The Painting

She was the only woman who could satisfy my deepest desires and saw right through me, right to my soul. She could call my bullshit, no matter how good I had tried. I was never a good boyfriend, and I still wasn’t a good one for her, but I tried. I really did. She always rendered me speechless, from just the way she stood, or raised an eyebrow when I said something really dumb or how her fingers always touched me at the right places. There was no doubt that she was truly the love of my life.

I met her in the summer just after my graduation from High School. I was the only one who did; all of my friends were either expelled or dropped out. I was celebrating with my friends, who were Jimmy, Matt and Zacky. Jimmy decided to throw a huge house party with booze, girls, and the works. I was a couple of beers in when I first saw her.

I was in the kitchen which was full of a bunch of loud teenagers, fresh out from school. I cradled a bottle of beer, slightly warm from holding it too long. I was waiting for Jimmy. You had no idea what he would be doing. He was always so unpredictable. I rolled my eyes, already impatient. I pushed past the group of people and entered the living room. My eyes scanned the bopping heads, trying to find the familiar crazy blond hair. I twisted around to find Jimmy already behind me. I jumped in shock from his close proximity.

“Dude, personal space.” I groaned, taking a step back.

“There you fuckin’ are! I have been looking all over for you! I wanna you to meet my sister.” Jimmy seemed to ignore my previous comment. I rolled my eyes before noticing the girl next to him. My jaw dropped. She was rather small, especially compared to Jimmy’s lanky frame. She had dark hair, cut short into a bob and she had brown eyes that seemed to look right into you. She looked nothing like her older brother.

Seeming like he noticed, he leant in “She’s adopted.” That explained it. I nodded in understanding. I had to say, she was smoking. I was interested from the get go.

“Hey.” I smirked, using my infamous charm. “Brian’s the name.” I slid out my hand. She raised her eyebrow, amused. She took my hand and leant in my ear.

“Good try on picking me up.” She whispered. Damn it! I could have gotten her. As soon as she pulled away, my eyes flicked to Jimmy, who looked displeased.

“Dude.” He said. “Hands off. We know how you’re like with girls. It’s already bad enough you already got Michelle.” He pulled her away, disappearing in the crowd. It was until then that I realised that I didn’t get her name. I swore. I looked down on my beer and decided to take a swig. I gagged as it came down my throat. It was warm! Making a face, I set it down on a table nearby. I had no clue on what to do anymore until I spotted Michelle’s face in the crowd.

“You knew my mom even then!” James gasped.

“Yep.” The father nodded once in confirmation. “You’re named after Jimmy too.”

“The one who died a while ago?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to finish telling you this story or make you get back to bed?” he warned his son playfully. James widened his eyes and shook his head feverishly. The father chuckled and carried on.

Like I said before, I wasn’t a good boyfriend. Even when I had a girl; I flirted with other girls incessantly. I guess I left it to my teenage hormones. I understood Jimmy’s intentions to keep his sister away from me, but me being me, I was determined to find out who she was. I wanted to know her name, what she liked, what she hated, I wanted to know everything that made her tick. Right now, Michelle didn’t matter to me. That mysterious girl did.

I swept myself out from my girlfriend’s view. She may be nice, sweet, everything that a good girlfriend should be, but she was fierce. She wasn’t afraid to mark who belongs to her. And I applied to that. I lost myself in the crowd, my eyes peeled for Jimmy’s sister. I climbed up the stairs, looking into each of the doors, wincing when I saw a rather excited couple in one room. I spun around to see Michelle standing before me. I gulped.

“Hi, babe.” I said, raising a hand in greeting.

“I heard that you were with Georgia in the back of the oval straight after graduation?” she said, her voice fearfully low as she narrowed her eyes at me.

“No, no, baby, it’s just a rumour.” I laughed, waving that off. Liar, my conscience scolded. I shrugged my qualms away as I pulled her in. I gave her a kiss, intending to make her forget my wrongdoings. I felt her melt in my arms.

“I guess I’m sorry for accusing you.” She murmured into my chest. Michelle was too good for me to the point that I felt awful. But once I thought of that girl, I forgot all about it. I had to find a way to distract Michelle quick. My eyes darted around the hallway as my brain quickly deducted on what to do.

“Hey, are any of your friends here?” I pushed Michelle away, only holding her by her shoulders. She gave me an indignant face, telling me the obvious. “All right, find them. I need to find… Zack!” I fibbed. She narrowed her eyes at me again. I sighed.

“To make up, we will meet up later, okay?” I added for good measure. She seemed to accept as she walked away. Mission accomplished. Now I needed to find Jimmy’s sister. I exited the hallway and slipped back into the crowd. I couldn’t find a familiar face. I did find Jimmy, but she wasn’t with him. I was frustrated enough for my failed attempts to find that girl. I needed a smoke so I escaped out from the noisy house. The air was crisp, cold and most of all, fresh. Sometimes parties give me a headache.

