The More Boys I Meet

“Okay,” I sucked in a deep breath. “Remember: You can hit them. And run away if you need to,” I told Alice as she pulled into my driveway. This was the first time since I’ve met Pat that I’ve come home with someone other than a hockey player. It was kind of strange singing at the top of our lungs to Carrie Underwood and not discussing who has a better fighting record: Bollig or Shaw.

She laughed at me, grabbing her bag and tossing me mine. “They cannot be that scary,” she rolled her eyes.

“Oh dear God,” I looked up to the clouds. “I pray they’re on their best behavior and so God help me if they’re not.”

I pushed the door open and my jaw dropped at the scene before me. “Oh my God,” I whispered.

The house was sparkling. Like I couldn’t even describe how clean it was. I probably could eat off the floor. The dining room table was set with glass I didn’t know we had and Pat, Corey, Johnny, and Viktor were dressed in their suits as if they were heading to a game. Which they weren’t. . .

“What the hell?” Alice poked her head in. “You didn’t tell me your place was like museum. Should I take my shoes off?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered back. “I don’t think I live here. . .”

“Hello ladies,” Viktor stepped over. “May I take your bags?”

I held onto mine tightly. “No. Who are you and what have you done to my precious house? Who are they? You know I hate alien movies,” I pointed out.

“We are merely behaving as you instructed,” Pat walked over.

“When did I say you had to speak with a British accent?” I exclaimed.

Someone barged in through the door and it was Marcus. He froze upon seeing the scene and then looked at us. He looked down at his attire which consisted of blue jeans and a grey sweater. “I actually thought I was overdressed,” he said slowly. “Now I’m just wondering what universe I stumbled into.”

“Tell me about it,” I said slowly. “I told them to behave and they turn British and buy glass plates.”

Marcus walked over and inspected the plates. He then picked one up and threw it to the ground. Nothing happened. “They’re plastic!” he called out. “Which means they’re still the same idiots.”

I sighed a breath of relief and threw the bags at Viktor. “Alice welcome to my lovely home. It won’t last. The idiot with our bags is Viktor, barely Swedish. Pat is the one with the British accent. He’s American actually. It’s technically his house too, but they all live here so not really. Corey is the one who is grabbing out the alcohol. Smart man. Johnny Two Toes is the serious looking one over there glaring at Pat for making him dress up in his nice suit on a night off. And finally there’s Marcus over there in the casual clothing.”

Alice waved. “Hi. I can’t believe you all are real. I was sure she was leading me here to kill me. I guess not. So I’m Alice.”

“Come on in ladies!” Pat ushered us in as Viktor dropped our stuff at the door and followed. “I don’t have to behave anymore,” he said snidely.

“They’re really sassy,” I told Alice.

She nodded. “That part doesn’t surprise me. I googled them.”

“You did?” they all stared at the girl.

She looked slightly taken back. “Have you ever not googled yourself before?” she asked. They all gave her blank looks. “Okay,” she said. “Obviously not. You should try it sometime. Wow. The shit you will find.”

I shook my head. “Okay. I’m going to bring the bags upstairs. Alice, you can just get to know the idiots.”

“I’ll help you,” Marcus offered, picking up the other bag and we walked upstairs and I could feel the stares burning through my jacket.

“Jesus,” I dropped the stuff onto my bed. “I’m going to kill Pat and Viktor,” I swore quietly.

He laughed and sat on my bed, rubbing his temples. “Tell me about it. They’re very obnoxious.”

I sat next to him and we both sighed. “Idiots.”

He nodded. “So is Alice sleeping in here with you?” he asked.

“Yeah she is. Why?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing. Just asking,” he said and stood.

I narrowed my eyes at him and then the lightbulb went off over my head. “No way. You wanted to sleep here didn’t you!”

He covered my mouth with his hand. “You will be the death of me if you don’t shut up.”

I bounced against his hand. “I knew you liked sleeping with me!” I laughed, quieter that time.

He rolled his eyes. “Well not this vacation. Come on, before they get suspicious,” he said.

“Please,” I snorted. “They probably think we had sex up here.”

He looked appalled. “It’s been two minutes! Do they think I’m a fucking virgin?” he snapped and he was clearly offended as he stormed off downstairs.

“Well okay then,” I said to no one in particular. The more boys I met, the more confused I became.