Just Take a Second to Set Things Straight

ALLIE'S POV

I don't know how long we were walking down the beach trying to find a spot to just bask in the sun, but somehow we finally found a spot, and Alex, bless him, took off his jacket for me to sit on. Apparently he didn't want me getting my hoodie all sandy. He left me for a couple of minutes, but returned with a smile and ice cream.

"So I figured you maybe hadn't had your fix yet. Therefore, one chocolate fudge brownie ice cream for you," he said, handing me the tub.

He really was sweet. Probably the nicest guy I've ever met to be quite honest. But I couldn't keep thinking that. Not if he was going to be taking care of me. It was unprofessional, and if it was his job, then it could put his career in jeopardy. I didn't even know what he did for a living actually. I didn't know what Zack did for a living...I wondered why I'd never asked.

We sat on the beach, just enjoying the warm rays of the Californian sun, taking the piss out of the tourists and the people who really didn't know how to dress on a beach. The best bet is that a lot of these people were English. You know what weather's like over there, it's the only country where you get the four seasons in the same week!

Alex and I laid down and I closed my eyes, but I couldn't really enjoy the peace because of the amount of kids on the beach, and the fact that Alex decided he wanted to talk, and his question startled me.

"Hey, Allie?" he asked first, and when I peeked a look at his face, he looked kind of worried.

"What?"

"Do you...do you know who the father is? Like, of your baby?" Why was he looking so awkward? But his question really did surprise me. Maybe because no one else really asked me before. If I didn't know any better I'd say they already knew. But that was impossible, because they'd tell me. I know they would.

"Well actually, no. Not because I'm a whore or anything...just my memory you know? It screwed me over real bad. This is the one thing I wanted to know too. Not for me, for the baby. I just hope whoever he is, he's not an asshole," I answered, sighing.

Alex chuckled weakly, and sat up, so I could only really see his back from how I was laying. "What would you do if he was an asshole?"

"I don't know...punch him in the face?" I said, unsure.

That got a proper laugh out of him, I could tell. You always can really, can't you? You can tell whether someone has a spark of happiness by the way they laugh. "And you...you really don't know who the guy is?" he asked after his laughter died down, turning around a little so he could see my face.

I shook my head. "No, I mean, when I found out I was pregnant...it shocked me to say the least. I didn't even think it was possible, I mean as far as I knew I was still a virgin. So when I started to feel sick and I gained a little weight...I thought there must be something really wrong with me. When the doctor said it was this...well it really did just shock me. I can't remember anything. Well...I suppose I remember something..."

ALEX'S POV

My head shot up and I turned around fully to face her. "What? What did you remember?"

Allie blushed. "You'll think it's stupid."

"No! I won't! I promise!"

She sighed as my eyes pleaded for her to tell me. "Alright. Well, when I found out I was pregnant and I put two and two together, part of something came back, I guess. I remember just laying in bed with whoever it was, but I can't picture the face, it was too dark...but I remember it just...feeling...right...I guess. Being with him. And I can remember telling him that I was glad that he was...well that he was my first. And I mean, I can't remember sleeping with anyone else so I guess that must have been the guy, right?"

She remembered. She remembered me. Well, okay, maybe not totally, but she still remembered something! A part of her held on to that. And that was something. But I couldn't let her know that my heart was soaring right now, so I just smiled. "Yeah, must have. And I'm sure he's not an asshole if you're glad he was your first."

Allie smiled weakly. I just wanted to kiss her so bad. I knew I couldn't, at least not yet, but I needed to. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to play this game. Erica was right when she had said it would be hard. "Thanks. But...but what if he played me? What if he made me think I was in love with him and then he played me? What do I do then if I find him and he doesn't care?"

"Allie, I would-" Oh shit, did I just start saying that? Collect your thoughts dammit! Maybe I really was an asshole for being so stupid and almost giving the game away. She'd figure it out someday, right? "Uhm, he would never play you, I'm sure. You're too nice for someone to play you. How could anyone ever want to hurt you?" Again, I resisted the temptation to push the loose stands of her hair away from her face. Luckily she saved me from my own actions by doing it herself, tucking it behind her ear and biting her lip. Fuck. That was one of the most god damn sexiest things I had ever seen. Okay, maybe sexy isn't right...but it turned me on, nonetheless, so much so that I had to clear my throat to stop it sounding all high pitched.

"That's really...sweet of you Alex. You're not such a bad guy yourself," Allie said, smiling.

I gave her a lopsided grin and pulled her into my side. "Thanks, care to tell that to Erica? I don't think she's quite comfortable with passing on the torch yet."

"Alex...can I ask you something now?"

"Go for it."

She bit her lip again. DAMMIT! "Are you..is she...I mean..."

"What?" I said, chuckling. She was so freaking cute!

"Are you supposed to be a new carer or something? Like instead of Erica and Zack? A twenty four hour baby sitter?"

She hadn't heard us talking right? No, she couldn't have, otherwise, if she had, she would probably be questioning me as to why I thought I was the father. "Well...maybe not twenty four hours, because like, I have other work stuff to do too, but I guess so...eventually."

Allie nodded. "Is that why you're being so nice to me? Why you're spending so much time with me?"

No, Allie, it's because I knew you from the age of seven but when I was thirteen your dad died and you moved to England but then you came back, and guess what? You forgot who I was. Then you knew me for about a month and then you forgot me again and left, not realising I had got you up the duff. Now you've come back you see, and I missed you like crazy and you're pregnant so I'm trying to get back into your life and guess what? I'm the asshole of a father! YAY! "You could say that, but mainly it's because believe it or not, you're actually a nice person to be around."

