Camp Redwood
kalliope.
The movie trip was lame.
I mean, really lame. Had Sebastian not been so pathetically begging to take care of poor Aubrey, I would have stayed behind. But seeing as Aubrey really likes him and it’s pretty obvious that he likes her too, I fake wanting to be with the therapist during the film and convince her that Sebastian should stay behind.
I sit in the front, across the aisle from Dr. Poxleitner on the bus, mostly because I want to avoid Forrest, Keegan, and Lupe, who seem to have taken to following me around. Well, the first two anyway. Lupe is just after Keegan. Or Forrest. I’ve stopped keeping track because I’m trying to convince myself not to care about him anymore.
It kind of really sucks.
Forrest decides to sit behind me, and Lupe, ever the desperate teenage girl, sits next to him. Keegan, who’s apparently stopped trying to get with me—thankfully—is now pining after Lupe, and he sits across from her.
It’s all so ridiculous.
Forrest spends the bus ride trying to get me to talk to him, even though he knows I won’t. He tries regardless. Meanwhile, Lupe keeps trying to get Forrest to talk to her, but he kind of just brushes her off. I don’t know if he’s doing it because I’m there or if it’s because he really doesn’t want to talk to her. And Keegan, of course, ever the pathetic pothead, is trying to get Lupe’s attention.
She doesn’t even notice.
The seating arrangement at the theatre is even worse. I’m sandwiched between Dr. Poxleitner—this is all Sebastian and his pubescent pining’s doing—and Forrest. The former doesn’t know how to share an armrest, and spends the entire film jabbing me a little with her elbow. I don’t think she means to, but still. Meanwhile, Forrest keeps trying to hold my hand and be all sentimental, but I’m not having it, so I just shoot him a glare and slap his hand away. Lupe sits next to Forrest and keeps her hand on his knee. He doesn’t bother to move it. Keegan sits next to Lupe and keeps trying to get her to speak to him, but that’s not happening either.
None of us are happy.
The bus ride back is rather rambunctious and loud, which I’m thankful for. Forrest is distracted by his friends—he’s kind of a popular kid, what can I say? I eye them from my seat in the back, sipping my slushy slowly, trying to make it last. Do I miss him?
I don’t want to think about it.
Keegan is sitting with Lupe and she seems to be giving him the time of day for once. It’s not that I don’t like Lupe, but I kind of just…don’t. She’s part of the reason why Forrest and I are even somewhat broken up in the first place. I can’t keep thinking about it. I’m one of the first people off the bus, but that’s only because I dash forward as soon as we roll to a stop at the camp site and book it. I hear someone calling my name, but I don’t really care right now. I just want to go back to bed.
“Kallie!” Forrest calls out. “Kallie!” Why can’t he just let this go? Why? I don’t understand. How does he possibly think he’s going to be able to explain or justify what he did? He can’t. He’s just like everyone else, and I should have known that, but for some reason, I let him in anyway.
This is why I keep people out in the first place.
I turn down the path, avoiding them completely and take my sweet time walking to my cabin. After all, I’m almost positive Sebastian’s still there, and I want to give them all the time they can get. Aubrey needs someone like Sebastian…and I need a distraction from this mess I call my life.
Eventually, I do reach my cabin. The lights are off, but there’s an outline on the bed that tells me that I’m right and they really are together. Still. The TV’s on. I sit on the front steps and sip my melted slushy patiently, pulling my phone out of my pocket. We really shouldn’t have these, but what the therapist doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It’s almost curfew, so I decide that I should let Sebastian get back to wherever it is he stays and does his nightly announcements from. I get up and walk to my door, peeking in through the window again. They haven’t moved very much.
Aubrey needs some happiness, but I need to sleep, and he needs to get going, so they’ll have to finish this tomorrow or someday soon.