I pulled out a stick and lit it as I slowly walked down the footpath leading down from the doorway to the gate. I already could see a dark figure standing out next to the peeling white post box. Curious, I tapped on the shoulder. The person turned around to see that she was Jimmy’s sister. I raised my eyebrow in surprise. I wondered why when I spent all of this time looking for her, and when I gave up, she turned up.

“Well, isn’t it Mr Charm himself.” She said, her voice rolling beautifully over her vowels as she gave a small smirk. I could have moaned from the sound of her voice, but I resisted. Hearing it was simply beautiful.

“Hi.” was all I could muster. I was instantly angry at myself. This was all I could do?My charm had gone, poof. I usually was good with women in general. This was the first time that I was stumped on how to impress a woman. I could tell now that she was a hard one to nail. Despite that, I was determined.

“So, what brings you out of here?” she asked. I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was to stare at her small face, like how the sparse light accented her cheekbones or her eyes sparkled with something devilish that I couldn’t figure out. I shook my head, snapping out of myself. I raised my cigarette clad hand, silently answering her question. She nodded in understanding.

“Want one?” I offered.

“Nah, trying to quit. It’s already bad enough having to hide my drinking and smoking from Jimmy.” She said, rolling her eyes. A drinker and a smoker? Not bad. I like girls with certain… toughness? I couldn’t stand clingy or prissy girls for some reason. My mind snapped back to her face. She was staring at me curiously. I suddenly felt self-conscious.

“Why are you staring at me?” I snapped defensively.

“I don’t know… you seem interesting.” She continued to stare at me. I decided to stare back. She had a slight frown and her eyes a bit vacant, like she was deep in thought. Her pink lips were pursed. Her sheer beauty almost put me in a trance. But Michelle had to shove herself in my mind. Michelle was nothing compared to this girl standing in front of me. I compared every detail about her to Michelle. A slight pang of guilt hit my chest.

“You look troubled.” She broke through my thoughts. I feverishly shook my head.

“No, no, no…” I trailed off, staring at the space at the left of her.

“I didn’t pin you for a liar.” She narrowed her eyes. She rested her hands on her hips. The way she stood like that told me that she was bigger than she seems. Like she could boss around someone bigger than her tiny 5’2 frame. I had to laugh as a mental picture of her yelling a disgruntled Jimmy around popped in my head. I could see a small smile crack at her lips.

“Okay, you caught me.” I hung my head.

“Good.” She said as she smirked, folding her arms. “Honesty is a virtue, you know.” Too bad I was far from virtuous.

“Now, what’s wrong?” she pressed. I hesitated, I mean, I couldn’t just spill everything to a girl I just met. But, till then, I decided, fuck it. I opened my mouth just as the front door slammed open.

“Brian!” a voice yelled out. The voice belonged to Zack. I rolled my eyes as I turned around to face the house.

“What?” I shouted back, already irritated.

“Michelle wants you!” Upon hearing his response, I let out a curse. I made my way up to the house, leaving Jimmy’s sister behind. I twisted my head to glance upon her one last time before I entered the party. As I looked at her face, all I could think was that she caught me hook, line and sinker without even trying. The cacophony of music and voices washed over me. I bumped into face to face with Michelle. She was miffed. Just as the neglecting boyfriend I was, I realised that I had forgotten to ask Jimmy’s sister’s name. I swore.

Ever since the party, I didn’t see the girl again for a month. I was pretty certain that Jimmy made sure of that. I couldn’t blame him. Michelle had read me the riot act after the party for leaving her behind. I shot back an excuse that I needed space. There was truth in those words, so I was being honest in that sense. She called for a break in our relationships, rambling something about having time apart and hearts growing fonder with distance. I couldn’t care enough. I forgot all about Michelle and I thought about Jimmy’s sister for all of those weeks.

I thought about her beautiful face, her no-bullshit attitude, and her subtle flirtatious character. I thought about her with me, by side by side and when I finally got to taste her lips. I thought derisively on how I was terribly hopeless when it came to her. I wanted to see her once again and hopefully catch her name.

On that day, I decided that I would find her and get her, no matter what. Nothing was going to stop me.

I went over to Jimmy’s house as much as I could for a chance of seeing her. I knew that I pestered and annoyed my best friend to no end, but I wanted -no, needed to see her. Much to my disappointment, I didn’t catch a glimpse of that pretty bobbed girl. She was mysterious and elusive. Those made me want her even more. I knew that made me seem like a jerk, but I genuinely wanted to know her.

Along with the whole mysterious vibe, she always seemed to come to you at the times you least expected it. It was almost like a rule when you want to know her, don’t bother looking, she would come to you at some point. That too applied to me.

