Say Nothing

"Six out of ten! I passed!" Kat cheered from among the students. Some even laughed to the side. I awaited patiently for mine that came across my table.

"Good job, Martina,"

"Pass? Fail? Just tell me, I don't need the number," I said anxiously.

My peer marker laughed, and slid the piece of paper across the desk in front of me.

"Pass."

I smiled, looking up at my result. It was a satisfying score indeed, and somehow, all of my tension had released upon seeing it.

"Martina, hey, what'd you get?" asked Kat excitedly, walking up to my desk after class on that day.

"Eight," I said with a calm and quiet expression. Getting up to pick up my stuff, I looked over to to her to see an odd face I didn't expect to see.

Kat frowned, almost with disappointment. Her cheerful enthusiasm had somehow managed to slip from her face. Feeling a new tension build in the pit of my stomach, I came forward with the intent to keep talking to her.

"How about you? Pass? Fail?" I asked, as if I didn't overhear her outburst from earlier.

"Pass,"

I tried on a hopeful smile and cheered forcibly in her presence.

"I got a six," she then added flatly.

"Oh, well, that's not so bad, hey, at least we both escape detention for now," I said playfully, nudging her in the elbow.

She smiled, but it didn't appear genuine to me. It was troubling, but she shrugged and laughed it off anyway.

"Yeah, you're right. Come on, let's go to next class,"

From there I stopped walking beside her, jolting to a halt. She looked back at me from the halls with a questionable expression.

"I have Physics next," I said bluntly, knowing that Kat didn't take the same science classes as me.

She then rolled her eyes in a sense where as if realization had hit her straight on in the forehead. Reluctantly, she turned the opposite direction from me and began to walk off briskly.

"That means I have Law," she said glumly.

"I'll see you at lunch then," she said disappointingly.

I laughed, but that didn't feel genuine to me either. So I walked on towards the basement of our school without another smile or thought  to my head for the next while.

Physics at first was a very challenging class to me. I was highly reluctant to take it in the first place. I wondered endlessly why I took it in the first place. To go into pharmacy? Medicine? I wasn't really going to do that, right? I wasn't even sure of what I wanted to be yet. I decided to go for the safest looking plan, which is taking a course with the kind of jobs that were always in demand in the world. Turned out to be one of the worst choices in my life in the end, though.

When I entered the classroom, the teacher, who sat passively in his desk, staring at his laptop dejectedly, greeted me without taking his eyes off the screen. Feeling slightly awkward and unsure of what to do, I kept quiet and didn't return the greeting, which in the end, made me kick myself in the head later on when I came to reflect about this incident.

"Hey Martina,"

Amber, Lucy, and Lisa greeted me as usual, and happily, I waved back at them as I slipped into my seat next to Lisa.

"How was Math?" asked Lisa with a sly grin on her face.

"I passed! I passed!" I said with relief.

"That's good!" she said, putting her hand in the air for me.

We gave each other five and laughed.

"How did History go for you?" I asked with the same casual gesture.

"Oh, horrible," she replied, digging her face into her hands.

"I couldn't stand listening to the lecture. I thought I would die."

I laughed reluctantly and patted her on the back.

"It's okay, don't worry, I'm awesome at History, you're awesome at Math. We'll find a way to switch classes with each other and we won't ever have any problems again, yeah?" I teased, trying to make her laugh.

Lisa grinned, and played along with my joke.

"Yes, please, let's switch. Let's talk to the vice principal after school okay?"

"Sure thing!"

We laughed, knowing that we were only joking.

Lucy walked over and placed her elbows on our desk across from us. She looked frustrated and flustered as always. Lisa and I looked up at her with surprise and smiled.

"Hi there," I said,

"How are you?"

Lucy shook her head, again that same indifferent frown on her face. She stared at me through the slits of her eyes.

"What's wrong? You got a freaking 98 on your chem test. How can you look so bad now?" asked Lisa with a slightly exasperated voice.

My eyes beamed at the news.

"Oh really!? Congrats Lucy! That's amazing!" I said with true enthusiasm. Lucy was taking a higher Chemistry class than us. It was a class for students who wished to either challenge their skills, or pursue their goals in the sciences. Basically, Lucy, at the time, was taking grade 12 Chemistry while the rest of us currently took grade 11 Chemistry.

Lucy shook her head in denial and I questioned her why.

"I made stupid mistakes." she said briskly, as if to scold herself she continued to frown and shake her head.

"So what if you made stupid mistakes? Everyone does that!" argued Lisa in a teasing manner.

