We Are All Okay

(Musical inspiration: The Way I Am by Eminem, Blink-182 in general, Changes by Tupac, and Star Struck by Lady Gaga because I like pop and rap music just as much as I like rock music.)

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my alarm clock, and I decided that I wasn't going to school. Fuck it. I was never going to live past my twenties, why did it even matter to anyone if I graduated? Actually it didn't matter to anyone at all. Except me. So I decided that on this friday, I wasn't going to school, we didn't have school monday or tuesday either, so whatever homework I was supposed to do last night, but failed to do, I now had five days to finish.

"Why aren't you going to school?" I asked Ronnie, who was sitting in the living room. I made a bowl of cereal, and sat down next to him.

"Actually, I think I'm going to drop out." He said.

"Wow." I breathed. "Why?"

"Because this." He handed me his report card. It had all A's and one D in Algebra two. I winced. Our- I mean, his dad didn't like it much when we didn't do things perfectly. He didn't like it when Ronnie quit school his junior year to focus on skate boarding. He of course went back his senior year, this year, and did better than ever in his schooling. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I envy him for that. If he wants something, he has to work for it, but he always gets it in the end. Because Ronnie's so talented. I'm just the piece of shit kid. I have no talent. I play guitar, but I don't think I'm ever going to be great at it. I like to draw, but I'm not really excellent at drawing. I'm okay. Being okay at something is like a death sentence when it comes to the real world. In the real world, if you want to make it, you have to be talented. Especially in the music industry, you can't be an average anything if you want to stick out. Sticking out means being extraordinary. I'm always going to be just below average.

"Oh my gosh, Ronnie! I think you did a great job." I beamed at him.

"Whatever, you're awesome at school." He said in a jaded tone. Well then, you kind sir are a dick.

"No, I was, but not lately." I showed him my report card. I was failing in math, and had C's in all of my classes except for Art and English. Those two I had A's in. It's pretty hard for me to fail those.

"How do you get a C in Culinary Arts?" He laughed.

"I burned my cookies because I was debating with Max." I informed him.

"Seriously? Over what?"

"Nothing." I blushed.

"Tell me." Ronnie insisted.

"About whether or not Rob Zombie drew that really fucking weird scene in the desert in Beavis and Butthead Do America." I laughed.

"He totally drew that trippy acid scene in the desert!" Ronnie laughed. "You didn't know that?"

"No, the first time I watched it was with Max at Robert's house last week." I explained.

"So he won." Ronnie laughed.

"Yeah, and now I have to go out on a date with him." I mumbled.

"Ha!" Ronnie laughed. "Robert, get out here!" He shouted to his friend, who came out of the bedroom. "Give me five bucks, Max and Tallia are together."

"We're not together! I'm just going out on a date with him." I protested.

"Ha!" Robert said, taking his five dollars back.

"You sluts bet on that?!" I said, outraged.

"Oh boy, are we going to have a repeat of band practice last week?" Robert asked.

"No, I was on my, yeah." I blushed.

"Yeah, I kind of guessed." Robert said awkwardly. "Next time you're on your, you know, rollercoaster ride, please don't come to my house."

"Fuck you, I'll make sure she comes over just because you said that." Ronnie grinned. What an awkward thing to be discussing. Do these boys have no idea what the word personal means?

"This is such a bad conversation, and really Robert? On my Rollercoaster ride? Wow." I shook my head at their stupidity.

"I didn't want to say period!" He squeaked.

"Now you said period." I smirked.

"Stop saying it." He whined.

"Period, period, period." Ronnie said maniacally. I stalked out the doorway as they started arguing over that. Lately things have gotten better. I'm not sure if that's because time truly does heal everything, or if it's because time gives you the space inbetween needed to forget about everything. I think it's probably the latter option, considering now that I'm thinking about Brian I hurt even worse than I did last week during my infamous PMS outrage at poor Robert's house. Their band must believe I'm a crazy bitch.

"Period Jokes aren't funny." Robert shouted.

"You're right. PMS jokes aren't funny. Period." Ronnie grinned.

I noticed I was walking to the bus stop towards Brian's old house. I guess I subconsciously did this because I was thinking about him. I hadn't even been to his new house yet. I boarded the bus that would take me to his old house. I wasn't about to go back home now. It seemed like everyone had decided to skip school today, and I just didn't feel like being around people at the moment, contrary to my normal love for socializing.

"Hi there." A familiar face grinned at me. "I remember you."

"Ville, right?" I asked.

"Yes." He nodded. "I'm sorry, I didnt' catch your name."

"Tallia." I said, wiping the tears from my face. All I do is cry lately. I need some Zoloft or something. I can't even genuinely smile without having to try.

"Well, Tallia, nice to see you again." Ville chuckled. I tried my best to smile, but didn't do a very convincing job. We sat there in silence. "Are you just riding the bus because you have nothing to do? Or did you zone out and miss your stop?" He asked. I noticed it was empty, and we were at the last stop in Pahrump.

"Oh wow." I shook out of my hazy silence. "I guess the seconed one." I smiled sheepishly.

"I'm going back to my buddies house if you want to hang out with us for a while. We might be able to give you a lift back home." He said hopefully.

"What the hell?" I shrugged.

"Alright." He grinned. "Come with me."

We walked to a house not too far from the bus stop and just stepped right in the door. If I remember correctly, Ville said he was just visiting for a while in Pahrump with his friend Omar. This isn't even his house, and he's walking in. Maybe him and Omar are just good enough friends to do things like that, though. I used to just walk in and throw my stuff down on Brian's counter. Why did I have to mess a good thing like that up? I ruined a perfectly good counter to set my stuff on.