I open and shut the door behind me quietly, trying not to laugh. They’re whispering and laughing. I’m happy that she’s happy. I flip the light switch up, and the ceiling fan lamp turns on. They shoot up and I laugh, throwing my head back. They turn towards the door. Aubrey sighs in relief. Meanwhile, Sebastian’s white as a sheet.
“What are my little love birds up to?” I ask. Sebastian flushes and Aubrey smiles, glancing at him.
“N-Nothin’,” he stammers.
“Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?” I smirk at them, winking at the nervous counselor. “Curfew’s in ten minutes, just so you know.” After grabbing a sweatshirt and some pajama bottoms, I bid them good night. I figure they deserve some privacy, so I head into the bathroom and take a shower. I can hear Aubrey laughing, and I smile.
At least things are working out for her.
After I’m done, I change into the clothes and walk into the room. She’s leaning against the door, holding her hand to her cheek. I wriggle my eyebrows at her. “How’d it go with lover boy?” She smiles softly, walking past me and into the bathroom. “That good, huh?” I ask, following her. “Did you guys do it?”
“Do what?” I wriggle my eyebrows at her again, turning on the faucet. She blushes, shaking her head.
“Uh…no…”
“You did!” I exclaim and she shakes her head, wide-eyed.
“No! He just, uh, he—” She tries not to laugh. “He just kissed me…a lot.” She giggles and covers her mouth, smiling. I run my toothbrush under the faucet and put some toothpaste on it, then shut the faucet. Aubrey goes into the room, and I can hear the creak of the mattress as she throws herself on it.
“Aubrey has a boyfriend!” I exclaim, spitting into the sink. I rinse out my mouth and wipe it with a towel. After that, I fall into bed. She pokes her head into my bunk.
“You think so?” I kick my slippers off.
“Ask him about it.”
“Good idea!” she exclaims, bubbly. “How was the movie?” I groan, falling against the pillows.
“Lame,” I lament, rolling out of bed to wash my face. I feel restless. She follows me, leaning against the doorframe.
“And Forrest?” I squeeze some facial scrub—Tracy’s idea—onto my hands, glancing at her as I rub it on my face.
“I don’t really wanna talk about Forrest,” I mumble.
“Oh. What about Keegan?” I shrug, splashing water on my face.
“As annoying as he usually is.” She’s quiet for a few seconds.
“Sebastian isn’t a virgin.” I shoot up, glancing at her in the mirror with surprise.
“W-What?!” I exclaim, turning around. She nods. I turn around, shaking my head and finish washing my face. I’m drying off when there’s a knock on the door.
“I’ll get it!” Aubrey says cheerfully. I sigh, leaning against the counter. I’m about to walk out because it’s probably Sebastian and I’d be lying if I say I don’t like embarrassing him, but it doesn’t sound like it’s him based on Aubrey’s tone. “I don’t think Kallie’s really up for this right now, you know?” I peek out of the bathroom, only to see Aubrey standing in the doorway, talking to Forrest. I duck back into the bathroom. I would have sent him away myself, but I’m not sure I’d be able to and not start crying.
I’m trying to be strong, but it’s hard. Why does it have to be this way? I wait until I hear Aubrey shutting the door, then walk out. She looks a little sad, holding out her hand.
“Forrest brought you something.” She hands me a folded square of paper and I take it, setting it on my bed, then shut the lights off, yawning. I figure that whatever he’s wants to say can wait until tomorrow morning. I’m kind of tired anyway. I can hear Aubrey climbing into her bed, sighing. Reaching over, I rummage around the nightstand, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, but I think better of it and put them back. “Aren’t you gonna read it?” she asks.
“I don’t know.” I sit up, holding it in my hands. I wish it was as simple as crumbling it up and throwing it away, but it’s not. She pokes her head into my bunk, tossing me a flashlight.
“Read it!” I sigh, opening the note sullenly as I turn it on. I’m expecting some long winding letter that’s all sappy and romantic, but I’m surprised when it’s literally only a couple of lines long.
I want to cry.
“What does it say?”
I can't read it because the tears make my sight blurry.
