We Only Breathe for so Long

LISETTE

The rain suddenly started to pour harder, as I continued to stare at Kennedy’s hazel eyes. We were still standing in the middle of the sidewalk; luckily, no one else decided to go out for a walk, because then it would be awkward with us standing here.

“But Jordan, we’ve been best friends since Kindergarten. I mean, I know you had to move and all and we lost touch for a while but how could you have forgotten me?” he said, sadly. It made me feel sorry for him. I seriously wish I could help this guy, but I just don’t know what he’s talking about.

Wait a minute... Jordan. Did he just call me Jordan?

“Uhm, I think you got it all wrong. You see, Jordan’s my twin sister.” I said slowly, as my feet were fidgeting at every word.

“That’s impossible.”

Cough cough. “Why would it be?”

“Because Jordan doesn’t have a twin sister.”

Immediately, my heart stopped and shattered into pieces.

Why? Why doesn’t he know that Jordan and I are twin sisters? Did Jordan keep me a secret? Was she really as secretive as she was to me with her friends? Questions just kept coming through my head. Did she actually hate me?

“But she is my twin sister…” My voice drifted off and my throat started feeling so dry. Why did I even decide to go on this walk?

“Where is she then? I want to see her,” he demanded slightly.

Shit. Should I tell him?

“Uhm, Jordan, she–“ I stopped. My lip started to tremble so much and I had to bite it just a bit just to make it stop. You must get a grip of yourself, Lisette.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to claim, but maybe you’re not Jordan after all. I’m sorry I wasted your time,” he said with regret in his voice and turned around. He started walking away on the wet, grey pavement. I can’t just leave him like that. But what can I do?

“Wait!” I called out to him. What was I thinking?

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. “What?” he groaned. Is he annoyed at me or something?

“What if I prove it to you – that she really is my twin sister?”

He looked down at the floor, changing his grip on his umbrella every now and then. I kept on shifting my weight from one leg to another, as I anticipated a response from him.

“Fine.”

“Alright, so–“

“Just not now though, I have something important to attend to. You know where I live anyway; just catch me around when I’m not busy,” he turned around once again and he briskly walked off. I watched his figure shrink into the horizon, until he made a turn into another street.

I had enough of this walk. I headed back home, tired, as the rain poured even harder than ever. I felt odd, betrayed even. For what reason? I wasn’t quite sure yet. Each step felt like lead and I wasn’t even expecting to run into Jordan’s old friends. Having to explain everything to them isn’t as easy as it looks.

~~~

“Oh, there you are, Lisette! How was your walk?” My mom asked, giving me a warm smile. She was sitting out on the porch with her legs around her arms when she saw me coming. She was enjoying the sound and smell of the rain around her.

“It was okay,” I said, as I was brushing my feet against the rug, before stepping on the wooden floor, which was the color of walnut. After I shook the red umbrella to rid it of the raindrops that coated it and folded it, I placed it in its black, steel rack. I was well aware that I was hunching my back and that I had a sour look on my face.

“I assume now that you have been once again acquainted with our neighborhood. Come in, let’s have some breakfast.” She stood up and brushed the back of her grey sweat pants andmade her way to the half-glass, half-wood double door. She opened it for me, and I sluggishly stepped inside.

We made our way to the kitchen and started preparing our own breakfasts. I grabbed the box of Cheerios and poured its contents into a bowl. I also grabbed the carton of non-fat milk and drenched the cereal with what was in it. Mom made herself some coffee and I guess she wasn’t in the mood to eat anything as of the moment. We then went to the dining table, sat down, and began to consume our breakfast.

“We’re expecting a delivery after lunch,” my mom stated happily as I was eating my Cheerios. I ate them slowly, observing my mom and the way she talks.

I paused what I was doing and looked up to Mom. “What kind of delivery?” My eyebrows knitted themselves in wonder.

“We’re going to receive some of the things that we left behind in the condominium. Your father had it sent right after we left and he paid extra to get it shipped right away. But even before yesterday, he’s been arranging stuff with the movers. That’s why they’re coming so early! He’s going to live there just until he’s done with his term in the government. After his term, he’s going to run for another position which I’m positive he will win,” she said with an excited tone. I really don’t know why she’s so giddy with all these things, but seeing her happy made me happy as well, especially after Jordan’s… fate. I smiled back at her.

“Wait, so that means we’ll do some house cleaning again today?” I said, with my mouth full of cereal and milk.

“Unfortunately, yes, but just for a while,” my mom said with optimism. I sure hope that it will take only a while. Maybe I can drop by Kennedy’s place later and see if he’s not busy… I devoured all of my breakfast and helped Mom clean up. It may be sort of a hassle to hang around with Kennedy but I just can’t sit here knowing that some guy doesn’t believe I’m Jordan’s sister. Anyone can see the resemblance so why not him?

