesn’t know. It’d be easier to tell him yourself than to have one of the boys accidently spoil it on a road trip or something.”

I grimaced at her words. I knew Vero had a point, I wasn’t foolish enough to believe Sidney could be kept in the dark forever, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to be privy to my highlight reel of mistakes. The list of people that knew too much about my personal life had grown larger than I’d ever expected, or wanted, it to; and adding Sid to that list made me sick to my stomach.

There were days I could hardly look myself in the eye; why would I willingly give him the same view?

“I don’t know, Vero…” I trailed off.

She shook her head with a huff. “Margaux, he needs to know.”

“Why, V? Why does he need to know?” I asked with a slight bite to my question.

She ignored my slightly edgy tone and tugged my arm a little tighter to hers. “Margaux, listen to me. Sidney Crosby used to spend his days off doing all sorts of things that no one should ever do on their days off. The man eats, sleeps, and breathes hockey twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. And then he met you.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked quietly.

She glanced over at me from the corner of her eyes and gave me a slightly sad look. “You really don’t understand, do you?”

“Don’t understand what?”

“Ever since he met you, Sid wants to spend his days off soaking up every ounce of you that you’ll give him. He doesn’t waste them away with business and expectations. He gets to have a life when you’re around – he wants to have a life when you’re around. Sid doesn’t have any walls with you; he’s not the same hockey machine that so many other people see. He’s different around you, less reserved.”

I looked over at her as she sighed.

“All he wants to do is fall in love with you Mags, and you won’t let him.”

“He doesn’t need to fall in love with me, Vero, it will be nothing but trouble.”

She stopped my stride by tugging my arm back and stared straight into my eyes. “Do you honestly believe that? That nothing good can come of you two?”

I didn’t answer her, simply pulled my arm from her grasp and began walking again. “Can we stop talking about this, V? Please? It really doesn’t matter.”

Vero would never understand my hesitation, and I didn’t expect her to. She would never know how it felt to fear your own private pain becoming someone else’s. I’d seen the way my choices and their consequences had eaten away at my family and there was nothing I wanted more than to spare Sidney from that same fate.

She rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything else, simply pointed towards the other side of the road and nodded in the direction of one of the stores. “There’s that art store you’re so fond of, let’s go wander around in there for a bit before heading back to the house.”

We crossed the road quickly, huddling closer together against the cold that seemed to assault us the moment we ventured away from the protective wall of buildings that lined the streets downtown. I squeezed Vero’s arm quickly, letting her know that I wasn’t angry with her – just frustrated. She returned my gesture with a smile and a pat on my arm. All had been forgiven.



“You know, Maggie, I always thought you should open up a shop like this.”

Vero and I had made ourselves quite busy with wandering around the art shop, and she was enjoying it more than I’d expected her to. Her comment came from behind a wall of paint chips, and I smiled as I deciphered the muffled words.

“Why would I open one when one is already here, V?”

She tutted and poked her head out around the shelves. “Because you love this sort of stuff. It wouldn’t have to be just like this – you could open up a studio or something.”

“I’m not sure if I would enjoy that sort of thing.” I commented as I thumbed through a rack of frames. “I mean, I thought about it briefly while I was in college, but I think I’d feel too tied down. A studio requires someone to run it and I’m not a manager – I’m a photographer. Besides, I get plenty of work without a studio. Word of mouth is plenty of advertising for me.”

Vero rolled her eyes with a grin. “Always the free-spirit, aren’t you? Unwilling to submit yourself into the nine to five world that the rest of us exist in, huh?”

I smiled over at her. “Exactly.”

She grinned and held up a paint chip. “What do you think of this color? For the bedroom? I’m tired of the white, but Marc would kill me in my sleep if I painted it anything other than neutral.”

Walking over to her, I plucked the chip from her hand and ran my eyes over it. It was a calming shade of blue that almost looked like a light gray if you held it in the right light. I nodded my approval and handed it back to her. “I like it.”

She nodded resolutely. “I like it as well. Let’s go get a couple gallons of it and head back to the house. Marc has some of the boys over and I don’t want them destroying the place and leaving before I can lecture them.”

