I Must Be Blind, to Not Have Seen the Signs

God I’m stupid.

Josh was being sweet and caring and his usual perfect self and I wanted nothing more than to just run away with him and hide away from everyone o it could be just the two of us together forever.

But no, I freaked out and did the worst possible thing.

I friend zoned him.

As soon as the words left my mouth I cringed internally. Josh didn’t say anything and when I looked up his face was blank but his eyes seemed almost sad. He caught me looking at him and he smiled but it was lacking a little something I couldn’t place my finger on.

“So friend” he said, and I could almost detect a hint or sarcasm, but when I looked up at him he was smiling. “What cha wanna do?” she asked in a mock American accent which I couldn’t help but giggle at.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you wanna watch or movie or, hey, you got any board games?”

“Board games?” I asked

“Yeah like monopoly or scrabble or something, I haven’t played any of those in years”

“Um, we can go have a look” I said and pulled him up off the sofa, leading him by the hand into my room. I was gonna make a crude joke but I figured I shouldn’t encase I made things more awkward. “I used to live here with my mum but when she remarried a few years ago she moved out and left the house to me” I didn’t know why I was telling josh this, I figured I needed to explain to him where they were. He just smiled lightly at me though and waited for me to carry on. “Anyway, we used to keep all the games and shit up there” I said pointing to a cupboard that was fixed to the wall.

Josh scratched his head with a thoughtful look on his face, trying to figure out how we should get to in since it was so high up. All of a sudden I was being lifted off the floor.

“Josh, what the hell” I squeaked and he just laughed.

“Straighten up and you should be able to reach” he said, so I put my hands on his shoulders and straightened up. I was now eye level with it and opened it up to find all the games I hadn’t seen in years.

“We don’t have monopoly” I said whilst rooting around and trying not to choke on the dust. “Oh we have scrabble”

“Perfect” he laughed, so I grabbed it and then he set me on the floor. We took it back into the lounge and had a few games before we just started making up random words and giving them definitions.

After about two and a half hours we gave up and were just laying on the floor talking. We never ran out of things to say to each other, like there was always something new I was discovering about him.

“So you said you lived here with your mum yeah?” josh asked, referring to something id said earlier.

“Yeah, we lived here since I was a kid”

“Where is she now?”

“South America” When josh didn’t say anything I looked over to him and he just raised an eyebrow at me. “Long story”

“Well I’m not going anywhere” he smirked and I just figured why the hell not. I hadn’t really told anyone about my weird family past before. Not even Henry. I mean he knew snippets but I never really felt comfortable sharing everything.

But looking at josh, it was hard not to trust him. So I just blurted everything.

“My mum had me when she was young. 17 to be precise. Got knocked up by her college boyfriend. When he found out him and his family kinda of freaked and moved up north somewhere. I’ve tried looking for him but it’s almost like he doesn’t wanna be found so I just figured I’d let sleeping dogs lie. Mum was great though, she was more like my mum and my dad. She juggled three jobs just so we could get by and so that I never went without anything.

“But when I turned 18 I told her that she didn’t need to look after me anymore and I wanted her to go and live her life. I mean she was 17; she didn’t have time to grow up before I was thrust into her life. Anyway she met some guy on the tube one day and they fell in love. I never really believed in that whole love at first sight thing until she met him. They kind confirmed it for me”

I felt like id spoke for too long, so I looked over at josh and he was looking at me with a sort of new found wonder in his eyes. I smiled slightly and he reached over taking my hand lightly in his.

“You’re mum sounds like an amazing woman” he said quietly. “I don’t think I know anyone who would have coped as well as she did. I sure as hell know I wouldn’t have been able too”

“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome” I smiled and it was silent for a few minutes. But it wasn’t awkward, it was peaceful and his hand felt nice in mine.

“I mean no offence here or anything” josh said suddenly and I looked over to him. There was a slight trace of amusement on his face and I knitted my eyebrows waiting for what he was gonna say next. “But when was the last time you left this place?”

I was gonna joke and tell him to piss off, but actually thinking about it, maybe he was on to something. Truthfully I hadn’t left my apartment in ages.

“The beginning of last week” muttered lightly, and I thought he was gonna laugh at my stupidness, but he just squeezed my hand a little tighter.

“That can’t be healthy” he whispered. “What about work?”

“I work from home. My cousin owns an online boutique and I do all the accountancy work for her. Plus I’m taking a maths degree at the Open University so I never really need to leave this place.”

“Well it’s settled then. Im taking you out tomorrow, no arguments”

“Where too” I asked, trying to keep the excitement from my voice.

“Anywhere you like love; hey I’ll even take you shopping if you fancy it”

Josh only said it as a joke, but no girl turns down a shopping trip. After about ten minutes of us arguing about it, we agreed he’s take me shopping tomorrow.

I was that kind of nervous excited for some reason. I mean it was just josh and I, two friends going shopping. So why was I hoping it was more?