Camp Redwood

We had a fight.

I want to believe this all happened because we had a fight, but the fight was just so stupid that it wasn’t even worth the actual argument itself, so I don’t even know anymore.

“I saw you looking at her,” Kalliope said sullenly, picking at her food. It was after Lupe walked past our table. She glared at Kalliope, storming towards Keegan and Aubrey.

“Looking at who, exactly?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” I replied, eating some fries. She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms across her chest.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like such an idiot,” was her angry retort. She narrowed her eyes. “I mean, I know she’s pretty or whatever, but would you mind not drooling after her in front of me?”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Really?” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Really? Lupe.” I almost laughed. Forget almost, I did, mostly because it d43 was ridiculous and funny and she’s cute when she’s mad and I didn’t want to be mad at her to begin with. I didn’t think she was being serious, but apparently, she was very serious. “I don’t know what’s so funny, Forrest.”

I tried to be serious, but I couldn’t help it.

“Why are you laughing?!” She narrowed her eyes at me, frowning sullenly. “It’s not funny.”

“It kind of is.”

“No, it isn’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because you stare at her like some little pre-pubescent boy, that’s why.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You can’t even man up to it now? Really? I mean, if you’re gonna do it, you might as well admit you did it.”

“Uh…how about no? I wasn’t staring at her so…yeah.”

“You were so!” she exclaims.

“No, I wasn’t.” She makes a face, looking hurt. “What? What’d I do?”

“You’re so fucking inconsiderate,” she spat, standing up abruptly, storming away.

“Kalliope!” Everyone turned around and stared as she flipped me off. I looked back down at my plate, not even hungry anymore. When I looked up, Lupe gave me a small smile, then turned back around. Keegan was staring at Kalliope.

It was all so ridiculous.



“What’s the matter?” Kalliope asked me, nudging me with her elbow. I shook my head, offering her some of the cupcake. I don’t want to believe Aubrey. I don’t. Not because she’s crazy, or whatever, but just because I really can’t bring myself to believe it. I’m not an idiot. Wouldn’t I have figured it out by now? Or maybe she’s just a good liar? No. Kallie wouldn’t lie to me like that.

Right?

Right.

She licks her finger, looking at me with a frown.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

I’m not.

I feel sick, not because of the cupcake, but because of what Aubrey told me. She has to have been kidding.

“Yeah…I’m just tired today, I guess.” I shrug. She slips her hand into mine and beams up at me, rubbing my hand with her thumb.

I don’t want to believe it.

I don’t think I should.

We’re walking down to the mess hall for something to eat and talking about the weather—which is ridiculously hot and warm and muggy and I just hate it—and she leans into me, laughing. She stops right before we reach the mess hall though.

“You know what? I’m gonna go change, and then I’ll eat with you, okay? I’ll be right back!” she exclaims, turning around and running towards the cabins. I stand there and Lupe is looking at me again with her big green eyes, shaking her head as she looks back down at her food. Keegan gets up and leaves abruptly. I stand there and try not to feel as confused as I do, because this really can’t be a coincidence.

Can it?



“Tell me everything you know,” I say to Aubrey. She’s sitting on the end of the boardwalk, legs hanging off the edge. She’s lying on a towel with a magazine and sunglasses. You would mistake her for Lupe, had it not been for the blonde hair. She looks at me over the edge of her sunglasses, raising her eyebrows.

“About?” I give her a look and she sits up, smiling. “You mean Kallie and Keegan? I don’t know, I mean—”

“This is important.” She sits up and takes off her sunglasses, crossing her legs beneath her as she turns to face me. She chews on her bottom lip hesitantly, looking at me with pity. Her big eyes get sad and she sighs.

“You have to promise not to get mad at me.”

“Aubrey—” She looks at me with a frown, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Promise or I’m not saying anything.”

“Fine. I promise.” She smiles, sighing.

“Well… Lupe likes Keegan and—”

“What does that have to do with Kallie?”

“Listen!” she exclaims, frowning. She tucks some of her hair behind her ear before continuing. “As I was saying…Lupe likes…someone and Keegan and, uh…this someone is kind of in a relationship right now, so…she kind of figured that she would give Keegan a shot because he liked her too. He told me himself, you know,” she says proudly. “Anyway, so, Lupe went to go hang out with Keegan and…” She stopped, looking down, picking at a loose thread in her towel.

“And…?”

“She saw things.”

“What kind of things?”

“She thinks…” Aubrey opened and closed her mouth as if unsure what to say. She looked at me and her cheeks flushed red. “Well, uh… she thinks that maybe Kallie and Keegan…you know.”

“What?”