"Yeah! And look at me! I can't get a freaking 80 without completely selling my soul to education and studying!" I yelled with exasperation.

Truly, I was a very average, or even under average student. My grades sucked in my perspective. And I was never "really" happy with the scores I got for tests and exams.

Lucy again dismissed the thought and began to walk back to her seat, shaking her finger at us.

"Lucy, it's okay!" assured Lisa.

"No, it's not!" shot Lucy.

I just sighed, and decided to forget about it. The two were already out of my reach anyway. I was seated in a secluded area, where the book case was my other company other than Lisa and in front of me was the corner of the classroom where the teacher kept his second laptop for attendance. It wasn't the most pleasing spot, but it was bearable.

Around the time class began, things went about as usual. The teacher lectured us on a new topic and as usual I scrambled and scratched at the new information presented to us. As usual, I pestered Lisa with my endless questions and just as always, she would answer them and try her best to second hand teach me the lesson we had just been taught. By the time the teacher had given us our assignments, I stared at the questions blankly and then dropped my pencil on the desk, draping my entire upper half of my body over the desk lazily before me, keeping my head against the table with glum disappointment.

"You're gonna give up on those questions?" asked Lisa briefly as she quietly worked on her own.

"Yeah." I answered through the desk.

"What question are you stuck on?"

"The first one."

I peeked up from my doom to watch for Lisa's expression. She snickered mockingly which then began to turn into laughing which eventually resulted into gagging, from laughing too much. I snickered back at her, enjoying the joke I had played.

"Oh my god," she said.

I straightened up my posture in my seat and began to neatly fold the paper away into my binder.

"Aren't you going to work on them?"

"Nope," I said with a snicker.

She laughed again.

"Lisa! What did you get for number four?" called out Lucy from the table next to us.

"H-Hold on, I don't know if I've done that yet," she said, checking over her paper.

Amber quietly looked over Lucy to see as well. My guess that she was also working with Lucy and that she was also stuck as well.

"Martina! What did you get for question four?" asked Lucy, who then looked at me.

"I didn't even get that far," I replied with a sarcastic glance.

"What question are you on?"

I laughed.

"One."

Lucy and Amber both cracked up a goofy smile, and Lucy pointed a finger at me with a laugh. It was quiet, but I also caught our teacher, who had over heard our words, crack a small tiny grin as well as a short chuckle escape from him.

"Here, I did do the question," said Lisa, who turned her back to me in order to face Lucy.

"This is what I did...now you have to--"

Lucy quickly grabbed the sheet from her hands and brought it in between herself and Amber. Lisa sat back, stunned, and then put her arms up in the air.

"What was that?" she asked out loud.

"You just want my answer, don't you?"

Amber and Lucy turned around and grinned, nodding their heads readily.

"Thank you, Lisa!" said Amber, waving her hand at us.

The two had returned to inspecting Lisa's paper.

Lisa sat back and then slumped in her seat.

"This always happens, every time." she said irritatedly, but I could clearly see that she was thrilled, and in fact, laughing deep inside.

"Hey, were are you guys gonna be for lunch?" asked Amber shortly after class ended.

Lucy and Amber stood next to our desks as Lisa and I began to pack up our things.

"Ah, cafeteria?" I suggested, switching my glances between the three.

Everyone agreed, and we headed briskly off our separate ways until then.

---

"Martina, how was Physics?" asked Kat, a snicker trailing across her face.

I sat down in one of the empty seats at our table and sighed.

"Horrible. I don't know what the hell is going on in that class, seriously." I said, laughing.

"It's true, she really doesn't know," supported Lisa, who followed me, taking a seat.

Allison, Kira, and Rina looked up from their lunches to see Lisa sit down with us. They smiled happily.

"Ah, Lisa, you came to sit with us!" said Rina cheerfully.

Lisa took it as a compliment and placed her hands up in the air.

"I don't have any meetings today, so I'm free to sit with you guys for once."

I cheered happily, since it was rare that Lisa should ever come to sit with us in the cafeteria at lunch.

As always, things happened as usual, the loud mixtures of voices in the cafeteria numbed my sense of hearing, over talking on top of other people's conversations. It was the battle of the loudest. A slur of conversations mixed in one. It was hard enough to hear the person next to me, never mind anyone sitting on the other side of the table. This time, I sat next to Lisa, since we came into the room together. Kat was sitting somewhat far from me for once and I could see from my vision that she did her usual, which was speaking animatedly to Rina, or Allison, or whoever was closest to her. Our table was the same. Nothing changed. I turned myself to Lisa and we spoke of different things and made jokes about our Physics teacher. We laughed, and had a good time while eating. I never noticed it, but Lisa was the only one I spoke to at the table. The main reason why was because she was the closest one to me and Amber, who sat on my other side, wasn't as inclined to talk anyway. She always kept a quiet and almost shy composure anyway. 

