Dreams Do Not Work- Unless You Do

The next day Viviane was woken up by a very awake Anakin who stood next to his parents’ bed and repeatedly poked his mother’s side. Peeking one eye open, she turned around, grabbed the toddler and lifted him onto the bed. Ani squealed and snuggled into the covers.
“Mom” he suddenly said in an asking tone.

“Yes honey?”

“Ne’st year. Can you sign me up for ‘te NHL please?”

Viviane looked at her son trying to figure out what he meant exactly.

“When I play on team wit’ daddy he never leave us again. We al’ays play toget’er den.”

She laughed as he looked at her with big expectant eyes and the most glorious expression.
“Ani I can’t just sign you up for the NHL. Remember Chara? The big guy you met when we were at the all star game?”

Anakin nodded.
“He also played in the NHL. You have to be a little older and stronger to play in the NHL okay?”

“How old and st’ong?” Anakin asked.

“Maybe like Austin. Now to get you all strong and big let’s have breakfast.”
The boy nodded in agreement and the two went downstairs.

Around 10 she dropped him off at Marc-André’s and Vero’s house and picked her up to go downtown. Her mother was really excited to see the boy again telling Vero to better pop out a boy this time so she had a little worrier to take care of. The girls drove downtown and arrived just in time for the 11am appointment. The nurse drew some blood and told Viviane to give a urine sample. Anxiously she sat in the waiting area after filling out a questionnaire. Her leg shook nervously and the fact that Vero was gone for an ultrasound didn’t help either.

“Mrs. Crosby” the nurse called her. “Please proceed to room 3.”

Letting out a sigh she did what she had been told and met the doctor.

“Good to see you again Mrs. Crosby. So you are suspecting we’re having another crown prince or princess on the way?” She said with a wink. Viviane just nodded and waited for her to continue.

“Well I did a hormone test on the urine sample you gave and some of them came back positive, like your home pregnancy test, others game back negative. To give you a 100% security that you indeed are pregnant I will sent your blood to the lab to get a full screen. Usually all test I did come back positive so I can’t give you the full OK. We could do and ultrasound but since you had your last period about 2 weeks ago we can only be a few days into the pregnancy so we wouldn’t see anything.”

Viviane nodded. “Okay and how will we proceed now?”

“First of all don’t get too excited and don’t pull yourself down. I will have the results back in about 3 days. I can either call you or you can come back in. If they are positive we know you are good to go, if not it is not sure that you are not pregnant. Like I already said I don’t think that you are more than a few days make 5-7 into it so when it comes back negative I’ll ask you to come here again, we’ll take another urine sample and blood draw and repeat okay?”

The women bid good bye and Viviane met Vero in the waiting area. She was smiling brightly and held a DVD in her hand.
“I totally have to show you this at home Vivers. This is so cute… do you think we can upload it and mail it to Marc?” the French Canadian bubbled.
Viviane mustered up a smile and hugged her overly excited friend.

“Sure… I’ll see what I can do. Let’s get out of here.”

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In the car Viviane told Vero about the results. First she was a little sad but told her friend that she and Marc-André would be there for her and Sidney no matter what it took and that patience was the most important think. Viviane was just thankful to have a friend like Vero that kept her sane and but thinks into perspective for her. Veronique’s parents had taken the toddlers to the zoo so after a detour to Macy’s the girls made themselves a rich salad and popped in the DVD.
It was the 3D ultrasound Vero had just gotten and Viviane felt a little sting in her chest. The little boy looked perfect and even though he was still young and small he already looked almost fully developed. Viv explained Vero how to convert the DVD onto the MacBook and they mailed the file to Marc-André.

******************

The next days went by slowly. Though it felt like a week, it took 3 days before Viviane again waited at the doctor office. Anakin was at the rink with Mario and the Lemieux kids so she had a little free time to get some appointments done. She felt like her stomach twisted when she walked down the hall into the examination room. The doctor smiled at her and asked her to sit down.