Oh yeah, and I broke his heart. Not to mention mine too.

"Who's she?" This tall hispanic guy asked, hiding something behind his back. Well now that's not obvious. Just stand there perfectly straight with your hands conspicuously behind your back, I don't know the difference between that and a casual stance.

"Tallia." Ville shrugged. "She's cool, don't worry."

"Oh." Omar smiled at me. He relaxed and released his hands from behind his back, lifting a bowl up to his lips and inhaling. "Want some?" He asked tightly, then breathing out smoke. I shook my head.

"Don't smoke too much man, she missed her bus stop and needs a ride home. Think you can help her out?" Ville asked. I just smiled hopefully.

"Yeah man, take the keys." Omar tossed the keys to Ville and we walked out to the car.

"You want to go do something fun before I take you home?" Ville asked. I must've looked scared because he fixed what he said. "Nothing bad." He laughed. "I promise, I'm not like that. I've got a girlfriend back home."

"Oh." I smiled sadly at him, not because he had a girlfriend, but because the word girlfriend and the word boyfriend depressed me lately. "Sure."

"There's got to be something fun to do around this shit hole." Ville muttered as we drove down a main road. "Hey, let's go ice skating!" He grinned. I nodded in agreement.

"I've never been ice skating before." I said. I felt so small, so feeble, and so weak. I was so full of life last month, so snarky, and so attitude driven.

"You know, you're different this time." He said. "I'm not sure if it's a bad thing, but you're losing your attitude."

"Yeah." I nodded. "That I am."

"So, is there something wrong?" Ville asked, giving me a friendly smile.

"Everything." I said. "Is wrong."
"Well not right now, lets go." He said brightly, and I let out my first genuine smile since the one I gave Max when he made his little porn joke. It felt nice to be so uplifted.

We walked inside the ice skating rink and Ville refused to let me pay for my skates. I didn't like that. It felt too much like a date to have a guy pay for your things. I just want to do my own things, not have other people do them for me. Then it's like... I owe them or something. That's how I am with everyone, though. I get really weird when people try to pay for me. I know that I don't come from money, nor do I have a job, but that doesn't change the fact that it makes me feel so useless to have anyone pay for my anything.

"It's no big deal, I have a job." He said, handing the money over. The woman handed us the skates.

"Okay." I said softly. I guess I wasn't even in the mood to argue.

We put our skates on and Ville gave me a push on to the ice. I had never been in one of these things before, but I didn't fall. It was kind of like skate boarding, only with two bladed shoes instead of one wheeled board.

"You're doing excellent!" Ville shouted, he was skating across the ice a few feet away from me. I managed a nod. This time I didn't speak, not because I was sad, but because I was entranced by the shapes I was making in the ice.

I began to speed up, and fly past people who were around me. I felt like the ice princess or something. It was freezing in here and because I hadn't planned on this I was wearing a pair of shorts and a Blink-182 shirt, and I was flying across the ice.

"Tallia!" Ville shouted, I was headed straight for him.

"Fuck." I shouted, and I landed on top of him. Our faces were an inch apart, but I found no romance in the situation. Ville was attractive, sure, but I wasn't exploding on the inside for him to kiss me.

LikeIwaswithMax.

He smiled at me, and pressed our lips together. Once again, I found myself pressing my lips up against someone's lips that I didn't have the slightest bit of feeling for. I'm such an awful person, because I won't even tell him to stop. He helped me up off the ice and we began skating towards the exit, where we took the bladed shoes off and gave them back. I couldn't help but notice him holding my hand, or the fact that I didn't let go. He's a friend. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Isn't that what I'll be doing to him when he realizes I don't like him? I thought. I want to smoke a mass amount of pot and stop thinking about relationships for the rest of my teen years, and then when I'm twenty I'm going to wake up from the haze and realize my social turmoil is over. Sounds like a plan. Sounds fun.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you." He said as we walked back to the car. I just nodded. He continued talking. "Every girl I have met just kind of falls over me, and we end up in bed." He laughed. "If you know what I mean. Then you don't even give me the time of day. You're interesting."

"Okay." I nodded.

"Would you like to do this again sometime?" He asked, sounding hopeful. Oh babe, I just set you up to knock you down. I really am the ice princess. I'm going to hate myself for this, but I think you're going to appreciate the honesty, because from past experience, guys don't like it when you fake it.

"Look, that kiss-"

"Was amazing." He grinned. We were driving really fast. "Wait where do I turn?"

"Left." I replied. We drove for a while and then I told him to take a right. I watched as my house came into view. Surprise, surprise, daddy isn't home yet again.

"So what were you saying?" He smiled at me.

"I-I-" I stuttered with it. "Ihaveaboyfriend." I said really quickly.

"Who?" he asked. Wow, I break the truth to him by lying to him. I'm a real peice of work. Como se dice bitch en espanol?

"His name's-" I thought for a second as I watched Robert, Ronnie, and Max walk out of the house. I think everybody and their brother decided to ditch school today, seriously. "Max." I said, focusing on Max as the three boys noticed me in the driveway. Ronnie looked pissed of when he saw Ville.

"Is that him?" Ville asked sadly, looking at Max.

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry." I said, jumping out of the car and walking quickly over to Max and Robert. Ronnie walked up to Ville and smiled politely.

"Hey, man." Ronnie said. "Let's have a talk."

"Umm, alright?" Ville asked, stepping out of the car. Oh no, Ronnie not this again. He did this to one of my other boyfriends too, not that Ville's even my boyfriend, but... oh you know what I fucking mean.