I give Aubrey back her flashlight and she lays back down. The bunk above me creaks. I crumple up the note and throw it somewhere, turning on my side and holding my pillow tightly to my chest.
“Are you crying?”
“Go to sleep, Aubrey,” I mumble, wiping my face.
“Why are you so sad?”
“Go to sleep.” I pull the covers over my head, sniffling.
“I think Forrest loves you.”
+
“Why do you cut?” the doctor asks, looking up from her file at me.
“Why are you a therapist?” I reply. She scribbles something down.
“That’s not what I asked you.” I shrug. She sighs, looking back down at her notes. “When was the last time you did it?” I don’t answer, looking at her blankly. I cross my legs, trying hard not to rub my wrist against my thigh. I take to looking around the room at all her certificates and degrees and awards and so on. She seems like a busy person. She starts writing again. “Let me see.”
“No.”
“Kalliope.”
“Dr. Poxleitner,” I mock. She sighs again.
“I can’t help you if you don’t let me help you.”
“I don’t need your help.” She frowns.
“What makes you say that?” I scoff, shaking my head.
“Because I don’t. You can’t fix everybody,” I explain.
“Why not?” I roll my eyes, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Because you just can’t. I don’t think you should be wasting your time on me when there are people here who have serious problems.”
“You have a serious problem,” she says, looking upset. “So even if I were to go by your logic, I still need to help you.” She pushes her glasses up her nose. “Show me.” I shake my head. I don’t want to because they’re ugly, because they make me feel like a freak, because I just can’t. The only people here who’ve actually seen them are Aubrey and Forrest. Thinking about Forrest only upsets me so I don’t. “Why not?”
“It’s disgusting.”
“Kallie, I’ve seen my fair share of battle scars. It’s gonna be okay, you know?” I raise an eyebrow, because she probably just thinks that there are only a few stray cuts here and there and that everything is peachy keen. I’m more annoyed than anything else, so I push my sleeves up, holding up my arms. Her eyes widen. She looks surprised. I pull them down quickly.
“Told you so.”
“Why do you do this to yourself?” I’m silent, picking my nail polish off. If I knew how to explain myself, I wouldn’t really be here. But since, for once, I actually have nothing to say, I keep my mouth shut. She starts writing again and we sit in silence, waiting for someone to break it.
“Can I ask you something?” She nods, tilting her head. “How do you…” I trail off, sighing, trying to figure out how to phrase this. “How…how do you know when you’re in love?” She raises an eyebrow, a faint smile on her lips.
“Are you seeing someone?”
“You know I’m not telling you, right? Can you just answer my question, please?”
She tuts, sighing quietly.
“Well… love is…when you can’t really be with anyone but that person and be genuinely happy, you know? It’s more than just…physical attraction. It’s an attraction on all levels. You want them, every part of them, the good, the bad, the ugly. You don’t care, because that’s who they are. It doesn’t mean there aren’t some things they should or shouldn’t change, ’cause there are, and there’ll always be something we all need to work on. They should complete you, you know? It shouldn’t just be the whole ‘they-make-my-heart-skip-beats’ thing, because love is…so much more than that.” She sighs dreamily. “It’s pretty neat, actually.”
+
I’ve spent the last day or so holed up in my cabin. This morning, after breakfast and a tennis game (with Sebastian watching, as per usual), she drags me out, in my bathing suit and all, to the lake. I don’t know why I let her, but I’m bored and lonely and tired, so maybe I’m just not thinking right anymore. Forrest and I used to do everything together.
Now we don’t.
I hate this.
He seems happy, I muse, lying on my back, peering at him through my sunglasses. Maybe this was for the best. I mean, you can miss someone and still be happy, can’t you? That is, if he even misses me at all.
+
I’m in the library. Sebastian and Aubrey are hiding out in the cabin because it’s lunchtime and Aubrey’s still ‘sick’. I love them, and I love the fact that Aubrey’s happy with somebody for once, but I don’t really want to hear them fooling around above me. It makes me think of how lonely I am, and by default, of Forrest.
