Love You, My Little Dreamer

The next morning when I woke I hated to admit that last night might have been the best sleep that I’ve had in a long time. It was easy to fall asleep peacefully when his scent lingered on the pillows and his clothes surrounded my body in comfort.

My head throbbed and I heard faint voices singing in the background, the wall that I faced was plain white and my body was too faint and heavy to lift. I just laid there completely still. I didn't want to move. I didn't move because I knew that once I got up, it was all over and I wouldn’t have another peaceful night of sleep like this again.

I lay still until I heard the singing get louder; I pulled the bed sheet over my head and curled into the fetal position, trying my hardest to mute out the voices. Who the hell was singing, I thought as I realized that it wasn’t going to go away no matter how hard I tried.

I sighed and pulled the blanket off my body and snapped back into reality. I lifted my tired body and slid out of the bunk, stumbling my way to the front lounge. The instant my eyes felt the suns presence coming out through windows a massive headache started to form. “Argggg,” I groaned as I quickly covered my face with my hands. I heard someone chuckle from inside the lounge; I peaked through my fingers and spotted Harry sitting on the couch, flipping through TV channels.

“Good Morning sleeping beauty ” he chirped a bit to loudly as I sat down opposite of him. He was being loud on purpose. Bastard.

“Make it go away,” I murmured while stuffing my face into the nearest pillow. He let out a chuckle as I heard him get up and start shuffling threw cabinets. He pulled the pillow out from under my face and handed me an Advil with a glass of water.

I murmured a quick ‘thank you’ as I swallowed the pill and drowned the glass of water. I felt his eyes examining me as I placed the glass down on the counter and picked up a pack of cigarettes.

“You look like hell.” I heard him say as he leaned back on the couch, folding his arms across his chest.

“Don’t you know how to make a girl feel good.” I said sarcastically as I gave him a hard glare.

I leaned against the window and lit the cigarette as I took in the hectic surroundings. There had to be thousands of kids lined up in front of the venue. They were all eagerly peering through the gate, snapping shots, and secretly hoping that one of the boys would come out and say hi. It was madness. Smoke blew out from my lips as I heard the kids start to sing What Makes you Beautiful. That’s where the singing was coming from.

My eyes were diverted back to Harry who was smiling at the kids singing the bands song. “What are they doing out here so early?” I asked him curiously. “It’s 10 in the morning, the concerts not until 9.”

“We have some really dedicated fans.” He said as he ran a hand through his massive curls. “Wait till you go outside, they all freak out. It’s bloody brilliant!”

I chuckled at his enthusiasm and went back to smoking my cigarette. “Rough night last night?” I heard him ask curiously. I could still feel his eyes lingering on my face and it was making me uncomfortable.

“You could say that,” I mumbled, not able to make contact with his eyes.

“Zayn came back to the bus last night and told us your parents had called and made you extremely upset.” He explained. “We were all bloody worried. We were going to check up on you but Zayn said that he stayed with you until you were sound asleep and that there was no point in disturbing you.”

I felt my heart give a little tug. Zayn had stayed until I had fallen asleep. I couldn’t help smile a bit at this little act of kindness.

“Yeah, it was a rough night.” I said while finally meeting Harrys eyes, they looked strangely understanding. “They have never really supported my music career. I guess that’s a big reason why I never really talk about them with anyone.”

“And the reason that you freaked out when Perrie started to speak about hers?” He asked and I merely nodded my head.

“I didn’t mean to be rude to her.” I said guiltily. “I knew that she didn’t know about my family problems. I guess I just thought she would take the hint and keep her mouth shut.”

“Yeah I think everyone got the hint but her. She’s not the smartest in the bunch.” He said with a small chuckle.

“But I’m fine now.” I said, trying to sound reassuring. I sat up a bit and stubbed out my cigarette in the nearest ashtray. “A good night sleep always helps.”

He nodded his head but I could tell that he didn’t completely believe me. “Where is everyone anyways?” I asked, realizing that we were the only ones on the bus.

“They all went out to breakfast,” he explained. “I told them I would wait until you woke up and then meet them afterwards.” He sent me a cheeky smile and I just shook my head at him.

I appreciated his thoughtfulness, but I wasn’t going to tell him. His ego was already large enough. “Why don’t you go get dressed and we can go to the venue and eat breakfast there. They have an excellent catering service.”

“What, you don’t think this outfit is acceptable?” I said as I stood up and gave him a little twirl.

I saw him smirk at me and I automatically regretted the question. “I think you would look best with no clothes on, but then again I don’t think society would find that quite acceptable.

