She Killed My Brain

So apparently me and Danni made up, I don't want him to think I would ever hurt him, I wouldn't ever do that. We've been back in the house for awhile, we were just watching TV again now acting as if nothing happened. We were both being loving, although I wasn't feeling that much love. Danni would just stoke my hand with his thumb and I would show little grins. Although, inside I didn't really feel that happy. It was getting kinda late and Danni usually has to go to work pretty early, then he has night school. He's trying to become some great doctor, I've been out since its summer but he's studying on getting his education while I'm actually not giving a fuck about it. He does his college in the summer. I prefer not too. Danni looked over at me with an expressionless look. 

"I gotta go home, I'll call you tomorrow okay?" Danni asked as he leaned over and kissed my lips. 

"I know you have stuff you have to do, just call me tomorrow. You know I'll be here." he smiled an I kissed him on the lips. He have me a hug and we walked to the door, he than have me one more hug before he left. (we always did this) 

"I love you," he told me, my heart felt kinda strange, but I said what I always said. 

"I love you too..." I guess it felt strange because we got into one hell of an argument today, that might've actually ended us if we weren't careful. I didn't want me and Danni to end, even though he was being a complete asshole for no reason. I still wanted him. I was usually a night owl but tonight I'll turn in early, I don't really have anything interesting going on tonight. 'As if I ever do'. I can't really say that, I had a ton of fun with Jimmy and I want us to hang out with each other again. I consider us pretty good friends even though we just meet. I walked down the hallway to my room, opened up my laptop and thought I would just look on the web like I do every night and still see the same stuff. I opened up a browser and tried to decide what I wanted to google, I actually do this every now and the. Wondering if I'll ever find something out on Cody, if he's doing okay, if he's actually living his dream. He wanted to be a rockstar then a professional golf player. I know, this boy has some strange dreams that he wants, when ones not anything closely related to the other. I googled in his name. I looked through the searches and saw what I always see. 'Nothing.... I always see the same thing I don't know why I always want to look, maybe just hope. I sighed and closed my laptop lid. 'Will I ever know what happened to him?'. It just made me sad, I try not to think about it but I mean he-he just left, got up and left me. He meant so much to me. I guess he just had bigger dreams. I sighed again and tried not to let those questions get to me again. I started thinking about me and Danni, we never dated anybody else but each other, since we were fourteen! I actually wonder if I regret only dating him, what if someone else was out there waiting for me, who I knew I would 'love.... I blinked my eyes knowing I shouldn't have thought about something like that, I always get sad later wondering why would want to date someone other than Danni when we love each other so much. I guess it was the fight, that's all that it could've been that makes me feel the way I do. But I mean, could I really help it? Then I was wondering what Jimmy was doing right now, I knew he was parting it up with his friends but what was he doing at this moment, throwing up, scoring with some drunken slut. I don't like thinking things like this, I couldn't  help it though. I worried for him, I don't want anything bad happening. Or him getting some type of rare aids from this drunken hoe-bag. 'Please Jimmy where a condom' I just sighed even more, this is getting out of hand, all this sighing. I put my laptop on the floor and rolled over in my bed. I put my hands under my head and curled into a ball. I closed my eyes and hoped I would fall asleep quickly. Life is so weird. 
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I woke up in my bed and turned my neck to the sides 'Crack...crack' I popped my neck, it hasn't popped like that in a long time. It felt so good! I got out of bed as usual, I actually just wanted to go back to sleep. I couldn't because I needed to have some type of life today. I just grabbed some shorts and a tank top, there was no use in taking a bath when I was going to just sweat being outside. I put on some old beat up shoes just to walk in, I grabbed a pony tail and put my hair up. I grabbed a bottle of water and stuck it in my back pocket. I grabbed my MP3 player, I didn't have an iPod. I wasn't sure what I wanted to listen to today, I'm not sure what kind of mood I'm in. I was looking through artist but still couldn't come to a conclusion. A sighed, I was frustrated with not being able to find something to listen to, this stuff always made me mad. 'Ugh... I was stopped just trying to look. I would run into somebody if I was too distracted with this thing. Sigh I've been sighing a lot lately, I need to stop that. I FINALLY found something to listen to, I clicked play and continued my way down the rode, I was speed walking. I tried to keep my walking in sync with the beat of the music, it was going pretty well. This made me a little cheerier and I smiled. I kept on walking, not seeing a lot of people out. I kept on walking, then I noticed this girl sitting on the sidewalk, she looked very sad and I have no idea who it is. I was kind of far away though. She looked over and saw me walking, she hung her head low. I walked over to her. 

"What's wrong?" I asked. She weeped a little, whipped her eyes. 

"I just fucked up," her words were so blunt. 

"How?" I asked. She sobbed. 

"I shouldn't try to force something when I knew it would never happen." I felt sympathy for her, poor girl. "I liked this guy so much, tried my hardest to get him to like me. We met at a party, he was so nice and friendly. I thought we kind of had some type of instant connection, ya know? We chilled with his other friends and he just made me smile and laugh." she chuckled. I made a frowned face, not obviously though. "I got his number from one of his friends, tried calling. He answered an Would just get mad, I kinda gave up now. He yelled at me the last time I called and told me not to call anymore, I was some 'stalker skank-slank-hoe'." I looked at her wide eyed. This guy is a complete asshole! She should go and beat his ass! 

"You don't even need to worry about some fucking asshole like that, you don't need to be with someone who would treat you like that." I said angry. 

"I need to move on, I'm just caught up." she told me. She stood up. "I have to get going, I need to go be with some friends." she was so sad, but she seemed to put on a hard shell. 

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked. 

"I'll be fine, thank you for listening..." she trailed off, I knew she was asking for my name. 

"Nattie," I smiled. 

"Nattie, thank you for listening, it means a lot." she started walking off and waved, I waved back at her. Well today as been strange so far, I hope she's okay. I continued my walking. I started to sweat and my shirt was sticking to my back 'I hate that' I got to a local park and sat down on a bench, I had to take some breathes, I don't think I realized how far I walked exactly. I was taking deep breathes through my nose. I saw people jogging, kids playing and mothers on there cellphones. I've taken my walk for the day and I was ready to come home. I began my journey back and tiredly putting my MP3 player in my pocket. I was at my door and opening it, my mom was in the living room watching tv as we all do when we have nothing else to do. I sat down on the couch with her. 

"Where have you been honey?" she asked turning her head from the tv to look at me. 

"I went walking, trying to exercise and be healthy you know?" she nodded her head. 

"It's good to stay healthy, you must get it from me." she chuckled. I chuckled also. She used to be a healthy nut but then she got pregnant with me. We just kinda sat there watching tv and not really saying anything. Then the phone rang, I jumped up to go get it. 

"Hello?" I answered. 

"Hey Nattie is your mom there? I need to tell her something big that happened!" I sighed and took the phone to my mom. 'I thought it would be Danni' I slumped over to the couch again and put my chin on my hand lazily, mom stayed on the phone for what seemed like forever. I got tired of hearing them talk about something exciting and I wanted to be by myself. I walked to my room and just fell onto my bed. 'I WILL NOT SIGH!'. I buried my head into my pillow, I have nothing to do, nowhere to go. I looked at Baano's tank and saw him out flicking his tongue, he looks so cute when he smells. I didn't want to tank him out, I felt like shit. 'I want Jimmy...' I jumped up at the thought, I should be wanting Danni...shouldn't I? I put my head back down. I just want to have something to do, Danni hasn't even called me yet. I shouldn't worry again but at least I'll be with somebody. I let out a frustrated groan and rolled over in my bed and held my pillow.