Fireflies & Wishes.

The sound of children squealing and playing, could never fail at putting a smile upon my face. I loved supervising at recess. I happily basked in the sun, with a coffee in hand and my dog eared copy of The Book Thief.

“My mommy told me that you and my uncle are in love.” Stella said to me.

I jumped in surprise, totally caught off guard, fortunately didn’t managed to spill my coffee all over me. I glanced at Stella, with her adorable two brunette plaits and those striking familiar green eyes. I gulped, and looked around the playground, trying to ignore the fact that I felt intimidated and nervous around a four year old who said the most straight forward statement.

“I guess so?” I trailed off, biting my lip as I looked at Stella with uncertainty.

“Good, cause I like you, and so does Joey, and so does my mommy. Then my grandma wants to meet you, so does my granddaddy, then my uncles want to meet you too.” Stella babbled, watching me shift awkwardly.

“Hopefully I will get to meet them all very soon then.” I smiled slightly, trying to keep myself from giggling.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Stella shouted happily, then running off with a happy skip to her run.

I drained the rest of my coffee, and sighed heavily. It was only two weeks into the tour, less than three weeks until they are home. I tried my hardest not to dwell on John, we called as much as we could but it was very hard since I was just as busy as he was. I was preparing for graduation, then summer vacation and he was living it up on tour. The thought of his family wanting to meet me, chilled me to the bone with anxiety. Family means so much to John he always expresses to me how he cannot be where he is without them. It makes me feel guilty where I haven’t seen my family since what feels like forever. I never had a bad relationship with them but I can’t keep neglecting them, I sighed shakily, I will have to see them soon. I pushed all those stupid worries to a side, and called all the children to line up.

* * *

Another vintage boutique shop we walked into, both on a mission for a new dress for the upcoming wedding of Elody and Tim. Leia and Dakota were hands on deck in work today after a new shipment in from London, which is apparently big since loads of rare Vinyl’s should be there.

“And then he was telling me about them all getting shitfaced.” Tessa groaned loudly.

I rolled my eyes, all these drunken antics I only heard from Tessa who finds out of Max or Vito who constantly complain to her. One thing you learn about being a girlfriend of a band member, they always fail to mention about drunken stunts.

“Oh dear, surprised none of them have ended up in jail or hospital.” I laughed slightly, crossing my fingers in hope I didn’t jinx it.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” Tessa laughed, rolling her eyes. “Retail therapy definitely does work.” She murmured as she coveted a deep green maxi dress.

I got stuck in for looking for a dress, admiring a beige baby pink floral day dress that seemed suitable for a wedding. I grabbed it in my size, then went over towards the selection of high heels they had, my eyes went wide as I saw the most gorgeous pair of mint green suede wedge heels.

“That dress would go so well with a blazer of some sort. Have a look for one.” Tessa commented when I modelled the dress and shoes together.

“I will keep that in mind then.”

By the time we finished up shopping and we headed back to my house, we were both shattered. Leia and Dakota were home from work, and making dinner, both bustling around the kitchen whilst Tom Petty played quietly in the background. Kota ran up towards us eagerly, waggling her tail enthusiastically.

“Hey, Ivy, listen to my good news.” Leia grinned, her eyes glistening with happiness.

“What is it?” I asked.

It was not normal that Leia came home from work in a good mood. It is safe to say that I am wary.

“Sit down, and breathe before I tell you.” Leia ushered me to a chair.

I narrowed my eyes, and wafted my hand to make her continue.

“I took that major step that was in our bucket lists. I spoke to my dad and arrange to meet with him.” Leia rushed out with a big smile.

“Seriously?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yes, I know it’s been difficult but this time I need to speak to him and see him. I’ve heard news from my cousins that he hasn’t been well recently. But this step I’ve took, I hope it will help you to consider reconnecting with your parents--.”

I couldn’t hear anymore, it was all just a blur of words. Reconnect with my parents. That final straw brought to many feelings right to my core. Feeling frustrated, I stormed out of my house, launching myself into the bug, fastening my seatbelt quickly, and pulled out of the drive way. I didn’t have a clue where I was going, pulling off a slip road and into a memorable streets.

I cut the engine when I found myself pulled up outside a brick small house. The front porch was open, stairs leading up to the house, the couch swing still there faithful and sturdy. Two big rough collies dogs it was Roma and Bernie laying on the grassy front basking in the sun. My heart swelled, my throat felt choked with emotion. A little girl squealed and ran out, in her bathing suit, then an older familiar man, gosh aging is going well for him, chased her with the hose. Roma and Bernie lifted their heads, feeling obligated to see what the ruckus was about.

I sat there in the car, debating what my next move would be. Could I still pull away and drive off silently? Or should I just face it and go back to my place at home.

I turned on the engine, already making up my mind.

It was too late, the girl spotted me. Her finger pointed directly at me, with alarm and curiousness. She caught the attention of the man who dropped the hose and stared at me, straight through me. My insides curled up, and squeezed with tenseness, I thought I was going to puke or cry. My mouth went dry with nerves. I had to do it now otherwise the phone calls would start once again.

