Fallacies of Fidelity

“Julia, I'm heading to Nick's to study!” I heard Mila shout. I peeked outside my door to see her racing past.

“How are your grades looking?” I asked, which made her slow to a stop.

“Better, I'm slowly getting my grades into the area where you guys might be proud of them.”

“In just three weeks of sessions with him?” I fully came out of my room.

She turned to look at me. “Yeah, I'm a quick learner when I want to be.” Her head cocked to the side. “So, you and Alec? How's that going?”

I glared at her. “It's going good, thanks for asking. Why exactly are you asking?

“I don't know, you been home for over two months now and you've been spending a lot of time with him recently.”

“You've been spending a lot of time with Nick.” I pointed out.

“Yes, but he's my tutor.” She crossed her arms and waited for me.

“We've just been spending time together. Is that so bad?”

“Is he your boyfriend?” She asked in a sing-song voice. I scoffed. I seriously didn't know, though. Alec and I haven't actually had that boyfriend-girlfriend talk yet. Did I want us to be together? I mean, yeah, I wouldn't be opposed to it.

After we went out racing a few weeks ago, things have sort of clicked into place. We hadn't really shared much more since then. Every weekend I would race. Alec would watch because he said he needed time to get over the last humiliating lost he had against me. Rex would keep my money and the three of us would have drinks, talking about nothing in particular. The races had gained more popularity since I started back up. The crowd was growing larger each week. One of the crowd members had tried to pull off my hat, which almost gave me a heart attack. Things were getting wild. So, Alec had taken it upon himself to act as my bodyguard.

As for kissing him? Yeah, that hasn't happened much since then. And by 'much' I mean 'at all.' Not that I hadn't tried instigating sucking face. Each time I'd get close to him, he'd change the subject or pretend he didn't notice my advances. Perhaps he's been sick? He has been looking particularly red the past few weeks. Either way. No dates, no kissing, no touching, no nothing. A few days ago I gave up and since then, things have been generally boring.

“Julia?”

“What?” I cleared my head with a shake. “Uh, no. He's not my boyfriend.”

“Sure, he's not.” She turned to walk away but I remembered something.

“Do you think you could drive me there? I was going to meet him.”

She froze in her place and shook her head no. “How about you drive?”

“That's ridiculous, it's your car. You can drive for once.”

“You can take another car, then.” She bit out as she started walking away.

I scrunched my eyebrows together and tried to follow her down the hall. “Wait, why? That's sort of counter productive. I mean, we're going to the same place, why would we take different cars?”

“I got to go.” Her steps were stiff when she reached the top of the stairs.

“Hey,” I grabbed her shoulder. “Did I say something wrong? I don't understand.”

“No, it's fine. Everything's fine.” She shrugged out of my hold and bolted down the stairs. A few second later I heard the door slam. I ran after her but when I opened the door, her cherry red Carrera Cabriolet was already zooming down the driveway. I pounded my hand once on the wall, watching her Porsche disappear. When she was out of sight, I slammed the door shut.

I was just about to stomp up to my bedroom and throw a real fit when my phone rang. “What?” I answered harshly.

“Yikes, the claws are out so early today.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and leaned on the door. “Sorry, Alec. Mila just stormed out of here.”

“So, she's not dropping you off?”

“No, she's not.”

“Why not?” he asked. I explained what had just happened while I played with the end of my ponytail. Well, I was playing with the end of my ponytail until I realized what I was doing. I swatted my hair away. Jeez, I was like a schoolgirl. I loathed it. “That's weird, do you think it has anything to do with what happened all those years ago?” In the few weeks Alec and I had gotten closer, we'd also been trying to crack the case that was Mila.

“Maybe? I don't know. Sometimes I'll mention something and she'll just turn to stone and not answer me. Classic Mila.”

“That's why we have detectives Haddock and Barnett on the case!”

I threw my head back when I started to laugh. Stupid me forgot there was a door behind me. Thwack! “Ah shit ow!” I took a step away from the evil plank of wood, rubbing my head.

“What was that? Hold on, did you just--” I heard a muffed yell through the phone and Alec sighed. “Listen, I have to go. How about we just meet up at Rex's tomorrow?”

“Sure, I guess. That's fine.” I waited for him to say goodbye but all I got was silence.

“Hey Julia?”