I smacked the back of his head in response to his perverted comment and made my way to the back lounge, where Harry had informed me that all of our suitcases had been placed. After picking out my outfit, I walked over to the bathroom where I proceeded to change. I had decided on grey skinny jeans that hugged my bum nicely, a knitted cream sweater, brown oxfords, and what I called my hobo jacket.

I splashed water over my face, attempting to make myself feel more alive and awake. My eyes looked terribly swollen from the night before and my dark circles were extremely noticeable underneath my porcelain skin. My hair was frizzy from the rain last night, only contributing to my terrible appearance. I didn’t even bother with any makeup but just proceeded to comb out my hair before braiding my bangs back and leaving the rest hanging down my back.

I shrugged the jacket on top. It smelled sweet with a hint of cigarette smoke. I whined as an intense desperation for another cigarette surged through my body. Smoking had become a nasty habit that I had developed at an early age. My friends, especially Trey, would scold me but when you’ve been doing something for so long, it’s hard to stop.

“Alright, should we get going?” I asked, as I reach the front of the bus. I pulled out another cigarette, weakly giving in to my urge.

“Another one?” he asked as he cocked an eyebrow, giving me a disapproving look.

“I have problems, I know.” I mumbled to him as I let out a puff.

He let out a disappointed sigh before putting his hand on the small of my back and leading the way out the door. I tugged on my jacket as the cold air whipped across my body and sent chills down my spine. Can you say bipolar much? One day its bright and sunny and the next I`m required to wear a puffy jacket.

Harry locked the bus door and the instant we started to walk screams pierced through our ears. I watched as the fans started to jump up and down like crazy at the sight of us. He chuckled at me as he leaned back on his foot clearly amused by my stunned expression.

“I told you it was amazing, didn’t I?” he whispered into my ear. I slowly nodded; still clearly shocked. I took a moment and observed all the fans in their frantic state. I knew that most of them were here for the boys but I couldn’t help but feel that at least one or two of them were here for me. That sent a big smile on my face as I realized that this was my life now and it was something that I had to get use to.

Him and I started to wave Hi and blow kisses to some of the fans as we continued our walk towards the venue. In the process I threw my cigarette to the ground and desperately clung to Harry. The air was cool, and it bit my nose painfully.

We had made it into the venue just as the wind had started pick up significantly. I untangled myself from Harry and followed him into a busy dinning haul. Everyone was chatting nosily as they ate their breakfast, paying no mind to Harry and me. I scanned the room and caught sight of some similar faces, sending big smiles to each of them.

Harry grabbed my wrist and tugged me to the food line where we waited patiently. When it was our turn, I had decided on a large cup of coffee and some scrambled eggs while Harry took a little bit of everything. Oh men. I thought to myself.

I followed Harry over to a table where all the boys were seated, including Jade, Eleanor, and Danielle. They smiled at us and I quickly mumbled hellos to everyone.

Harry immediately went into a conversation with Louis as I sat their quietly picking at my eggs.

“Have you seen Addy?” I asked Niall, who was seated on my left. He was currently scarfing down strips of Bacon into his mouth. Damn that boy could eat.

“Yeah, she was here a few minutes ago.” He said as he swallowed his bacon. “Said she had to take care of some business.”

I simply nodded my head and started to think about what business she had to take care of. I was sorted of glad she wasn’t here at the moment. I knew that the second she saw me I would be bombarded with questions from last night. I knew that she meant well, but I just wasn’t ready to talk about it.

“Speaking of Addy,” I said wickedly as I turned my head back towards Niall. “What do you think of her?” I asked.

I watched as he started to choke on some eggs the second he heard my question. He quickly took a sip of his orange juice and tried to gain back his composure. “What do you mean?” he asked curiously, looking anywhere but my eyes.

“You know,” I said while giving him a nudge. “You guys are always flirting and you’re always blushing when she’s around.” The moment I said blush he started to turn bright red and I couldn’t help but feel a bit evil. The poor boy.

“Were just friends.” He said shyly while he started to poke at his food.

I smiled a genuine smile; he was a sweetheart. “Let me tell you a secret.” I said quietly as I leaned in to whisper in his ear. “She likes you just as much as you like her.” I watched a huge smile light up his lips as he went back to eating. He didn’t have to say anything; I knew that I had just made his day.

I was quiet for a while after that, until I saw Zayn and Perrie heading our way. I felt my stomach church slightly as he sat down across from me. His honey orbs looked into mine and I sent him a big smile, trying to show him that I appreciated last night without physically saying it. I was planning on confronting him privately later.