Forrest is…Forrest. I can’t see him anymore without wanting to cry, so I’ve taken to just avoiding the mess hall and all of his other haunts…which leaves me the library as the only place where I can go and not see him. I pick a book off a shelf, flipping through it. I can’t stop thinking, and I’m driving myself crazy. I sit down at a table in a corner, open my book, and start reading.
It’s really not that bad, and I’m actually kind of getting into it when I hear the soft scrape of a chair against the floor. I glance up and it’s, of course, Forrest. I make myself look down. He sits and I flip a page in my book, biting my lip.
“Can we talk?”
“You’re talking,” I mumble, trying to focus on the words on the page. He reaches out for my hand but I jerk it away, glancing up at him. “Don’t.” He sighs. I keep trying to read my book, but it’s hard, because he keeps looking at me like I’m something special when I’m really not.
“Can you look at me, at least?” I glance at him, trying to keep a straight face. “I don’t know what I was thinking, Kallie, okay? If I could take it all back, I would, but I can’t. It was a huge, huge mistake, and I’m sorry. I know that saying it that won’t fix anything and it won’t make it any better, but I am. I miss you.”
“Am I supposed to forgive you ’cause you’re sorry and you miss me?” I ask quietly, tugging on my sweater sleeve.
“No.”
“Good,” I reply. “’Cause I’m not.” I sigh, standing up. “Can we go somewhere else?” We walk out and find an empty bench. Lunch is almost over. We sit and I sigh again, picking at my nail polish (Aubrey painted my nails last night). “I’m mad at you. I mean, really mad. And if I didn’t feel like this, love whatever it is, I wouldn’t even be talking to you right now. But I miss you. I miss being with you and kissing you and doing stupid things with you and I just miss…us.” I look down at my lap. “Aubrey thinks you love me.”
“Never said I didn’t.”
“Please don’t prove her wrong, Forrest.”
I mean, really lame. Had Sebastian not been so pathetically begging to take care of poor Aubrey, I would have stayed behind. But seeing as Aubrey really likes him and it’s pretty obvious that he likes her too, I fake wanting to be with the therapist during the film and convince her that Sebastian should stay behind.
I sit in the front, across the aisle from Dr. Poxleitner on the bus, mostly because I want to avoid Forrest, Keegan, and Lupe, who seem to have taken to following me around. Well, the first two anyway. Lupe is just after Keegan. Or Forrest. I’ve stopped keeping track because I’m trying to convince myself not to care about him anymore.
It kind of really sucks.
Forrest decides to sit behind me, and Lupe, ever the desperate teenage girl, sits next to him. Keegan, who’s apparently stopped trying to get with me—thankfully—is now pining after Lupe, and he sits across from her.
It’s all so ridiculous.
Forrest spends the bus ride trying to get me to talk to him, even though he knows I won’t. He tries regardless. Meanwhile, Lupe keeps trying to get Forrest to talk to her, but he kind of just brushes her off. I don’t know if he’s doing it because I’m there or if it’s because he really doesn’t want to talk to her. And Keegan, of course, ever the pathetic pothead, is trying to get Lupe’s attention.
She doesn’t even notice.
The seating arrangement at the theatre is even worse. I’m sandwiched between Dr. Poxleitner—this is all Sebastian and his pubescent pining’s doing—and Forrest. The former doesn’t know how to share an armrest, and spends the entire film jabbing me a little with her elbow. I don’t think she means to, but still. Meanwhile, Forrest keeps trying to hold my hand and be all sentimental, but I’m not having it, so I just shoot him a glare and slap his hand away. Lupe sits next to Forrest and keeps her hand on his knee. He doesn’t bother to move it. Keegan sits next to Lupe and keeps trying to get her to speak to him, but that’s not happening either.
None of us are happy.
