Love You, My Little Dreamer

“Mads, you did amazing out there!” Addy exclaimed excitingly as she raced over to me, enveloping my shivering body in a hug. “Your reputation as little Miss.Innocent will be back in no time!”

I chuckled and returned her hug, letting her warmth soothe me. I had just spent the last half an hour doing a surprise show for a group of fans and the next half hour doing an interview outside with the local Washington news station. My stylist had picked out a little black dress and black tights for todays event, clearly not giving any thought to how the weather would affect me.

“Trust me thats the furthest thing from my mind at the moment,” I muttered, barely able to form a sentence with how bad my teeth were chattering.

“Ugh, your poor thing! You must be freezing!” She exclaimed as she let me go. “SOMEONE GET HER A JACKET ASAP!” She shouted to the staff, who quickly obeyed her orders and frantically scurried around for my jacket.

“You can't order people around like that Addy!” I scolded her playfully.

“They work for you, and you do as I say, so technically they work for me.” She said with a smirk, as one of the staff handed her my jacket. She handed it over to me and I scurried to put it on, letting out a sigh of content as I basked in its warmth.

We chatted for a brief period, as we walked over to our ride that was going to take us back to the bus. I smiled for the paparazzi and took a few pictures with fans before seating myself in the car and heading off.

The last week had been hectic, it was what Addy liked to call “damage control week”. It basically meant that I had to take on a brand new persona, and that meant no partying and no public physical contact with any of the boys. This part wasn't difficult, especially with the awkwardness between me and Harry, and the cold shoulder that Zayn and I were continually giving each other. The other boys felt the tension, but nobody really asked questions. Well, other than Addy of course, who I was forced to tell every little detail too. Not that I really minded, it was nice to let everything out.

The worst part of the week would have had to have been the constant interviews. This meant that I had to always look presentable and that I never got any downtime to myself. It got to the point where I was about to scream in frustration if another reporter asked me, “How do you explain your recent behavior?”, “Are you on drugs?”, “Are you in a relationship with any of the boys,” and “Are you an alcoholic?”. The amount of press that I had gotten would make you think that I had murdered someone. It was unbelievable and unnecessary.

The drive back took a long time, and the sun had nearly set by the time we had reached the bus.I held my jacket close, protecting myself against the sharp night winds as I raced up the steps of the bus, Addy in tail.

“Hey guys!” Addy said as we walked in.

The group was seated in the front, in a deep game of Monopoly. Everyone mumbled a quick hello, all staring at the board with intense concentration. I let out a small chuckle as I removed my heels and coat, they were all children deep down.

“Hey love!” Niall exclaimed, beaming up at Addy. He opened his arms and she jumped onto his lap, cuddling into his chest.

“Hey cutie, mind if I join the game?” She said sweetly to him, while giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, making him blush.

“No, of course not.” Liam answered for him, Niall seemed to be constantly tongue tied around her. “Maddy, you want to join us as well?” he asked politely, while pulling Daniel closer to him.

“Umm..” I muttered hesitantly as my eyes flashed over to Zayn and Harry who were seated right next to each other. Zayn gave me a glare while Harry stared blankly at me.

“I think its best if I go in the back room and warm up, I've been in the cold all day.” I murmured, feeling my cheeks turn pink as everyone stared up at me.

They all nodded sympathetically, well all but two, as I walked to the back room, head down and embarrassed. One thing I hated more then anything in the world was sympathy, and the fact that all of them 'felt bad for me' made my stomach churn. That was the last thing I wanted from any of them.

I let out a deep breath, that I hadn't even realized I was holding as I let my hair out of its tight bun. I ran my hands through my wavy hair, as I grabbed the nearest blanket and cuddled up onto the couch.

I closed my eyes and listened to the cheerful laughter coming from the front of the bus. All I wanted was to be there with them, enjoying whatever joke Louis had made or whatever embarrassing thing Niall had done. But instead of letting myself enjoy life and enjoy the amazing opportunity that I had earned, I somehow always managed to put myself in awkward situations.

