Life Is Beautiful: The Ashba and Sixx Diaries

"Not even a thank you for the food?" Nikki said, sitting in the chair across the room as Dj held the remote, and flipped the channel to cartoon network.

"Fuck no. You said bacon." He glanced dirtily at Nikki, "Fuck you... there's no god damned bacon. I love bacon."

Nikki sat there, laughing his ass off. Dj glared at him and threw an empty soda can, hitting him in the head. "Ouch you little brat!" Nikki yelled, trying to throw the can back at him, and missed horribly.

"Old man!" Dj shouted, running out the back door into the big yard, with Nikki chasing him not to far behind.

"You young fuck!" Nikki yelled back, tackling the scrawny Dj into a soft patch of grass, being careful not to hurt him. "Gotcha." Nikki smirked, pinning Dj to the ground.

"Damnit Nikki! Get your fat ass off! You're gonna break me!" Dj squeeled, trying to wiggle under Nikki's weight, secretly enjoying being pinned down.

"Fat?" Nikki raised his eyebrow at Dj, and sat there very still. Dj seized his squirming, and just laid there, letting Nikki sit on top of him, right on top of his....

"Apologize." Nikki said, holding tightly on Dj's small wrists.

"No."

"I'll sit here all night."

"I sure don't mind." Dj smirked, causing Nikki to jump up, and turn away. He ran his fingers through his hair as Dj sat criss crossed in the grass still. "Oh come on Nikki. Living with you isn't gonna be like this is it?"

Nikki didn't say anything. He just ran a hand through his thick, hair sprayed hair that was practically stiff as hell. He began walking back to the house as Dj sat there like he was stupid.

"Fuck." Nikki muttered to himself as he walked in the back door and went straight to his room.

Dj sat there, like a child that had just been put in time out. He laid back in the grass, hurt... He stared up at the sky, watching the clouds move like it was some kind of play, as the gentle breeze moved his hair slightly back and forth over his forehead. "Oh, Nikki." Dj sighed, getting up to go inside himself after the sun had started to set.

Nikki didn't hear anything else from Dj for the next 3 days. He locked himself in the room, and only left to get bacon, monsters, and jagger.

"What do I do?" Nikki asked himself, actually hoping for a reasonable response, but got nothing. Of course he got nothing, he was talking to himself about feeling for a man who he had known for a few years... What did he expect?

Fuck.

He couldn't deny that he had feelings for Dj, but he didn't want to let them show. He had never felt like this before, and it scared this shit out of him. He also couldn't come to the face the facts that the skinny little guitar player, who looked oh so fragile, was completely in love with him, and he couldn't even say anything.

Nikki finally decided to try to talk to Dj...

"Dj?"

No response. Of course.

"Dj please open the door, I need to talk to you."

Still nothing but silence.

"I'm going to take all of the bacon away."

Dj cracked open his door, "You fucking better not touch my bacon."

"Good, now that I can see your lovely little baby face, I have to talk to you...." Nikki sighed, "About 'us'."

Dj raised his eyebrow, finally sighing and letting the door swing the rest of the way open. "What about 'us'? Since you put so much emphasis, like there is actually a 'us'. You know there isn't. There's a 'Nikki' and there's a 'Dj'."

Nikki shook his head, as he sat down on the corner of Dj's bed, looking around to see a bunch of drawings, journal entries, and song ideas written on crumpled up paper, thrown everywhere.

"Dj, I can't say there isn't an 'us' when I know I feel something..."

Dj looked at Nikki wide eyed, wondering what he would say next.

"I'm just..." he paused. "Dj, I'm fucking scared to death." There, he finally said it, he got it off his chest.

"Why though? Because you have feelings for one of your best 'bi guy' friends?" Dj asked, sitting beside him on the bed.

"I think so. Because I can't deny these, 'feelings' I've developed anymore..." He looked at Dj, staring deep into his big, blue, beautiful, eyes. "When you hurt, I hurt. When you are happy, I'm happy. When you're going fucking crazy with energy, I'm going right along doing stupid shit with you. Like something belongs there between us." Nikki confessed, feeling his heart start to race as he could feel the denial coming on. Things weren't 'normal' like this. He wasn't supposed to love Dj...

"Nikki." Dj breathed, putting his hands on each side of the depressed man's face, turning him face to face with him. "Don't fight it. Let it go. If you want to be with me, do what you want. If not, just tell me. Things will go back to normal, like it was before I fucked up and kissed you."

Nikki sat there, shaking his head slowly back and forth, "I'm not walking away this time." He whispered, gently pressing his lips to Dj's.

The young rocker pulled Nikki closer, laying with him on the bed, just admiring him. Nikki had pulled Dj into his arms, and once again, the youngest was the first to fall asleep, sprawled out on the bed with his head on Nikki's chest.

This time things felt right. Like Nikki was ok with it all, and that it belonged like this. He tightened his arms around Dj, pulling him closer to him. He kissed the top of his head and whispered, "I love you Daren Jay Ashba." before Nikki himself slowly fell asleep, Dj in his arms.

Things had never felt better.