The More Boys I Meet

I was drunk. Like I was going to pass out kind of drunk. It was Christmas morning and I had drank all night long. That bottle of whiskey? I threw the rest down the drain after the second time I puked. Whiskey was a never again, more or less because it reminded me of Marcus and that one time. My entire life was made up of “that one time” I swore.

It was noon and I was still drunk and laying on my rug, attempting to read a Cosmo magazine I picked up alongside the alcohol. I could hear my phone ringing in the background, but I didn’t bother to pick it up. Whoever it was, I wasn’t in the mood to hear them bitch at me. I also didn’t care.

It was around seven when I started coming out of it and I decided to go for a walk around campus. I bundled up and made my way around the entire campus, trying to waste as much time as I could.

I tried not to think about how pathetic I was. I was twenty two years old, spending Christmas alone with a bottle named Jack and walking around the campus of my school. It was a ghost town, the entire town really. No one stayed here during the holidays, except for those who permanently laid down their roots here. I had never felt so out of place. Especially since I knew where I was supposed to be.

I got back and saw that my cell was lit up with a message and I was grateful that it was from Alice. I called her right away.

“Where are you?” she asked right off the bat, concerned.

“My apartment,” I muttered.

“What happened?” she ordered.

And that’s when I burst into tears. It may or may not have been because I was still a little drunk. “They all hate me!” I sobbed. “They’re so mad at me and. . .and. . .” I just kept crying.

“Hey, hey,” Alice tried to soothe me from Minnesota. “It’s going to be okay.”

“No it isn’t!” I argued. “I don’t know why they’re mad! It’s not fair! They have lives too! Don’t I deserve to be happy? Huh? Have a few more friends than just them! They’re not here now and I want to just chill for once in my life!” I didn’t mean to take all my anger out on her, but it was kind of happened. I guess when you brood for days on end, it all just kind of erupts after a while.

“I know. They’re boys. They’re jealous boys who want you all for themselves is all,” she said like they didn’t yell at me for ten minutes straight, each one of them.

“No, no no!” I said, opening the bottle of wine. “That wasn’t jealousy. That was like a fireball of hate flying at me over the goddamn phone. Yeah sure, I didn’t talk to them for a week and a half, but they goddamn stranded me here and you know what? They have games to play and to focus on. And you know what? I was having fun! The most fun since last summer!”

“They’re worried about you,” she said.

“They can go screw themselves. They are not worried. They’re mad I can’t be there every second of every day! Well excuse me if I just need some me time every once in a while, you know?”

“You’re drunk aren’t you?” she asked.

“I’m trying to get there again,” I admitted. “Last night it was Jack. Now it’s me and my classy ten dollar wine.”

She sighed. “Put down the bottle and go to sleep. You’re way too upset to be drinking. . .again.”

She was right. I left my glass and wine on the counter and fell onto my unkempt bed. “Thanks,” I said.

“For?” she asked.

“Not getting jealous because of the guys and leaving me stranded here over Christmas. And for calling.”

“Of course,” she said. “I’ll be back the day the third, okay?”

I nodded. “Who told you about this?”

“Viktor. He called me a few times and we were talking and I asked how you all were doing and he said that they left you in Wisconsin.”

“And?” I asked.

“I hung up and called you,” she laughed. “Chicks before dicks,” she said in a serious tone and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Go watch a funny movie. You need to laugh more. And no more alcohol, okay?”

I sighed. “Okay. Thanks Alice. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Can’t wait,” and we both hung up and I fell into an uneasy sleep.