Status: Oneshot
Cause I'm Broken.
One Of One.
Johnny
Jimmy walked over and kissed my head, "I'll be home later tonight, ok?" I nodded, "That's fine." I smiled up at him, he smiled back before grabbing his keys and walking out the front door. I sighed and fell back on the couch, I love Jimmy, I do, but sometimes it's just so weird. He leaves a lot, usually it's just to work on somethings for the band with Matt or he's going out with his other friends, I don't want to interfere with that.
I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text. Jimmy, I'm heading to bed, just come up when you get home. Love you <3 I got up and slowly walked up the stairs to our bedroom before falling back and sighing contently as I felt my back hit the bed, this is so nice. I love being with Jimmy, but then sometimes I do like to have my time to myself.
Jimmy
I feel bad about lying to Johnny, I love him so much, but things with the band are...difficult right now. He knows that, but he doesn't know what I'm doing to help us get by, if he did he'd never forgive me. I pulled into the alley when I got a text from Johnny, Jimmy, I'm heading to bed, just come up when you get home. Love you <3 I smiled, god I love that boy. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I wouldn't trade him for anything in the entire world.
I walked into the warehouse and sighed, "Sullivan! I told you to be here an hour ago because we have some unfinished business to take care of!" I groaned, "I know! Just relax Black, I had other things to be doing." I walked up the stairs to his "office" and sat down, "Now, what's going on?" He smirked, "Well, when you say you had other things to be doing, did you mean spending time with your precious boyfriend?" I froze, I had never mentioned Johnny here, I know that, "What are you talking about?" He nodded towards the t.v. screen that was on the wall by his desk, "I'm talking about him," he pointed at the screen, there was Johnny, laying in bed, "Why do you have cameras in my house?!"
Black sighed, "it's a precaution, we have to be know if we can trust our dealers, obviously this person is a distraction to you." Now is when I get defensive, "Leave him out of it. He doesn't know anything about this." He laughed, "Does he know anything? Your depression? How much the drugs really affect you?" I looked down, "No. He doesn't need to know." Johnny didn't need to know about the drugs, how much they change how I act, that the person he fell in love with doesn't exist anymore, that it's all just a charade and there isn't even a real person inside anymore, it's just a shell of who I used to be.
"Get out. Go home, but if I were you Sullivan, I'd watch my back. You don't know how long you can keep your little friend safe, you can't protect him all the time." I sighed and walked out the door, I hate this fucking place, it's brought me nothing but pain and sacrafice. I just can't wait to get home and hold Johnny in my arms again, I love him so much. I walked in the front door, slowly walking up the stairs to our room, "Johnny?" I slowly pushed the door open, "Ji-jimmy?" I looked at the bed to see him slowly sit up, I smiled, "Hi babe."
I walked over and laid next to him, pulling him into the safety of my arms, "I love you Johnny...we'll be together forever." I whispered into his ear and held him close and felt him cuddle closer to me, I can't keep putting him in danger like this, he'd be better off without me, I know he would. Maybe I should just end it all tonight, after he falls asleep, I have to...
Johnny
"I love you Johnny....we'll be together forever..." I smiled up at Jimmy, it felt like we just started dating only a few days ago. I've been dating Jimmy for over three years now, I love him more than anyone could ever imagine. I cuddled my head onto his chest, he took my hand and laced our fingers together before kissing my head, "Notice how perfect our fingers go together, yours fit perfect with mine." I nodded slowly, "That's because we're perfect for each other Jim." I felt his lips on my forehead, "Why don't you get some sleep? You cold use it after the long day we had."
There was an absence next to me when I woke up the next morning, I knew something was wrong. "Jimmy?" I called out, there was no reply, I slowly got up out of the bed and looked around, "Jimmy? Where are you?" Still nothing, it was dead silent, I walked towards the stairs that lead down to the main floor of the house. I could see Jimmy's car outside the house, he never wanted to walk if he was going somewhere far from the house, so he must be home. It was early enough that there was barely anything light in the house, especially in the hallway by the bathroom and extra bedrooms.