My band and I gathered at Matt’s garage for band practice on a hot hazy day. I was stretched nonchalantly over the couch with my guitar on my lap, playing out a few random chords and riffs. I was too hot to actually bother doing something. My shirt stuck to my back as the couch was beneath me and I played with sluggish movements. Nobody else was in the mood either. But one thing missing was that Jimmy was late. We all were lying around in the blazing heat, waiting on our drummer.

I heard loud footsteps and voices. I instantly picked it up as Jimmy’s. Finally, I thought as I groaned. I righted myself on the couch, my white guitar precariously swinging at my fingertips.

“About time!” Matt said indignantly to the tall drummer who just entered the room.

“Sorry, I can’t blow off Anna.” He shrugged sheepishly as he took his place on his kit. Who was Anna? I frowned in confusion as I sat up for the second person to enter the room. My jaw dropped, the exact same reaction I had in meeting her for the first time. The same bobbed hair and the sly smile. She was Anna. I finally caught her name.

“Hey, Mr Charm. Mind moving down the bench please?” she said, with a grin. I did so, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I cradled my Les Paul to my chest.

“You play?” she indicated at my guitar.

“Yep.” I was still staring at her.

“Quit it, Haner. Let’s begin.” Matt’s voice broke me out from my stupor. I stood up and joined the boys. I was kicking myself for looking like an idiot, especially around her. She was the only girl who made me like this. We began on Second Heartbeat following with a string of other songs. I could feel her eyes on me the whole time I was playing. I was both confident but uncertain with playing in front of her. As soon as we finished practice, everyone but Zack and I had gone upstairs to grab a drink. I was setting my guitar on its stand when he nudged me.

“You totally have the hots for her.” He smirked knowingly. I rolled my eyes.

“So?” I raised my eyebrow. Zack chuckled as he shook his head.

“You’re shameless. I feel sorry for Michelle.”

“Yeah…” I stared at my shoes guiltily before perking up. “Don’t tell Jimmy. He will get all big brother on me.”

“It’s pretty obvious anyway. I can’t blame him.” He finished as he left me alone in the garage. I glanced around the room, looking at all sorts of things from the peeling posters on the walls to cardboard boxes stacked on the floor. The sound of light footsteps broke the silence I was engulfed in. I twisted around to see Anna standing on the doorway, holding a can of coke.

“You okay?” she raised her eyebrows as she rested against the doorframe.

“Yeah…” I stretched my head from nervous habit. I had to man up now, or never. “Do you, err, want to go to somewhere with me?”

“Sure. Where?” she smiled as she perked up.

“I dunno… a diner or a park?”

“The park sounds nice.” She agreed. I nodded in finalisation as I searched the room for my wallet and keys. I found them, stuffing them down my pockets.

“Let’s make it quick. Jimmy is less laidback when it comes to me.” She whispered as she grabbed my hand. As her soft hand touched my slightly tanned calloused ones, sparks flew. It made me never want to let her go. I entwined her slender fingers in between mine as I took the lead. Somehow, that contact with our hands made me more confident. We peered around us before bolting from the front door.

I was sitting under a tree with Anna’s head in my lap. The tree swished, flickering the light from the sun. My fingers played with her brown locks. She was giggling from some lame joke I had told her. It had been three hours since we snuck out from Matt’s house and the sun still wasn’t about to come down yet. We had been talking for the longest time about everything about each other and beyond. I discovered that she liked painting and art and played ice hockey.

I looked down upon her face. I had a sudden urge to kiss her. I leant closer to her face. Freezing, I stared at her eyes and her lips. She widened her eyes in surprise as her lips puckered.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I finally pressed my lips against her. Her soft lips moulded my thin ones. Red hot desire shot through me like flames. I wanted more of her. I wanted her to be with me. I hungrily deepened the kiss. After a few seconds, she pulled away slightly and sat up. I felt a slight pang from her actions. Had I done something wrong? Did I drive her away? Was this too soon?

She eased my bumbling thoughts with a chaste kiss. She disconnected us and cradled my face with her hand. I could feel the pad of her thumb rubbing my cheekbone. I sighed as I leant in her touch. She glanced away in shyness. Anna, the smooth confident girl, shy? I was glad that I had this effect on her; especially she had affected me in so many ways that I never thought possible.

“Hey,” I gently pushed her head to face me. “Nothing to be shy of, sweetheart.”

“It’s just, I never…” She trailed off. I gasped in disbelief. A beautiful girl like her should have had guys tripping over to get her.

“You never been kissed before?” I gaped at her.

“Yeah... and I never had a guy, so…” she flicked her hair over her ear.

“We will have to change that.” I smirked roguishly at her before diving in for another kiss. Just like the last one, it was electrifying. I pulled her close to me as I intensified the kiss, slipping my tongue into hers.

”Ew, Dad!” James scrunched up his face in disgust. “I don’t want to hear that part about you.”

