We Only Breathe for so Long

“Are your bags all packed?” Kennedy asked me. He looked like he just got out of bed and his eyes were slightly hazy but I found it amazing that he still had the strength to focus on me.

“I think I’ve got everything covered.” I smiled at him, which he gladly returned. He placed all my bags at the back of the white van and shut the door. He dusted his hands for a bit and noticed me still looking at him.

“Is there something wrong?” I gave a small laugh and shrugged. Don’t you think it’s weird that I trust you completely even though we just met a few days ago?And the fact that my mom’s somehow against this whole trip? Yeah everything is okay.

“Everything’s fine.” I assured him. I walked back to the side door of the van. I told my mom about our plans right after I left his house. She was not pleased. She lectured me on and on about the things that could happen on the road and how I could get into an accident like Jordan did. I practically lost it when she mentioned Jordan. She can’t bring her up and use her as an example. She also told me about how I might get sick again but I just stayed quiet there. I am pretty aware of that but I will do anything to finish my bucket list. I made a fucking promise.

I gritted my teeth and the memory and jumped back inside the van. My hair was down in waves but it was so frizzy, I can barely comb it right. I sighed and fumbled with my hands. I managed to convince my mom on this trip but there’s no telling when she’ll crack. When we leave this place, I’ll already be on a road trip and hopefully, I’ll get some good experiences on the way. I have no doubt that the guys will give me a good time.

I waited for them to finish up packing and soon enough, we were on the road. Kennedy took the passenger seat while I get to sit next to Garrett. He was oddly quiet all throughout the ride, like he was thinking of something. I let him be and stared outside the window. We passed by a couple of houses until all we could see were a few cacti and the hot deserts in Arizona. I slumped back on my seat and closed my eyes for a minute. The ride was relaxing and comfortable…until John started cursing out of the blue.

“Stay in your own line! Fuck that bastard.” John yelled causing me to jerk upright in alarm. I somehow hit Garrett’s forehead in the process, which made him cry out in pain.

“Shit.” He muttered.

“Shit yeah. Sorry Garrett.” I replied sheepishly. What was up with me always hitting on Garrett?

“It’s fine. I think it’ll leave a bruise though.” He mumbled while checking the red spot on his forehead by the window.

“Good morning beautiful.” I raised my eyebrows and saw John looking at me from the rearview mirror. He had a smirk on his face and his green eyes were being illuminated by the sunlight. I have fallen asleep. That’s great.

“Where are we?” I croaked and Kennedy turned to face me.

“A few miles away from John’s old home. You just sit back there and wait.” I bit my lip and nodded. I was looking forward to this trip but instead, I fell asleep and caused Garrett pain. A pain in the forehead, to be exact.

The road became quite bumpy and my body started to jump up and down. Garrett held onto my wrist since he was having the same problem. Kennedy held onto one of the handles and faced the same situation as us. John on the other hand, looked completely fine and used to the road.

“Can’t you at least be a bit gentler?!” Garrett complained and I had to second that. Hair was all over my face and I was half sitting on Garrett’s lap. I blushed once I noticed this and scooted over to the other side hoping that he didn’t notice it.

“Then you drive, Mr. Nickelsen.” John snapped while humming the song that was on the radio. Garrett mumbled incoherent things while Kennedy remained silent. He looked out the window, his eyes trailing over the Arizona deserts. I looked down and bit my lip. This was a bad idea. Telling his friends about this plan…I bet they don’t even want to help us do this. I gave a loud sigh and Garrett turned to face me.

“Hey are you alright?” I nodded meekly and glanced at him. His blue eyes sparkled with concern and I just felt bad. He remained fixed on me. It looks like he didn’t believe me after all. “Is it because of John’s bad driving?”

“Excuse me!” John scoffed while Garrett rolled his eyes.
“No…it’s just that…” Should I tell him or not? Kennedy’s gaze shifted to where we were and the words were suddenly stuck in my throat. Why? I don’t know but there were lodged in my esophagus and I had to choke them all out. “I-I feel like a bother to you guys. I—“

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway that list of yours seems pretty fun. Hey can I have a gun session too?” I gave a small laugh and nodded. “Fuck yeah.” He replied with a grin on his mouth.

“John how long will it take to get to your house?” John shrugged. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and rolled the windows down.

