Sharpen Your Teeth and Bite as Hard as You Want

When we got back to our hotel I went straight to my room, not saying a word to anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I cleaned up my hands and went into my bathroom to begin straightening my hair. As I waited for it to heat up, I pulled out my phone and logged into twitter. I read over a few of my mentions, but one caught my eye.

@jamieTWA Joel deserves way better. You're worthless, bitch.

The person didn't have a picture, but I went to their twitter page and discovered it was a hate account directed at me....it also had almost a thousand followers. My stomach dropped as I scrolled through some of the tweets. Mostly calling me ugly and saying I had a terrible voice. But there were also pictures, pictures of me and Joel with my face scribbled out. I've gotten plenty of hate before, but never had I seen a hate account like this. I felt tears forming in my eyes and I quickly got off the page. I typed:

Maybe you're right...Maybe I'll never be good enough.

and hit send. I let out the breath I was holding in and looked into the mirror. I hated my reflection more than anything. I didn't look the part. I was short and chubby. My eyes were too close together. My hair was ugly. I was ugly. I picked up the straightener and began to straighten this mess when my phone buzzed a few times. I had 2 new texts. The first one was from Joel asking me if I was okay. I told him I was fine. The other text was from an unknown number.

Don't ever think you aren't good enough. You're better than that. And I apologize for what happened earlier today. I don't know what came over me. -Tony

I stared at the text for a minute and thought of what to say.

You saw my tweet I'm assuming....I can't help it. Everything's just getting to me. And it's okay. I'm not mad or anything.

I hit send and went back to straightening my hair. A knock came at my door soon after. It was Joel. I smiled at him and moved so he could come in. I didn't say anything, but he followed me to the bathroom and leaned against the door frame and watched me.

"Are you ready to sing with Pierce the Veil tonight?" he asked me quietly.

I didn't look away from the mirror and nodded my head. Oh yeah, that's right. Vic asked me to come on stage and sing with him for a few nights of the tour and tonight was one of them. I'm doing two songs with them and I couldn't be more thrilled.

"I'm nervous." I said turning off the straightener and putting it down.

Joel came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle. He placed his chin on my shoulder and stared at me through the mirror.

"How did I get so lucky?" he asked.

I looked away from him and fidgeted with his hands.

"You didn't." I whispered and looked up, expecting him to be angry.

He had his eyes closed and his grip got tighter.

"I don't want to argue today." he finally said.

He let go and walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed. My phone buzzed again.

Don't let it get to you. Those people out there are just jealous because you have something they want. You have talent, you have beauty, you have character, and you have Joel. All those hate accounts are just there to tear you down, but you can't let them. You can't let them win.-Tony

I walked and typed at the same time back into the room.

You're right, but I just don't know. Everything has been going wrong lately.

I hit send just as I sat down on the bed. I tossed my phone aside and looked at Joel, who was staring at the ground.

"I know it's really not my business, but can I ask who you were texting?" he asked quietly.

When I didn't respond he looked at me. I bit my lip and tried to think of what to say.

"Tony. He was asking if my hands were alright." I replied.

He nodded but didn't reply. Another knock sounded at my door. I yelled for them to come in. It was Matt.

"You ready for sound check?" he asked.

I nodded my head and stood up, grabbing my phone and my water off the dresser. I held out my hand for Joel and he took it gently, remembering my scrapes. We got to the lobby and walked down the street to the venue. Kids were lined up outside and I waved to a few wearing TWA shirts. Vic came running up to me when I got inside and bounced up and down in front of me.

"You have way too much energy for me." I said laughing.

"I heard you busted your ass today." he said sticking his tongue out and running off after he heard Jaime yell his name.

I giggled and went to find my band for sound check. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket again, but I ignored it until I wasn't around Joel.

You can talk to me anytime. I know how it feels when everything is crashing down on you. -Tony

Butterflies erupted in my stomach.

Thank you. That really means a lot.

I hit send and sat down for second. The pressure was really starting to get to me. I heard the crowd from backstage and knew I had to get my mood up, or I wasn't going to be able to do this. I stood and went to find Joel. I found him tuning his bass.

"Baby, can you come with me for a second?" I asked him.

He nodded his head and put down his bass. We went outside to the back and he leaned up against the brick wall. I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pressed my lips to his. His arms instantly went around my waist and he kissed back roughly.

"What was that?" he asked, out of breath, when I pulled away.

"I just wanted a kiss." I said with a wink and turned to walk back inside.

The butterflies were gone...

I kept my composure and walked to the side stage, grabbing my water and pulling out my phone. I had no knew messages, but I opened my texts any way and sent a text to the one person I knew would understand.

Vic, I need your help. -Jamie

I sighed and pushed every thought out of my mind except for my music. I was doing so well until I looked to my right to see none other than Tony Perry walking by in what felt like slow motion. He looked over at me and neither of us smiled or broke eye contact. It was the cheesiest fucking thing. Then the lights shut off and the crowd roared with excitement.

These thoughts have got to go. NOW.