"What's your name? And what's up with you and my sister?" He asked, still being polite but managing to be very intimidating.

"I'm Ville, and don't worry, we're not together. She already explained to me she had a boyfriend so I was just leaving." He said rather sadly, and I felt my heart drop to my stomach and get eaten away by the stomach acid.

You heartless bitch.

"Wait, what?" Max, Robert, and Ronnie all said in unision. I looked over at Max desperately as he gave me a weird look. I pleaded him with my eyes to just go with it, and he nodded. I looked back to Ville.

"She's dating that guy, correct?" He said angrily.

"That's right." Max said, slinging his arm around me. "Problem?"

"Nothing, except your girlfriend's a slut." Ville said angrily, and now I realized just how much I had hurt him. I felt terrible, because I couldn't even break the real truth to him. I just kept lying, and lying, and now Max was dragged into it.

"Tallia is not a slut." Max defended me.

"You better watch your fucking mouth for what you say to my sister." Ronnie growled.

"She kissed me and she has a boyfriend. How else do I put it. You know what, I'm out. I don't care anymore. Thanks for crushing me." He looked straight at me when he said this. I felt so terrible. Gosh, is my heart heart is made of ice? I am a cold bitch. Atleast, that's how I feel anyways.

Ronnie and Max both lunged at him at the same time, Max hitting him in the stomach, Ronnie hitting him in the face. Ville stumbled back to his car sending many insults all of our ways. Robert just sat there watching the show. It was crazy what just went down, and it was all because of me. Once Ville's car left our driveway the three boys' attenion was turned to me.

"Explain." Max said.

"Now." Ronnie seethed.

"Holy fuck! That was awesome!" Robert Cheered. Everyone just looked at him like he had four heads. "Sorry." He said quietly. We walked back inside the house, and the boys forgot about whatever they were going to go do prior to my crazy arrival back home.

"Talk." Ronnie said. Max looked a mixture between terribly pleased and greatly horrified over what just happened.

"His name's Ville." I began. "And I met him a while back, though this is only the second time I've talked to him."

"Tallia!" Ronnie said.

"I know, don't talk to strangers, blah blah blah." I shook my head. "He's our age, so I didn't see the harm in talking to him. Anyways, he noticed I was really sad and a little bit lost, and he said he would take me back home. When we got to his house he was like "Oh, hey let's go do something to cheer you up if you're not busy today" and I said okay. So we went to the ice skating rink where I was doing really good. That is, until I ran full speed into him and knocked us over on to the ice. We landed in a curious position." I blushed. Max and Ronnie looked disgusted. Robert just shrugged, still listening. "So he kissed me, and then he finally took me home. I tried to tell him that the kiss didn't mean anything to me, but he kept going on about how he liked it a lot, so when we got in the driveway, and I saw you guys, I blurted out that I had a boyfriend and that my boyfriend was Max."

"You land yourself in the stupidest situations." Ronnie shook his head at me. "You're lucky he didn't hurt you. He's lucky he didn't get the shit beat out of him!"

"Why would you say I was your boyfriend?" Max looked horrified. I shrugged.

"Ronnie and I have identical faces, and Robert's, no offense, probably too stupid to have caught on." I explained. "You were my best bet, and I really wanted that guy to go away..." Robert shrugged.

"None taken." He laughed.

"You're going to dress like a nun the next time you leave this house. Can't you make any male friends that don't want to get in your pants?"

"Max doesn't want to get into my pants!" I protested. Ronnie looked at me and narrowed his eyes. Robert chuckled.

"Oh trust me, Maxy boy wants to get into your pants." He cracked up laughing. Max turned bright red and Ronnie smacked Robert in the back of the head.

"Shut the fuck up, man! Or at least wait until I'm out of the room." He growled walking away.

"You can't handle the truth, man!" Robert shouted back to Ronnie, who yelled something inaudible back to him. I looked at Max with wide eyes. Was it true? Did Max like me like that as well?

"Robert's just kidding." Was all he managed to say before he followed Robert back to where ever my brother was.

At this point I just about think that going to school today would have been a better bet, I thought, as I walked back to my bedroom. I threw myself on the bed and put a CD into the stereo. It's kind of an Eminem day. I listen to Marilyn Manson when I'm angry, Blink-182 when I'm happy, Nine Inch Nails when I'm sad, and Third Eye Blind whenever the fuck I felt like it, but Eminem was always nice to listen to when you didn't wanted a good dose of reality rather than an escape. As strange as it sounds, I don't want to escape my life, or my fate, or all of my problems. I just want to fix them and be happy with the reality of things. What kind of person is cool with living in a dream world? I sure as hell can't manage that.

"I hear my boy!" Ronnie shouted, coming into my room and landing himself down on my bed.

"Ronnie, man, you love Eminem way too much for your own good. I'm starting to think you're going gay for him." Robert chuckled.

"Man, I like rap music as much as I love rock music." Ronnie declared. "You do too, so shut up."

"You're right, I like Tupac or Makaveli or what ever his name is a lot. I'm not in love with him and trying to be him, though." Robert laughed at my brother. I think he was sadly right about my brother. The other day at school, when we all walked to lunch, he was rapping with some of the black kids at our school. Initially they had made fun of him for the tight shirt and jeans he was wearing, and said he listened to a bunch of emo shit. Then Ronnie surprised them by knowing who Tupac was, and Dr Dre, and Eminem, and he began rapping with them. It was a really funny occurence, but I silently walked into the cafeteria and found an empty table in the corner to draw in. I also people watched. People watching is fun, it's kind of like stalking... but less malicious. You just sit back and watch them interact, maybe even guess a story for their life. Anyways, my brother also has an eminem haircut. He has short, peroxide blonde hair. It almost looks like Max's hair, except Max is naturally a blonde. He's currently growing it our right now, though so he can dye it black.