The bus ride back is rather rambunctious and loud, which I’m thankful for. Forrest is distracted by his friends—he’s kind of a popular kid, what can I say? I eye them from my seat in the back, sipping my slushy slowly, trying to make it last. Do I miss him?
I don’t want to think about it.
Keegan is sitting with Lupe and she seems to be giving him the time of day for once. It’s not that I don’t like Lupe, but I kind of just…don’t. She’s part of the reason why Forrest and I are even somewhat broken up in the first place. I can’t keep thinking about it. I’m one of the first people off the bus, but that’s only because I dash forward as soon as we roll to a stop at the camp site and book it. I hear someone calling my name, but I don’t really care right now. I just want to go back to bed.
“Kallie!” Forrest calls out. “Kallie!” Why can’t he just let this go? Why? I don’t understand. How does he possibly think he’s going to be able to explain or justify what he did? He can’t. He’s just like everyone else, and I should have known that, but for some reason, I let him in anyway.
This is why I keep people out in the first place.
I turn down the path, avoiding them completely and take my sweet time walking to my cabin. After all, I’m almost positive Sebastian’s still there, and I want to give them all the time they can get. Aubrey needs someone like Sebastian…and I need a distraction from this mess I call my life.
Eventually, I do reach my cabin. The lights are off, but there’s an outline on the bed that tells me that I’m right and they really are together. Still. The TV’s on. I sit on the front steps and sip my melted slushy patiently, pulling my phone out of my pocket. We really shouldn’t have these, but what the therapist doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It’s almost curfew, so I decide that I should let Sebastian get back to wherever it is he stays and does his nightly announcements from. I get up and walk to my door, peeking in through the window again. They haven’t moved very much.
Aubrey needs some happiness, but I need to sleep, and he needs to get going, so they’ll have to finish this tomorrow or someday soon.
I open and shut the door behind me quietly, trying not to laugh. They’re whispering and laughing. I’m happy that she’s happy. I flip the light switch up, and the ceiling fan lamp turns on. They shoot up and I laugh, throwing my head back. They turn towards the door. Aubrey sighs in relief. Meanwhile, Sebastian’s white as a sheet.
“What are my little love birds up to?” I ask. Sebastian flushes and Aubrey smiles, glancing at him.
“N-Nothin’,” he stammers.
“Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?” I smirk at them, winking at the nervous counselor. “Curfew’s in ten minutes, just so you know.” After grabbing a sweatshirt and some pajama bottoms, I bid them good night. I figure they deserve some privacy, so I head into the bathroom and take a shower. I can hear Aubrey laughing, and I smile.
At least things are working out for her.
After I’m done, I change into the clothes and walk into the room. She’s leaning against the door, holding her hand to her cheek. I wriggle my eyebrows at her. “How’d it go with lover boy?” She smiles softly, walking past me and into the bathroom. “That good, huh?” I ask, following her. “Did you guys do it?”
“Do what?” I wriggle my eyebrows at her again, turning on the faucet. She blushes, shaking her head.
“Uh…no…”
“You did!” I exclaim and she shakes her head, wide-eyed.
“No! He just, uh, he—” She tries not to laugh. “He just kissed me…a lot.” She giggles and covers her mouth, smiling. I run my toothbrush under the faucet and put some toothpaste on it, then shut the faucet. Aubrey goes into the room, and I can hear the creak of the mattress as she throws herself on it.
“Aubrey has a boyfriend!” I exclaim, spitting into the sink. I rinse out my mouth and wipe it with a towel. After that, I fall into bed. She pokes her head into my bunk.
“You think so?” I kick my slippers off.
“Ask him about it.”
“Good idea!” she exclaims, bubbly. “How was the movie?” I groan, falling against the pillows.
“Lame,” I lament, rolling out of bed to wash my face. I feel restless. She follows me, leaning against the doorframe.
“And Forrest?” I squeeze some facial scrub—Tracy’s idea—onto my hands, glancing at her as I rub it on my face.
“I don’t really wanna talk about Forrest,” I mumble.
