Dear Mr. President,

Okay, that was a terrible name-pun. But I’m keeping it.

But seriously, lighten up a bit bro. You can’t seriously tell me you didn’t have some fun translating all that. Even if you’re not into it, it couldn’t have been that bad. So stop being such a whiney little bitch and deal with some Elvish here and there.

You really got me curious though. You happen to read sex scenes quite often? I didn’t peg you as the ‘erotica’ kind of guy. But then again, I bet you never thought I’d write it, especially in fan-fiction, so there’s that.

But come on, you didn’t think you’d get off that easily did you?

I’m in the middle of working on something right now that I’ll let you read, but you’ve got to give me a little something in return. Just because I feel like being a dick. But also sort of because you were able to figure me and my writing out so well and so fast, you smart little shit. I mean, okay sure, I did kind of give it away that I wrote fan-fiction when I got defensive about it. But you were able to pin down the Elvish thing and you named one of my main fandoms just by using your intuition and shit, so I can’t let you slide too much.

Think of this like you would think of an achievement in a video game that you have to unlock before you can level up.

You leveling up is you getting to read my story.

In order to unlock that, you have to write back to me in Elvish. Your response must be at least 35 English words long, but that can include greetings, names, and closings. That’s the exact length of my first letter in Elvish to you, so it’s really not that much.

Be a really good sport and you might just get bonus content *winky-face*

-Dante