"Whatever." Ronnie huffed. "Max, party in Tallia's room!" Ronnie shouted. Soon after he said this Max came in and jumped up and down on my bed with Robert and Ronnie. In this moment I am happy. Fuck it.

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"Right about now!" My phone rang it's alarm in the morning. You see, prior to this song I had Two Princes by the Spin Doctors, Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, and Someday by Sugar Ray. I enjoyed listening to all of those songs, so I'd let my phone ring through them for my alarm, and I would be late to school every morning. I decided to put a bunch of songs that I hated to play. The list begins with Rockafeller Skank, then goes to It Wasn't Me by Shaggy, and I'm not even sure what other songs I put after that to play. I didn't pay attention. I just put a bunch of crap that would motivate me to get up and shut the phone's alarm off.

And like I intended I jumped up and shut my phone off. That's the fastest I think I have ever woken up. You know how some people have pet peeves like, people chewing with their mouths open, or people who make that weird "ah" sound after every time they take a sip of somthing? My only pet peeves are, number one, being ignored, number two, bad music playing, and number three, people who are mean. I HAD TO SHUT OFF THE CRAPPY MUSIC.

I had about fourty five minutes to get ready, and I spent most of this time deciding what to wear. Most girls spend fourty minutes on their hair. I just brush mine and let it fall around my face. I have straight blonde hair, and basically I'm a barbie doll. Hate me. But I'd rather have hair that's curly so it isn't flat all the time. Want to trade?

I was inbetween just going to school in my pajamas or asking Ronnie to borrow a shirt. All of my clothes sucked right now. So I snuck into my brother's bedroom and stole his Atticus Black shirt and tied it in the back so it would fit me. I kept on a pair of black A&F shorts that were so short the pockets hung out of them. I again wore my black pair of ballet flats, because they are comfortable.

"You're up early." Ronnie said, surprised to see me in the bathroom at this hour. His hair was a mess, but he just looked in the mirror, fluffed it a bit, and sprayed it into place.

"So that's how you do it." I smiled at him, laughing at him. He applied some eyeliner and made a funny face while doing so.

"How I do what?" He asked me, looking up from the mirror.

"Nothing, just your incredibly messy hair, I thought you maybe spent hours on it. Turns out you don't. I'm so disillusioned." I gave him a small smile, and was about to walk out of the bathroom until he grabbed me and set me on the counter.

"It's your lucky day." He grinned at me.

"Why is that?"

"Because, I want to talk to you about something, and because I am going to do your hair and makeup for school." He said. I laughed a little.

"Thanks, big sister Ronnie." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You know what? I get shit from people at school all the time. "You dress in girl pants, Ronnie." and "Stop wearing makeup, Ronnie." I don't care. Shut up and let me make you look like a girl. Lazy. I spend more time on myself in the morning than you do and- hey is that my Atticus Black shirt?" He started saying a lot of things in such a short time. My eyes widened and he took the opportunity to shove a stick of eyeliner onto my water line. I was going to push him away but decided against it. "Here, now close your eyes and let me do the top." He said, lining the top of my lashes with a liquid liner.

"I don't like makeup." I hissed at him, now that the stick was out of my eyes. I blinked a few times and then looked in the mirror.

"You look like fucking courtney love." He grinned.

"Eew!" I glared at him.

"Before she got an eating disorder." Ronnie laughed. I laughed too, though eating disorders weren't really a joke to me. Poor Courtney Love, that must have sucked. First her husband died, and then the fact that she was bulimic came out all over television. It's not fair. "Anyways, I had to talk to you about something." Ronnie said.

"What now?" I complained, we'll be late! Even though I woke up this morning way earlier than I usually did.

"It's about Max." Ronnie said slowly.

"Great, okay, bye."

"NO! DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM ME!" He shouted angrily at me, but quieted down because dad was probably still asleep. "Max, he likes you, but won't admit it."

"How would you know if he didn't tell you?" I said.

"Because this morning he texted me and said to watch for him at lunch."

"Okay?" I asked.

"He's going to skateboard around in drag. Like he said you told him to do if he wanted your forgiveness."

"Oh my god! I'm bringing a camera to school!" I laughed. Ronnie told me to shut up.

"Look, he's doing it for you. He never stops talking about how bad he feels about your accident." Ronnie said. "Which by the way, I'm sorry too. But you're okay now... well, semi okay. You don't have to wear a cast anymore, I guess that's progress. Just-"

"Ronnie, shut up." I laughed at him. "I think I forgave Max a long time ago."

"Well please tell him that before he humiliates himself."

"Dude, do you really want me to do that? We're talking about seeing Max in a dress..." I said.

"And makeup." Ronnie laughed. "Wait, wait until after to accept his final apology."

"Most definitely."

"Oh, and Tillie?" Ronnie asked me as I went to turn away.

"Yeah, Ron?" I groaned. Fuck school. I'm always late anyways.

"You look very pretty today."

"Thank you."

"I know, I did a good job." He smirked.

I stomped off, wow. What a dick my brother could be. Was he saing I wasn't pretty without makeup? I thought I was alright. We have the same face, though. So if he calls me ugly, he's calling himself ugly.

The dick.

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Most of my day was uneventful, but everytime I saw Max, he would mischeviously grin at me and point to his skateboard, mouthing "are you ready for this?" Honestly, am I ready to see you humiliate yourself for my attention?