I relied to much on my emotions and not enough on my logical side. It was my emotions which were the reason for my attraction to Zayn and my emotions which caused me to burst out in anger. And it was my emotions that caused me to sleep with Harry, as a way to spite Zayn.

It was stupid and irrational.
It was so unlike me.

My thoughts were broken up as I heard the door open and close shut behind me. I quickly sat up, blanket still wrapped around me, and turned around to see who had entered.

Harry.

He sent a small smile my way as he stood their awkwardly, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Mind if I join you?” he murmured gently.

I stared blankly at him for a moment, before quickly nodding my head and patting the spot next to me. “No, sit.” I said softly.

He nodded his head and sat in the empty spot. He ran a hand through his messy hair and flicked it out of his eyes. I intertwined my fingers and kept my head down, too nervous to meet his eyes.

We sat in silence for a moment before he finally spoke up, “I'm so sorry Maddy,” he said, his voice was gentle and full of regret, “this is all my fault, I knew that you were going through a rough time and I took advantage of you.”

His words shocked me, I quickly lifted my head and stared at him, mouth open in awe. “Harry, you have got to be kidding me!” I scoffed, causing him to meet my eyes for the first time since he sat down.

His sparkling green eyes glowed with confusion. “I can't believe your blaming yourself for all of this. If anyone took advantaged of anyone, I took advantage of you.”

“Wait, What?” he muttered in confusion. “Your not mad at me?”

I looked at him with wide eyes, and everything suddenly clicked. “No, I thought you were mad at me.”

I heard him chuckle and as I looked back up at him, his eyes were glittering with amusement. “Why would I be mad at you?” he said playfully, “I had more fun that night, then I did all of tour.”

His comment made me blush deeply. I covered my hands with my face and sinked deep into the couch. “Were such dumb asses,” I exclaimed, still covering my face with my hands, all this awkwardness over nothing.

I could feel the couch rumble as Harry bursted out into a fit of laughter. I removed my hands from my face and let out a bright smile as I watched his eyes fill with tears of laughter. “No your such a dumb ass” he said jokingly as he continued to laugh.

I scoffed and playfully slapped his arm. “How dare you talk to me like that, you barely just got my forgiveness”. I did my best to pretend to act angry, but the instant he brought his hands around my waist, all was forgotten.

I cuddled into the crook of his neck and took a deep breath of his all to familiar sent. “I missed talking to you,” he murmured into my hair, all jokes aside.

“I missed you to Harry,” I replied, all smiles, my insides were bursting with happiness.

He pulled away slightly and stared at me, “The reason I felt that you deserved an apology was because I knew about your feelings for Zayn before we slept together and I knew that I had no feelings for you besides friendship.”

“Thats the same reason I felt that you deserved an apology,” I replied back, “I didn't want to string you along. Our friendship means to much for me to let that happen.”

Harry let out a chuckle and pulled me back into a hug, “Friends?” he asked.

“Friends.” I replied.
____________

“Hey Mads!” I heard Louis scream from across the bus, “Were going out, wanna come with?”

I picked myself off of the couch in the back lounge and made my towards the front. “Where you guys headed?”

“Were all going to this new club downtown, you in?” he asked with a playful smirk on his face.

“Ugh, I would. But you know that I'm banned from clubbing.” I groaned, annoyed that I couldn't join the group.

Louis gave me a quick pout, before he turned to Eleanor who was helping him put on a red bow tie.

“Classy” I muttered, as I sat down next to Harry.

“I heard that!” he shouted back at me. I chuckled and heard him mutter to Eleanor, 'you like the tie right?'. I tried to hold in my laughter as she tried reassuring him that he looked fine.

I turned my attention to Harry, who was wearing a white t-shirt with a grey blazer over it. “You look handsome.” I complimented as I snuggled up to his side.

