I Must Be Blind, to Not Have Seen the Signs

It had been a few days since josh had taken me out to dinner and I’d woken up in his arms, his bare skin pressed against my own. I’d woken up at about 3am for a while and just looked at him, not believing it was really him next to me, holding me.

I was in the lift in my building going up to my apartment and when I got to the third floor the door’s opened and josh was standing on the other side of them.

“Oh hey” I smiled, stepping out, and he smiled back before pulling me into his arms. When we pulled apart he looked shy almost but then recovered quickly.

“Hey. I um I think I left my jacket here the other night”

“Ah yeah I kept meaning to tell you it was here” I said as I opened the door to my apartment and he followed me inside. I shut the door behind him and then unhooked his jacket from rack before handing it to him.

“Thanks” he smiled and then looked to the floor.

Perfect. I bet I’d scared him off the other night and now he didn’t want anything to do with me. My drunken self had come on too strong and now he wanted nothing to do with me.

“Hey I got 21 jump street today” josh suddenly said, producing the DVD from his bag. I looked up at him and the shyness that seemed to have been emitting from him since he’d got here had vanished and h was back to his normal self. “You wanna watch it?”

“Sure” I smiled and we walked into the lounge. “I’ll go make some popcorn, set it up” I called, walking into the kitchen. Once all the popcorn was popped I put it into a bowl and joined josh on the sofa. Josh took the bowl and set it on his lap before pressing play.

As the movie played, we somehow shuffled closer and his arm was thrown around my shoulder so I could nestle into his side and rest my head on his shoulder.

We laughed so much we started crying and had to move the popcorn in fear of knocking it everywhere. By the end of the movie I’d somehow ended up in josh lap and all awkwardness from before had vanished.

“I don’t think I’ve laughed that much at a film in forever” josh announced when the credits rolled along the screen.

“I know, I think my face is stuck” I announced, and josh chuckled before letting go of my waist so I could take the popcorn out. When I came back I sat next to him again and he threw his arms around me once more.

“So where were you when I got here?” josh asked me.

“Oh I was out of milk” I said but josh noticed there was something more I wasn’t saying.

“By the look on your face I’m guessing that’s not all that happened.”

“Fine” I huffed and pulled my knees up so I could rest my chin on them. “I ran into Henry”

“Oh…”

“It wasn’t bad or anything. He just said he was sorry again, and that he hopped I was doing okay”

“Was she with him?” josh asked, referring to Ava.

“No he was on his own”

Josh just nodded. I guess not knowing what to say next.

“I thought it would be hard you know, seeing him again. But it wasn’t. I’ve been afraid I’m not fully over him yet, and when I saw him again it would be really hard for me. But it wasn’t at all.”

The whole Henry thing had been hanging over me for a while now, but seeing him and knowing that I didn’t feel anything anymore was liberating.

“That’s good to hear” he smiled and held me a little tighter.

“What about you, josh?”

“What about me?” josh asked confused and I turned a little so I was facing him more.

“Any lucky lady you’ve got you eye on?” I asked. I wanted him to say no so I could sort of keep him to myself in a weird sort of way. But he blushed and looked down with a smile which meant he liked someone.

I felt crushed inside, but I had to look like I was pleased for him. Plus I wanted to know who this girl was so I could hate her forever.

“I’ll take that look as a yes” I laughed and he looked away in embarrassment. “Tell me about her”

“You really wanna know?” he asked and I nodded. “Okay well I haven’t exactly known her that long, but I guess I knew that I wanted her from the second I saw her”

“Aww, so it was like love at first sight?” I asked, trying to make it look like I was interested, when really I was wanting to kill whoever this person was.

“Exactly. I mean when I first saw her she looked kinda quiet but then she opened up and it was like I was so drawn to her, you know? And then time went on and we’ve got closer, but I guess I’m just too scared to tell her how I feel, you know?”

It’s like josh knew how I felt towards him and was reading my mind, so I just nodded and he carried on.

“I feel so much better when I’m with her you know? Like nothing else matters. She’s beautiful and funny and impulsive and she doesn’t understand how nervous she makes me. I keep making up little excuses to be with her because I just don’t feel right anywhere else”

“Why aren’t you with her now then?” I asked, and I admit I sounded bitter, but I couldn’t take it back now. Josh just smiled lightly and brushed some hair out of my face before looking right into my eyes.

“I am”