Sunshine In My Veins

I think about half an hour had passed, I’d stopped crying, I was just sitting, under a large oak tree. The kind of tree I used to sit under with my cousin, we used to just sit here for hours and talk about anything. That was the good thing about Cameron; I could talk to him about anything. He didn’t know I was gay but back then, neither did I. Now I knew, I definitely knew and I’d give anything to talk to him again. I missed Cameron. I’d missed him ever since it happened. But right now, I missed him more than ever. He was always stronger than me; he knew exactly how I felt. He used to sit with me for hours, just holding me while I cried, I knew he was upset too, but, like I said, he was stronger than me. He was the only thing keeping me sane, now it was just me and Brent. Brent, my heartless, homophobic, alcoholic brother.

Of course I’d considered the easy way out, it seemed evident back then. But as much as I hated my brother, and even though he was never there for me. I’d always be there for him, that’s what I’d promised.

I hated feeling that way towards him; he didn’t deserve to be cared for, I couldn’t pick one of his good attributes, not one. There was no point in dragging it out though, I knew I didn’t have the courage to stand up to him properly, I wasn’t afraid of him, I was afraid of hurting him. When he was sober anyway. When he was drunk I could say whatever the fuck I wanted, all would be forgotten the next morning.

I felt my phone vibrate.

1 new message – Spencer

He’d given me his number yesterday at Starbucks, so had Brendon, but unlike Spencer, he was yet to make contact. I hoped he never did.

Well, that was a lie. I’d give anything for him to let me know he didn’t mean it. Not like that would happen though. I opened Spencer’s message.

Are you in today? There’s something wrong with Bren, he won’t tell me what though, did you talk to him yet?

I closed it, not bothering to reply, I’m glad he was upset, he deserved it, judging me like that? Kissing me then saying he doesn’t want me?

“Asshole!” I growled, hurling my phone in frustration.

“OW!” Oh fuck.

I ran down from the hill, on which the oak tree was mounted, to see a boy about my age, he was a little shorter than me and he was wearing a black t-shirt with a lion on it. He looked a lot like Dan, they had the same piercing blue eyes but his hair was jet black, it framed his face beautifully. He was clutching the side of his head, presumably where my phone had hit him.

“Oh shit! Sorry!” I picked up my phone and looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

“Um..yeah” He smiled, rubbing his head. “Who’s an asshole?”

“Brendon Urie” I said, bluntly.

He laughed loudly, “Try telling my brother that!”

“Who’s your brother?”

“Dan. I’m Phil Lester by the way; I like Lions, Pokémon, Muse and Sarah Michelle Geller”

“Oh right” I blinked, trying to forget what memories came with the name Dan.

“Are you new?” He asked

“Yeah, I’m Ryan Ross, I like My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy and playing guitar”

“Nice” He smiled again, giving me a look of approval. I thought back.

“Wait, what did you mean try telling my brother that?”

“Oh, he’s in love with him?” He shot me a confused glance, “didn’t you know?”

“I’ve only been here for two days” That explained why he looked so happy when he was telling me Brendon didn’t want me.

“Made any friends yet?” I thought, I don’t think Brendon counted anymore.

“Um, not really” It seemed like Brendon and Spencer came as a package deal, I decided to play it safe.

“You have now, fancy skiving with me?” He had a mischievous grin on his face.

“Sure” I didn’t think twice about it, what did I have to lose?

“Awesome!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the school gates. We walked for a while before he glanced at me, “you like music then?”

“Yeah, it’s my life” Oh God that sounded cheesy.

“And you play guitar?” I nodded, “Come on, there’s someone you HAVE to meet” He winked at me; he still had hold of my hand and was dragging me towards a cluster of shops. I flinched as we passed Starbucks, remembering yesterday.

“Ryan, that guys looking at you.” Phil pointed towards Starbucks, I looked to my left, seeing Jon, who was cleaning a table by the window. He smiled at me, raising his eyebrows and smirking when he saw me and Phil were holding hands. I laughed nervously.

“Oh, that’s Jon”

“You know him?” Phil grinned, “He’s pretty cute”

“Yeah, we-urm, I met him yesterday” I corrected myself, not wanting to bring Brendon or Spencer in the conversation.

“Oh, cool” He blushed a little, “and Ryan, for the record, you’re pretty damn hot too”