You Left Me

"Carson Jensen, is that really you?!" A familiar voice yelled as I stepped out of the airport. I turned and smiled at my old high school friend. "Danielle! Oh my, gosh! I can't believe that it's you!"
She laughed as we embrace each other in a tight hug. "Well, if you didn't just up and leave four years ago, we wouldn't be having this problem!"

"Danielle..." I said sternly. She knew it was a touchy subject. After four years, it still hurt. Why wouldn't it? The man you fell in love with married your ex best friend, even after embarrassing yourself in front of everyone! Telling him how much you love him and what a huge mistake he's making. In the end, I was the one who lost everything. Including my heart.

Danielle frowned, "You're right, I'm sorry," she paused to take a deep breathe and replaced her frown with a smile, "Anyway, I'm so glad you're here. Let's get your stuff packed in the trunk and head over to my place. Then we'll talk about the wedding, where we'll have photos taken, and just so you know, you won't be taking photos during the reception because I want you to have fun and not worry about anything. Just let go and relax."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive! I already hired someone else for that."

I smiled, "If you say so. By the way, when do I get to meet the man that stole my friends heart?" Danielle's face lit up when I mentioned it. She was so in love, and I couldn't help but be happy for her. I was jealous that she found someone to settle down with, but then again, I'm not.

She explained to me when I'd get to meet her fiancé, Ryder. She even told me a lot about him, like how they met, his job at a record label and the music store he owns. She told me how he proposed, and then we started talking about the wedding.

I'd be helping with the designing. Where the flowers should be placed and what the center pieces should look like. Everything was together, it just needed to be perfected and that's what Danny wanted my help with. I'm not any kind of professional for wedding stuff, but being head of almost every banquet and event through high school had it's perks.

Our conversation lasted by the time we got to her place, and all through the night. By the time six o'clock came, someone was walking through the door, very loudly might I add.

"I already told you, Eric. I don't want a bachelor party."

I looked at Danny with a questioning look, but all she did was roll her eyes and walk over to her fiancé to take the phone from him and reply to his friend, "Hey Eric, it's Danny. Ryder would love for you to throw a bachelor party for him because I am allowing it. You can have strippers and drink as much as you'd like, as long as he's sober by the wedding and in one piece. You can tell your partner in crime to start planning. I want him out of this house by 7 o'clock sharp Thursday night. Alright, goodnight!"

I giggled as Ryder's mouth hung open and stared at her in disbelief. He obviously didn't think she'd allow this?

"What?" She shrugged and handed him back the phone.

He looked at her seriously, "You're seriously allowing this? Especially with those two planning everything?"

She smiled, "I trust you and I love you. That's all that matters. What those two decide to plan is up to them and I just want you to have fun. Besides, my bachelorette party is the same night, so you have to leave."

He rolled his eyes, "Great. No strippers."

I rolled my eyes with a laugh, "I don't think you or her have a choice in the matter. Her sister is the maid of honor."

Ryder finally noticed me, and smiled. He even laughed agreeing with me, "Please, don't remind me. That girl is the definition of party destruction... I'm Ryder, by the way."

He out stretched his hand for me to take. His smile was warm and inviting. He had that personality that every girl wants. No wonder why Danny is so in love with him. He has that Ryan Gosling look to him but ten times better.

I smiled back and shook his hand, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Ryder. I've heard many great things. I'm Carson."

"Oh, you're the girl that went to high school with Danielle! I've heard many stories! Are you really the keg queen or am I thinking of someone else?" He asked excitedly

I looked at Danny for an explanation, but she bit her lip and looked away. "Yeah, that's me." I laughed, "But I put that girl away a long time ago. I haven't really been to a party in a long time."
It wasn't a big lie. I did party back in Baltimore. Especially with the boys, after I told them about my high school and college days. But I left that here, and made myself more classy and a little less trashy.

"That's a bummer, I would have invited you to a challenge. Maybe some other time?"

I nodded, "Yeah, maybe."

Ryder smiled and then engaged himself in a new conversation with Danny and myself. We talked about nonsense. We talked more about the wedding, to update Ryder on everything. I asked him about the record label he works for, and his store. Turns out I went to college with him. We were in the same photography class until he switched majors.

By the end of the night, after spending dinner with them both, I decided to head to bed. Danielle, was extremely kind enough to allow me to stay at her house. She had enough room for three people to live there with her but since it's just her she didn't mind me to join her for a week.

