Baby, I'm a Million.
Remember When.
I heard my mom in the nursery with Jackson, trying to soothe his crying. I don’t know how she expected him to be calm when she was crying more than he was. She had gotten into a fight with my dad. Most of the time they fought about Dad making us move away from our family and friends, or about him being at work. They fought at least once a week, most of the time I didn’t even pay attention to it. I would go into my room and listen to music or something. This time though, my dad left. I didn’t know if it was permanent, before we moved he had left a couple times. He always came back though.
I tried to distract myself by trying to study for biology, but after spending thirty minutes reading the same sentence ten times I gave up. I threw my biology book on the floor and laid my head back against the wall. I was in desperate need for somebody to talk to, so I called Nancy. I didn’t want to tell her about my parents fighting, I just wanted a distraction.
Her mother answers the phone, and when I ask for Nancy she tells me that she’s not home. Then, she just hangs up the phone.
Rude.
I lie down on my bed and I look up at the ceiling. I remember when my parents were really happy. They used to be really close, and then it just changed. To me it feels like they changed overnight, like somebody just flipped a switch.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I could picture us all playing in the leaves in front of our old house: Dad wearing his corny sweater with a pumpkin on the front, I can picture Mom standing on the porch watching us all with her hand on her pregnant belly, and me burying Kelly in a big bundle of leaves.
I was halfway asleep when my mother comes in, I don’t move because I know she’s gonna want to talk about Dad leaving. She pulls a blanket over me, and she kisses my forehead. She turns the lights out before closing the door.
Later that night, I am woken up by somebody knocking on my window, at first I think I’m dreaming. But, the knocking steadily gets harder and more impatient. I sit up in the bed and see Ferris sitting behind the window staring at me.
I open the window, “How did you get up here, Ferris?”
He smirks, “I climbed up the vines.”
“You know, I’m not done not wanting to talk to you,” I say, crossing my arms.
His smirk disappears, and he looks down at his hands, “Are you still mad about me and Bender arguing at the diner?”
“Yes, that was embarrassing and stressful and just flat out stupid,” I sit down on the bed, I halfway hoped he would climb into me bedroom. Instead, he stays perched on the roof.
“I am really sorry about that, honest I am,” he says, and he gives me this really sad look.
I sigh, “I know you are, but I just don’t get it.”
“You don’t get what?”
“Why you two are fighting over me. I’m not that great you know.”
“You’re fantastic,” He finally climbs into my bedroom and sits on the bed beside me. “I mean, you’re just so different from a lot of the girls here.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just smile at him. I didn't even realize that I was smiling, it just happened. It felt fantastic too, although Ferris apparently didn't believe it.
“Why do you look so sad?” He asked.
“I don’t look sad, I’m smiling!”
“Yeah, but it’s a sad smile. What’s wrong?”
“My parents got into a fight, and my dad left.”
“I’m so sorry,” he says sincerely, and then he hugs me.
I felt tears starting to form, but I held them back, “It’s okay, they fight a lot.”
“Does your dad leave a lot?” He holds my hand, and gives it a little squeeze.
I shrug, “Sometimes, it’s probably not permanent.”
After that, we’re quiet for a long time. We still held hands, and sometimes he would stroke the top of my hand with his thumb.
“Ferris, I’m really sleepy and we have school tomorrow.”
He nods, “I’ll leave.”
“Well, you can stay if you want.”
“What about your mom?”
A small, playful smirk comes on my face, and I cross the room and lock the door, “What she doesn't know won’t hurt her.”
Climb onto the bed and lie down, he stares at me until a pat the place beside me. He lies next to me, we were lying face to face. I pulled the blankets on to us, and then I drape my arm across his side. I kiss his cheek, and he blushes a little bit but he returns the favor by kissing my forehead.
He turns over onto his back, and I lay my head on his chest. He had his arms around me, and held me tight against him. I felt safe and warm and loved.
I tried to distract myself by trying to study for biology, but after spending thirty minutes reading the same sentence ten times I gave up. I threw my biology book on the floor and laid my head back against the wall. I was in desperate need for somebody to talk to, so I called Nancy. I didn’t want to tell her about my parents fighting, I just wanted a distraction.
Her mother answers the phone, and when I ask for Nancy she tells me that she’s not home. Then, she just hangs up the phone.
Rude.
I lie down on my bed and I look up at the ceiling. I remember when my parents were really happy. They used to be really close, and then it just changed. To me it feels like they changed overnight, like somebody just flipped a switch.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I could picture us all playing in the leaves in front of our old house: Dad wearing his corny sweater with a pumpkin on the front, I can picture Mom standing on the porch watching us all with her hand on her pregnant belly, and me burying Kelly in a big bundle of leaves.
I was halfway asleep when my mother comes in, I don’t move because I know she’s gonna want to talk about Dad leaving. She pulls a blanket over me, and she kisses my forehead. She turns the lights out before closing the door.
Later that night, I am woken up by somebody knocking on my window, at first I think I’m dreaming. But, the knocking steadily gets harder and more impatient. I sit up in the bed and see Ferris sitting behind the window staring at me.
I open the window, “How did you get up here, Ferris?”
He smirks, “I climbed up the vines.”
“You know, I’m not done not wanting to talk to you,” I say, crossing my arms.
His smirk disappears, and he looks down at his hands, “Are you still mad about me and Bender arguing at the diner?”
“Yes, that was embarrassing and stressful and just flat out stupid,” I sit down on the bed, I halfway hoped he would climb into me bedroom. Instead, he stays perched on the roof.
“I am really sorry about that, honest I am,” he says, and he gives me this really sad look.
I sigh, “I know you are, but I just don’t get it.”
“You don’t get what?”
“Why you two are fighting over me. I’m not that great you know.”
“You’re fantastic,” He finally climbs into my bedroom and sits on the bed beside me. “I mean, you’re just so different from a lot of the girls here.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just smile at him. I didn't even realize that I was smiling, it just happened. It felt fantastic too, although Ferris apparently didn't believe it.
“Why do you look so sad?” He asked.
“I don’t look sad, I’m smiling!”
“Yeah, but it’s a sad smile. What’s wrong?”
“My parents got into a fight, and my dad left.”
“I’m so sorry,” he says sincerely, and then he hugs me.
I felt tears starting to form, but I held them back, “It’s okay, they fight a lot.”
“Does your dad leave a lot?” He holds my hand, and gives it a little squeeze.
I shrug, “Sometimes, it’s probably not permanent.”
After that, we’re quiet for a long time. We still held hands, and sometimes he would stroke the top of my hand with his thumb.
“Ferris, I’m really sleepy and we have school tomorrow.”
He nods, “I’ll leave.”
“Well, you can stay if you want.”
“What about your mom?”
A small, playful smirk comes on my face, and I cross the room and lock the door, “What she doesn't know won’t hurt her.”
Climb onto the bed and lie down, he stares at me until a pat the place beside me. He lies next to me, we were lying face to face. I pulled the blankets on to us, and then I drape my arm across his side. I kiss his cheek, and he blushes a little bit but he returns the favor by kissing my forehead.
He turns over onto his back, and I lay my head on his chest. He had his arms around me, and held me tight against him. I felt safe and warm and loved.