I giggled right along with her and pointed her towards the counter where she could get her paint mixed. I smiled at the girl that was working, I’d seen her in there multiple times, and nudged Vero forward so she could tell the girl what she wanted.

“Do you ever take a day off, Penny?” I teased the copper haired girl behind the counter.

She shook her head with a chuckle. “Not lately, but it pays the bills.”

“You should get the woman upstairs to help you out down here, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.” I suggested lightly.

Penny set to work mixing up Vero’s paint for her. She brushed a few pieces of hair from her face with a sigh and shook her head. “I would if she wasn’t moving next week.”

I cocked my brow in surprise. “Moving?”

“Mhmm.” Penny nodded. “Moving to Palm Beach with a few widowed friends of hers, apparently they’ve decided to become the golden girls.”

I smiled at the thought. “Well I suppose we can’t deny her that chance.”

Penny laughed. “Oh, of course not. But that does mean that we’re going to have to find a tenant for the apartment upstairs, so if you know anyone that needs a place to live please send them our way.”

“I’ll be sure to.” I promised her before I felt my phone buzzing in the pocket of my coat. I debated for a moment on whether or not to answer it; if it was important they would likely leave a message, after all. Since it would be another minute or two for Vero’s paint, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to pick up.

Excusing myself to a separate corner of the store to answer the call, I fished my phone from my pocket and held it up to my ear. “Hello?”

“Wow, you actually answered your phone.”

I could hear the smile in his voice, and it made me smile too.

“Not all of us can be glued to our cell phones, Sid.”

“Ouch, that stung a little bit.”

“You’ll bounce back.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, probably.”

I smiled and leaned up against the wall in the back of the store. “So what’re you up to today? Having your ass handed to you at Xbox?”

“No, I couldn’t make it to Marc’s, I had a sponsorship meeting I had to be at.”

I frowned slightly. “You work too much.”

I heard him sigh on the other end of the line. “That’s life, Mags.”

“Well you should add more fun into your life.” I suggested with a grin, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“That’s actually why I called.” He said. “I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with me tonight.”

Even though no one was around to see it, I could still feel a blush burning on my cheeks.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” I teased.

“Yes.” He deadpanned, smile evident in his voice. I could practically see the confident grin that was more than likely on his face.

“Well in that case, I guess I can’t say no, can I?”

“Pick you up at eight?”

“You better not take me anywhere I have to wear a dress to.” I warned him with a smile.

He laughed, a characteristic giggle that I’d come to love. “I promise I won’t take you anywhere fancy tonight.”

“Okay good. See you at eight?”

“Eight.” He agreed.

“Alright, see you then.”

“Tell Vero I said hello.” He added quickly before we said our goodbyes and hung up.

I wandered back to the front of the store where Vero was paying for her purchases. She turned to me and smiled. “How is the boy?”

I looked at her strangely. “The boy?”

“Sidney, how is he? It was him on the phone, wasn’t it?”

I stared at her for a moment. “Well yeah, but how did you know that?”

Vero grinned. “Oh please, you don’t get that shit-eating grin on your face for just anyone.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes, yes, I think I have everything I need. Let’s go home before the boys destroy the place during one of their video game tantrums.”



All afternoon Vero’s words rang through my mind.

You have to tell him.

You have to tell him.

You have to tell him.

It was foolish to think that I could go on forever without telling Sidney what he was getting himself into, but it set a ball of anxiety in my stomach every time I thought about it.

It wasn’t so much having to say the words out loud, I’d told plenty of people – my parents, my brothers, Kris & Geno, and even though I was drunk I’d opened my mouth to Veronique and Jordan. Saying the words was easy enough; it was waiting for the reaction that would put me in an early grave.

Sidney Crosby had enough on his plate.

His job was a 24/7 one – eating up most of his free time and subjecting him to immense amounts of pressure, as well as equal amounts of praise and ridicule from the masses. Sid devoted every ounce of himself to hockey while somehow managing to remain untouched by the double-edged sword that was his fame.

He deserved more than a girl that had been all but destroyed by a man that promised her the moon but ended up taking her whole sky away.