“Oh. What about Keegan?” I shrug, splashing water on my face.
“As annoying as he usually is.” She’s quiet for a few seconds.
“Sebastian isn’t a virgin.” I shoot up, glancing at her in the mirror with surprise.
“W-What?!” I exclaim, turning around. She nods. I turn around, shaking my head and finish washing my face. I’m drying off when there’s a knock on the door.
“I’ll get it!” Aubrey says cheerfully. I sigh, leaning against the counter. I’m about to walk out because it’s probably Sebastian and I’d be lying if I say I don’t like embarrassing him, but it doesn’t sound like it’s him based on Aubrey’s tone. “I don’t think Kallie’s really up for this right now, you know?” I peek out of the bathroom, only to see Aubrey standing in the doorway, talking to Forrest. I duck back into the bathroom. I would have sent him away myself, but I’m not sure I’d be able to and not start crying.
I’m trying to be strong, but it’s hard. Why does it have to be this way? I wait until I hear Aubrey shutting the door, then walk out. She looks a little sad, holding out her hand.
“Forrest brought you something.” She hands me a folded square of paper and I take it, setting it on my bed, then shut the lights off, yawning. I figure that whatever he’s wants to say can wait until tomorrow morning. I’m kind of tired anyway. I can hear Aubrey climbing into her bed, sighing. Reaching over, I rummage around the nightstand, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, but I think better of it and put them back. “Aren’t you gonna read it?” she asks.
“I don’t know.” I sit up, holding it in my hands. I wish it was as simple as crumbling it up and throwing it away, but it’s not. She pokes her head into my bunk, tossing me a flashlight.
“Read it!” I sigh, opening the note sullenly as I turn it on. I’m expecting some long winding letter that’s all sappy and romantic, but I’m surprised when it’s literally only a couple of lines long.
I want to cry.
“What does it say?”
I can't read it because the tears make my sight blurry.
I give Aubrey back her flashlight and she lays back down. The bunk above me creaks. I crumple up the note and throw it somewhere, turning on my side and holding my pillow tightly to my chest.
“Are you crying?”
“Go to sleep, Aubrey,” I mumble, wiping my face.
“Why are you so sad?”
“Go to sleep.” I pull the covers over my head, sniffling.
“I think Forrest loves you.”
+
“Why do you cut?” the doctor asks, looking up from her file at me.
“Why are you a therapist?” I reply. She scribbles something down.
“That’s not what I asked you.” I shrug. She sighs, looking back down at her notes. “When was the last time you did it?” I don’t answer, looking at her blankly. I cross my legs, trying hard not to rub my wrist against my thigh. I take to looking around the room at all her certificates and degrees and awards and so on. She seems like a busy person. She starts writing again. “Let me see.”
“No.”
“Kalliope.”
“Dr. Poxleitner,” I mock. She sighs again.
“I can’t help you if you don’t let me help you.”
“I don’t need your help.” She frowns.
“What makes you say that?” I scoff, shaking my head.
“Because I don’t. You can’t fix everybody,” I explain.
“Why not?” I roll my eyes, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Because you just can’t. I don’t think you should be wasting your time on me when there are people here who have serious problems.”
“You have a serious problem,” she says, looking upset. “So even if I were to go by your logic, I still need to help you.” She pushes her glasses up her nose. “Show me.” I shake my head. I don’t want to because they’re ugly, because they make me feel like a freak, because I just can’t. The only people here who’ve actually seen them are Aubrey and Forrest. Thinking about Forrest only upsets me so I don’t. “Why not?”
“It’s disgusting.”
“Kallie, I’ve seen my fair share of battle scars. It’s gonna be okay, you know?” I raise an eyebrow, because she probably just thinks that there are only a few stray cuts here and there and that everything is peachy keen. I’m more annoyed than anything else, so I push my sleeves up, holding up my arms. Her eyes widen. She looks surprised. I pull them down quickly.
“Told you so.”
