Julius

Julius Castle was a nice guy. While I’d spent most of my tenth year ripping off the freshies from the public school, Julius sold them pot for half of what I charged.

Julius fucking Castle? I had never even heard of this guy, but suddenly, he was like a savior to my kids. My kids.

I was pissed, sure, at first, but that only lasted for about a week. Maybe, probably even less than a week.

Instead of flipping my shit, I studied him. Julius was like an enigma; I wanted to learn everything there was to know about him. I wanted it, so bad, like you wouldn’t believe. Everything there was to do, I was willing.

Can you believe I dropped everything for him? Stoner freshmen, bible studies, my boyfriend, and the other one on the side.

It was hard, every time I would see him in front of the public school steps, talking to my old customers, like they were fucking friends. I was jealous. Of Julius ‘cause he was making a shitload. Of the kids because they got to see him every weekend.

I was even considering buying from Julius, just a chance to talk to him, maybe.

But he scared me. The fact he never looked at me once, the entire time I stared, trying to figure him out.

Why couldn’t Julius be like the other boys? They stared at me while I stared at him.

Every minute of every hour of every day, I told myself No, I didn’t like him. I didn’t want anything to do with him. He was poison.

It was stupid to try, I could never convince myself.

Even now, when he’s dead, I still can’t convince myself. I didn’t even know him. I just watched from my catholic school across the street. I didn’t have anything to with him, but already, I was his.

Can you believe I never worked up the guts to talk to him? I’m fucking stupid.