Forget About It

The world went out of focus, the room appeared to be spinning. This couldn't be happening. She had already lost her mother, she couldn't lose her father as well. It couldn't be true. There must be some kind of mistake.

These thoughts whirled through Lexie's mind as she tried to make sense of what Noah had just told her. She was so lost in her thoughts that it took her a while to notice that Noah was trying to talk to her.

"Lexie, please just --" he began.

"How did it happen?" she interupted.

She heard him take a deep breath, then he spoke. "It was an accident. He got himself blind drunk. He had been drinking in his room all day, I found the bottles and I think he just lost his footing and fell down the stairs. I came home from Bethany's and found him at the bottom of the stairs. I thought he was just unconcious... but there was no pulse."

She put her head in her hands in horror, tears starting to spill from her eyes. "When?" she breathed.

"This morning," he said quietly.

Lexie choked on her tears, finding it difficult to breath. Noah wrapped his arms around her body and sat her on his lap, like he used to do when she was younger. He let her cry it out, while trying not to cry himself, trying to keep it together. He was the head of the house now. The responsibility all rested on his shoulders.

"Lexie, there's more to tell you," he said and she wiped her tears on her sleeve to look at him. "It turned out that dad hadn't been paying his Visa and I don't have one. So we're technically living here illegally... we're being deported back to England."

"What?" she whispered in disbelief. This was just getting worse. No, she couldn't go back to England. This wasn't real. It was just a dream. All a dream.

"I can't afford to keep this place. We're being deported in 2 days," he said.

"But we don't have a house back in London, or - or," she cried, unable to finish her sentence.

"I've sorted it. We're going to stay with Aunt Lizzie for a while, until I get enough money for us to live alone. You're going to have to get a job too, though," he said. "I can't afford it all myself."

"We can't leave Baltimore! We just can't! I have friends here, we've made a life here. And Alex... oh my god, Alex!" she shouted, tears streaming.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and she could tell that he was doing his best not to cry as well. "There's nothing I can do. We have a flight at 9am on Friday. We need to pack up all the stuff we can take with us."

"What about a funeral?" she asked.

He hesitated. "I don't know. I think Aunt Lizzie said she's going to arrange a memorial in London. There's no point having it here with just the two of us."

She nodded, not sure if she could speak anymore. How did her life fall apart so quickly? It seemed like years ago that she was on Warped Tour, having the time of her life. Now everything had changed and there was nothing she could do about it.

She silently got up and dragged her suitcase up to her room. She didn't even bother getting changed, she just collapsed on her bed and cried herself to sleep.

***

Lexie was woke in the morning by her phone ringing. Looking at the screen, she saw it was Alex calling. She didn't answer. Instead, she switched her phone off.

She spent the day helping pack up all the things that they needed to take with them back to England, ignoring Noah's attempts to coax her into conversation. She didn't want to talk. She knew it wasn't his fault, but she was getting sick of him trying to put a false positivity on everything.

By the end of the day, everything was packed and ready and they were silently eating some takeout they ordered in the living room. Noah opened his mouth multiple times, as if to try and talk to her, but thought better of it and continued eating in silence.

All day she was thinking about what she was going to do about Alex. It was going to break his heart, just as it was breaking hers. But she didn't think she could face telling him. He would fight for her and try and find a way for her to stay, but that wasn't possible. Her and Noah were classed as illegal immigrants, they weren't allowed to live there anymore. And even if Lexie found a place to stay, she couldn't leave Noah.

So in her head, she decided what she was going to do. Before she went to bed, she turned her phone back on. She had a lot of missed calls, the majority being from Alex.

She scrolled through her contacts until she found the name she wanted and pressed call, anxiously waiting for them to answer.

"Hello?" sounded the voice.

"Jack? It's Lexie," she said.

"Lexie?" he all but shouted. "Are you alright? Are --"

"Jack be quiet!" she said urgently. "Are you alone?"

"Uh, yeah. It's just me on the bus, everyone's gone out somewhere but I wanted to watch a movie," he said. "Do you want me to find Alex so you can talk to him?"

