We Can Ruin Our Lives, Or We Can Smoke This Joint.

I never realized how empty I felt before Acacia. I know it hasn’t been long we’ve met, but I just get this feeling that it’s right. That it is meant to be. I don’t know how to explain my feelings for her, except maybe love at first sight. But I don’t think love is a strong enough word to describe it.

It’s been a week since Acacia and I’s date at the beach. We haven’t really been saying anything about the fact we are in a relationship. I think we are, at least. I don’t know if she does. But she doesn’t tell people I’m her boyfriend, and I don’t tell people she’s my girlfriend. Not that we are trying to hide it or anything, we just don’t. Because this past week, we’ve spent most of our time together, except when she’s at school or I’m at work. I text her every night until she falls asleep. We hold hands, we lay in the grass, we kiss and we cuddle. Everything I didn’t have before, anything that was missing in my life, in my mind, heart, soul. It’s not void anymore. All the pieces are falling into place, I’m starting to understand life better. It’s like, knowing someone for a week, but knowing that they are also your soul mate, makes it feel like you’ve known them your entire life.

We’re in the back seat of my car, Acacia and I. The top is down, the breeze is cool. Her head is on my chest; my arm is on her shoulder. Everything is quiet, except for the hum of bugs and night creatures, the slow rise and fall of our breathing. And we are looking up at the stars. Well, I am. They are shining so bright in the sky. And a tiny sliver of a moon. Acacia looks up at me, and I look back at her, her big, icy blue doe eyes staring into mine. Then her voice comes out as a whisper, “Adrian… Do you think I’m pretty?” I feel my facial expression change from a smile, to a grimace. “Of course I do. I think you are the most beautiful girl.” I say back. She smiles. “OK. I was just asking, just curious. I think you are beautiful, too.” She says. Her face looked surprised, like she didn’t mean to say it. I smile at her, and she smiles back. “How am I beautiful?” I ask. She sits up from me, and pulls a joint out of her pocket. Well, my pocket because it was my jacket. I giggle at her, waiting for her to answer. She puts it between her lips and lights it, and we start to pass it back and forth. “You are beautiful, because you can make me smile, just by smiling. Because you are smart, and funny and you challenge me. I fall for you more and more every day, because you never fail to make me happy. Plus, you are beautiful on the outside too.”

I look at her and I feel like I am going to cry. Not bad cry, happy cry. I press my lips together and wipe my hands on my pants. I take a deep breath and I’m okay, but I don’t know what to say. I just stare at her. She gets closer to me, and then crawls onto my lap and I instinctively wrap my arms tightly around her waist. She lets her arms rest on mine, and her hands are on my shoulders. She’s staring at my lips. I think about when she does the thing, where she grabs my lip in her teeth and sucks it a little… My lips are on hers now. I can’t help it. She hungrily kisses me back, and knots her tiny fingers in hair. I open up the kiss, and her tongue darts into my mouth. She twists her body so her legs are on either side of me, and her hands are on my face. I hold her at her hips, the skin is peeking out and my hands are on her skin. I can’t help but to glide them up her shirt. She doesn’t protest or tell me to stop; she just lets out a sigh, and does the thing where she bites my lip. And, like usual, I pull away. But she comes right back. “No. Do it.” She says in a whisper, bringing her mouth to my neck. She bites and sucks the skin on my throat, and I had to close my eyes. I can feel her staring at me now, waiting. She thinks I’m going to pull her top off. I keep my eyes closed and just shake my head. I can feel her drop, the hurt of what I just said making her come down a little bit.

She’s quiet, not moving or saying anything, just sitting there. I open my eyes, and she is staring at me. She looked like she was embarrassed. “I’m sorry…” she whispers, her voice breaking a little bit. Now she looked like she was going to cry. She slides off me and slumps over, and scotches herself away from me. “No, don’t be s—“she cuts me off, putting her finger up. “Please… Just don’t.” she says. I sigh, and get out of the car. I pull up the top, and latch it down. Then I get back in in the driver’s seat, and start the car.

“What are you doing?” Acacia asks, sitting up in the back.
“Taking you home.” I say back. “Do you want to sit up front?” I look at her in the rear view mirror. She shakes her head. So I start to drive. We were parked out in baseball field parking lot, her house wasn’t far. “Why are mad at me?” she asks. I sigh. “I am not mad at you. I just don’t think we should move that fast yet. It’s not anything to do with you, and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. But we just got a little carried away.” She sighs, and crosses her arms. But not pouting like. Just irritated. I would think I would be the one chasing her like a dog, and her telling me to go lay down. It sucks, having to reject her.

I get to her house, and pull right into her driveway. I still haven’t met her mom. Acacia comes to the front seat now. She climbed up from the back. She took off my jacket and put it in the back seat. She could have taken it, I wouldn’t have cared. She looks at me, takes my face in her hands and pulls it to her. She kisses me gently, yet passionately. “Goodnight, baby. I… I love… I love you.” She says to me, her cream colored cheeks blushing bright pink. I smile. “I love you, too, Acacia.” I say back to her. She smiles back then, too. And her softness, her warmth, her electricity, lingers though out me as she walks up to her house, and closes the door behind her.