Almost Easy

The show was a little sloppy, admittably not their best but fairly good considering, it wasn't so bad the fans would notice but everyone who played or watched the same set every night could definitely tell something was off. Matt was his normal self all through the show, all smiles, grins and popping dimples. Using up the large stage space, slinging arms around shoulders, talking up the crowd and just getting everyone pumped. The other four almost forgot the drama off-stage, well, they did until Brian pushed himself a little too far and cut his solo off midway to clutch at his ribs and take a few sips of water. Matt seemed shocked as he questioned the guitarist, Brian just shrugged it off and continued more cautiously. Everyone left pretty satisfied.

As they leave the stage, Jimmy catches up to Matt, "Great show tonight man, your voice was so good!" the bulkier man just beams up at his childhood friend,

"I know, dude, the show was amazing, these kids were so amped! Trust Gates to want a little more of the spotlight though, god knows what was up with him tonight huh. Fucking diva!" Matt let out a heartily laugh, casually playing off the comment.

"Ah, yeahhh, listen Shads, we were all thinking of going to a bar tonight. Ya know, get some drinks, get some boobies! Totally your thing, yeah? Just like the old days, it'll be loads of fun!" Jimmy enthuses, clapping a hand on Matt's shoulder. He completely missed Matt's distasteful expression at the mention of 'boobies'.

"Uhm, yeah, sure. Why not, man. I guess I can come along for some drinks at least." Jimmy simply beamed over at the singer as they walked towards the dressing room, "Is... Is Gates coming?"

"Umm... No, he's just going back to the bus."

"tsk fucking pussy!" It was silentfor a moment or two, one Matt considered comfortable and Jimmy considered anything but comfortable, before the taller man spoke a statement he really didn't want to.

"We uh... We talked to Val. About... you." Matt harshly glared at his long time friend, his post-show state of euphoria quickly disintegrating into a defensive anger, as Matt rounded in on the drummer and grabbed his shirt, Jimmy panicked for a moment but began explaining himself before his capturer could speak, "About this exactly Matt! You're showing me and showing yourself that the conversation with Val had to happen. We're your best friends god damn it! Treat us like that instead of getting angry and lashing out! We care about you Matt, but we'll only care for so long, you keep this up and you'll have no one!"

Matt released the other and stared at the floor, mouth opening and closing in an un-worded apology. He couldn't meet Jimmys gaze, this was all too much for him, he wasn't ready to tell yet. But he had to, right? If he didn't now he wouldn't ever, the words 'I think I'm gay' played on his tongue but as he opened his mouth with enough balls to say it, Jimmy began speaking. Matt immediately swallowed the words down, mentally kicking himself for being so stupid, if he uttered those words Jimmy and everyone else he knew would disown him on the spot.

"Look, Matt. We're worried... We want the old Matt back and we're all willing to do absolutely anything to get that. Whatever's going on in that head of yours needs to be sorted, i'm not gonna pry but if you want to let it out, i'm here and my ears are yours, well maybe not literally.. i kinda need those. Now, Val. She won't tell us anything, said something about only you can tell us when you're ready but we don't have time to wait until you're ready. So either you spill and i'll help you, or i help you and you tell me when your ready, either way, i will find out. We love you, man, we just wanna help. We don't care what the reason is, seriously, you could've done anything and we wouldn't care, we've got your back no matter what. Even tough guys like you need a hand every now and then and thats what we're here for. The other day, when we had to take Syn to the hospital, we came back and found the whole bus messed up. Pretty much everything was destroyed and there was so much blood, you were passed out under the fucking smashed up TV. And Matt, hate to break it to ya but... you really did break your XBox." Rev sent a worried yet cautious glance at his friend, noticing the guilt and desperation in his eyes, Matt sighed heavily and ran a hand through his overgrown tufts of hair. "We can't keep taking this shit man, we love you but... There's only so much we can handle."

"Jim, man, i... fuck... i don't even know what to do! I can't tell you, or anyone. I just can't! I feel bad for what i've done to Brian - i didn't even know you had to take him to hospital. And for what i did to Zack- fuck, that was clearly for no reason. I hate what i've put you all through but i can't take any of it back. They all hate me, i know you do too Jim, i'm sure you wanna knock me through a wall or something and i deserve that. I want to make it up to you all, i really do. I just... I don't know where to start." Matt looked into sincere blue eyes. Jimmy was silent, not aiding the singers panicked state. Matt felt truly lost, he knew he'd screwed up and didn't think the man next to him would help; Jimmy was his last hope. After giving Matt the most scrutinising look he could muster, Jimmy sighed deeply, looked at his feet and then back to the fidgety singer, he opened his mouth to speak but Matt beat him too it, "Please man, my head is a mess! I can't think straight because I'm not! I just... I don't know what to do, Jimmy! I will actually fucking admit that I'm scared.... I shouldn't be thinking like this, it's changed me! I'm not the same guy Jim!"

Jimmy glanced warily at his friend, thoroughly confused now, and he had completely missed the meaning behind some of Matt's more crutial words, "Matt... What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean?" Upon receiving silence he pushed a little further, the concern he felt for the singer before was nothing compared to its intensity now, "Matt, what do you mean it's changed you, that you're not the same guy? Matt, man, you can't think straight because-."

Matt, having picked up on his slip up and thinking Jimmy did too, quickly stuttered out, "That's not what i meant! I'm not... that way!" Matt was now mentally screaming at himself to shut the fuck up, he was just making everything worse for himself.

"Whoa, dude, I never said you were. I was gonna say you cant think straight becuase you're trying to deal with all the stuff going on yourself, its not healthy. Besides, I wouldn't care if you were that way inclined," Matt's head shot up and Jimmy further explained himself, thinking Matt was getting pissed again, "Matt I don't think you're gay, i mean, you've not given any of us any reason to think that, I'm just saying..." Jimmy chose his words carefully, "I have no problem with gays, now... How about that drink? This has been a really weird conversation." That ever prominent grin spread across the drummers face, "talking about gays, Lets go see if we can get Johnny or Zacky drunk enough to make out with a dude, that'll be funny! And then we gotta find us lots of boobies!" Jimmy was already dragging Matt out the venue before he could protest.