"No, I wanted to talk to you," she said. She didn't think she could face having to talk to Alex. Not now.

"Oh," he said, surprised. "What's happened? Everyone's been so worried."

She hesitated, not wanting to say it. Saying it out loud made it more real to her.

"Lexie? Are you there?" he said.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry," she said, then took a deep breath. "It's my dad. He's dead."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. How --" he started to say.

"That's not all," she cut in. "My dad hadn't been paying his Visa and Noah doesn't have one. We're being deported back to England."

There was a long silence. "Are you serious?" he whispered.

"Yes," she said, trying to hold back her tears. "We go back tomorow."

"Well why haven't you rang Alex to tell him?"

"I couldn't do it. It would be too hard saying goodbye to him for good," she said, tears now rolling down her cheeks.

"I get it," he said quietly. "Isn't there anything you can do?"

"No," she said. "We're living here illegally. We have no choice. I'm going back."

"I don't know what to say... I'm going to miss you, Lexie."

She started sobbing, "I'll miss you too, Jack. All of you."

"Well we can still keep in contact. You have your cell --" he started to say.

"No, it's going to be too hard talking to you guys everyday knowing that I won't actually see you again. It's best if we don't stay in contact," she said quietly.

"But, Lexie, you can't just --"

"I've made my decision. It's easier this way," she said.

"Is there nothing I can say to make you change your mind?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said quietly. "Tell everybody I'm sorry. Tell them all that I love them."

"I will," he said and she could hear the sadness in his voice, which only made her start crying more. "You know, if I was with you right now, I would give you a big hug."

She laughed, despite herself. "Thanks, Jack."

There was a long pause, then, "What about Alex? This is going to crush him."

She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. "Tell him that I love him and that I'm sorry."

"Why don't you just talk to him?" he asked, sounding desperate. That just made her feel worse.

"Because it will be too damn hard to say goodbye to him. I can't do it. It's best for both of us if I just... disappear."

"Lexie, he's going to try and find you, he's going to --" he started to say.

"I know," she said, cutting him off. "So I'm asking you if you'll make sure he doesn't. We can't be together if we're living on separate continents. It just won't work."

He sighed, "Fine. But I think you're making a mistake. You could at least call him --"

"No!" she said quickly. "I've told you, Jack, I can't handle speaking to him."

There was a pause. "You don't want to talk to him at all?"

"No," she said quietly, blinking back more of her tears.

"Well then I best go because I think him and Rian are back," he told her.

"Oh my god," she said. "Okay. I'm sorry to leave things this way. Tell Alex I love him, more than anything. I'm sorry."

"I get it," he said sighing. "I'll miss you, Lexie. I really hope we see each other again."

"So do I," she breathed.

"I really have to go now, I can hear them coming in," he said quickly.

"Bye, Jack," she said quietly and hung up. Then she switched off her phone. For good. She would get a new one with a new number in England.

Suddenly everything seemed to sink in. She had lost everything. The only thing she had was her brother. She pulled her knees up to her chest and started crying silently. She wasn't aware that anyone else was in the room until she felt a weight on her bed.

Then she felt Noah wrap his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. She started crying louder and he stroked her hair gently.

"I heard you on the phone to Jack," he said quietly. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

"It was the only way," she said.

They said nothing else, but he held her until she fell asleep, letting her cry into his chest. They only had each other.

***

The next morning, Lexie got up and ready somberly, trying not to dwell on any thoughts for too long. She was tempted to switch her phone back on to see if Alex had called, but she didn't. She knew that if she saw his name on the screen, then she would have to call him. She couldn't speak to him now, it would only hurt more.

Lexie and Noah got their cases in the car and with one last wistful look at their Baltimore house, drove to the airport, where they checked in their things and boarded the plane.

They left. Lexie watched out of the window as the state got smaller and smaller, until all she could see for miles was the clouds and the sky. She layed her head against the window, headphones in and thought about her life. Everything had changed. Too many times. This was the most unwanted change of all. But there was nothing she could do about it.