“Around an hour or so. You need to pee, Kenny?” He cooed. Kennedy flicked him off while I stifled a giggle. Sure my legs may be tired and numb but I get to laugh and have fun with these guys around. We were the only car on the road and I have to say it was pretty lonely. And a bit boring.

“Hey guys, do you want to play a game?” I suddenly blurted out. I sneaked a peek at the three of them and they thought about it for a minute before they all agreed. I shuffled in my seat and let the cool breeze run through my hair.

“Who’s first?” Kennedy asked.

“You guys decide.”

“I say we play the 10 Questions game,” John suggested from the driver’s seat, peaking at me and Garrett with a smirk plastered on his face.

“Yeah, we should,” Kennedy said, turning his head around to look at Garrett and me as well.

“Isn’t that a two-player game?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Yeah, but we can always change the rules a tad bit, right?” Garrett replied, slightly nudging me. “I’ll ask John a question, then John asks Lisette, then she asks Kennedy and then he asks me and so on. Ten rounds.”

“Deal,” Kennedy said.

“So, John, why don’t you drive more slowly and gently?” Garrett asked, groaning.

John slapped the steering wheel and I could tell he rolled his eyes. “I’d rather you build a new, smooth road that everyone can drive on in peace instead of asking me that same question twice.” Garrett crossed his arms and started looking out of the window.

“Now, Lisette, I’ve been meaning to ask you this but why do you look so familiar?” John playfully asked, with a smirk in his voice. I stopped for a moment. Does he know Jordan? And didn't Kennedy already say who I was?

“Uhm, maybe you know my twin sister, Jordan…” I drifted off, my voice getting smaller at every word.

“NO WAY, JORDAN’S YOUR TWIN SISTER? WHERE IS SHE?” Garrett was looking at me, with the eagerness in his eyes. Oh god, do I even have to go through this again?

“S-She…” My voice started to become raspy. My lip started to tremble violently and I bit it just to keep it still. Should I tell them? Will they react as Kennedy did? I looked down on my lap, going through my options. As if I had any, though.

“She passed away in a car accident in Florida,” Kennedy said in a monotonous voice, looking out at the vast deserts of Arizona. Thank god for Kennedy.

“Oh…” Garrett said, looking away from me.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean that my question would lead to this…” John, full of guilt, apologized, while planting his eyes on the road. It was obvious that there was sadness and regret in his voice.

“Me too,” said Garrett.

“It’s fine, really,” I replied. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I need to be strong. For Jordan.I held them in as everyone fell silent. I was looking out of the window, noticing that the scenery changed. All I could see were trees.

After a moment, I mustered some courage and looked at Kennedy, who was still peering out of the car. “Hey, Kennedy.”

He turned to me. “Yeah?” He asked, blankly.

“Can I ask you a question? It’s my turn to ask, anyway…” I said, a bit shy.

“What is it?”

“I just need to know, what was Jordan to you?”

He turned away from me and fidgeted a little on his seat. He leaned back and rested his arm on the car door. “You already know the answer to that, Lisette. She was the best-est friend I ever had.”

“Uhm, let me rephrase it then. Did you love her?”

Garrett shifted his gaze from the blur of trees outside to Kennedy. John started to drum his fingertips on the steering wheel absentmindedly. I could tell we were all anticipating Kennedy’s answer.

Kennedy let out a sigh and closed his eyes. After a while, he nodded. “Yes, I loved her. She was like a sister to me.”

Immediately, Garrett groaned and rolled his eyes beside me. “Oh come on, Kenny, a sister to you? I bet you loved her. As in loved her.” He slapped his lap with his hand and continued staring outside. John and I were trying to refrain from laughing, since the situation was just tense a while ago. The laughter was already stifling us. I guess I could say that these guys are rather optimistic in life.

“Shut up, Garrett,” Kennedy said, slightly blushing, straight face on. My heart started to pound a little at the mere sight of him. Why am I even feeling this way?

Before I could make a remark about Kennedy’s answer, John spoke up. “Well, guys, I’d like to say that we’re finally here,” he said, with a smile in his voice. The forest path we were driving on led to a grassy clearing with some trees, about the size of a hectare. A wonderful house at the front portion of the field was slowly becoming bigger as we drove towards it.