Dream of Me

As her back turned from me, I was pushing myself onto my feet to go and grab her arm and twirl her around and tell I loved her, demanding to hear it back. Just as I reached for her, the door slammed closed, locking me in to think about all that put me in this situation. Shooting my hands into my hair, I stumbled back a few steps and collapsed down onto my bed, breathing heavily and releasing grunts and snarls and other angered noises. I locked my hands together and pressed them against the back of my neck, my head inclining and my eyes closing tightly.

Why didn’t she understand, I was doing this all to protect her? If I told her that the hierarch would be on their way within a week, if that, and the fact that they were on their way to take me off to solitary confinement, she would be a broken mess. And who’s to say what Josh and Anna are cooking up, since there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that they hadn’t heard what happened tonight. And if they hadn’t, then that alone was buying us more time. Didn’t she understand that I didn’t mean to be rash? I was only looking out for her wellbeing, like usual, and again she was yelling at me to not do my job!

I looked around at the darkness; it was somewhere past ten-o’clock, and I don’t even know how so much time passed when everything was set to fast-forward. It’d been at least ten minutes and I couldn’t hear a damned thing – no refrigerator fans sounding, no swirls of the wind, no faucet, no toilet-flushing, no shower sounds, and no TV. I jumped to my feet, what if she left? She wasn’t safe out there!

“This is all because you’re too damn stubborn!” I found myself choking out as I casually pulled the door open and tried to be reasonable and not fly into conclusions. I pushed the bathroom door open, and there was nothing, I moved out into the front and put on a good front to seem calm.

“Angel? Baby, come on. I’m sorry. I just…” I stressed the apology; I needed to be calm, cool, and collected. Everything was fine. I looked around and the apartment was pitch black and dead silent. “Angel?”

I looked around and felt my breathing pick up. This wasn’t good. I stared at something that caught a minimal amount of moonlight – the front door handle. I jumped for it, ripping it open and launching myself down the stairs, stumbling and slipping on the cheap carpet. I had to grip the slick railing to stop myself from summersaulting down the other flight of stairs. I kicked the door open a second later and started running down the street. “Angel!” I screamed as loud as I could.

I looked in both directions, and both directions looked exactly the same – deserted. My hands crawled through my hair and I began to incline on myself, hyperventilating and falling into hysterics. They got her, how could I be so stupid? Of course they got her! I’d find Anna and Josh and I’d make them regret betraying me to the point of trying to make me forget that they had. She’s gone.

“Angel, please!” I choked as I twisted around in a dizzy circle, trying to see through the apartments for a car or for a tall, somewhat gangly nineteen year old with his blushing, short bride.

Why could I still feel her mind? If they had taken her from me, they would have closed her off from me, why could I feel her like she was just above me, somewhere in the sky like the angel she was?

“What if…” I turned my eyes behind me, twisting around completely and seeing her clutch her chest as she stared at me with tears in her eyes and her lips parted into a small frown. I pushed a thankful, relieved smile towards her as I sprinted back towards the apartment.

I climbed the stairs and closed my front door behind me, crossing the floor to the balcony door and pulling that shut once I was securely on the premises. She turned around quickly as I looked around for the cushioned tanning chair. My fingers wrapped around her wrist as I pulled her near the seat and once I plopped down, my hands went to her waist and pulled her down beside me. I arranged us on our sides, my head against hers and our legs tangling together. I pushed our lips together in a loose, fiery embrace as I curled my fingers into her hair to crush her lips into mine, my eyes closing tightly as I relived every tantalizing second I felt of her loss, her disappearance from my life.
I pulled back with a jagged breath, whispering against her soft, wet lips, “Try to sleep some, love.”
She protested immaturely, grumbling like a three year old as she pulled herself closer into me, “But I’m not tired.”

A slow, building chuckle left my lips as I shook my head gently against hers, “Yes you are, don’t lie to me.”

I let that hang in the air for a moment as I pulled each finger from her hair and patted the messy curls back into uniform the best I could. I wanted to kiss her again so badly it hurt me, but I settled for the next best thing. I whispered against her lips, “I love you.”

She laughed lightly, filling, as if her gentle giggle could fill for the three words she didn’t reply with. I can’t force her to love me, it has happened where they don’t fall madly in love with you like I wanted her to be. Who knows, she was shy, right? I pulled her deep into my chest and she cozied up as I buried my face into her hair, taking gentle little whiffs to memorize the scent of her shampoo. The breath of her hair made my mouth water and the way my sigh made her shiver and press closer to me drove me crazy. I wanted her – all of her and I wanted to desperately call it mine. And it was mine. No one could take these precious moments from me, but they could take her, and take her they will.

I provided to be her blanket as I wrapped my long arms around her and after she slipped into sleep, I weighed down on her subconscious so she wouldn’t wake up even if it sounded like World War III out here. My fingers caressed the side of her neck and I pulled back gently so I could stare down into her face. She was breathtaking, and she did this thing. She clung to me like her lifeline, her fingers gripped my T-shirt and her lips would pucker up loosely and press against the side of my jaw every couple of minutes. Only one thought circled my mind for hours: How had I survived three years, let alone a whole sixteen before that, without this – without her?

