My Only One

The walls seemed to close in around him. This was the last chance to escape; there was no going back after this. Taking the orange pill bottle in his hand, he didn’t bother reading the label. No matter what it said, he didn’t have a care. His mind was set forcefully on the outcome, how he could finally be happy once again. Suddenly, harsh banging came from the door as the white lid popped off. Begs, and pleas from his father sounded and the silent cries from his Love. Gulping, the pill bottle spilled from his hand; the twenty or so small relaxers going every which way on the counter. Pressing his hands on the counter top, he looked at herself in the mirror, the ghost of his former self haunting him. “I have to do this,” he whispered as he brushed five of the pills in his hand before dry swallowing. “You just don’t understand.”

And as the world started to dim around him and the noises faded out he felt comforted, he knew this is where he was meant to be. Suddenly, he felt a familiar presence, a tall man stood in front of him.

“This is our forever.”

The gravel underneath the weight of the car cracked and gurgled. Once it reached its destination, it let out a loud roar before shutting off. Suddenly, both of the Honda’s doors opened and two people emerged from it with piles of bags and other belongings in their arms. “Do you have the key?” the small, brown haired boy asked the older man with distress evident within his teary eyes. Scrunching his eyebrows in confusion, the older man fumbled through his pockets searching for the key in question. When his hand met the cool piece of metal, a sound of achievement left his throat. “Welcome home, Kiddo.”

In less than a month, the once vacant house on Thames Street became alive again since the Gaskarth’s moved in. With everything moved in and the walls slapped with a new coat of paint you’d say it’d be home, but to Peter Gaskarth’s son, Alexander, it wasn’t.

“Alex, I’m going to the work party now. Are you going to be okay?” Peter questioned as he straightened out his tie in the hall mirror. Glancing up from his book, Alex locked eyes with his father. “Yeah…but, do you really have to go tonight? It’s one month since Jack’s dea-” Alex cut himself off before he could finish his sentence. His breathing became fast, and his eyes welled up with tears once again.

Sighing, Peter grabbed his keys from off the kitchen counter before making his way into the living room to kiss his son’s forehead. “Alex, you know I have to,” Peter mumbled before doing one last check in the mirror. “Remember, the emergency numbers are on the fridge, and there’s money for pizza on the counter. Love you.” Then, with a simple click of the door being shut, he was gone.

An hour passed and it was now dark outside; setting his once pizza filled plate on the coffee table, Alex covered himself with a thin blanket as the temperature in the room suddenly grew colder. His body was sore from the day’s constant crying, sighing Alex let his head rest on the pillows placed behind him. Life was still going like his father promised before they left Towson; even if he wished it hadn’t.

Abruptly, a crash came from the kitchen shocking Alex from his previous thoughts. He was supposed to be alone, and his father wouldn’t be back until later that night. Pulling the blanket hastily off his small frame, he rushed into the kitchen to see what was going on. His heart stopped and his breathing slowed once a familiar frame came into his sight. “Jack…” he trailed off in a whisper, Alex’s eyes going wide with confusion, “but…but you’re dead.”

Sheepishly, the tall, lanky man moved away from the various dishes and cups shattered on the floor and towards the shocked boy. Scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, Jack cleared his throat before saying: “I am Alex, but for some reason I’m still stuck here on Earth. I-I don’t know why.”

Shaking his head, Ale didn’t know what to think. All of the things his father told her over the years were now completely tossed out the window and into the dust. Grabbing onto his arm, something he did when he was nervous, Alex shifted on his feet awkwardly. “Um, how about we go sit down and try to figure out what’s going on?” he offered unsurely. “You can still sit right? You won’t like, fall through?”

Laughing whole-heartedly, Jack shook his head, making his brown and blonde highlighted hair sway back and forth. Alex’s heart jumped and the familiar feeling of butterflies returned to his stomach after their two month vacation. “No, I won’t fall through,” Jack chuckled out before walking back into the living room with Alex.

Sitting back in his original stop, Alex pulled the blanket back across himself as Jack sat on the opposite side. “I just can’t wrap my head around this…” he trailed off. Glancing down at his lap, Alex began to play with the lose thread that was attached the blanket. Just having Jack back was bringing on a world wind of emotions for him.

Chuckling, Jack nodded his head in agreement. “Same, but you know I haven’t stopped looking over you since I died. I’m still that worried boyfriend that you can’t get rid of,” he said as he locked eyes with Alex.

Smiling despite the sadness in his heart, Alex patted Jack’s knee. “Jack, I want to ask you something, even if it does sound crazy.”

Jack stared at Alex, “Okay, shoot!”

The smile vanished from his face and it was replaced with a serious expression. “What if this is God’s way of bringing us together. What if he wants me with you, you know on the other side.”

Scrunching his bushy eyebrows in confusion, Jack turned his head slightly to the side. “But how is that possible, I’m dead and you’re alive…” he trailed off in thought.

“I know that Jack but what if I was too…um, take my life. We could be together for eternity! It would be our forever; just like you promised!”

“Alex, you can’t just end your life like that! You have your dad to think about, he can’t lose you!” Jack screamed at Alex as he stared blankly at the carpeted floor; his body retreated into the safeness of the couch.

Rolling his eyes, Alex got up and began putting his dishes in the sink and started sweeping up the broken glass that laid idly on the kitchen floor. “Jack, you don’t understand…when you weren’t here I couldn’t function and now that you’re back I feel complete again. Jack, this could be our chance! This could be our forever!” Alex said forcefully as he continued to push the broken glass into the trash can.

Jack began pacing; he didn’t understand why Alex wanted to end his life just to be with him. Yeah, they were together since eighth grade but he had his father and other family to care for. “Alex, at least take some time to think about it…please don’t rush into this. Once you do it, you’re committed, there is no going back,” Jack said once he gained control of himself.
Wiping the dust off his pants, Alex nodded his head. He flashed a fake smile at his dead boyfriend before picking up the trash can and putting it in its proper place. “Well, I guess I’m going to go to bed then,” Alex said softly.

Jack nodded and went to hug his boyfriend but when his arms wrapped around his body all he felt was cold air; not the warm, loving arms he remembered. Alex’s heart dropped into his stomach as he held in a sniffle. At that moment he knew what he had to do and he didn’t care what anyone else thought about it. Jack should have noticed by the look in his eye or how his whole demeanor changed, but he didn’t until it was too late.

Rushing into his bedroom, Alex hurried over to his desk. The clock on his nightstand read eleven-thirty pm, his dad would be home soon so he would have to hurry. Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper Alex wrote out the dreaded note:


Dad,

There’s really not much I could say because either way you’re going to sad and confused in the end. I’m sorry that you have to be the one to find me, and I’m sorry I made you go through everything after Jack died and you’re now going to have to go through it again. I’m just not happy here anymore; Jack was my happiness. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this; believe me. For the past month this has been toying around in the back of my head. Even with that being said, Dad I will always love you and you did a great job raising me but it’s my time to go. I feel it. Tell everyone I’m sorry, but my life isn’t here on Earth; it’s up there, with Jack.

Love you forever,
Alexander William. X

Setting the note on his desk, Alex looked around his room one last and final time before exiting the bedroom and rushing in the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. This was it; his decision was final and there was no going back. In his gut he knew it would be alright in the end.