Every Little Thing

I shuddered at the thought of her touching me. I didn’t know why I felt so disgusted by it. It must have been the thought of her and him together, in the way I was with her. I felt like I was gonna be sick. I ran out of the school and to the park down the road, and threw up. I had nothing in my stomach to throw up, so the smell of my stomach acid and bile mixed together made me throw up even more. I heaved and hurled and then collapsed onto my knees in front of my vomit. My head spun, spun fast. I stood up slowly and backed towards the swing set and sat down. I stared at my feet; my school shoes looking scuffed and dirty from the run here. My feet were joined by another set. Black globes, black baggy pants, black shirt. I smiled slightly as my eyes met Sam’s.

“You okay sweetie?” he asked. “I saw you hurl.”

I shook my head slowly, desperate not to throw up again.

He sat down on the swing beside me and started digging through his bag. He presented a pack of mints and offered me one. I took the offer, grateful to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth.

“So, Nicky, care to share what’s been going on lately?” he asked. I look at him, confusion filled his face. He was clearly talking about the whole me/Ally/Max situation.

“Okay, I’ll start from the beginning,” I started.

I told him every detail; everything that happened, every thought, every feeling. I even showed him my wrist. He grabbed it gently, and with a tissue he pulled from his pocket and some of my Dettol hand antiseptic, begun to clean my wounds. I was right before, about Robert breaking one of the scabs when he hit me. After Sam had cleaned it, he pressed his lips gently to my temple and got up.

“Where are you going?” I asked him hurriedly.

“I’m going to tell someone about this,” he replied. “You shouldn’t be doing this to yourself.”

“No!” I exclaimed jumping out of my swing also. “You can’t tell anyone Sam. Please. Keep this to yourself. No one else knows. It’ll be good to have someone to talk to.” He looked at me. “Promise me, Sam.”

“Fine, I promise I won’t tell anyone,” he told me, pulling me into a tight hug. I leaned into him.

“Thank you.”

“So, not going to last I assume?” he asked after we broke the hug.

I shook my head. “No. English with Ally. Not happening,” I answered.

He smiled warmly.

“Want to hang in the centre then?”

“Yeah sure,” I smiled and picked up my bagged and slung it over my shoulder. He rolled the sleeve down of my jumper and took my hand in his.

“It’s our secret,” he said and smiled at me again.

I smiled back, a real smile.