You Started A Fire and Left Me Like This

After spending the better part of my late teens and twenties touring I’ve done and seen a lot. I’ve shook hands and received hugs from countless people who have been brought to tears and found strength through my music. I have traveled the world many times over, been jet lagged and lived off nothing but coffee and cigarettes. I have fallen in and out of love. Women have thrown themselves at me and fans have begged to bare my children as I stood above them on stage.

And yet, with all the things that I have done loneliness still haunts me. When it’s three in the morning and sleep evades me thoughts of her take over and leave me broken and jonesing for more. She’s like a drug and I’m the strung out junkie desperate for a fix.

Ella.

Five years ago she walked out of my life without so much as a goodbye. She promised to stay... We had discussed the idea of her leaving the tour for a short period of time to heal and recuperate at home. When she was ready she would join me overseas for the European leg of tour. But none of that ever happened. The next morning when I woke up the bed beside me was empty and her bags were gone.

The only thing she had left behind was an grainy ultrasound picture of our child. To this day I carry that picture with me; it stays folded up in a pocket of my wallet. I don’t allow myself to look at it very often though, it hurts too much and brings back too many memories.

I’ve spent the better part of the time Ella has been gone searching for her, but I haven’t been able to find her. Her Instagram is gone, as is her Twitter and Facebook. Her cell number was disconnected long ago, but that doesn’t stop me from calling it every so often in a desperate hope that maybe she would pick up. I refuse to give up on her…

“Babe?” Juliet’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and back into reality.

Tonight was date night. Which consisted of us driving fifteen minutes to the Viper Room, Juliet’s choice not mine, standing in line for all of five seconds because the bouncer recognized us, not paying the cover to get in and being served our first drinks for free. Not a bad night so far. Although I would have felt a little bit better if I could have at least paid our cover, but no one wanted to take my money.

“Hmm?” Staring down at my drink I couldn’t seem to shake the thoughts of Ella, memories of her dancing to the song that played too loudly in the background played behind my eyes.

“You’re spacing out again!” She whined in a way that was almost similar to Ella. “You’re supposed to be focused on me and having a wonderful time out!”

Chuckling I carefully placed my glass back down on the bar and gave my girlfriend the attention she was craving. “I’m sorry Dragonfly.” I laced our fingers together and brought her hand up to my lips. Pressing a chaste kiss to the top of her hand I watched an adorable smile spread out on her features. “How could I ever make it up to you?”

Juliet thought my words over for a moment, the smile still plastered to her face. “Dance with me.” She cried while simultaneously pulling me out of my seat.

“You know I don’t dance!” Not even bothering to fight her I let myself be lead onto the dance floor.

Sweat covered bodies were grinding and pressing into each other, combined with the thumping music I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic. I tried my best to ignore the part of my brain that was saying to get the hell out of there and go back to the bar and focus on the woman before me. Her back was pressed into my front. It was almost seductive, and it probably would have been had I not been a million miles away in my own memories.

As the song progressed and came to an end I finally managed to shake my thoughts enough to reach out and wrap my arms firmly around Juliet. Leaning down I pressed hot, open mouthed kisses along her neck. I did this selfishly knowing it would get her hot and bothered and would probably cause us to leave sooner.

“Andyyyyy…”

“Yes?” I smirked against her flesh but continued with my ministrations.

“You’re not playing fair.”

“You never said I had to play fair, just that I had to be here.”

Juliet turned in my arms so that she was now facing me. Her arms found their way around my neck, there was an almost innocent pout on her face. “One more dance then we can leave, okay?”

“Thank you.” I smiled and kissed her but in my mind it was Ella who I was tangled up with on the dance floor.

It took four more dances to finally convince Juliet to leave, but she was so sexually frustrated and practically begging to be fucked by the time I got her off the floor that it almost seemed worth being there longer. With my arm wrapped firmly around her waist we began the daunting task of leaving. I silently berated people in my mind for being in our way. We pushed our way through couples, groups of friends, and loners. All of them seemed to recognize who we were, and that made leaving just a tad more difficult.

As we finally approached the door a group of women were entering the building. Normally I wouldn’t have given any of them a passing glance but one woman stood out. Dropping my arm that was draped around Juliet I felt my stomach all but fall out of my ass.

“Ella?!” Her hair was longer now and it was black instead of that beautiful chestnut color it had been when she left me. Her body was lean like it had been but now I could see some slight muscle definition in her arms, it was clear that she had been hitting the gym. The dress and heels she wore were garments that I know she never would have been caught dead in five years ago, and yet, I don’t think she had ever looked so beautiful before.

It took a second but Ella finally noticed me. Her eyes went wide. “Andrew?”

Time stood still as I broke away from Juliet and approached the woman I had once loved more than life itself. My mouth had gone dry and I honestly felt like I was dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. This was just too good to be true. After all this time I’ve been looking for her and I run into her in a club.

“Ella, oh my god is that really you?” Gaping I rudely elbowed her friends away and came to a halt directly in front of her, this way there was no possible way she could run away from me.

“Andy… It’s been a while…” She struggled with her words.

And that’s when I noticed the sizable rock on her left hand. That took me down a few pegs and I suddenly had the urge to puke. She’s engaged…

“Five years…”

“I’m so sorry.” Ella reached out to grab my hand. Electricity ran through me at the familiar sensation of her skin on mine.

“You didn’t even say goodbye. I hoped that you would come back like we had talked about, but you never did...” Everything around me disappeared, the only thing that mattered was Ella. All outside noise was canceled out by her voice and I didn’t even register that Juliet was shooting daggers at Ella and her friends.

“This isn’t the place to discuss this.” She finally said after a moment of hesitation. Going into her clutch she retrieved a Sharpie. “Let’s go out for coffee or something one day, okay? We can talk things over.” Again she took my hand and in her neat handwriting she wrote her new phone number on the top of my hand.

“Yeah…” At my side Juliet was tugging my arm, it was clear that she didn’t like Ella interrupting our date night.

“Text me sometime.” Ella smiled that same gentle and loving smile that I had missed and gave me hand a squeeze.

I wanted to say something back to her, but words failed me. So all I did was nod. We stood there for a second longer before our attentions were pulled elsewhere, and before I knew it Ella and I were going our separate ways again. I struggled to keep myself following Juliet when all I wanted was to turn on my heels and grab Ella by the shoulders and demand she explain everything to me.

When we stepped out onto the sidewalk Juliet huffed crossed her arms over her chest. “Who was that?” She demanded.

Reaching into my jacket I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and placed one between my lips. “That was Ella.” I murmured into my hands as I lit the cancer stick that was hanging from my mouth.

Juliet knew well enough who Ella was, so I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t say anything. I glanced down at the phone number that had been written in black ink on my hand and couldn’t help but feel a sense of anxiety. After five years things are bound to change, and from the diamond on Ella’s hand, clearly things have changed a lot.