He let out a chuckle while taking a quick sip of bear with one hand and wrapping the other one around me.

“Gotta look good for mah ladies.” he said cockily, a giant smirk on his face.

I scoffed, “Please, Im the only lady you've had since this tour has started.”

“Hey, I've been playing it cool.” he said, defending himself “I didn't wanna hard-core flirt, you know, didn't wanna make you jealous.”

“Oh yes, I forgot.” I said sarcastically, “I'm deeply and passionately in love with you.”

“The first steps admitting it.” he joked, while I sent a quick glare his way.

“Your cockiness is gonna get you in trouble one day, you that right?” I asked while unwrapping myself from him. He simply shrugged and sent me an evil smirk.

I shook my head at him and turned my attention to everyone getting ready. Everyone looked spectacular; the girls were all glitter and sparkles, while the boys were buttoned up and put together. I allowed myself a quick glance over at Zayn, and my breath caught in my throat when I saw that his smoldering eyes were on me.

I felt myself turn pink as I allowed myself a quick glance at his outfit. He was in a button down with a black leather jacket over it and black skinny jeans. His hair was in its usual quiff and his face had just the right amount of scruff. When I looked back up at his face, he was carrying a devilish smirk. He clearly knew that I was checking him out.

I quickly looked away and tried to calm my heated cheeks.
Why was he so handsome? Why was he such an ass?
_______________

After the group had left, I was left by myself in the bus. I had decided to change into something more comfortable; a pair of jeans, an old knitted sweater, and a beanie to cover the mess I called my hair. I curled up on the couch in the front lounge and turned on Netflix. It was that kind of night.

I felt myself begin to doze off just as a pounding noise came from outside. I groaned and lifted myself up and lazily walked to the door. As soon as I opened it I was shocked with what I saw.

“Oh god!” I exclaimed as I took in a disgruntled Liam, who was holding up a clearly piss drunk Zayn. “What happened?” I questioned frantically as I examined Zayns dirt and blood stained face. He looked like a complete mess.

“I'll explain everything,” Liam said quickly, while struggling to hold up Zayn. “just help me bring him inside.”

I nodded and quickly went over to Zayns side. He leaned lazily against me, while I clutched the back of shirt, if it wasn't for Liam holding him up from the other side, me and him would probably have toppled to the floor.

“Lets go take him to the bathroom,” Liam ordered as we pulled Zayn up the stairs. “we need to clean him up.” I nodded in agreement and did my best to focus on holding him up and not at our unbelievably close proximity.

We stumbled our way through the front lounge and when we finally reached the bathroom, we propped Zayn up on the counter and let his head rest against the mirror. I let out a deep sigh and ran my hands over my face, he looked absolutely terrible. I took quick notice of the deep gash above his eye brow and the gash on the side of his chin. Those would have to be cleaned up right away to avoid an infection.

After we made sure he wasn't going to topple over, me and Liam left him on the counter and went back out to the front lounge. “Where everyone else?” I asked Liam, who was pacing back and forth. Doing an incredibly terrible job at staying calm.

“There still at the club,” he muttered quickly, running a hand through his hair. “They were too drunk to even notice what happened.”

“And what happened?” I asked.

He let out a deep sigh, “Well, I noticed that Zayn was drinking more then usual, so I started to keep a close eye on him.” he explained. “And good thing I did, because I stopped him from getting his ass beat.”

“Wait, who did he pick a fight with?”

“Some bloke that Perrie was dancing with, they've been having to many problems lately.” he said sympathetically. I tried to sympathize with Liam but I found myself secretly happy that Zayn was finally seeing what was right in front of him all along.

“But wait, if you stopped the fight then why is his face bloody?” I asked, remembering the gashes.

“Oh that was just him falling face first into the sidewalk,” he said with a light chuckle. “the blokes actually pretty heavy.”