"Bye Kiera!" waved our friends who watched her walk off.

Kiera looked back at us with that same hardened expression she kept on her face. She waved back, trying to look pleasant. Her short build trudged on towards the doors. Amber turned to me to ask a question after she had left our table at a very early time.

"Where is she going?"

"Ah, that's just Kiera. She's always leaving early for some reason," I shrugged indifferently.

"But I don't really know why."

Amber nodded silently to herself, and then returned to eating her lunch again. 

"Hey, Martina," called Kat with a laugh in her voice. 

It was difficult to hear, but I inclined myself to figure out what she was up to. 

"Yeah?"

Her mouth moved, but her voice slurred in my ears along with the sounds of everyone else talking around me. 

"What?"

She tried again. 

"Oh my god, okay, what!?"

I leaned closer to attempt at hearing her. 

"She said, what class do you have next?" clarified Rina politely. 

"Oh! I have Chemistry," I responded happily. 

Kat rolled her eyes with displeasure. 

"God, you're deaf!" she yelled. 

That time I heard her loud and clear. 

"Speak for yourself!" I shot back readily. 

"At least I can tell when there's a conversation going on when it's quiet and not suddenly butt in and interrupt them."

Kat suddenly looked irritated, and was about to retort. I was surprised with my talk. It sounded a bit too edgy to me, but I was impressed for someone like myself to say something like that. It was uncommon. 

"No I don't!"

"Yes, you do."

She thought back for a bit and gave it some consideration. 

"Okay, maybe you're right," she admitted feebly. 

"But that's only because I listen to my music really loud! It made my ears loose some hearing."

"And you're telling me that I'm the deaf one!" I argued teasingly. 

She retreated, not having anything else to say. She didn't appear dissatisfied with her defeat, but at the same time she wasn't as happy either. 

It wasn't always like this that our conversations would end so touchy. Usually it would end with me saying "shut up" in a joking matter after her deaf comment about me. Nowadays I seemed to be backhanding Kat with words to counter hers. Why? Well sometimes they hurt, the things she said, and almost all the time I had a frequent urge to prove her wrong because in fact, I did have the proof to object her lesser comments of me. But I had to always keep in mind that she would only joke them. She wasn't really calling me any lesser than anyone, but the comments piled up in the end, right? I guess they began to irritate me at some point in time.  In this case, why should I be called the deaf one when Kat was more hard of hearing than me? But then again, I didn't want to take it too seriously. It was clear that she didn't. And so would I. 

By the time lunch had ended, Kat, Allyson, and Rina had left our table to go to Biology. The remainder of our friends left for various other classes. The only ones who stayed behind were Lisa, Amber, and myself, the tri-sci people. We gave ourselves that name since we all has Physic, Chemistry, and Biology together in the same class. I got to see Amber and Lisa a lot more times than anyone else that year. 

The main reason why we stayed behind was because we were too lazy to get up, but Amber eventually rose and left to catch up with Rina. Now that the topic had arrived, Amber and Rina were new students who came to our academy that year to study. They both came from the same school, and were already friends prior to coming here, so the two of them were already very close friends upon approaching our group. We could still clearly see it too. Wherever Rina went, Amber followed, and likewise. The two were always together either talking, eating lunch, or studying. We could clearly see them as sisters almost. It didn't bother any of us at all. 

Lisa and I were the ones left at our table. We sat there sloppily without a care, and watched as the students passed by and cleared the cafeteria. About now was finally the time when the noise level died to a decent volume. 

"Ready for Chemistry?" asked Lisa sarcastically. 

"Nope."

"Neither am I."

We sat there a bit, still not bothering to get up. Class wouldn't start until ten more minutes. We were confident in getting there on time if we walked straight without any side stops. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask," she then mentioned casually. 

"Hmmm?"

"What were you saying back there before you went to Math? You kind of said something about your opinions on Kat being changed,"

"Oh...that," I said flatly. 

"I just wanted to make sure I understand what you mean by that,"

I shrugged indifferently to that. It didn't seem too private to me in the first place. 