No.

That's the single most nice thing I have ever have had done for me. Nobody's ever cared that much about whether or not I hated them. I thought Brian would, but it's been so long, and he has yet to bother with talking to me. He won't even look at me anymore. What the hell is his problem even? It happened so long ago. Then again, some pretty awful shit went down back then.

But back to Max's embarrassing stunt.

Come lunch time, I walked next to Robert for about the thousandth time. Time hasn't healed the awkwardness of this, though. Robert and I don't even talk that mutch. He's more my brother's friend then he is mine, even though he said "Let's hang out sometime" to me on the first day of school. We never hung out.Isn't that how it always goes? Let's hang out! Then you NEVER hang out with the fucking person. Geez, like don't even suggest it if you know it's never going to happen.

"Hey Tallia! I'm sorry!" Max came whizzing past us on the skateboard, Ronnie running past us with a video camera.

"I fucking love you for this." I laughed to myself, as most people around us stopped to laugh as well. Max was wearing a tight black tube dress, and bright red lipstic. Hey. That dress looks familiar.

"MAX! RONNIE!" I growled, running after them as well. We must have made the funniest looking trio ever to all of the bystanders. "Is that my dress!" I screamed at my brother, finally catching up to him. I didn't know how much more of this running I could take. I hadn't been to the gym in weeks.

"Umm, yeah... forgot to tell you that Max didn't have a dress, so I gave him one of yours to wear, and I think it's ruined now. But this shit's funny!" My dick of a brother grinned chidishly at me. What the flying fuck! That's not okay Ronnie! I wanted to scream this at him, but Max came to a stop in front of us.

"So am I forgiven for hurting you now?" He asked, placing a hand on his hip.

"Yes." I smiled at him, instantly forgetting all of my anger. I love how Max almost always said that to me. "For the accident, and for all of your stupid comments at the last band practice."

"Aww." Ronnie commented next to us, but I turned over to glare at him. He held his hands up and apologized. I smiled at him again. What a dope. But he's my dope. Ronnie's MY dopey brother, and only one other person can say that in this world.
"Can I get a hug or-"

"I'll hug you when you're not wearing lipstick, pal." I pat Max on the chest and walked away. Was that bitchy of me? I feel like he tries so hard all of the time to say all the right things, and I never give him the credit for any of it. Should I turn back around and hug him? Or should I keep walking?

Inadvertantly, I chose the latter option. I just kept walking to my lonely lunch table in the cafeteria. I'd see him at band practice later, right?
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"So I think we need to hang out tonight. Not like a date, but just as friends." I said. We were at Robert's house in the garage for band practice. Well, they were here for band practice and I was here to watch. "I miss my Maximous." I said, using my nickname for him. He scowled at me.

"It's Maxwell, not Maximous." He complained.

"I know." I laughed. I think I'm slowly starting to warm up to him again after what he did. He feels really bad, he even got in trouble for me to show me he's sorry, and he did something really humiliating today. Plus, I hate fighting with my friends, and because Ville will most likely never talk to me or see me again and Brian has yet to come around, that leaves Max as my last friend on this planet. Unless you count dopey old Robert and Ronnie, who I spend most of my time with. They don't ever have real conversations with me, though. Max however, he does. That's why I consider him my friend.

"Well, we're not going to the movies." He said, point blank.

"Why not?" I stuck out my bottom lip. "Planning on ditching me again?"

"Because movies make the most awful dates. We don't talk, we just sit side by side in the movie theater watching stupid actors pretend to be real."

"Actors are real people, Max." I laughed.

"Yeah, but like... what if all of their emotions weren't. Because they can fake all of them so well."

"Huh." I shrugged. "Never thought of it that way."

"Anyways, where did you want to go?" He asked. I shrugged. "We could just drive." He grinned. "That's always fun. And then when we're driving pick a random thing to do."

"Okay." I grinned. "Let's be spontaneous."

"Well, considering I don't have a car..." He said, his face pink.

"Aww, Max are you blushing?"

"Yes, shut up!" He stuck his tongue out. "I'm the guy. I should have a fucking car to come pick you up in, but no, instead you have a car."

"Actually, it's Ronnies." I said. "I have to ask him to even use it. Besides, we're friends, we're not dating. If it was a date then the guy would have to pick up the girl. We're going as friends." I emphasized. I don't want to go after Max again in a romantic way. Last time we went on a date I broke several bones in my body and ended up ruining my life... let's not talk about that, though.

"Max would like to remind you that you lost a bet to Max last week in Culinary to him, and now you have to go out on a date with him." Max said.

"Umm, okay, Max." I shook my head laughing. "Who suddenly refers to himself in third person point of view."

"I'm a funny guy." He said, smiling. "But you do owe me a date."

"That's right." Nodded.
"So I'll be by your house tonight, and we'll steal the car and run." He winked. I giggled.
"Or we could just ask to use it?" I suggested.
"Stealing it and running away sounds a bit more fun, though." He laughed. Max and I began pretending that we were Beavis and Butthead. I was Beavis. He was Butthead. We started using quotes from the movie and were cracking up laughing. I had completely forgotten about my stupid best friend. Everything was going right, you know? Then Brian and Michael decide to come over and yell SLUT really loudly. Ronnie glared at Michael, causing him to slowly stop, and retreat back to his table. Monte and Max were stabbing each other with their eyes.

"Man, isn't she like your best friend? Because I know I don't call Ronnie a slut." Max stood up for me.

"You're defending the skank, and when not that long ago she was begging me to hit you in the face." Brian laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah well, I deserved it." Max shrugged. "This isn't about me, though. This is about you. So don't change the subject. You need to apologize."