***

Finally, around two in the early morning, a thought crossed my mind in a feminine, intimidating voice: How precious.

I sat up the best I could without having to withdraw my arms from around her, searching for where the voice came from, even though it was only inside my head. I was searching for where the voice belonged and I could see through the railing a short girl whose smile gleamed in the moonlight. She had her hands on her hips and her weight pressed to just one side, her stance could have been considered intimidating, but that was natural for her. My eyes squinted as I passed silently from me to her: What are you doing here?

We need to talk. Anna Taylor’s voice carried over to my mind as she crossed the street and made her way towards the back parking lot. I grunted and grumbled as I scooped Angel up into my arms and supported all of her weight with just one arm for a moment as I pulled the door open. I crossed the threshold, crossed the living room, crossed the hall, and finally ended up in my bedroom as I laid her down on the rumpled sheets, pulling the blanket over her as I kissed the corner of her mouth. As I pulled back, I hadn’t realized that Angel still had my shirt clenched by the fistful in both hands. I peeled her fingers free of my shirt and she whined as she flipped over and viciously grappled the pillow I most frequently slept on. I watched her bury her face deep into the pillow and rub her cheek against it, and it wasn’t until I watched her inhale heavily in her sleep did I realize she was trying to cuddle up to me.

I scowled as I turned from her, hearing the loud tapping of Anna’s shoe against the ground. As I unrolled my sleeves so they fell to my knuckles, I descended the stairs and walked out the back entrance. I saw her there standing under the lamppost, which was just below my window. Her artificial black hair fell to just past her shoulder and her green eyes looked dim in the night, and she was naturally short, reaching somewhere around five-two. She was a Spade, just like me, and so was her husband, Josh. It was a rarity when two Spades bond and become each other’s Dreamer. For the lot of us, the Dreamer was the human, and that was all it came down to.

The young, eighteen year old girl threw her arms around my shoulders and waited for me to hug her back, which was not going to happen. As medieval as it all seemed, when you had found your Dreamer, it was unlawful to so much as look at another woman that didn’t know your Dreamer, let alone touch and converse. It was the not-so-modernized way to “cheat” on your Dreamer, and they looked at it that way as well. I pulled Anna off me and pushed her back as gently as my rising anger could muster.

“What are you doing here?” I said lowly, staring at her with my venomous gaze that had my eyes turned up and my head turned down.

She pressed a hand to her chest and gasped lightly, her mocking shock made my fists close tightly. “You mean – you didn’t hear? The Spades are all talking about it, and your parents! What’ll they think when they figure it out? Their own flesh and blood, branded a traitor.”

I shot forward and gripped her arm in a vice grip, my hand enclosing tightly around her triceps. I pulled her quickly into me as a warning. Choking on my anger, I whispered lowly and through gritted teeth, “Don’t threaten me, Anna.”

She laughed intimidatingly and shook her head as she reached her free hand up to slowly pry my fingers away, “At least take me out to dinner first, stud.”

I ripped my hand away, which sent her stumbling towards the dark red brick of the apartment building. Once her back met the chilled stone, she whipped her head up, just shy of bashing the back of her skull into the red brick. She stepped toward me quickly, grabbing me by my forearms and shaking me once hard. “You can’t go through with this! You know what they’ll do to you, what they’ll do to her!”

I brought my hands up quickly to break her hold on me, feeling the metallic taste of disgust overrule my taste buds. Jabbing a finger at her in a slow threat, I growled, “Don’t talk about her like you care, she doesn’t deserve the unkind gesture.”

Anna tossed her head back and laughed once, “Don’t for one second think I’d give her the decency.”

I swung on my heel and shot my hands through my hair as I swung back, my eyes blazing as I looked up at my window once more, hoping she’d be there looking down just so I could look into her eyes for another second. I never would have guessed that our time would be sparred like it was, and to think we weren’t even on a loving note.

“What do you want? Just cut to the point, please!” I begged as I gripped my fingers down through my hair and watched as my fingers crunched and clenched and shook with the movements.

She looked down at the ground, biting the inside of her cheek as she thought to a certain depth on the bridge of telling me and refusing me. She sighed lightly but loudly, “To warn you, Noah. Look, Josh doesn’t know and I won’t outright tell him, but I won’t deny it either. They’re coming for you two, you especially babe. I overheard my father talking about it just an hour ago. Yelling is more like what he was doing, but they won’t be able to come to you yet. There’s some conference going on with the Elders there and they can’t leave to come arrest the both of you. You have two weeks at the most Noah, come up with a plan, and start moving.”

I swung around, keeping my back to her this time, as I inclined on myself, retching forward while trying to breathe correctly. Two weeks? It’s longer than I expected, but the realization of it all cut my gut open wide and choked me like a noose. When I twirled back around, my eyes shot to the window and all I could think of was what she was going to say and think and do when I broke the news out to her.

Suddenly, a jealous spike in Anna forced itself out through her mouth in a harsh, high-pitched snap. “You know, I didn’t provide the info for you to stargaze at her shadow. I told you for you, not for her. Ever.”