“Yes?” I waited. He stayed quiet and I was suddenly anxious he was going to ask me out again. I mean, I'm hoping he asks me out again. A full minute of anticipation pushed me to speak. “Alec?”

“Um, never mind. I'll see you tomorrow.” Then he hung up.

“See ya.” I responded to no one.

With a confused mind and hungry stomach, I walked to the kitchen. I wonder what Alec was going to say? He had sounded so tense. I'd like to think he'd be nervous, not tense, to ask me out. I reached in the fridge and pulled out a beer. After popping the cap off and taking a drink, I started making my way to the backyard garden. I could maybe do some brainstorming on Mila.

The mansion was like a maze. Luck for me, I'd been navigating this maze since I was child. There were three ways to get to the garden. The longest way is the way my father and mother take guests. It has no memorabilia whatsoever. Another direction takes you to the entrance of the basement. The way I take is the shortest route but the more scenic. I take a another swig of the beer when I entered the narrow hallway. I hadn't been to this side of the house since I came back home.

Probably because my dad's office was at the end of it.

The hallway is filled with picture frames on the wall. They were all old; nothing new since I had left. There was one of Mila and I in the garden with our arms around each other, ginormous messy grins on our faces. Another one was of us running through the sprinklers in just our underwear. I was maybe nine and Mila's chubby legs were a dead giveaway she was four. I'll give it to our parents, they never tried to limit our fun at that age. There were several other pictures too. One was of a preteen me with my mom and dad as I proudly held a first prize blue ribbon for a science fair. Another photo showed Mila sitting on a swing, our parents standing on either side of her. As I scanned through the pictures on the wall I notices there was not one photo of the four of us together. How ironic. I shrugged it off.

I continued walking but stopped when I was passing my father's home office. He was talking on the phone but I could have sworn I heard my name. I normally don't eavesdrop, but for some odd reason, today I was curious. Also he said my name, anyone would do what I was about to do. Right? I tried to transform myself into a mouse as I quietly made my way closer to the cracked open door.

“Everything's going well. How about you?” A few seconds passed before he answered. “The weather's looking good here, and there?” I sighed. I was already dozing off. I turned to leave but his next words pumped ice through my veins. “...I wish you were here...” My breath caught. “No, I'm alone. Ira is at a luncheon, Mila is gone for tutoring and Julia went with her.” Oh fuck no. I faced the door again and tried to get closer. Was he on the phone with a woman?

What's even worse is he would never mention Mila's tutoring if he didn't trust this person on the other end of the phone. He wouldn't dare mention something that would give him a bad image. “Fine, fine. I want to tell her...don't you think it's been long enough?” I closed my eyes tightly and shoved my fist into my mouth. “Bernadette...” Definitely a woman, fuck. What the hell kind of shitty name was Bernadette? “...I understand, you know I do. But, I don't think you understand. She's more hard-headed than you'd think; she won't go down without a fight.”

I stumbled away from the door and nearly dropped my beer. He was talking about my mom. His wife. I wanted to listen to more of the conversation but I couldn't move. Of course my mom was more hard-headed that she looked and she sure as fuck wouldn't go down without a fight.

I was going to need something stronger than a Coors Light to get through today.

“No!” My dad's voice was loud and clear. It brought me back and I made my way to the door again. “Look, maybe the next time I visit, okay? No...I promise...You know the rules as well as I do.” That made me scrunch my eyebrows together. “The day will come, you know that, right?” I heard him laugh and it was like nails on a chalkboard. I hadn't heard my dad laugh in ages. Even before I left, he barely cracked a smile. This Bernadette, she made him laugh. Suddenly, I wanted to cry. “You're right about that.”

I took a few steps back then I took a few gulps of my beer. He started laughing again and I crunched my eyes closed. His voice was loud when he said. “Oh, I miss you... I love you too.” With one more step backward, I bumped into the wall with a resonate thud. I held my breath and waited. After a few seconds, I heard my father start talking again. I sighed and turned. As fate would have it, my shirt caught on a picture frame, bringing it crashing down onto the floor. I spun around and stared at the picture frame. Paralyzed with fear, I couldn't turn away from the picture on the floor.

