I'm Beating Myself Up Over This

It had been a few days since the whole party thing had happened. I didn’t really leave the bus much, I was still too embarrassed. The only time I really left was to go watch the boys play, I never missed a set, even if I was throwing up.

They had played earlier today, and it was getting close to dinner time. I knew Lee and Curtis were ordering curbside from T.G.I.’s or Applebee’s or something along those lines. All I know is that I just got a salad and mozzarella sticks. Perfect combination.

The boys were going to a party, which I obviously did not want to partake in. and as much as I knew he wanted to go, Tom stayed behind so I wouldn’t be alone.

He’s really just too sweet sometimes.

The boys were headed out, and I reminded them to be back by 1 a.m., that’s what time the buses were leaving tonight. Oli smiled and said “Aye, aye, cap’in.”

Fucking smartass.

I was in the back lounge watching my favorite movie, Across The Universe. It had just started, and I was singing along to ‘Hold me Tight’ as Tom walked in. I smiled and kept singing as he sat next to me, smirk ever present on his face. He knew how much I loved this movie due to my ever present obsession over The Beatles.

We shifted so I was lying against him, his mouth just by my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck, and it was making me get butterflies. Just then my favorite song of the whole movie came on, ‘I want to hold your hand’. T.V. Carpio had an amazing voice.

Just as she started so sing, I heard another voice. Soft, almost a whisper, but it was defiantly male.

My heart was in my throat. Tom knew I loved being sung to, even though he hated the way he sang. I always said it wasn’t how you sing, just the fact that you do it for me.

“ And when I touch you I feel happy, inside. It's such a feeling, that my love, I can't hide. Yeah you got that something. I think you'll understand. When I say that something; I wanna hold your hand.” he sang to me.

I smiled and leaned into him. He held me tighter and buried his face into the crook of my neck. I continued watching the movie, singing along whenever they started singing one of the songs.

The movie was almost over before I finally heard Tom start huffing.

That means he’s pissy about something.

After getting fed up with his childish act, I turned to face him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He looked like he was torn for a moment, before saying, “It’s a girl.”

My heart sank.

“Well, what about her?” I asked trying to mask my hurt.

“It’s just, I really like her but I don’t know how to tell her, you know? Like, we’re friends so I don’t want to mess that up, but I can’t just sit and watch her go with boys that hurt her all the time.” He said in a huff. He stood up and started pacing, running his hands threw his hair.

I could tell he was torn between following his heart and his head, like me.

“Well what’s your heart telling you?” I asked him.

“I’m not sure I want to go with my heart,” he said a bit calmer.

“Of course you do. Your heart is always right, though sometimes it doesn’t seem that way. But in the end, it tells you what you really need to know.” I said. Just then, on the screen, Jude was starting to sing ‘All you need is love’. How appropriate.

I stood up, preparing to give him a hug since he still was a bit jittery and nervous. But before I could even comprehend what was happening, the most amazing thing happened.

Tom’s lips were on mine

And threw the speakers, it was like angles singing.

"She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah."

How ironic.