We Lit Up Like Fireworks

I received the dreaded text from Nikki two hours after Kenzie and I had shared the kiss outside. Nikki and Vic were going to crash at out place since Vic's house was too far away to drive to this late at night... or morning. And if they were coming home, then it was Kenzie's time to leave, which was the one thing I did not want to happen, not after the night we just had together.

"I don't want to go," Kenzie murmured, burying his head into my chest, his thin arms wound tightly around my waist, gripping onto me as if I were to slip through his fingers at any second. I rested my arms at his waist, kissing the top of his head gently, my lips lingering on his sweet-scented locks. We stood by the door, the clock ticking away above our heads, lingering closer and closer to the time we would have to part. "I don't want to lose you, Jay."

"You're not the one who has to worry about things like that, Kenzie," I sighed, pulling back slightly, only to plant a small kiss on his plush lips. "You're the one with a girlfriend. It's killing me, Kenzie, knowing that once you go through that door you'll go back to her arms. And I feel bad, you know, since you're... cheating on her with me." My stomach twisted as it continuously did whenever I thought about Kenzie with his girlfriend. Well, the feeling came whenever I thought about Kenzie with anyone else. I felt sick, nauseous, and terrified. I was like a coddled child inside a dark room, scared shitless of the dark, and Kenzie was like that teddy bear that protected me from the monsters in the closet of the beast lurking under my bed.

"That won't happen, not any more," Kenzie replied, smiling as he pulled me into another hug, the millionth hug of the night. Or morning, since it was slowly passing two am, the surroundings dark, the footpath slicked with rain and dew, the neighbourhood quiet and lacquered with sleep. Kenzie and I had been together for one night, less than a night, but during that time it had seemed like an eternity, but still not enough. Now that the night was over, those seven or so hours of bliss were a happy, love-sick memory. And that was all it was ever going to be; Kenzie would go back to his normal life, with his girlfriend and his high school friends. He would soon forget about this little 'fling', kids his age always did. He would forget about me and move on with his life, and probably in fifty years time we may cross paths; him with a loving wife and a family, me all alone whilst Miles had a family of his own.

I honestly couldn't imagine being with someone other than Kenzie, but I knew he didn't feel the same. This thing we had, it wasn't as important to him as it was to me. And it hurt, so, so much.

"Why the long face, Jay?" Kenzie asked, brow creased as he touched my brow with his slightly cooler fingers.

"Hm? Nothing. Hey, your hands are cold. Wait a second. Don't go," I said, the last part more heart felt that Kenzie probably caught on, and he nodded as I darted into the kitchen, where a pair of gloves were resting next to the microwave; rainbow coloured stripes in thick wool, with fold-back mitten parts buttoned to the back palm area. They were mine, but after Nikki had made a point that they were much too childish for me to wear, they had been left on the bench collecting dust.

I walked back to the welcoming room, where Kenzie was rubbing his hands together, breathing on them to heat them up. He felt my presence and smiled, his eyes a little watery, but as clear as day. I handed him the gloves, which he received slowly, slipping them over his pale hand.

"Thanks, Jay. For everything. I'll see you around?" he asked, hopefully, and I smiled, nodding half-heartedly, knowing that we would probably never see each other again. Kenzie grinned, kissing me on the cheek, before walking out the door, walking away from me. My heart thumped as he turned, waving to me with the rainbow gloves, and disappeared down the drive and behind the hedges of next door, leaving my sight.

I didn't close the door straight away, and I didn't want to. What I wanted was for Kenzie to turn around, to walk back through my door and to be back in my arms. For a brief second I forgot all about his girlfriend, all about the more than illegal age difference, and all about the implications being with him would cause. All I wanted was to be with him again, and for that moment I was willing to accept all the consequences it would bring us.

"Daddy? Where's Kenzie?" Miles' timid voice asked from above the stairs, his little body clad in his flannel pyjamas, Toot enclosed in his arms. I closed the door, shutting my eyes as I bit my lip, sucking in a tight , strained breath. I then moved my body, sweeping Miles off the ground as I cradled him to my chest. "Daddy? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not... I'm not crying," I whispered, my voice thick. "I'm not crying, Miles. Daddy's not crying. Not at all."

"Mummy said liars are bad. I don't want daddy to be bad, so I don't want daddy to be a liar. Why is daddy crying?" Miles asked again, his hands patting the top of my head in either a comforting notion or an impatient one.

"Kenzie's gone," I replied after a moment of thought, and Miles frowned, blinking in confusion.

"Why? Does he not like me?" Miles asked, a little hurt, and I laughed, kissing his little nose lightly.

"No, Kenzie really likes you, Miles. He just has to go home, because it is very late. And why are you up? You should be sleeping," I said, and his lip trembled as he remember something.

"The monster at me... and he ate you too, daddy! Kenzie tries to help, but he... but he..." Miles cut himself short, hugging onto me as I walked us up the stairs into his bed room, where I climbed into bed with him, pulling him close to my chest.

"Shh... shh... Daddy's here now. Close your eyes and go to sleep." I pulled the blanket around us as Miles nodded, his lids sliding over his irises, his breathing slowing as he released his grip on Toot. I peered up through the window above his head, wondering where Kenzie was right now, and if he was thinking about me as I was thinking about him.

I miss you Kenzie, but you were only mine for one night, and that was the best night I've ever had.