“I told you already, did I? They…did things.” She pulls her knees to her chest, resting her head on the top of the knobby joints. “I’m sorry.” I shake my head and sigh.

“It’s not your fault.” She sighs quietly and her hair covers her face a little. I stand up and she looks up at me.

“Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”



“Why do you drink?” Dr. Poxleitner asks me. I shrug my shoulders, looking down at the area rug underneath her desk. She looks down at her file and looks back up at me. “Your parents are—”

“Inconsiderately selfish idiots,” I reply and she raises an eyebrow.

“Why do you say that?”

“They don’t love each other,” I say, looking up at her. “They don’t. If you don’t love someone, you shouldn’t stay with them, right? I mean, that’s wrong, isn’t it? You should be with someone you really love and care about and wouldn’t dream of hurting ever, right? Isn’t that how marriages are supposed to work?”

“Why do you think they don’t love each other?”

“They fight. I mean, they fight a lot. They hurt each other. Not like, hitting or whatever, but with what they say to each other and how they treat each other.”

“Is that why you do it?”

“No.”

“Why, then?” I shrug and she sighs. “What makes you want to drink? Let’s put it that way.”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Do you want a drink now?”

“Kind of, yeah,” I admit sheepishly. She looks sympathetic as she leans forward.

“It’s okay to crave it every once in a while, Forrest. Why do you want to drink now?”

“Do you hurt people you care about?” I reply, not wanting to answer her question. I’m thinking about Kalliope and Keegan again, because I really don’t want to believe it and there has to be and I have faith, faith in Kalliope and faith in whatever this feeling is and I can’t believe she would do that if I have faith in these feelings.

I just can’t.

“What?” Dr. Poxleitner looks confused as I repeat my question.

“Well, should you?”

“Why?”

“I just…I’m curious.”

“If you’re drinking to hurt others, you’re only hurting yourself, Forrest, and—”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Are you talking about some thing that’s happened to you?” I nod and she sighs, taking off her glasses. “You shouldn’t. You really, really shouldn’t because that shows that you don’t care about them as much as you claim to.” She stops herself, scratching the back of her hand as she continues. “However, sometimes…we do hurt those we love and care about on purpose to…get their attention, I suppose? I hope I’m not giving you any ideas, Forrest.”

“You’re not,” I say quietly, still thinking about Kalliope.

“I think that’s all for today. I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”



“What did you do?” I ask Keegan. He’s watching Lupe as she tans—creepy, much?—on her usual spot on the boardwalk with Aubrey. He looks over at me with annoyance.

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t.” He sits up and shrugs, glancing at me. “Oh…you’re asking about Kallie, huh?” I give him a look and he laughs. “Take it easy, man. I didn’t do anything. It was all her, if you know what I mean,” he says knowingly, snickering.

“You sicken me.”

“It’s not my fault your little girlfriend likes me more than she likes you.”



I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I want proof.

I want something that will prove everyone wrong, something that will prove the nagging thoughts wrong. I want to be wrong. I don’t want to believe Aubrey. I don’t. I can’t. But the fact that Kallie just keeps disappearing so mysteriously and that Keegan is staring at her a lot more than usual unsettles me. I don’t want to believe that they did anything because I want to believe she actually cares about me and you can’t hurt the people you care about, right?

Right?

I’ve never been crazily jealous or anything. I feel ridiculous doing this, but… I don’t know. I don’t feel like I have another choice. I’ve never wanted to be wrong so much in my entire life.

I peek under Keegan’s bed.

Nothing.

When I start rooting under the pillows, I find an empty carton of American Spirits. The only person I know who actually likes American Spirits is Kalliope. I sit there and hold it in disbelief.

I don’t believe this.



“You can do a lot better,” Lupe says. I jump a little, startled. She stands in the door way of the cabin. She wore a pair of blue short shorts and a white tank top, leaning against the door frame. I try not to stare, but…um…yeah. She smirks.

Let me just explain something to you guys.

Kalliope is pretty hot in her own right, okay? I mean, really. It may not look like it under all those sweaters and jeans and loose t-shirts and stuff, but she is. I don’t know why she insists on hiding all of it, but that’s just how she is. It doesn’t bother me because I know what’s underneath all those things, and I deal with it because it’s just how she is. But it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind seeing some skin. Sometimes.

Okay, all the time.

I’m kind of desperate here.

And Lupe…is pretty. I mean, she’s really mean and can sometimes be plain rude¸ but she’s pretty too.

“What?”

“I’m just sayin’, you know,” she says, walking in, shutting the door behind her. She smiles a little and leans against the door. “You can do a lot better than some self righteous bitch that cheats on you with your roommate.” She shrugs, sticking her hands in her pockets. She’s bony but her skin looks soft.