“So Mrs. Crosby I now received the lab results and unfortunately it matches the urine sample from last week. Also today we only found traces of the same hormones we had the last time. I can send the blood to the lab once again but before I do so I would like to offer you a transvaginal ultrasound. With this method we can detect a pregnancy in a munch earlier state than with the normal ultrasound. Many women are opposed to this because they find the idea of getting an ultrasound through their vagina weird. So you can have a few minutes to think about it and let me know.”

Viviane swallowed at the result and shook her head.
“No. I don’t need time. Do it. I want to know. I don’t want to rise my husband’s hopes when he comes back and I tell him that I might be pregnant and I can’t lie to him.”

“Of course.” The doctor smiled. “Why don’t you sit in the waiting area while Sabrina sets up exam room 1.”

After another 15 minutes of waiting Viviane found herself in an examination chair with her legs spread while the ultrasound was taken.

The doctor turned the display and explained everything.

“As you can see the mucosa is thickened so we have something in there let’s look for it.”

Viviane bit her lower lip to suppress a smile.

“So over here we have a gestational sac, well developed. This at a later point will be the amniotic sac and in there we should see” the eyebrows furrowed and she pressed a couple of buttons. “We could see an embryo but I don’t see one right now. Would you be okay if my partner double checks this?”

Viviane nodded and let the doctor cover her up before leaving the room. Letting out a sigh she buried her head into her hands trying to understand what was happening right now. From the many books she had read while being pregnant with Anakin she remembered things that could happen in early staged of pregnancies but never had she thought she was a mother to deal with it. She wasn’t over 35, an alcoholic or drug user.
The door flew open again and the two doctors appeared in the frame. After exchanging a quick greeting they looked onto the screen and shook their heads.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Crosby. I’m afraid that you are suffering an anembryonic gestation. That means that like in a normal pregnancy a gestational sac formed. Now it is possible that there never were cells in it or that they died for whatever reasons. We would like to come back in about a week if you didn’t experience any kind of bleeding. In that case we will perform another ultrasound. Until then please try to stay away from any kind of physical or mental stress. It is possible that the anembryonic gestation is caused by unstable hormone output. We’ll give you some leaflets about hormone therapy. You may read them and think about taking them if this really turns out to be an anembryonic gestation.”

Viviane tried to take all the new information in without bursting into tears.

“What do you think are the chances that I indeed am having an anembryonic gestation.”

“About 95%.” The older, male doctor answered. Viviane nodded and bid goodbye after putting the leaflets into her handbag and getting dressed again.

Slowly she moved towards the elevator and leaned against the cold mirror walls as the heavy steel doors closed. With a low humming the lift rushed downstairs and opened again with a soft ’ding’. She walked to her car, unlocked the doors and plopped down on the driver seat before her head fell onto the driving wheel. Her hands quickly flew up to cover her eyes before she started to sob helplessly.
This was so unfair.
Why was it so difficult to get pregnant again?
The first time had been so easy.
A mistake.
A drunken slip up.
The best thing that ever happened to her.

The ringing of her phone made her jump. Quickly she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt and took a sip from her water bottle before answering.

“How is my queen today?” Sidney cooed at the other end. Viviane laughed at his goofiness.

“I’m okay. How are you? How is Russia today?”

“I’m good, I’m good. Russia was good today. We had a lot of practice and an early curfew because of the game tomorrow. I’m a little tired but wanted to check in with you before crashing.”

“I’m downtown right now while your son is on ice with Mario, Austin, Alexa and Lauren.”

“Oh that’s nice… what about Steph?”

“She injured her foot and Mario won’t let her on ice these days so she won’t mess it up completely.”

“Ah okay… so how is the most beautiful city in the US today?”

“It’s an awesome day. The sun is amazing and it’s just pretty. You’d love it.”

“Well I’ll be home soon. Today Flower and I went shopping for a bit and I may have bought you something… What did you do today so for.”