"Slut." Brian spat, walking away. My insides turned to soup. My best friend really hates me, and I can't deny the fact that it hurts. I quickly stopped my pity party when I saw Max lunge for Brian's back. I stood up quickly and put my hands to his chest.

"It's fine Max, he's being a bitch." I looked up at him and saw the anger flash in his pretty green eyes.

"No, he needs to apologize. Fuck that." He tried to push me off of him, but I connected our lips. I've been meaning to do that for a while, and I know he was too, because he didn't push me off or hold me back. Max Green actually liked me this time, and I liked him too. Maybe things aren't so bad after all. Or maybe they are and I'm being too optimistic.

"Shh, it's fine." I hushed him. "We are all okay." And it was that moment when I think I became the biggest liar I have ever been, because we weren't okay. None of us were. And it's kind of my fault at this point.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Well this is cute." I said, coming to the door at eight. I was dressed in some black tube dress with ballet flats, my blonde hair pulled back into a head band with a bow on it.

"You're cute, too." Max grinned. "I don't get how you're related to Ronnie."

"We both look like our mom, except I got blonde hair and blue eyes from... whoever my dad is." I frowned, but shook it off. "It's whatever."

"This is for you." He said, handing me the big stuffed bear. "And a rose." He handed it to me. I mentally fainted. This is literally the cutes thing I think anybody has ever done for me.

"Let me go put this in my room, come on." I pulled Max inside the house and shut the door. He followed my into my bedroom, where I set the fluffy bear on the bed, and hung the rose upside down from a coat hook that was on the wall.

"I'm pretty sure you put those in water." Max laughed.

"Not if you want to keep them forever." I said, blushing. Max smiled at me. "They dry out this way, and shrivel up. Then you can keep them for a really long time."

"That's cute." He laughed. "Wanna go now?"

"Oh sure." I flipped him off. "Rush me now."

"Hey, you could've thanked me for the cute girly things I brought you..." He stuck his tongue out at me.

"Thanks. I love them."

"You're welcome." He said.

"Let's go!" I pulled him out the door, completely being a hypocrite by rushing him when I said not to rush me. He didn't protest, though.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Let me go in her room." Max sang.

"I wanna take off her clothes." I finished the line. " Show me the way to bed. Show me the way you move. Fuck it it's such a blur, I love all the things you do." I sang as Max did the backing vocals that shouted 'I'm feeling this'.

"Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer. Place your hand in mine, I'll leave when I wanna." We sang together. We were sitting in the car behind some old building on the outskirts of vegas. The car was off, except the radio. We put in some Blink-182 and decided to sing a long with it. This is the most fun I have had in years. Just being able to be my obnoxious inner child, singing along with my favorite songs, and hanging out with someone that wasn't going to judge me for it. You know what, I really, really like Max. Fuck all of my stupid subconsious doubts that can't just let me be happy. Granted, Max was a major douche for what he did, that's all water under the bridge. And we're cool now. Actually, even better than cool.
"This place was never the same again, after you came and went how can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone on the street with a cigarette on the first night we met. Look to the past and remember your smile, and maybe tonight I can dream for a while. I'm not in the scene, I think I'm falling asleep, but all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you." We sang, grinning.

We just looked at each other for a while as the song kept playing. At first we were just cracking up laughing, and then when the laughter faded away, we ended up leaning in close and kissing. Next thing I now my dress is pulled up to my stomach and we're fucking in the backseat. What a great first time.

Max pumped in and out of me, my hands gripping his hips the entire time. I got this weird feeling in my stomach, like it was hollow and my insides were melting. My legs began to shake, and my back arches up. Max lets out a huge moan as he starts slamming in and out of me. I couldn't take it. I screamed really loud as this amazing feeling engulfed my entire body. He stopped pumping as my walls closed in around him. He came too.

I can't believe I just did that.

With Max of all people.

Wow Tallia, this is your all time low.

Then again is it?

Because honestly, I don't regret doing that. I really like Max, and things don't have to last forever between us. All I know is that things are perfect right now, and that, whatever it was considering I can't even explain it, felt amazing.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

We pulled up at my house really early in the morning. After we did... that thing, we hung out for an hour later, kind of talking about when we were young. We talked about Max's dad, and how Max hates him for not being there. He loves his mom a lot, because she's really supportive of his dreams. YOLO, is like her life's motto. She told him to do whatever it is he needs to be happy.
We talked about how Ronnie's dad was such an amazing person for getting clean, and taking care of his two sons and I. Ronnie's brother Chase wasn't around anymore. He was on drugs really bad, and moved away to get clean. Ronnie's dad did drugs for a long time too, until I was nine and Ronnie was eleven. Then he cleaned up and found 'god'. He is the president of some jesus freak motorcycle club now, and spends a lot of time working out. Ronnie hates the fact that his dad tries to enforce the whole religious thing on him, to be honest I do too. But what really sucks is how his dad, and I guess Russell is my dad too now because he's raised me, is so strict on us. Ronnie has never been good at school. English and History have been his good subjects. Science is okay too. And obviously the elective classes like gym and spanish aren't too hard, but math is horrible. For both of us math is really hard. So we'll come home with A's and B's in everything except math, and it won't be good enough. I'm able to block that out, Ronnie however doesn't do to well with that. He and I both crave attention, but Ronnie can't be told he's not good enough for his dad's standards. He gives up when he doesn't make them. I genuinely believe he's going to drop out of school again this year because dad got mad over his D in math.

And then we talked about me and Ronnie's mom. I didn't talk much about her, like Max didn't talk much about his dad, only saying how I hate her for not even sticking around.