~~~

I gripped the photo album in my hands and took a breath of the hot air. The sun was shining now, unlike a while ago. I took another breath and then I rang the doorbell of the beige, medium-sized house. As I awaited a response from inside of the house, I paced around a bit, just to have something to do. My head shot up when I heard the door open and I immediately got in contact with Kennedy’s hazel eyes. It felt like they were staring down into my soul.

“Hey,” I gave him a small smile. “You busy? I can come back later if–“

“Not at all. Come on in,” he said, smiling back at me. He led me inside through the door and we turned right, into the living room. Well, I guess he’s nicer when the sun’s shining.

His house felt so heart-warming. The walls of the house were white, but for some reason, these did not remind me of hospital rooms. The sunlight shafted through a big glass window on the right, giving the room a bright look, even though there wasn’t a lot of colors in it. It took up the entire wall. A translucent curtain filtered some of the light. There was a low, square, marble coffee table in the middle of the room. A yellow couch was laid beside it, its back facing the window. Another yellow seat was diagonally across it. A very neat bookshelf was standing against the wall and across me. It was full of various magazines and photo albums, which anyone can view anytime. There was also a tall lamp standing beside the couch on the oak floorboards.

“Have a seat. Want anything to drink?” he motioned his hand towards the yellow couch.

“Just water is fine,” I said as I took a seat on it. Kennedy left the room for a brief moment and returned with a glass of water. He set the glass down on the cool surface of the coffee table and took a seat on the yellow chair diagonal to me. I said my thanks and took a sip of the cold water. I looked around the house, trying to avoid his eyes but failing miserably.

“So, what did you bring?” he asked after I finished drinking. He was eying the purple album I had brought along with me.

“This is Jordan’s photo album. They’re full of pictures of her and me. Plus some of my family,” I handed the album to him and he opened it. His face suddenly was full of shock, as he saw the pictures of Jordan and me, from the time until we were born up to the time we were in Philadelphia. I already saw the album myself, and I saw that the pictures of her and me in my hospital room were not there. They were placed in her other album for some reason I can’t know of now.

I watched him as his hands flipped through the pages. I could tell his mind was blown, but he did smile at the photos of her and me. When he reached the last page, he closed the album and handed it back to me. I felt his fingertips brush against my skin and I wondered why his fingers…were rough. I gently took it from him and placed it beside me. He leaned back on the couch and we sat in silence as he was trying to process what he just saw. I’m just here trying to find out Jordan’s reasons too. His hands were running through his brown hair and he was looking up at the ceiling.

“Uhm, if you still don’t believe me, I can show you our birth certificates and stuff…” I said when I got tired of the silence.

“No, it’s okay. I believe you,” he said and looked at me with his striking hazel eyes. I smiled back at him. I got the album and made a run through of the pages myself and smiled as I reminisced at each photo I saw.

“There’s just one thing though.”

I paused at the picture which she told me once was her favorite picture of her and me. We were wearing summer dresses in that one, and we had hats to go with them. We were chasing each other on the field of grass, like children, even though we were almost eighteen in that photo.

“What is it?” I asked, as I continued looking at the photo. I ran my hand through it. For some strange reason, I felt that it was slightly elevated in the center of it. I took the photo out and saw a folded piece of paper in slot for the picture. I reached and grabbed the paper, which was already yellowed by time. I felt the weight of Kennedy’s stare as I did all of this.

“Where’s Jordan?” he asked, after I got a hold of the paper. My heart froze once again. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I continued to stare down at the paper. My hands and lips started to quiver a bit as I carefully opened it. Am I still not over her death? I was shocked when I saw the paper’s contents. More tears came to my eyes.

“Well?” Kennedy asked, a bit impatient.

I slowly turned my face towards him. The tears were making my vision blurry, but I saw that his face showed an expression of wonder. I had the urge to smack him in the face but I controlled myself. My mom would just ground me afterwards (yes, she still grounds me).

I took a deep breath and stared right into those eyes. It was my turn to look straight into his soul.

“Jordan died in a car accident while we were back at Philadelphia.” I said quietly. I then burst out an endless stream of tears.