I let out a chuckle at his comment. “Well we best get to fixing him up.”

“Actually, I have to get back to the club.” He stated as he made his way towards the door.

“Wait, why?” I exclaimed almost frantically, he couldn't leave me alone with Zayn.

“Daniel and the rest of the group are piss drunk,” he explained. “someone has to get them home safely.”

I took a deep breath and realized that their was nothing that I could say that would make him stay. Their safety was more important then my fear of being close to Zayn.

“Alright, yeah.” I muttered reluctantly while pinching the brink of my nose.”Make sure they get back alright.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” he said quickly while giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I owe you one!” he shouted as he ran out of the bus.

“You bet you do.” I mumbled to myself.
____________________

I returned to the bathroom and found Zayn rubbing his eyes tiredly. I stood their in silence until he looked up at me with groggy eyes. “Where am I?” he muttered while looking blankly around the bathroom.

“In the tour bus,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice calm and steady. I moved to one of the cabinets and looked around for a clean towel. I could feel his eyes on me as I searched, it made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

When I turned back around, he was struggling to get off of the counter. “Wait, where do you think your going?” I asked as I stood in front of him, arms crossed over my chest.

“I have to find Perrie, now.” he mumbled, as he tried to unsuccessfully get off again. “I need to see her.”

My heart unintentionally broke as he kept muttering things about her, it was difficult to listen too. My 'feelings' for him were still so mixed and jumbled.

I took a deep breath and looked up, meeting his eyes for the first time since I had walked in. They had a glassy quality to them that immediately startled me. We were a quiet for a moment as he looked at me with an expression that I had never seen before. He looked sad. “Things never go my way.” he mumbled while leaning forward and resting his long fingers on his thighs.

“Zayn,” I said gently, my heart breaking with each word he uttered. I wasn't use to seeing him like this, innocent and broken. It made me miss the cocky and confident Zayn. “Don't be like that. Your in the biggest boy band in the world, you have friends and family that care for you and love you. You can't beat yourself up over a girl. Any girl would kill to be with you.”

It took me a second to take in my words and realize the underlying meaning of them. Deep down I was that girl that would kill to be with him.

“Any girl, but you.” He said. His tone was husky and when I looked back up at him , I couldn't keep the shock off of my face. His face had turned from sad to serious and his eyes were intense beneath his long lashes. It was to much for my now fast beating heart to handle.

I shook my head with disbelief and chose to ignore his comment. With my now shaking hands, I wet the towel and motioned for him to move closer.

His gaze was powerful and smoldering as I leaned forward and placed one of my hands softly against the side of his face. My breathing stopped completely as my heart went into overdrive, pounding against my rib cage. I had touched him before, but never in this kind of way.

He was focused intently on me and I couldn't tear my eyes away as I slowly started to wipe the dirt way. I started to feel extremely aware of herself, and Zayn for that matter, his chest rising and
falling with every breath he took.

I did the best that I could to focus on cleaning up his wounds and not on the close proximity and undeniable heat between us. Whenever I would get near his wounds, he would flinch and I would mutter a small sorry every time. He always just simply nodded and continued to stare at me, examining every move I mad.

When I was finished, I quickly took a step back and took in a much needed deep breath.

“Thank you.” I heard him say as he slowly got off the counter.

I nodded quickly and scampered around the counter, putting things away frantically. I needed something, anything to distract me.

I was deep in my organizing when I felt a hand grasp my wrist gently and a presence behind me. My heart started to pound a bit faster as I turned around slowly, my breath catching as I met his intense gaze. He was even closer then I had realized, and I watched as he moved even closer, his eyes never leaving mine. His hands gripped the counter on either side of me, imprisoning me between him and the counter. He lowered his head until his nose brushed softly against mine, his lips just millimeters from my reach. I could scarcely breath or think.My only thought was how much I wanted him at that moment.