The sudden snap broke my attention, and the words left my lips in a slow and grossly angered tone. “I have to go, okay? She’s waking up, and I need to be there for her when she does.”

“What are you even doing, Noah? Was it really worth it?” Anna snapped with a high-pitch glitch to her voice, offended and insulted as if I intended it to be that way.

“Of course it was worth it. You supposedly have a Dreamer, Anna, don’t you?” My eyes narrowed and my arms crossed tightly over my chest, the venom dripped from my tongue and I felt the stab at what she said to me.

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she pulled her hand back and slammed it across my cheek in a deafening crack. Head snapping to the side and chin touching the top of my shoulder, I tried to breathe away the sting of the slap as I cleared my focus back on the bedroom window. I could feel her awake, and I could feel her getting up and moving towards the window and stopping short, and I needed to send away Anna before she got the wrong impression.

Anna whispered breathlessly as she looked from the bedroom window to my face, a break in her voice was present, “You cheeky bastard! I love Josh!”

I licked my lips and looked from Anna’s eyes that had tears welling in them to the bedroom window, waiting for another girl’s hurt expression to dominate before my eyes. I licked my lips as I stayed staring at the window, “Don’t play that card with me. You look at me the same way I look at her.”

She looked down as she shook her head, and wiped at her eyes furiously. “I try to, I really do.”

I had to be strong, and I had to push the girl away, even if it made me sad to see someone who used to hold a soft spot in my heart hate me. I licked my lips over once more as I whispered, “You have to leave, Anna.” But she didn’t make a move to follow the command, so my voice broadened and hardened. “I have to go, Anna, and don’t let me catch you snooping around here ever again. You understand?”

Anna turned her head down and I could see the tears slipping off her cheeks, I just couldn’t bear to be the one to pull her in and hold her like she needed. “Go.”

“I’ll him, I swear I will.” Her voice had a hollow edge to it and I felt my own tears prick in their ducts at the fact that I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t know where to go, and I wanted everything to be neutral once more.

“Do whatever it is that you have to.”

She stared at me in a challenging way, her gaze hardening and the hollowness I previously saw in her burned away and diminished. “And your parents, I’ll tell them too.”

“They’ll find out sometime anyway.” I looked down at the ground and then turned my head back towards the window as I inhaled the soft whisper of her scent and felt compelled to run to her. “Goodnight, Anna.”

Walking away from a past life wasn’t easy, it hurt and it was hard and I wanted nothing more than to see her happy. Happy with her husband, happy with her life, happy with kids and a job and a college degree – in whatever order her heart desired. But I didn’t want to see her happy daydreaming that my Dreamer didn’t exist, happy threatening me in a gesture that would bind me to her, happy in the most dreadfully unhappiest way possible. I was a peacemaker, and may God damn me for being passive, but I wanted the people I cared about to be happy before me. I pulled myself up the stairs and into the bedroom where I pulled my shirt over my head and onto the floor. Climbing myself into the bed itself where I pulled my dream come true, my miracle, my Angel into my body and drifted off to sleep. I didn’t care at this moment if she wasn’t asleep herself; I just wanted to feel her body crushed against mine.

When I woke up the morning, something was missing. My hand was lying on the cold side of the bed that I could have sworn wasn’t cold a couple hours ago. Lazily keeping my eyes closed, I pretended for a second that I was blind and felt around the bed, until the further I roamed, the colder it got. Snapping to attention, my eyes opened and searched around the room, there was no sign of Angel. I shot out of the bed and scrambled down the hall – the balcony door was still open and it had released a chilling draft through the area. Looking left, and then right, I found that the bathroom was unattended as well as the living room and kitchen. I could see the wind tossing wisps of blonde though, and I knew that’s where she was.

When I reached the entrance to the balcony door, I laughed silently to myself when Angel shivered from her senses picking mine up. Even more, I laughed in adoration at the way she wore one of my baggy sweatshirts and had on my black boxers over her underwear. Walking slowly to her – she was no less than three steps from me, but I loved the way she would look over her shoulder at me when I prolonged our embrace.

I could see the happiness that swept over the tension in her face when I wrapped my arms around her torso and her hands immediately grabbed my arms to hold me closer to her. With my cheek pressed against her and her eyes trying to seek mine through her peripherals, I was compelled to ask her what was wrong as I went in to press my lips to the corner of her mouth.

And in my endeavor, she opened her mouth and whispered, “Why are we like this?”

“Like what?” I asked as I peered around her shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of her eyes in my wake.

Breaking out of the hold of my arms, she twisted around and pressed herself against the railing, gripping the top of the ashen steel as she belted, “Why do I want to be around you as much as I do? Why do I want to say words that I’ve never wanted to say to other boys? Why do I want to kiss you, hold, love you, and all that jazz? Is it because I actually feel that way, or is it because I’m supposed to?”

I felt stumped, what was it? Just when I opened my mouth to give an answer, the front door flew open and I twirled around, pulling Angel into my back. All I could think before I saw the intruder’s face was, Two weeks my ass.