I cut the engine and got out of the car slowly, taking my time to gather all my thoughts. I heard the loud gasp. I looked up from the floor, and saw Roma and Bernie hurling towards me, rubbing against my legs, wanting my attention. I couldn’t help but not smiling, I stroke their heads, ruffling their fur.

“Nice to see you have finally visited.” The man said curtly.

The man, or my father I should say, looked no different from three years ago when I left. Only his dark hair greying, showing his age, approaching his fiftieth in no less than a month, a few more wrinkles etched on his face, then a mini beer belly appearing, probably due to his lack of commitment to the gym.

“I gu-ess that I ha-vve been busy.” I choked out finally, after a long empty silence.

I knew what he was thinking, that his only daughter looks nothing like the little girl that left home with only a note left in place. I looked three years older than last, my hair longer, and lighter due to the sun. Contacts in, instead of those hideous blocks of glasses, that shouldn’t even be called glasses, they sure made my eye sight worse. My figure was more filled out, but still that awkward teenager lankiness was there.

“Granddaddy.” The little girl said, with a concerning look upon her face. She tugged at my dad’s hand, for his attention. My dad guided her back to the house, watching her go into the house.

Before snapping out of his daze, and headed towards me, letting go of the little girl’s hand to wrap me in his arms. It has been so long since I had my daddy/daughter hugs. Nostalgia flooded my emotions. I blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Michael! Can you please sort out the vacuum?!” A woman’s voice shouted from the house.

My mom, I haven’t heard that voice in over two years.

When I first left home, they knew I was living with Leia, and through Leia’s parents they got a hold of the house number, but never the address. It was an unspoken agreement between Leia and I, we would never tell our parent’s the address until we were ready. My mom left voicemail’s every day, pleading for me to come home so she could explain everything, after a year she gave up.

I still felt uneasy to my stomach. I knew it meant everything to my dad that I was finally home.

But I still didn’t know whether I could face seeing my mom.

“It’s all okay, come in, everything will be explained. I guess you are ready to know.” Dad spoke softly, looking at me with an expression mixed with happiness and sadness, such an emotional juxtaposition.

As we walked towards the house, Roma and Bernie following us, both desperately bumping into my legs for my attention, I could only happily give it to them without any hesitation.

I guess my parent’s story, will always be complicated. Unfortunately and unintentionally I was just an innocent bystander who got swept away with all the drama like a tsunami. And like a tsunami I got plunged into a web of devastation and confusion. I blame no one, I didn’t know who to blame. Maybe my mom, unfortunately bore the brunt of my confusion and emotional distress, by me not listening to her, not listening to her side, instead I did, what I tend to do best, flee and reject, and hideaway hoping to restart all over again.

My father guided me to the living room, sat me down. He then called my mom. She walked into the room, muttering complaints, then all went silent when she realised I was perched on the couch. I twiddled with my fingers before taking a deep breath I met her gaze.
She still looked the same, her jet black hair, not a grey hair in sight. Her hazel eyes, still stony and serious as ever, not a wrinkle in sight, she still looked the same as the day I left. How was that possible?

My mom shook herself out of her daze, and sat on the same couch as my dad. I met her gaze whilst holding my breath.

“Ivy-Leigh, it’s so lovely to see you. You look beautiful.” My mom said softly, in a dreamlike trance.

“Just tell me mom.”

My mom shared a private look with my father, the room was tense, I felt like every breath I took sliced the air, it was that tense.

“We were going through a tough time back then. Phoenix was such a difficult place for someone like me...” Mom trailed off, looking at me. “I was arguing more with your father over his job and moving back to Tempe. Then someone basically offered me a bit-t of mysteriousness, a kind of wal-lk on the wilds-ide.”

“A walk on the wild side?” I echoed, tears falling from my eyes.

“Listen to me.” Mom raised her voice, tears falling from her eyes too. “I never meant for things to go that far, he was endearing first but he was out of control, ordering me about, telling me to finish things with all of you and run away with him. I was in a mid argument with your father at that moment. It all seemed like a good solution but then your dad got offered a job, better job and our relationship improved dramatically for the best, I never felt happier. When you came home that day, what you witnessed was me finishing him off, nothing more.”

I felt incredibly light headed, and physically sick, thought I was going to gag. Trying to forget that day has always been my top priority but since it was the day I publically turned down Oliver. Everything about that day was bad, and makes me want to forget about it, happily.

My head was all jumbled up, feeling disorientated with this new information. I could say I unfairly didn’t listen to my mom’s take on the events that happened. I just jumped to assumptions that she was running off with him, leaving us, maybe pregnant with his baby, I remember all those thoughts and how they pulsed around my mind like a heavy migraine.

“We have been to marriage counselling after you left, I have accepted what happened and we both have moved on. We are so much happier now. I suppose you haven’t heard but your brother, Drew finally settled down with Amber and have had their first child Anna-Leigh.” Dad said with an encouraging smile.

All that information flooded my brain at once, waves of nausea hit me and at moment I did something I don’t normally do, this may be the second time.

I passed out.