His gaze was powerful and hungry, his irises burning like flames. Suddenly I saw his eyes change and harden, he pulled away and took a quick step back. And in a swift motion, he was out of the room, leaving me standing their confused and taking deep gasps of air.
_______________

When I had finally composed myself enough to get out of the bathroom and face him, I found him standing in the bunk area, getting ready to go to bed. He was just in his boxers and buttoned down shirt, which he was having an unbelievably tricky time unbuttoning.

“You need help?” I asked gently, trying not to chuckle at how cute he looked when he was frustrated.
He looked up at me and shook his head, “No, no, I got this,” he said wryly, his voice had a hint of frustration.

I watched him for a few minutes in amusement before I finally decided to help him. “Thats why you don't get this wasted.” I taunted as I walked up to him. “Let me?”

He let out a deep sigh and moved his hands away, “Thats ironic coming from you,” he said rudely, making me scoff and shake my head.

Good old Zayn coming back I see.

I brought my hands up to his chest and quickly unbuttoned his shirt, when done taking a step back. I once again admired his perfection, watching his every movement as he slid his shirt off. I tried my best to not stare at his body, especially his abs.

He bent down and laid in his bottom bunk, his hair was disheveled and his face looked completely exhausted.

“Your such an asshole sometimes.” I said confidently, folding my arms across my chest.

He looked up at me with wry eyes and a small smirk on his lips. “I know.” he said simply.

I shook my head in disbelief and started making my way towards the front.

“Wait, where are you going?” I heard him groan. I turned back around and saw him sitting up slightly.

“To the lounge, to lay down.” I muttered, starting to feel exhausted myself.

He lifted his eyebrow and shook his head. “No, come lay with me.”

I lifted an eyebrow back at him and scoffed. “I don't think thats such a good idea Zayn.”

He groaned and laid back down, “Don't be so stubborn, I want you next to me.”

His words shocked me and I couldn't help but think that he was just saying this because of his altered state of mind. Either way, I felt myself walking towards him, not able to stop myself.

“Scoochie,” I muttered as I slowly stepped in, nerves slowly crawling up my body. I laid with my back on the bed and closed the door of the bunk, leaving myself with just him and the darkness.

We laid in silence for what seemed like forever, the tension in the air quite obvious. I could smell his intoxicating scent and feel his body heat radiating at me. This was to much for my fast beating heart to handle.

I heard him let out a frustrated sigh before leaning up slightly and grabbing a blanket from the corner of his bunk. He spread the blanket over our laps, covering us both from the waist down. Once the blanket was securely in place, he did something that shocked me completely. He curled an arm around my waist and gently drew me closer against his side. His large right hand rested lightly just above my hipbone. I stiffened in surprise at the sudden contact.

He clearly felt my reluctance, “Just relax.” He whispered. His voice was warm and quiet, his lips close to my ear.

I took a deep breath and let myself melt into his comfortable embrace.I felt winded; with one simple movement he'd set my entire body on fire. I carefully shifted closer to him, resting my head on his bicep. He seemed unflustered by our close proximity; his eyes were closed, his breathing calm and steady.

I yawned involuntarily, and let my eyes droop shut. A quiet rumble sounded in his chest and his fingers tightened fractionally on my waist, making me feel protected. The way he made me feel was something I had never experienced. There was so much hate and anger between us, but it was so real, so raw. It just felt right, even when it was so wrong.

“Thank you for tonight.” I heard him whisper gently into my ear.

I moved away slightly and sent him a shy smile. He eyes sparkled with something I've never seen before. His hand reached up and swiped a stray piece of hair away from my face and I let my eyes flutter shut once again at his touch. He ran his thumb along my cheek, before moving to my hair. He ran his hand through my hair and down to my shoulders, resting it on my back.

I pulled myself closer and smiled lazily in the nape of his neck.

I knew that this wouldn't last forever, and that in the morning we would be back to our regular routine. But that wouldn't stop me from enjoying this moment in his arms.