I guess I had expected a small smile back or at least a head nod but all I got was an expressionless face. He didn’t glare, he didn’t even give me a dirty look, he just simply turned to everyone and gave a round of hellos. Completely ignoring me.

My smile faltered and I looked down at my intertwined hands. I don’t know what hurt more that I completely embarrassed myself by trying to act friendly or that he had blatantly ignored my effort. Either way I didn't like the feeling now hanging in my chest as I sat there hurt.
__

I was currently backstage, shaking like a fool. I was about to take my stage on the podium that would lift me into the view of the audience. The day had gone by uneventful and was mostly spent hanging out with Eleanor and Danielle, who were slowly growing on me. And now I was about to experience what I had waited for all my life.

I had watched as the crowds slowly started to arrive and as the place started to fill with buzz and excitement. The place was completely packed and it was safe to say that I was more nervous then I had been my entire life.

The terrible outfit that I was wearing didn’t help one bit. I was currently sporting high waisted leather shorts that were way to short, a corset with flowers that made my boobs look bigger then they were, and a pair of black Jeffery Campbells. My hair was curled into nice waves and my eye makeup was light with a red lip. Did I look good? Yes. Did my legs run for miles in the shorts? Yes. Was I comfortable? Hell no.

The second outfit that I would change into after I finished my first three songs was much more me then the first. It was a long sleeve form fitting black dress that had a gap in the chest area and it was paired with black platform wedges. The stylist had picked a much more simpler look for the second outfit because I had only 30 seconds to change before I went out and performed my last songs.

I felt someone come up behind me and pinch my butt. “Good luck sexy.” I heard Harry whisper into my ear. I was about to give him a good head slap but the podium started to move up before I ever got the chance.

My knees started to wobble as my music blasted through the stadium and I heard everyone chanting my name. As I made my appearance on stage, everyone burst out into a frenzy. I felt my nerves quickly become replaced by adrenaline. I looked out into the sea of faces and my heart started to fill up with happiness and joy.

My dream was coming true.
It was my time to shine.
__

“Maddy you were amazing!” I heard Addy yell out in excitement as she came up to me and pulled me into a big hug. I quickly returned the hug and I could feel my bubbly laughter fill up the room. “Your voice. Your outfits. Your performance. Your bloody legs!” I heard her shout. “Everything was perfect!”

I let out another giggle as I smiled brightly and thanked her. Everything had gone better then I had expected! I always knew that the stage was my home but I never knew how amazing the rush would feel as you sang out to thousands of kids. I could still feel my head buzzing with excitement.

“I can’t even put it into words the feeling I got onstage,” I rambled to Addy. “I honestly could have stayed up there forever!”

“Your a natural love,” she said as she pulled me into another hug. “You belong up there!” I contemplated Addys words. She was right when she said I belonged up there. It was the only place that I ever felt accepted and needed.

I was brought out of my thoughts as I felt myself being picked up from behind. My laughter bubbled throughout the room as I felt myself being twirled around. I turned around and felt all the boys run up to me and give me a group hug.

“You were bloody brilliant!” I heard Louis yell out as he continued to hug me.

“Were so proud!” I heard Liam say from my left.

“You looked mighty fit!” I heard someone say from my right. I didn’t even have to look to know who it was.

I let myself bath in their compliments as they continued to hug me.

Maybe I didn’t just belong on stage.
Maybe I also belonged in the One Direction family.
__

I walked around the venue looking like a lost puppy. I was desperately trying to find the dressing room; I needed to get out of this dress pronto. I tried almost every door and they all seemed to be empty. I groaned in frustration and went to open the last door at the end of the hall.

Inside was some sort of green room and my eyes widened as I spotted Zayn sitting on a couch texting furiously. He looked better than ever. His hair seemed to flip up perfectly and the dark V-neck hung to his body appropriately. His eyes locked with mine and he cocked his eyebrow at the site of me.

“Oh shoot, sorry,” I stuttered, going completely red. “I was looking for the dressing room, Sorry.” I mumbled while quickly heading out.

I was about to shut the door, but instead I took a deep breath, gained some confidence, and walked backed in. “Um Zayn.” I mumbled and his eyes met mine again.

“Thank you for yesterday,” I whispered while looking down at my feet; making eye contact with him was difficult. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t came and helped.”

I watched as a cocky smirk went up his lips and he was about to reply when Perrie walked in.

“Oh Maddy,” she said, shocked. “I didn’t expect to find you here.” She definitely didn’t seem pleased to see me. I watched as she plopped herself on Zayn’s lap and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, trying to hide her dislike by putting on a fake smile.