The pool house, in her backyard, had been turned into a guest room, technically almost a miniature home. It had a kitchen, a bedroom and a bathroom, as well as a little seating area to watch television. Of course once you step outside, the pool would be right there. And down the path would be the door to her house. It was cute, and a little upsetting that she was selling it to move in with Ryder. Then again, his house might be a lot nicer than hers.

When I was done getting ready for bed, I finally turned on my phone and received missed calls from a lot of people. Mainly from a particular person. That person being, Alex.

I laughed and put my phone on the charger. Then I pulled out my laptop and set it on the desk next to my bed. I turned it on and opened up Skype right away. The moment I did that, I started getting a video call from the crazy guy himself. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile like an idiot as I answered.

"Finally! I thought you were dead! Why didn't you call me when you landed!" He explained.

I laughed, "Hello to you too. My flight was long, and tiring, but I'm great. Thank you for asking."

Alex rolled his eyes but smiled, "I'm sorry... It's good to see you alive, Carson. I was just worried."

"Thank you, but I'm fine. Sorry I didn't call, I forgot about my phone and I'm charging it right now."

"That's good. So how is Arizona?" He asked

"It’s actually a little chilly and I hate to say this but it's great to be back."

"You're not going to stay out there, are you?" He asked immediately

I shook my head, "Not at all, I'm only here for a little bit. The wedding is Friday and I'll be back on a plane home Saturday."

"Good, I'd hate to see you leave me and disappear out in a dessert."

"Well I'm not leaving anytime soon. Baltimore is my home now. You know that."

He nodded, "I know, I just, I already miss you. And it sucks not having you here."

"I miss you, too," I smiled meekly, "but don't worry, I'll be home in no time."

Alex was silent, just staring at me on his screen. I knew neither of us were losing a connection because I could see his eyes shifting on the screen. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "Alex, is everything alright?"

He shook himself out of whatever trance he was in and nodded, "Yeah, everything is fine," he paused, "I was just thinking."

"About what?" I asked.

"Well, uh, how would you feel about moving in with me?"

"You don't have a spare bedroom, Alex." I laughed, "Rian lives with you and doesn't even have his own room."

He shook his head, "Actually, the guys and I have been talking and well if you move in with me, Rian would move in with Jack."

"I'd still have no room, Lex."

"We'll share a room." He stated coolly.

There was a slight paused. I was in a state of shock, and he was waiting for an answer. This wasn’t what I was expecting at all.

"Alex..." I sighed.

I should have seen this coming. Alex and I have been close for a long time. Practically a couple, despite not doing anything sexual. Sure, we've slept in the same bed together, he's held me when I've cried and I've done the same for him, but I just, I don't know.

"No, it's fine. Forget I even asked." Alex said a bit rudely.

"Alex, you know I would love to, but"-

He cut me off, "But nothing. Carson, your only excuse is that you're scared. What are you afraid of? You know I'm nothing like the guy that you fell for out there. He's not in your life anymore, Carson. I am. I'm not going anywhere! What's it going to take to prove to you that I'm not going to hurt you like he did!"

"Alex, please. You don't understand."

"I don't understand?! Are you kidding me? I may not understand why you can't just get over him already. I'm right here. I'm not leaving until the day you tell me you don't want me in your life anymore. Where did this guy go, Cars? He's not around and he never will be."

"It's too hard! Okay! Having someone you've known for so long, end up being the one you fall in love with. And then have your heart being torn apart by that same guy because you spilled your heart and soul to him on his damn wedding day and find out that he never felt the same. It's hard, and I don't want that to happen ever again. I don't want you to do the same thing."

"Obviously this conversation didn't go the way it should have," Alex said after a long silence between us. "I'm sorry. I got upset, I know how touchy this whole thing is for you and I shouldn't have crossed the boundary. I'm just gonna go to bed now, you should too. I'll call you in the morning. Goodnight, Carson."

I nodded and held in the tears, "Yeah, I'm sorry, too. But goodnight Alex. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

After we hung up, I burst into tears. I wish it was easier than this. I want to fall hopelessly in love with Alex. I want him to be my everything, but how can I when I'm still hung up over, John? He's my past and Alex is my future. Why can't I just let that happen?

I want to move in with Alex, but there are so many things running through my head right now and I honestly don't know how to handle them.

The first thing I thought about doing was to call back Alex and apologize. Tell him I would love to move in with him and forget about John. But I didn't do that. Instead, I cried myself to sleep, realizing that I've been pushing away something that could be the greatest thing that could ever happen to me.

Oh, how stupid I can be.