Again, she nodded. "Is it also so that...so that I don't forget?"

Wow, she sounded really sad. I guess it really did affect her emotions, and the hormones didn't help I'll bet. I squeezed her slightly. "Hey, don't be like that. I mean, I guess so. If you're gonna end up in my care completely then you gotta remember me so you don't think I kidnapped you or something. And look how well you've already done! You barely ask me to remind you of my name anymore!" I told her, smiling, trying to put back some of that life in her blue grey eyes.

She actually smiled at me then, a nice, good old fashioned Allie smile. One that told me she was a little bit happier. "Yeah, I guess so. And thanks. I suppose if I had to end up with anyone to look after me, I'm glad it's you. Erica deserves a break. But when I have my baby, are you gonna find someone else to look after me?" Allie sounded kind of worried then. I couldn't exactly tell her I'd stick around because I was the father.

"Nope, sorry kid, you're stuck with me now."

She giggled. I loved that giggle. You never realise how much you love something untill it's gone I guess. "That's okay. I can deal with it. At least social services or whatever aren't just dumping me with someone. They actually made you come out and get to know me."

Huh? What? "Uhm...Allie, I'm not with social services. I'm just a close friend of Erica and Zack's. I'm looking after you to give them a break, and because I really like you as a person...you're my friend too. Do you not know what I actually do for a living?" She shook her head in confusion and I laughed. "Allie, I'm the lead singer in a band. Zack plays bass for us."

Her eyes widened. "Really?" I nodded. "And you still wanna look after me?" Again, I nodded. She paused for a moment, like she was finding the right words to say. "Did I know you before all of this...well you know..." I smiled sadly and nodded. Again, she bit her lip. "Were we close?"

I didn't know how I should answer. I couldn't tell her everything, could I? That would just scare her off. So I went for something more believable. "We were best friends."

Allie nodded, but smiled small. "And that's why you wanna take care of me? You knew me before Erica?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I've known you since you were five."

"Do you know who the father of my baby is?"

Oh god, I couldn't tell her the truth. Not yet at least. So I lied. It was the easiest option for the time being, even if she hated me for it later. "No, I'm sorry. You never really spoke about him to anyone."

Allie sighed, and it was as if she had deflated. "Oh well, I guess at least I found you. I'm sorry I don't remember you. But at least we're getting close again now, right?"

I cocked my head and smiled down at her. "Yeah, you don't have to apologise. Is that why you came back? To find the dad?"

"Yeah, I don't want my baby growing up without a dad. Unless he's an asshole of course."

I chuckled at that. "Of course." Maybe I would tell her, not yet, but when the baby was born. Maybe I would tell her then.

"Thanks for not giving up on me, I really appreciate it," Allie said after a moment of silence.

"Hey, I could never give up on you. You were my best friend. And can be again," I said reassuringly. She smiled up at me.

"I'd like that...but..."

"But what?"

Allie looked up at me, she looked as though she was about to cry. "What's your name? I can't remember your name, oh god, I'm so sorry, I can't remember your name and you were my best friend...oh god."

I panicked, and just held her close, feeling her cool tears stain my tshirt. "Hey, it's okay. It's Alex, you'll slip up sometimes, it's fine, don't worry about it."

Her cried became louder and more out of control. "It's killing me! Being like this! I can't remember anything and I don't know if I'll remember when I wake up! I hate it! Why me, why does it have to be me?" she wailed.

"It's okay, it'll be okay," I said, trying to calm her down, but right now I think she just needed to let it all out.

"But I'll forget! It's not okay! You'll all get sick of me and then I'll have nobody! I hate it! I hate myself for it! I'm better off dead than like this!"

Fuck. She really felt like that? My heart was breaking for her. "Oh Allie, no we won't, I promise you we won't. I won't. I could never get sick of you. you're my best friend, I love you girl. And Erica's not gonna just disappear outta your life."

"I hear her talking to Zack though, I know it's too much for her. I'm too much for her!"

"That's why I'm here, to give her a break, to let someone else take the rains. I'll always be here for you. Too much of you is never enough. Please don't think you're better off dead, because then that would kill me. I need you. Your baby needs you."

"Alex...they told me I'll forget my baby. What happens when I wake up and I forget my own baby's name?" She said that quietly, but it was a broken sort of whisper, one of the worst things I had ever heard, and I just wanted to take her away from all of this, to take all her pain away so she didn't have to face it anymore.

"I'll be there to remind you. I promise you, I'm not going to let you forget, never."

After that she just sort of stayed there for a good hour, not saying anything, just crying as I held her.

"Thank you for being such a good friend. I'm glad I have you," Allie finally said, talking softly as she pulled away and looked into my eyes.

"Hey, no worries, it's what best friends are for," I answered her, smiling and kissing her forehead.

We decided it was time to go and get some retail therapy...okay more so her idea, but I had to carry her money because she always forgot how much money she had. But I knew I would end up buying stuff for her anyway. I couldn't resist.

But as we got up and I gave her a hug to comfort her before we went to go shop, she whispered ever so softly into my ear "I'm sorry for forgetting you." I don't think she intended me to hear it, so I acted like I hadn't and just held her hand as we walked off the beach and down the street.

Things could either get better or worse from here, and I had no clue which was more likely.