“Why do you do this to yourself?” I’m silent, picking my nail polish off. If I knew how to explain myself, I wouldn’t really be here. But since, for once, I actually have nothing to say, I keep my mouth shut. She starts writing again and we sit in silence, waiting for someone to break it.
“Can I ask you something?” She nods, tilting her head. “How do you…” I trail off, sighing, trying to figure out how to phrase this. “How…how do you know when you’re in love?” She raises an eyebrow, a faint smile on her lips.
“Are you seeing someone?”
“You know I’m not telling you, right? Can you just answer my question, please?”
She tuts, sighing quietly.
“Well… love is…when you can’t really be with anyone but that person and be genuinely happy, you know? It’s more than just…physical attraction. It’s an attraction on all levels. You want them, every part of them, the good, the bad, the ugly. You don’t care, because that’s who they are. It doesn’t mean there aren’t some things they should or shouldn’t change, ’cause there are, and there’ll always be something we all need to work on. They should complete you, you know? It shouldn’t just be the whole ‘they-make-my-heart-skip-beats’ thing, because love is…so much more than that.” She sighs dreamily. “It’s pretty neat, actually.”
+
I’ve spent the last day or so holed up in my cabin. This morning, after breakfast and a tennis game (with Sebastian watching, as per usual), she drags me out, in my bathing suit and all, to the lake. I don’t know why I let her, but I’m bored and lonely and tired, so maybe I’m just not thinking right anymore. Forrest and I used to do everything together.
Now we don’t.
I hate this.
He seems happy, I muse, lying on my back, peering at him through my sunglasses. Maybe this was for the best. I mean, you can miss someone and still be happy, can’t you? That is, if he even misses me at all.
+
I’m in the library. Sebastian and Aubrey are hiding out in the cabin because it’s lunchtime and Aubrey’s still ‘sick’. I love them, and I love the fact that Aubrey’s happy with somebody for once, but I don’t really want to hear them fooling around above me. It makes me think of how lonely I am, and by default, of Forrest.
Forrest is…Forrest. I can’t see him anymore without wanting to cry, so I’ve taken to just avoiding the mess hall and all of his other haunts…which leaves me the library as the only place where I can go and not see him. I pick a book off a shelf, flipping through it. I can’t stop thinking, and I’m driving myself crazy. I sit down at a table in a corner, open my book, and start reading.
It’s really not that bad, and I’m actually kind of getting into it when I hear the soft scrape of a chair against the floor. I glance up and it’s, of course, Forrest. I make myself look down. He sits and I flip a page in my book, biting my lip.
“Can we talk?”
“You’re talking,” I mumble, trying to focus on the words on the page. He reaches out for my hand but I jerk it away, glancing up at him. “Don’t.” He sighs. I keep trying to read my book, but it’s hard, because he keeps looking at me like I’m something special when I’m really not.
“Can you look at me, at least?” I glance at him, trying to keep a straight face. “I don’t know what I was thinking, Kallie, okay? If I could take it all back, I would, but I can’t. It was a huge, huge mistake, and I’m sorry. I know that saying it that won’t fix anything and it won’t make it any better, but I am. I miss you.”
“Am I supposed to forgive you ’cause you’re sorry and you miss me?” I ask quietly, tugging on my sweater sleeve.
“No.”
“Good,” I reply. “’Cause I’m not.” I sigh, standing up. “Can we go somewhere else?” We walk out and find an empty bench. Lunch is almost over. We sit and I sigh again, picking at my nail polish (Aubrey painted my nails last night). “I’m mad at you. I mean, really mad. And if I didn’t feel like this, love whatever it is, I wouldn’t even be talking to you right now. But I miss you. I miss being with you and kissing you and doing stupid things with you and I just miss…us.” I look down at my lap. “Aubrey thinks you love me.”
“Never said I didn’t.”
“Please don’t prove her wrong, Forrest.”
♠ ♠ ♠
recommendations mean loooove.