Viviane bit her lip. “I don’t want you to buy me stuff all the time. That makes me look like a gold digger.”

“Wow there. I think a woman with an 8 digit bank balance can hardly ever be called a gold digger.”

She laughed. “Okay if you say so. I was at the doctor and no I’m not pregnant.” She sighed and heard Sid swallowed at the other end. After a moment of silence he said:

“Well more trying for us eh? Not like you don’t enjoy that, kitten.”

Viviane giggled and blushed like mad. “What’s wrong with you these days? You talk like you have blue balls…”

“Maybe I have… I just can’t wait to get home.”

“Hey just play your game tomorrow, fall into bed, pack your bags the next day, do some more press stuff and then you’ll fly home… less than 3 days darling.”

“Can’t wait. Heads up babe and give Ani a kiss from me okay?”

“Of course I will. Give Flower a kiss from me.”

“Eeeewwww no Viviane… do I have to be worried?”

“Haha absolutely not. I was just testing you. Well then give him a hug and got to sleep. Score me a goal.”

“I’d score you a hat trick. I love you.”

“I love you too… come home soon.”

They hung up and Viviane smiled again. After cleaning the smeared make up, she drove back to the rink to pick up Anakin.

The next day they watched the game at Vero’s house. Her parents were back in Canada since a few days. The boys won the game 5-4 in shoot out. Sidney put in a back hander top shelf and registered the game winner, completing his hat trick. Viviane shook her head and made a mental note to comment on it when he called after the game.
But he never did.
She knew better than to get worried about it. Maybe they went out to celebrate as it was their last night in Moscow before heading back home. After getting Anakin into bed around 7 she curled up on the couch with a glass of red wine and the leaflets the doctors gave her. The night before cramps and bleedings had confirmed the doctors assumptions and she decided to give the hormone therapy a chance. She spent some hours getting to know the different therapies and their pro and cons.

Suddenly she heard a noise in the front yard. She froze in her spot unable to move. It had been early when she sat down so she hadn’t turned on the alarm system yet. When the lock clicked and the deadbolt squeaked she pushed the leaflets under the pillows and the grip on the wine glass tightened.
The front door opened and closed. Heavy steps stopped and she heard the sound of a duffel bag being set down. Her eyes flew to the watch on the wall… there was not way…
She heard keys being sat down, a zipper unzip and shoes being dropped on the floor. Viviane couldn’t move, frozen on the couch.

In the dim light of the hall Sidney appeared.

“Hey Viv” he sounded tired but smiled as he came closer.

“How…” was all she said before he squatted down in front of her and pressed his lips onto hers.

“How are you here already?”

“I couldn’t wait another 36 hours to come home. I got a flight right after finishing with the press and flew home with carry on only. The team will bring the other stuff when they come back.”

“Oh Sidney” she sighed and locked her arms around his neck.

“I’m beat. What do you think about hitting the pillows.”

“I’m more than into it.”

Together they walked upstairs and brushed their teeth. While Viviane changed Sid took a quick shower to freshen up a little after the long flight.

“Can we just go to Ani for a second?” he asked when he pulled on PJ pants in the closet.

“I was going to do that now anyways so let’s go.”

In the boys room Viviane closed the window while Sidney headed to the bed. Anakin loved falling asleep to the noises from outside. Some birds singing, the wind… noises like that. So they always kept the window open while he fell asleep but closed it before going to bed so he wouldn’t get sick. When she turned around she saw Sidney sitting sat the corner of the bet caressing his sons head.

“Did he grow while I was gone.” He whispered.

Viviane snickered silently and shook her head.

“No but he was at the rink every day and wants us to sign him up for the NHL next summer.”

Sidney smiled and kissed his son’s forehead.

“That’s my boy.”

Viviane tugged him in and kissed him good night as well.

Minutes later they were under the covers of their own bed. Viviane rested her head on Sidney chest and listened to his heart beat while Sidney played with her hair.

“I’m so happy you are back.” She mumbled before falling asleep.