Freak Out

The show ended and I made my way off stage after saying goodnight and throwing my half empty water bottle out into the crowd for the group of girls at the front to squabble over. I grabbed a towel and wiped off my face and hair, feeling someone pat me on the back.

“Great show tonight Joshzilla,” it was Max, a grin spread across his face, he ran off before I could say anything back, still hyped up from the show. I stood there looking around and then I noticed Dan next to the cooler, still shirtless and his toned body gleaming with sweat from the “vigorous workout” he’d just been through. He pulled out an innocent smoothie, pierced the straw through the small foil hole and began sipping away. He had somewhat of an obsession with the fruity drink and if I were completely honest I found it somewhat adorable.
The previously blonde boy had recently decided to go back to being brunette, and in all honesty, I think it brought out his eyes more. Wait, what am I thinking? Why am I thinking about Dan’s eyes? Even though, I have to admit, his eyes are beautiful.

“Hey Joshy, you want to go do something tonight?” I snapped out of my thoughts to see Dan standing in front of me, his hand running through his freshly dyed hair and a glint in those beautiful blue eyes. Damn.

I shook the more than friendly thoughts of the drummer in front of me out of my mind. I had to act normally. “Sure, Danny boy, where do you want to go?”

“I was thinking that we could maybe hit up the cinema or something?” I agreed and we both parted ways in order to get ready.

As I was getting changed I couldn’t help but imagine that I was getting ready to go on a date with Dan. Yes a date. I don’t know what came over me, but I really need to stop thinking like this. I mean, come on Josh, get it together. He’s my friend, I shouldn’t be thinking of him like this, and besides, I’m straight. Yeah, I’m...straight. I felt myself gulping as I kept repeating that over and over to myself in my head.

I tugged on my jeans after having a cold shower and decided to slip on one of my many checked shirts. I blow dried my hair and ran my hands through the mess on my head until I was somewhat happy. I sprayed myself with some cologne and then pulled on my jacket, looking in the mirror once more before I left.

I went to sit on the sofa and wait for Dan to finish getting changed, when I felt a body plop down next to me. I looked up to see Max, looking me over.

“So where are you going that you’re all dressed up for?” he asked.

“Nowhere, why? Does it look like I’m dressed for something special?” I didn’t want it to look like I’d tried too hard or anything.

“Hmmm, no, I guess you look...normal. Wait,” he moved closer to me and started sniffing.
“Are you wearing cologne?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Hmmm, I swear you only wear that cologne when you’re going out somewhere.” I looked at Max as he seemed to be in deep thought. “Hey, Josh, are you going on a date?” I was just about to reply when someone else beat me to it.

“Yeah, we’re going for some Flintceschi time,” I turned my head to see Dan standing behind us, an amused smile on his face. Obviously he was joking, but my heart skipped a beat at the use of the name that our fans came up with to describe our “relationship”.

He walked around the sofa until he was standing in front of us. “Come on Joshy, let us be off,” he put on a posher accent towards the end, causing me to stifle a laugh. He held out his hand for me to take. So we were putting on a little act now were we? We did it all the time, what difference would it make. So I played along, taking his hand as he pulled me up from my seat.

“See you later hedgehog,” Dan smirked at Max, who quickly replied.

“Fuck off Flint.” He was grinning as he continued, “And look after Princess Joshua for me won’t you?”

“Sure thing, Sonic,” he winked. The grin refused to fall from my face as we walked the few blocks to the cinema. We talked like normal, we laughed as usual, but the one thing that was out of the ordinary was that he didn’t release his comforting grip on my hand until we reached the queue of the ticket booth. I hate to admit it, but I really quite liked holding Dan’s hand.

We got our tickets and Dan waited in the line for food while I went to the toilet. I ran in there and straight to the sink, splashing cool water over my face. I looked at myself in the mirror.
Get it together Franceschi, you can’t keep thinking like this.

I quickly dried off my face with some toilet roll and checked my face in the mirror to make sure that I looked somewhat normal before making my way back to Dan. I was surprised to almost literally bump into him as I came out of the toilet. His hands full with tasty goods. I’m sure that the queue had been pretty long and I was expecting him to still be in it. How long had I been in there?

“I wasn’t sure what to get you, so I just got an extra large popcorn and the same for the drink. I hope that’s okay?”

I took a deep breath, taking in his perfect face. “That’s great,” I attempted a smile, and I think I pulled it off, seeing as he returned it.

“Hey Josh?” I looked up at him, his head tilted slightly in confusion, which honestly made him look even dreamier. “Why is your shirt all wet?”

“Oh, uhm...I had an accident with the taps,” I thanked the heavens mentally that I had managed to come up with a believable story.