“Sorry.” The father gazed down to the floor abashedly. “I got carried away.” James stared at him incredulously, shuddering as he unwillingly imagined his father in compromising situations.

“Go on, please. But no sex, okay?” he ushered his father. He nodded as he continued…

We had to run home soon after or Jimmy would have our asses. He could be easy-going and crazy, but when it came to Anna, he was pretty damn protective. We continued doing the same thing, running off to the park to be ourselves for a couple of weeks.

After I saw her off from another day at the park, I jogged all the way back to my house and climbed up to my bedroom. My room was simple, the walls were a boring cream, but posters of numerous bands covered the boringness of the walls. I had a single bed, a dresser and a bedside table. All of my stuff were strewn everywhere, even handing from the windowsill. But I could care less. At least I knew where all of my stuff was in the mess.

I flopped myself on the bed with an enormous sigh. A smile played on my lips from what happened today. She had to be one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. She gave me bliss like no other. We didn’t have sex yet, but kissing her and holding her was good enough for me. I laid my head on the pillow, thinking of Anna until the phone on my bedside table rang. I groaned and sat up, taking the phone to answer.

“Hey?” I asked in the speaker.

“Hey.” A quiet scared voice responded. I recognised the voice as Michelle’s.

“What’s going on?” I sat up straighter. I may have been a bad boyfriend, but I’m not that heartless. I do care about people, even about Michelle. She was a good woman regardless.

“I think,” she hesitated. “I think I’m pregnant.” At her words, the world stopped. All colour I had drained from my face. I couldn’t grasp what she said. I pinched the bridge of my nose and breathed deeply.

“What?” I said.

“I’m pregnant. I haven’t been with anyone else but you.” She repeated.

“How long?” I rasped, still breathing shakily.

“Around two months? I don’t know. I had the test and I just found out.” I nodded in response, before remembering she only could hear through the phone. I made a sound of acknowledgement.

“You gonna keep it?”

“I think so. I don’t know because you might not be there…” she trailed off. I thought about what would happen. I would be there for the baby. It wasn’t fair of me to walk off from my own child. If not more than anything, this child deserved both of its parents. I knew that, from experiencing a divorce between my parents. I decided from there and then, I would be there and support the baby all the way.

“I will be there, definitely, if you’re gonna keep it.” I finalised.

“Okay… I have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, at 11. Wanna come?”

“Yep.” I jotted down the date and time on a piece of paper with old lyrics written on the back of it. I ended the call and blew out a breath. Just then, I realised on what I would do with Anna. I cursed. Maintaining two relationships at the same time was difficult. Who should I choose? I totally had no clue how to break this to Anna. I liked her too much to let her go, but the child I was going to have with Michelle needed to be prioritised. With a heavy heart, it dawned on me that I had to choose Michelle and our child.

A week later, I jiggled on my heels in the chilly morning. It was pretty early, around eight in the morning. Anna had agreed to meet me at the tree in the park after I had picked up the balls to break the news to her. I was irrecoverably nervous. I loathed the fact that I had to come to this because of a sudden turn of circumstances. But I hoped that my love for my child would be worth it in the end. My eyes flicked up to see the familiar bobbed head come into the line of my sight. She was smiling, walking briskly towards me. I felt horrible, having to wipe that radiant smile in a matter of minutes.

Finally, she reached me and pulled me into an intense kiss that almost made me throw everything out of the window and run away with her. But my conscience kept me grounded. We pulled apart as she wrapped her arms around my torso. I held her, drinking in the moment before I rip this into shreds.

“Hey Brian!” Her smile faltered. “What’s wrong?” She gazed into my face as she held up my jaw.

“I have something to tell you…” I held her other hand, playing with her fingers. I couldn’t face her.

“Hm?” She pushed.

“My ex-girlfriend… she is… she is pregnant.” I managed to vomit out these words. “I’m the father.” I looked up to her just as her face slightly broke down and quickly composed.

“You’re gonna be with her and support her?” she asked, her voice an octave higher. I nodded. “Good. I can’t stand men who run away from their responsibilities.” She said it fiercely, glaring at me. “I won’t have it any other way.” I still nodded, not being able to say anything much.

“It hurts though, having to leave you.” I eventually found the words to say. I nursed her face in my hands, brushing away a few stray tears. From this moment, I knew I loved her, I still do. I had fallen for her in first sight.

“I know.” she nodded. She leant in for one last heart wrenching kiss. Our tears mixed as our lips moved against each other. The moment was short-lived as we broke apart. Anna looked around the park, shifting uncomfortably.

“I think I better go.” She said quickly. She gave me one last kiss before disappearing down the path, leaving me in my lonesome. I sighed dejectedly, looking at the trees swaying in the wind. This was when our course of the relationship completely changed and became the way it came to be. I knew things would be never the same ever again.