When Hearts Are on the Line

“Hey, Mike. I think its time to wake up.” I whisper, probably not the most effective way but I’m not really sure how to wake up a concussed person. Isn’t loud noise bad for them? I’d shine a flashlight in his eye but I’m pretty sure that would be bad for him too. Suddenly I have an idea as I go downstairs to my fridge and press the little button on the machine for ice. I fill a medium mixing bowl full of ice and add some cold water before quietly running upstairs.

I take a moment to look at those Egyptian cotton sheets I love so much wondering if this was really worth. It must’ve been because before I knew it I was pouring the ice cold water on Mike, who was in the middle of a snore “WHAT THE FUCK, AMBROSIA?!” Mike yells at me and I kind of want to giggle at how flustered he seems.

“I have to wake you up.” I tell him as he pulls me into the bed.

“Doesn’t feel so great does it?” Mike asks as he wraps those freezing five thousand threat count sheets around me.

I laugh, trying to squirm out of his grip “let me go, I’m going to watch a cold.”

“Well maybe you should’ve worn more clothes.” I look down at white silk slip. Of course I have to be wearing white. And Mike is wearing….

“Were you sleeping in bed in only your boxers?!” I ask him. Ugh I didn’t want to think of my clean sheet touching him in those places.

“Yeah, that’s how I usually sleep.”

“Well I usually sleep naked but I had the decency to put clothes on for you.” Okay well that was kind of a lie but I’m only trying to prove my point. I lift up a little bit of the duvet surrounding me so that I can survey the damage, my slip is soaked and I am freezing. And yes considering the parts of my body I could see, I might as well be naked. I wrap the blanket around me tighter to avoid any possible wardrobe malfunctions and try my best to waddle away. “Change into something dry, I’ll meet you downstairs.”
______

“Okay so what do you want to do?” asks Mike as he walks downstairs to the laundry room, holding those wet sheets.

“I don’t know” I yawned “I’m not usually up this late.”

“That, I can believe.” Mike says as I throw a dryer sheet into the dryer.

“Let’s watch some television.” I say as we begin to walk back upstairs.

“What is this?” Mike asks as I turn on the television.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s one of those telenovellas Ivy is obsessed with.” The thing about late night television watching is that it makes me hungry.

“Ambrosia,”

“Hmm?”

“I think we’re watching porn”

“Just because the characters are all young attractive Latin people with no children and the music has changed to like weird 80s elevator music.” And people are starting to take off their clothes. OH MY GOD. “MIKE!”

“Okay, okay” he says pressing some buttons before the girl takes off her bra “Better?” he asks as the screen changes to one featuring a late night infomercial.
I grab the remote from Mike. “Let’s watch some Entertainment Tonight.”

“Really Ambrosia? I don’t care about what the Kardashians had for lunch or who’s rumoured to be doing the dirty. Here, let watch this.” Mike says changing the channel to Bravo.

“Wow, so this is how it looks like outside the fishbowl” I say as I watch myself compare fabric swatches. “I remember filming this” I tell Mike “Greg was an absolute mess because this guy named Xavier didn’t call him back which he did a couple days later. So the theme of the episode was relationships and love.”

“I definitely think you can learn to love someone.” Ivy says while we eat lunch at Villa Blanca.

“Personally, I can’t wait to get married. It would be like an endless sleepover with your best friend.” says Jasmine, in the confession box.

“Really, I don’t think so.” says Jasmine picking at the bread basket. “I think you have one true love and that’s it.”

The camera cuts to me rolling my eyes and Greg still looking a little bummed out. And now there’s the show’s title card with some snazzy music. And now we’ve got a commercial for cat food.

“I’m going to get some food” I say going into the kitchen to grab some Popchips and two bottles of Jones Soda. After a couple more commercials we’re back.

“Marriage? I’ve never really thought about it.” I tell Jeff as I watch another one of my creations come to live in front of my eyes.

“That’s the Windermere estate in Malibu, I really liked how the porch swing on that one turned out.” I tell Mike as I watch myself in the confession box.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get married. There’s just something weird to me about throwing an extravagant party to prove how in love you are with someone. But in this town, they want any excuse to party. I mean I’ve been invited to parties celebrating the fact that they got their dog neutered.” The camera cuts back to me and Greg doing some last minute vacuuming. The rest of the episode is when we give the Windermeres a tour of their new and improved home.

As the tour is finishing up my voice over starts. “But I guess everyone has someone out there for them, even Greg. Every lock has a key that opens it and every key has a lock to open. Some keys are just lost in the junk drawer in your kitchen but they all unlock something and I guess they all make their way back together somehow.” Greg and I are high-fiving as we leave the house over a job well done. As the show is about to roll its credits I hear my voice again “I swear that sounded a lot less dirty in my head.” After that the instrumental version of New York (Saint in the City) by The Academy Is… begins to play as white block letters scroll over a slide show of screen caps from past episodes.

“I’ve got to hand it to you Ambrosia, that was a pretty decent show.” Mike says taking a sip of his berry-lime soda.

“Thank you Mike.” I yawn as I wrap the faux chinchilla throw around me tighter.