“I came to thank Zayn for last night.” I stuttered, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

“Oh yeah, I heard what happened last night. You poor baby.” She cooed. “I didn’t know you had such bad daddy and mommy problems.” She tried to sound sympathetic but I could clearly see the smirk growing on her lips.
“Good thing my baby was there,” she said sweetly to him. It made me sick to my stomach.

I watched as the cocky smirk came back to his lips. “She just looked so weak and pitiful, and you know how I like to help the helpless.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Weak? Pitiful? I should of known that he didn’t help me because of the goodness in his heart. It was shocking how such few words could make you feel unwanted.

I didn’t understand why his words had such a huge affect on me. I avoided his eyes for the longest time, not wanting to melt into his honey orbs like I knew I would if I made eye contact. At the moment I felt weak and pitiful, it was sad how somebody who was constantly bringing me down could make me feel like this.

I could feel the tears swell in my eyes but I swallowed hard and tried to push the feeling away. My heart clenched agonizingly as they talked about my family problems.

“Well whatever your attentions were,” I whispered as I felt a single tear run down my porcelains cheek. “Thank you.” I watched his honey orbs get wide for only a second as he saw the tear slip down my cheek, it was almost as he was starting to regret what he said. But before I had a chance to believe any of this, his poker face returned, cold as ever.

I quickly exited the room, hanging my head low as I searched for an exit. I felt someone grip my forearm and I looked up to meet the eyes of Harry. The instant he saw my tears and my puffy red eyes his forehead crinkled with worry. “What wrong love?” he questioned.

I shook my head, as to say nothing and took off running down the hall. I didn’t want anyone to see my tears; I could only imagine how much they would pity me if they saw me having another break down.

I somehow managed to find myself an exit and I proceeded to run outside into the cool night. I wrapped my arms around my body as I spotted a bench and took a seat; I wasn’t ready to go back to the bus just yet.

I shivered in my tiny dress as my thought wrapped around him. I hated that I liked him. I hated that someone who treated me like that could still cause butterflies in my stomach. Plus I barely knew him, which only made matters worse. I knew that I needed to just push the feelings aside. He wasn’t worth my time; I needed someone who would always treat me right and when they did treat me right they wouldn’t push me away the next day. Plus he was in a relationship, and he seemed to really have feelings for her and who was I to even think about interfering. Not like I could even if I wanted to, clearly I was just tiny and breakable in his eyes.

I sat in silence for a few moments, wrapped in my own thoughts until I spotted Harry in the distance. I could hear him taking slow steps towards me and I swallowed hard; trying to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks.

He let a small sigh leave his lips as he sat next to me on the bench. “Babe” I heard him whisper as he examined my tear stained cheeks. “Do you want to tell me what happened now?” I just shook my head stubbornly; it was to embarrassing to talk about.

“It’s Zayn, isn’t it?” he said softly as he tucked a loose strand behind my ear. I merely nodded and fresh tears started to flow down my face rapidly. I didn’t even bothering to ask how he had known what had happened.

I watched as he leaned his elbows against his knees, and began rubbing his hands on my thighs, sending desperately needed warmth throughout them. He eyed me carefully and I knew that he could see that Zayn had hurt me deeply. My breath was just beginning to even out when I heard him speak again.

“He didn’t mean what he said Maddy,” I heard him say reassuringly.

I shook my head at his effort to try and console me. “If he didn’t mean it then why did he say it Harry?” I asked while I turned my head to look directly into his breathtaking green eyes.

“He said it cause of Perrie.”

“What do you mean?” I asked in a soft whisper.

He ran a hand through his curls and then proceeded to rub his face in his hands. “Perrie has been extremely angry at him since last night.” He said, starting to explain. “You should have seen her Maddy, she was practically fuming when he told her that he had helped you out. If he hadn’t said that you were nothing to him she probably would of broken up with him.”

I digested everything Harry said; I knew that he meant to reassure me with his words but they didn’t change a thing. “Harry, there’s other ways of making sure your girlfriend stay with you, without acting like a jerk.”

“I know that babe,” he said with a sigh as he slowly started to rub my back softly. “But apparently he doesn’t.”

We sat in silence for the next few minutes and I let myself relax as Harry continued to rub my back. As I opened my eyes back open, I realized how close Harry and me were. I felt his hot breath fan my face as he stared into my eyes. I felt myself lean forward and lightly brush my lips against his. And as quickly as I had kissed him I had pulled away. His eyes glittered with amusement. “What was that for?” he asked.

“For being a good friend,” I said truthfully.

He kissed me softly on the forehead as I leaned my head against his shoulder.

I slowly felt myself relax once again.