“Julia?” My back went ramrod straight. I didn't even hear him get off the phone, or open the door for that matter. I couldn't stop staring at the photo “I thought you had gone with Mila. What did you drop?” He reached around me to grab the frame. I flinched away from him. “That's too bad, I really liked this picture.” It was picture of the two of us. I was sitting on his lap and looking up at him. He was looking down at me. We had the same mischievous smile on our face. “What's wrong? Oh, maybe you should lay off the Coors, Julia. This picture might have been spared from your wrath.” I could hear he was trying to make a joke, but all I could think was that he wasn't going to be spared from my wrath when I brought it down on him. I also thought his voice sounded upbeat. Talking to her had made him happy.

“I'm not feeling well. I'm going to my room.” I didn't wait for an answer before I went back down the hallway and out of his line of sight. He didn't call after me and I didn't care.

I started chugged my the rest of my beer with one hand. The other hand opened the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Honey Jack, setting it on the counter. I then opened the fridge and pulled out a half drunk liter of some sort of soda. I finished my beer off and threw it out. taking a deep breath, I belched loudly. My hand grabbed the Jack and poured the whiskey into the liter of soda until it was full again. Then, I was chugging and walking up to my room.

It was going to be a long day and it wasn't even 4 pm yet.



Alec's POV

I'm sweating, profusely.

“Progress report?” My father asked.

“We haven't gone on a second date yet but--” I started.

“I don't care about the relationship. What do you have on the Haddock's?”

I paused and looked around the office, trying to come up with something to say. “They uh...” This was another problematic thing about hanging out with Julia. I felt like she was beginning to trust me when she really shouldn't. My loyalty was starting to waver. “They're--” I was cut off again when my eldest brother, Drew walked into the room. Saved by the douche. He was a people pleaser. A really annoying people pleaser. Yet, no one knew Drew as well as I did. Excluding his ex-wife, of course. Drew was like a goddamn golden retriever.

“Hey dad, I have those papers you wanted.”

My father nodded and nodded to him. “Bring them to me.” Drew did as he was told.

Why don't you chase your tail while you're at it.

“Still brooding, Alec?” he said to me as our father read over the papers in his hands.

“Still as have ticks, Drew?” I shot back. He cocked his head in confusion but came out of it when father began speaking to him. I rolled my eyes.

The past few weeks were a dream. Julia and I had gotten to this weird level of friendship that was also more than a friendship. When we weren't at the shop, or trying to figure out what was up with Mila, we were just hanging out. It was weird to sit with her in a different car each day and talk about nothing and everything. It was easy.

I had never met someone who knew more about cars than me. At least, not a woman. She was teaching me thing's I didn't even know existed. She was teaching Rex about shit too! I was always in awe of her when we were in his shop. She would casually mention cars she got to see in other countries. It was so nonchalant, like she was talking about the color of the sky. It was amazing, all the things she's seen. The only thing she ever talked with us about was cars. I think those were easier to speak about then the people she met. For the most part, new racers weren't looked highly upon. Let alone Americans. Let alone women. Let alone American women who won all their races.

More than once I had received smacks on the back of my head. Rex seemed to be keeping a closer eye on me.

I have been scared to touch Julia since that night a few weeks ago. Every time I look at her I'm reminded that I was distracted for a single minute. In that minute, I let myself succumb to her. She has me so unfocused. I can't stop thinking about how her body felt under mine and how soft her skin felt. And her lips. Oh God, her lips. Those lips hold the secrets to both happiness and despair. Each time she opens her mouth to talk, I'm looking at them. Then I'm blushing. All the fucking time. I can't concentrate when I'm around her and what's worse is when I'm not around her.

I think I'm worse off alone. I hate that, I truly do. All my damn life I've concentrated on being whatever my dad has wanted me to be. I pushed to find this Alpha Alec. My mom tried so hard to teach me to be good. I don't even know what 'good' is anymore after all these years of my father diluting her lessons. She taught me so many things. Even thinking about her was like shooting taser gun to my heart. My father taught me... well, I'm still trying to figure that part out.

“Alec!” Speak of the devil. My father's booming voice pulled my out of my thoughts. This right here has happened too often recently.

I'm more distracted without her than with her.

I take a shaky breath. “Yes, sir?” I answer.

“I said 'get out.' I need to speak to Drew alone.” he growled.

“Dad, that might not be necessary. It looks like Alec's so distracted he might have already checked out!” Drew began to howl with laughter. Neither my father or I joined in as we stared at each other. With a deep breath, I left the room and closed the door behind me, feeling my father burning holes into the back of my head.

“Distracted.” I muttered as I tugged at my hair. “I fucking hate that word.”