"It's really late!" I said looking at the clock on the wall in the house. I was sneaking Max into my room without either Russell or Ronnie noticing. He couldn't go home so late. His mom would be a little mad. Okay, his mom would be pissed.

"What the hell?" Ronnie hissed as I turned the light on in my bedroom. He was up waiting for me. Aww how sweet, brother dearest. Now get the fuck out.

"We went out for too long. And he has to stay here tonight."

"He's not staying in your room. You two might do something." Ronnie said, disgusted.

"Well-" I said, but quickly cut myself off. "He could stay in your room, if that's okay."

"He's my best friend, of course he can." Ronnie nodded, happy I wasn't sleeping in the same room as a boy. If only you knew what we did earlier, big brother. Then you'd really have your panties in a knot. Which reminds me... where are my panties?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
This morning I woke up to a different set of terrible songs that I hated. Britney Spears' Baby One More Time came on, and I flew over to my phone to shut the alarm off. Good idea I had for putting these songs on my alarm. I really do get motivated to wake up earlier. Then I remembered, my panties are still in the car from last night. I have to drive to school with Ronnie and Max. What if Ronnie- Oh fuck.
I was going to get ready really fast and go outside and grab them, but Ronnie hogged the bathroom up. If I was smart, I would have just gone outside now to look for them, but I'm not all that smart. I didn't go searching.

"Morning!" Max said, picking me up. I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed my back to the wall. We kissed for a while.

"Morning." I sighed to him, forgetting all about my curious clothing item that I had misplaced in the car last night.

"You taste like tooth paste." He laughed, pressing his forehead to mine.

"Well I just brushed my teeth, sorry I don't taste like candy." I laughed, and then I heard a horrible noise eminating from the doorway of my bedroom.

"NO, JUST NO!" Ronnie said covering my eyes. "We have to go to school. Oh gross. Eew. Nasty." He shrieked. Max and I laughed, and he set me down. We didn't make it official, saying "We are boyfriend and girlfriend", but we had something going on without having to say it. I liked what we had. It's more casual than what most people do, but casual's my style. Nobody really wants to feel like they're smothered, right?

"I guess I'm wearing this..." I said, pointing to my black mini shorts and blue Drop Dead Gorgeous band shirt. I cut the neck out and I cut and braided the sides of this shirt. I grabbed a pair of ballet flats and made a dash for the car, grabbing my school bag on my way out the door. I failed at beating Ronnie to the driver's seat and ended up sitting in the back with Max. Still I failed to remember what I was looking for earlier.

"Fuck you." I flipped my brother off. I was pissed that I couldn't drive to school today. I love driving to school, what an asshat for taking that away!

I was repetitively hitting him in the back of the head. "Hey, bitch, I'm driving!" He whined.

"Whoops, forgot to care, you dick face." I stuck my tongue out at him. Max was laughing the whole time. God, we are all so mature. But I loved this lighthearted atmosphere. I love being an immature little kid, who doesn't? Where's the fun in being grown up and responsible, always having to pay attention to tiny details, and make sure other people don't screw up. I'd rather stay young forever.

"So, have you talked to that girl Cacie yet?" Max changed the subject around to Ronnie's sex life instead of ours.

"Oh yeah, we're supposed to hang out. But she told me she's busy." Ronnie frowned. Honestly, I'm surprised my brother is still on about this girl Cacie. He's seen her more than he's seen any other girl he's gone out with. Most of those girls are kind of shallow, even more so than Ronnie and I put together, and on drugs. I try not to judge people by the way they dress. I personally see no harm in wearing a fuck ton of makeup, a short skirt, and a shirt that doesn't cover much if you're nice to me. I'm not going to write you off as a whore and hate you like most girls do. But the girls my brother dates... some of them are bad influences when it comes to drugs. It scares me that him and Max hang out with so many people that do that shit. Sometimes I wonder if they do those things themselves. Anyways, this girl Cacie is completely straight edge. I know who she is. She might not cover herself up too well, and she might sleep around, but that doesn't make her a bad person. Unless of course you're christian, then maybe to you it makes her a bad person. All I know is that the girl is wicked nice and my brother is intimidated by her.

"Dude, you're kind of in love." Max taunted Ronnie. My brother flipped his friend off.

"I don't fall in love." Ronnie laughed. "She's just got the nicest ass. My damn, you've gotta see-" My brother stopped mid sentence, looking at me while I glared at him. "Wait, Tallia might get jealous."

"That is my boyfriend, I don't like the idea of him fucking around with other girls." I said, believing what I said was reasonable. My brother just laughed at Max, who narrowed his eyes.

"You're a fucking prick." Max said, as him and my brother got into a mini war. We were parked at the school already, and I took this as my signal to leave. Sadly, my brother noticed my attempt at an exit, and locked the car doors.

"Mother fucking hell!" I screamed, smacking the window and getting upset. The boys were hitting each other with their bags in the front seat, like they were having some type of pillow fight.

"Tallia, help!" My brother laughed as Max whooped his ass.

"Okay!" I grinned, beating my bag into his back. "I'll help. I'll help Max because he didn't lock me in the car."

"Help me, you skank!" He shouted.

"That's not helping your case." I said, leaning down and pressing the unlock button. I quickly jumped out of the car, leaving my bag in the front seat. We were most definitely late for class. Ronnie called back to me.

"Hey Tallia? What the fuck is this?" He held up my missing panties from last night. "Weren't you and Max in-" He cut himself off, and glared over at Max. "Did you-" He stopped again. Max slowly crept out to stand besides me. I grabbed his hand protectively.