"It's nothing really, it's just that my thoughts on Kat were already suspicious towards the end of grade 10 and your story helped me support my suspicions."

I began to stare at the wooden table in front of me. 

"It's kind of sad," I then admitted quietly after the pause. 

"Here I knew exactly what was going on and yet I didn't do a thing about it."

Lisa inclined to listen attentively to me. The sudden light humor had vanished and I found myself spilling my thoughts once again. 

"Wanna talk about it?" she asked. 

Wordlessly I began anyway. 

"Kat consumed all of my time," I said blankly. 

"It was almost ridiculous. Everywhere I went, Kat was there. We hung out and everything, and I barely talked to anyone else like April, Cailey, Allison, or Kira."

"Or me," she added. 

I laughed. 

"Or you."

Lisa nodded in agreement. 

"It's not that I didn't like it," I continued. 

"It was just that I was really happy that I had a best friend, you know? Someone who always stuck around you. I didn't realize until towards the end of the year that something was wrong...but I had a feeling that something was up. During my time in tenth grade, I felt that something was slightly off. It didn't take long until the Cailey incident last year that really got my mind thinking."

Lisa squinted her eyes at me with questions. 

"Cailey? What happened to her?"

"Oh you weren't there?" I asked surprisingly. 

"No, I wasn't. Remember me? I didn't hang out with you guys that much, if not at all. So what happened?"

I personally felt weary to speak of this but did so anyway for the sake of letting Lisa know. 

"Cailey was pissed that Kat and I always stuck together and that we were doing things without her. My guess is that she felt left out and got mad at that."

"We all felt left out," interjected Lisa suddenly. 

I looked at her briefly as she stared at me with earnest eyes. 

"You and Kat looked like you were in your own world. Well, at least in my perspective."

I nodded coherently, sighing a bit at the news. 

"Yes, you all probably did feel the same as her."

Lisa then gestured with her hand for me to continue. 

"Cailey started avoiding us and giving us the cold shoulder," I explained. 

"Kat's personality is pretty straight forward. She knew something was up with Cailey but to be honest I don't quite think she did the right thing to solve it. Cailey ended up talking behind Kat's back and spoke of bad things to April about it. We caught her in the act, and Kat told me beforehand that she would confront Cailey's issue as soon as she gets the chance, which was at the time Cailey was bad mouthing Kat to April. So we caught her in the act and Kat basically talks her down one on one. The tension was really bad at the time so I left for a bit to wait it out. After coming back, everything looked okay again, but there was this stingy feeling between them that I could still detect after wards."

"Basically beef is what you're saying,"

"Yeah, beef."

"And so? What else happened?"

"That was it, it was done, but to be really honest Cailey started acting really distant from us in the end, but I don't really blame her. We neglected her in the end. I felt really bad about it, and I kind of wish there was something we could do about it, but I was too inactive to even try, and what Kat had done already made things too late for me to intervene."

"I think I know why Cailey kept up the distance though,"

I watched Lisa briefly. It appeared she knew something else that I didn't know. 

"Cailey's probably still kind of ticked since that sort of happened to her twice."

"It did?"

She nodded. 

"Apparently she was pretty close to Hayley at the time."

"Hayley, again?"

"Yeah, and I'm not too sure what happened but I think Cailey was mad at Kat for hogging Hayley but she didn't take it as seriously since it only happened once. But I guess she started seeing it in you, and that's what I guess really got her off."

I was surprised that this related back to Hayley. I had only gone to school with her for one year, and I barely talked to her, yet she sounded as if she held a great impact on everyone. 

"I see..."

"We've gotten off topic, I'm sorry, so you were talking about how your opinions on Kat changed,"

I was dejected and lost. Now it didn't seem to matter at all to what I would say. I kept my last sentences brief and to the point. 

"Well, it made me realize that Kat kind of isn't aware of her surroundings, or at least it seems like that. With me, I just pretend not to notice; biggest mistake by the way. She kind of consumes her time with only one person, and tends to forget about others around her. That's all. At first I didn't think it would affect us but..."

The bell for next period sounded and both Lisa and I turned our heads to the clock to see that our Chemistry class had already begun. 

"Shit! We're late for class!" I cried, piling my stuff together. 

"Damn it, we  completely lost track of time!" yelled Lisa who did the same. 

"We'll talk later, hey?"

She agreed as we scrambled our things together as ran out the doors as quickly as possible. It sickened me to notice that we needed to climb four flights of stairs to get to our one class. Why couldn't our school expand horizontally? Not vertically.