“Don’t, uh, don’t talk about Kallie like that, okay?” She sits down on the edge of my bed, looking over at me.

“Why are you defending her?” she asks quietly, looking curious.

“I-I’m not,” I stammer. “I just, uh...” She scoots over closer, tilting her head to the side. “I—what, uh—what are you doing?”

“Nothing. You just look really lonely…I thought you could, uh, use some company.” She looks at me, her green eyes framed by dark eyelashes. She puts her hand on my leg. “I heard, you know, about Kallie and Keegan. It’s a shame.”

“It’s not, um…it’s really not—I just—it’s okay.” I shrug, anxious. What if Kallie walks in and catches Lupe in here? I want to tell her to leave, but can’t bring myself to for some reason. “It happens.”

“It shouldn’t.” She leans forward, pouting a little. “I think it’s actually really fucked up.” Her hand creeps up higher and my eyes widen. “You’re a good guy, Forrest.”

“Thanks, but…uh, I think you should, uh…”

“I should what?”

“Um—” She moves closer.

“You can tell me.” She smiles. “You can tell me anything.”

“I, um, I-I—” She’s right in my face. I don’t know if I move forward or if she does, but either way we start kissing. I can’t say I mind it honestly, because I can’t. I’m still upset because of what happened with Keegan and Kalliope and I really don’t want to think about them together right now. Lupe pulls away, biting her lip.

“You were saying?”

This is wrong and I know it is, but Kalliope started it.



“Do you think I’m an idiot, Forrest?”

It’s raining outside. Kalliope is smoking a cigarette. I can’t stop thinking about Lupe.

“What?” I look over at her and smoke leaves her mouth. She blows it up towards the ceiling, looking at me with a bit of sadness. She really shouldn’t be sad, because she’s the one who started all this nonsense to begin with. I didn’t get mad, like I wanted to, I didn’t get angry, like I wanted, I didn’t even yell. I didn’t say or do anything to Keegan either, though I should have because it was probably his idea in the first place. Even now, I still want to believe it wasn’t her fault. I’m not upset and I’m not going to get upset, and I didn’t. Instead, I just got even.

With Lupe.

“You heard me.”

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” I reply, crossing my arms across my chest. She looks at me, flicking her cigarette on the floor, looking at me with confusion.

“What?”

“I didn’t stutter, Kallie. How stupid do you think I really am?” I pull the empty carton from under my pillow and toss it at her. She looks down and flushes, gulping. “I don’t, uh… I didn’t… Aubrey told me. I didn’t believe her and then you started acting…weird around Keegan and stuff…and I just started looking around and I found…that.”

“You’re getting upset over a carton of cigarettes?” she asks, laughing nervously. “What are we, five?” She rolls her eyes.

“Wanna know where I found them?”

“Keegan’s bed?” she asks, blowing smoke in my face. I move my hand through the air, trying to clear away the smoke as she laughs. I want to laugh too, but I can’t.

“Do I mean anything to you? At all?”

“Do I mean anything to you?”

“Don’t try to turn the tables around on me—”

“She told me everything,” Kalliope says, looking down as she starts to sniffle. She picks at the thin comforter, tears falling from her eyes as she starts to sniffle. “She told me everything, about how she kissed you and that you kissed back and you guys did things and she touched you and—” She shuts her eyes, bottom lip trembling as she takes another drag of her cigarette. “You wanna know why I was here with Keegan? You really wanna know?” I try to comfort her but she pushes my arms away, starting to cry. She sighs, wiping her eyes with her sweater sleeve. “I-I told him about how I thought you were fooling around with Lupe a couple of days ago, and he told me I was being stupid, but she does like you, you know. I got really upset one night, and he hugged me and then he kissed me and I mean, I pushed him away eventually, and I told him that it was because you wouldn’t ever do something like that to me and that I had you, but…you did and I guess I never had you at all.” She thumbs the cigarette carton. “Guess I left my cigarettes here.”

“Kalliope—”

“Please don’t.” She starts crying again. “I thought you were different, Forrest! I thought—I thought we were different, I thought we… I thought you cared about me.”

“I do—”

“I don’t like liars,” she says pointedly. She looks at me, eyes red and face blotchy. “If—I just—If you want to be with…with Lupe, just…be with her, already. Don’t string me along, okay?” She stands up, taking one last drag of her cigarette. She tosses the butt at me, blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. “In case you didn’t know, I actually have feelings.” She leaves, slamming the door behind her loudly. I fall against my pillows, staring up.

Well, way to fuck things up once again, Forrest Lark.