"Ronnie, do NOT hurt him." I glared at my brother.

"You two fucked in the- Oh my god! Gross!" My brother threw the keys at me. "I can never ride in there again. For the love of fucking- Oh god why?" He wailed.

"Wait, you're not mad?" Max asked curiously.

"I'm just going to pretend you're not fucking my sister if that's cool with you." Ronnie shook his head and started walking away. I felt like I dissappointed him some how, but I don't know why. What the actual fuck had just happened. He didn't even get angry at Max. Then again, he never gets angry at Max, because Max is his best friend. So maybe he's dissappointed in Max and not me? Oh great, another thing for me to worry about today along with the constant worry of Brian doing something terrible again like he had at lunch yesterday.

I walked away slowly into the building, hearing Max's footsteps behind me. I looked behind and tripped, falling flat on my face. "Fucking hell!" I screeched, falling forwards. My nose was bleeding everywhere. My ribs were still healing, and I'm falling over myself in the hallway. That's one way to land myself back in the hospital. Great.

"Aww, babe, are you okay?" Max said, helping me up. He reached for my hand but I didn't give it to him.

"You'll get nose blood on your hand." I said, crying. My face hurt really bad.

"Oh god." Max looked at my face. "Let me take you to the nurse, you're cheek's bruised, and your nose is bleeding, and oh wow..." He trailed, picking me up bridal style. I tried hard not to touch my face with his chest for two reasons. The first reason being my face hurt like hell, and the second being that he'd get blood on his shirt.

"What class are you coming from?" The nurse asked Max.

"We actually were walking all the way across campus to Mrs. Cavero's class, Spanish, and she tripped and hit her face on the floor." Max explained.

"Here, let me excuse you two from class." The nurse said. "Oh, better do that quick. Looks like if she gets marked late today, she gets detention."

I laughed a little. I was going to be late, and I got hurt. I got a little lucky. No detention for me. Sadly, my right cheekbone had a massive bruise on it and my nose was a river of red. Eh, totally worth it. One hour of detention sucks. I might just die if I go back.

"You can hang in here if you want, and leave whenever you feel you can." The nurse said. "Your face looks like it hurts pretty bad.''

Slowly I nodded.

"And you can stay with her through first hour, but second hour I expect you back in class." The nurse said to Max more sternly. I giggled. He was kind of a trouble maker, so I could see why she was stricter with him.

"Okay." Max said quietly, observing my face. The nurse smiled and walked out of her office talking about a meeting.

"This should be fun." I laughed nervously, giving him a small smile.

"Oh definitely." He nodded.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"And I like to sing Taking Back Sunday in the shower." I concluded to Max. He just sat there with a wide expression on his face. We were going through all the things that make me and him weird. He went first, and I was kind of surprised at some of the things he came up with that made him weird. He's not nearly as quirky as I am.

"I'm weirder." Max laughed.

"No I am!" I challenged. I am competitive. I really, really like to win. I like to be able to say that I have won whatever challenge or fight it was, but mostly I win to be dominant over the other person. Winning is, needless to say, quite important to me. I've noticed me and Ronnie clash a lot on this, because we both hate losing.

"Damn, It's not that important." Max muttered.

"...So am I winning?" I aked.

"I guess, but it's not really about winning." He said playing with my blonde hair.

"That's where you're wrong, little grasshopper." I said in a chinese accent. "Everything is about winning."

"Okay, you are most definitely more weird than I am." He laughed at my impression of a chinese man, shaking his head. For the first time I noticed how pretty his green eyes are. I see people with brown eyes all the time. And no matter what people say about 'Brown eyes making loyal people' and 'brown eyed people are great' in the end I think that's just a bunch of sentimental bull shit people say to make themselves feel better. I personally see nothing pretty about brown eyes. Then again, I am kind of a shallow, self absorbed bitch so...

"Can I ask you something and have you be like, one hundred percent honest?" I asked Max.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Am I just like Ronnie?" I questioned. "Am I just as cocky, and selfish, and shallow at times?"

"Well..." He said, not wanting to answer.

"I can handle the truth." I rolled my eyes at him. "It's lies that I can't stand." But I suddenly felt bad. Lately I've been a big liar. About how everything was going to turn out okay, and I'm not so sure that was true anymore.

"Okay, you two are kind of exactly alike, but that's why you're so close." Max answered, closing his eyes tightly like I was going to kill him. I laughed.

"I'm not going to hit you for being honest, Max." I laughed. "Even if you hit on someone, or cheat on me..." I trailed. "Okay, maybe I'd kick your ass if you cheated on me, but that woudln't be because you told me the truth. I'd respect you for that. Then all respect I have for you will be deminished, because you were a slut and cheated." I said, thinking about things.

"Alright that was such a Ronnie thing to say." Max rolled his eyes.

"I know." I giggled. "It's like you're dating your best friend. Isn't it sooooo weird." I was completely being sarcastic, and Max got the hint.

"Nah." He kissed me, while laughing sort of. "I'm just fucking his sister."

"Fuck." I laughed. "You're joking, but that's the reality of it."

"Eh," Max shrugged, "The reality of it is that I also really like his sister so..." He kissed me again.

"I like you a lot too, Max." I said. I wasn't ready for the whole 'I love you' bit yet. But this was perfect. I liked this whole 'I like you a lot' thing. This works for me. It's not overwhelmingly scary, and it's not like he's asking me to commit to him for life. It's nice. That was until he asked me one single, yet horrifying question.

"Tallia, are we together?" Max looked down at me. I breathed in deeply.

"Well.." I began.