The sun was out, but it just wasn't very bright, I walked to the bathroom door, I could see light shining under it, "Jimmy? Baby? Are you alright?" Nothing, I turned the doorknob, it was locked, I started pounding on the door, "Jimmy! Open the door! Please!" I continued to pound on it, there was no reply, "James Owen Sullivan! Open this damn door now!" I screamed, there were tears cascading down from my eyes by now, I knew why there was silence, something inside of me didn't want to believe that Jimmy could ever do this to me, why? Why now? What could have made it so bad that he needed to do this? I knew he had a problem, but I never thought it was going to be bad enought that it would cost him his life.
After what felt like hours, but was mere minutes of trying to pry the door open, I finally did it. I pushed the door open and ran in, "Ji-," I stopped myself, knowing he was gone, I knelt down beside him, gently running my hand over his already cold face, "Jimmy..." He looked peacful laying there, but something about this isn't right, why did he do this? Wasn't I good enough for him? Maybe he wasn't really happy with me, this is my fault. That's when I looked on the counter, there was a note.
Johnny,
I'm sorry I did this. I love you more than you could ever imagine and believe it or not, this was for your own safety. Things are too dangerous for you to love me, you could do better and now you can. Before you ask what I'm talking about, I was diagnosed with depression and have been using drugs to fix everything, I got involved with the wrong people, they were threatening you. If I'm gone they have no reason to come after you and I won't have to worry about it. I did this for you<3
-Love, Jimmy<3
That was one year ago today, I found the love of my life lying life-less on the bathroom floor, the pill bottle on the counter, empty. If only I had woken up earlier, I could have stopped him, I knelt down next to his grave-site, "Hey Jim..." I sighed and deep down I knew that he was there with me, listening to me. I don't know what it was, but I swear I could hear the faint sound of his voice, telling me everything would be ok and that there was nothing for me to worry about. I pulled the folded up piece of paper out of my pocket, the last picture anyone had of us and lay it on the tombstone under his name, "I love you Jimmy."
As I got up and started to walk away, I could hear the very faint sound of one of my favorite songs.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You're gone away
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain....
Jimmy walked over and kissed my head, "I'll be home later tonight, ok?" I nodded, "That's fine." I smiled up at him, he smiled back before grabbing his keys and walking out the front door. I sighed and fell back on the couch, I love Jimmy, I do, but sometimes it's just so weird. He leaves a lot, usually it's just to work on somethings for the band with Matt or he's going out with his other friends, I don't want to interfere with that.
I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text. Jimmy, I'm heading to bed, just come up when you get home. Love you <3 I got up and slowly walked up the stairs to our bedroom before falling back and sighing contently as I felt my back hit the bed, this is so nice. I love being with Jimmy, but then sometimes I do like to have my time to myself.
Jimmy
I feel bad about lying to Johnny, I love him so much, but things with the band are...difficult right now. He knows that, but he doesn't know what I'm doing to help us get by, if he did he'd never forgive me. I pulled into the alley when I got a text from Johnny, Jimmy, I'm heading to bed, just come up when you get home. Love you <3 I smiled, god I love that boy. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, I wouldn't trade him for anything in the entire world.
I walked into the warehouse and sighed, "Sullivan! I told you to be here an hour ago because we have some unfinished business to take care of!" I groaned, "I know! Just relax Black, I had other things to be doing." I walked up the stairs to his "office" and sat down, "Now, what's going on?" He smirked, "Well, when you say you had other things to be doing, did you mean spending time with your precious boyfriend?" I froze, I had never mentioned Johnny here, I know that, "What are you talking about?" He nodded towards the t.v. screen that was on the wall by his desk, "I'm talking about him," he pointed at the screen, there was Johnny, laying in bed, "Why do you have cameras in my house?!"
Black sighed, "it's a precaution, we have to be know if we can trust our dealers, obviously this person is a distraction to you." Now is when I get defensive, "Leave him out of it. He doesn't know anything about this." He laughed, "Does he know anything? Your depression? How much the drugs really affect you?" I looked down, "No. He doesn't need to know." Johnny didn't need to know about the drugs, how much they change how I act, that the person he fell in love with doesn't exist anymore, that it's all just a charade and there isn't even a real person inside anymore, it's just a shell of who I used to be.