“Oh Josh, what am I to do with you? I suppose I’ll have to accompany you there next time,” he led me into the cinema as I turned crimson. But hey, at least I made him laugh. Right?
We slid into the back row and I took off my jacket, putting it over the seat as Dan did the same. The lights went down and the adverts started playing. I didn’t actually know what we were seeing, because when we bought the tickets, I was too busy focusing on calming myself down from the whole hand holding incident. When the film started it was one of those really girly chick-flicks and I couldn’t help but smile. Dan had an adorable guilty pleasure of watching really girly films and programs. I looked up at him and he was so captured in the film, and it was so...cute that I ended up sighing in content.

I sat through the film quite happily, stealing glances at Dan every now and then, when I eventually felt a hand slip into mine, sending my heart racing. I looked up to see Dan’s flawless face now turned towards me, and he was looking at me, well it was more like gazing at me, a smile playing on those luscious lips of his. Damn, they looked so...kissable. Surely not. But they were, and they were right there.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt myself leaning closer to him slowly and my eyes starting to close. Before I knew it my lips were pressed tenderly against his and it was more of a ghost of a kiss than a kiss, but it was a kiss all the same. Dan was the one to apply more pressure into the kiss and I felt my lids become heavier as my eyes closed fully and I felt as if my heart was soaring up to the heavens.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

What was I doing? I was kissing my best friend. My fellow band member. Dan.

I instantly tore my lips away from his, ignoring the sudden empty feeling in my heart as our lips were no longer moving in unison and I ran out, grabbing my coat on the way. I threw open the heavy cinema doors and ran out to the deserted street. I sat down on the curb outside of the entrance and placed my head between my knees. This wasn’t good. This was wrong, but it felt oh so right. It felt natural. I didn’t mean to kiss him, it just...happened. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but now I had gone and messed everything up.

But he had kissed me back hadn’t he?

I felt someone sit down next to me as a tear began to roll down my cheek. There was no doubt that it was Dan. I quickly glanced to my left to prove myself right. I felt his arm wrap around me and pull me towards his toned chest. This really wasn’t helping my wandering mind to stay on track. But I wanted to be closer to him; I wanted to be as close to him as possible.

“Shhh, Joshy, it’s okay. You don’t need to cry.” He took hold of my arms and put them around his slender frame and then continued to do the same with his arms around me. Could he read my mind or something? I clung onto him, burying my head into his shoulder, bawling my eyes out. He pulled me into his lap and removed one of his hands from around my waist to begin stroking my hair, soothingly. “Josh, please don’t cry.”

“I-I’ve messed e-every th-thing u-u-up,” I managed to stutter out. “I just...I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“No Josh, don’t be sorry. I...I....um.” I felt him take a deep breath and he gently blew out against my hair. “If I’m being honest with you...I wanted it to happen. I’ve wanted it for a while.”

“You have?” I asked, rather surprised.

“Yes,” he confirmed.

“I just...I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve never felt like this before. It feels so wring in my head, but it just felt so right. And...I just...I don’t know Dan, I’m freaking out. I’ve never had thoughts or feelings like these before and to tell you the truth...I’m a little scared.”

“Josh, there’s no need to be scared. I’m here for you. But I understand how you feel, when I first started feeling like I do for you now, I was terrified, I didn’t know what to do. But it got better, and I realised, I like you Josh. I really, really like you.”

I took a deep breath. “I really like you too Dan.”

The words left my mouth before I really thought about them, but when I processed them I realized that it was true. I really did like him.

“And that’s all that matters,” he assured me, hugging me closer. His beautiful scent calmed me a little as I began to stop crying a little. “There’s no need to freak out. I like you, and you like me. That’s all that matters. And we don’t have to make anything of it right now, we can just take it a day at a time; go slowly. As slow as you want. We don’t even have to tell anyone. You call the shots”

“You mean it?” no more fresh tears were spilling from my eyes and I looked up at Dan. No doubt I looked terrible, my eyes all red and my cheeks all blotchy. But Dan simply smiled at me, a smile that warmed my heart.

“I really mean it. Anything for you Josh, absolutely anything.” He leant in and softly kissed away my tears and I grabbed for his hand, nuzzling my face into his neck when he pulled away.

We just sat there for a while in silence, content, before Dan spoke quietly “Damn, how do you manage to do it?”

“Do what?” I asked, breathing warm air against his neck, making him shiver slightly.

“Look so flawless even when you’re a sobbing wreck.” I honestly didn’t see what he saw in my red eyes or my blotchy cheeks, and although I felt bad about my appearance right now, I noted the sincerity in his voice and knew that he was telling the truth.
I felt him gently lifting my face up to his and he gently pressed his lips to mine. Just one kiss was able to calm my nerves that little bit more and send me back to where I was dancing in the clouds.

He really was something special. I knew that it may take me a while to get my head around it, but I knew that this was what I wanted: Us. Flintceschi as the fans would call it. Sooner or later, I would forget all of my worries and we’d be fine. And when looking back in a few years I just knew that I would be laughing with Dan about my little freak out.