"Get out. Go home, but if I were you Sullivan, I'd watch my back. You don't know how long you can keep your little friend safe, you can't protect him all the time." I sighed and walked out the door, I hate this fucking place, it's brought me nothing but pain and sacrafice. I just can't wait to get home and hold Johnny in my arms again, I love him so much. I walked in the front door, slowly walking up the stairs to our room, "Johnny?" I slowly pushed the door open, "Ji-jimmy?" I looked at the bed to see him slowly sit up, I smiled, "Hi babe."
I walked over and laid next to him, pulling him into the safety of my arms, "I love you Johnny...we'll be together forever." I whispered into his ear and held him close and felt him cuddle closer to me, I can't keep putting him in danger like this, he'd be better off without me, I know he would. Maybe I should just end it all tonight, after he falls asleep, I have to...
Johnny
"I love you Johnny....we'll be together forever..." I smiled up at Jimmy, it felt like we just started dating only a few days ago. I've been dating Jimmy for over three years now, I love him more than anyone could ever imagine. I cuddled my head onto his chest, he took my hand and laced our fingers together before kissing my head, "Notice how perfect our fingers go together, yours fit perfect with mine." I nodded slowly, "That's because we're perfect for each other Jim." I felt his lips on my forehead, "Why don't you get some sleep? You cold use it after the long day we had."
There was an absence next to me when I woke up the next morning, I knew something was wrong. "Jimmy?" I called out, there was no reply, I slowly got up out of the bed and looked around, "Jimmy? Where are you?" Still nothing, it was dead silent, I walked towards the stairs that lead down to the main floor of the house. I could see Jimmy's car outside the house, he never wanted to walk if he was going somewhere far from the house, so he must be home. It was early enough that there was barely anything light in the house, especially in the hallway by the bathroom and extra bedrooms.
The sun was out, but it just wasn't very bright, I walked to the bathroom door, I could see light shining under it, "Jimmy? Baby? Are you alright?" Nothing, I turned the doorknob, it was locked, I started pounding on the door, "Jimmy! Open the door! Please!" I continued to pound on it, there was no reply, "James Owen Sullivan! Open this damn door now!" I screamed, there were tears cascading down from my eyes by now, I knew why there was silence, something inside of me didn't want to believe that Jimmy could ever do this to me, why? Why now? What could have made it so bad that he needed to do this? I knew he had a problem, but I never thought it was going to be bad enought that it would cost him his life.
After what felt like hours, but was mere minutes of trying to pry the door open, I finally did it. I pushed the door open and ran in, "Ji-," I stopped myself, knowing he was gone, I knelt down beside him, gently running my hand over his already cold face, "Jimmy..." He looked peacful laying there, but something about this isn't right, why did he do this? Wasn't I good enough for him? Maybe he wasn't really happy with me, this is my fault. That's when I looked on the counter, there was a note.
Johnny,
I'm sorry I did this. I love you more than you could ever imagine and believe it or not, this was for your own safety. Things are too dangerous for you to love me, you could do better and now you can. Before you ask what I'm talking about, I was diagnosed with depression and have been using drugs to fix everything, I got involved with the wrong people, they were threatening you. If I'm gone they have no reason to come after you and I won't have to worry about it. I did this for you<3
-Love, Jimmy<3
That was one year ago today, I found the love of my life lying life-less on the bathroom floor, the pill bottle on the counter, empty. If only I had woken up earlier, I could have stopped him, I knelt down next to his grave-site, "Hey Jim..." I sighed and deep down I knew that he was there with me, listening to me. I don't know what it was, but I swear I could hear the faint sound of his voice, telling me everything would be ok and that there was nothing for me to worry about. I pulled the folded up piece of paper out of my pocket, the last picture anyone had of us and lay it on the tombstone under his name, "I love you Jimmy."
As I got up and started to walk away, I could hear the very faint sound of one of my favorite songs.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You're gone away
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain....
♠ ♠ ♠
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