Sequel: Take Me Back to Where We Started ›
I Could Use Somebody
Twelve.
It was silent for a few minutes. I don't think any of us knew what to say. Pony and Two Bit began to make small talk with Johnny, talking about how he was in the paper and all. I stood with my back against the wall. I used to always go to work with my cousin who was a nurse so I knew that by the look of Johnny, he wasn't doin' too good.
"You guys wanna know something?" I made myself look up at Johnny again. " I used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. But I don't wanna die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years just ain't gonna be long enough. Hell, I wouldn't care so much if there hadn't been so many things I haven't done yet. So many, so many damn things I ain't seen or done."
I couldn't take it. I couldn't stand there and listen to Johnny talk about dying. He was still a baby. I knew that I was gonna start bawling so I started making my way towards the door. I turned to look at Johnny on my way out. "I'm sorry." I didn't really know who I was apologizing to. There was Johnny, who followed me into the burning church which landed him on his death bed. There was Pony Boy who was most likely going to lose his best friend all because I didn't make him go home that one night where Johnny killed the Soc. Then there was Two Bit who I left standing in that room alone. He had to be strong for those two because I couldn't do it. I had finally hit my breaking point. I used the back of my hand as a tissue, wiping tears off of my cheeks, all the way down to Dally's room. I walked into his room and leaned up against the wall. His back was turned to me while he was trying to find his lighter but I guess he heard me come in.
"You just missed your boyfriend." I wiped the tears away from my eyes with the top of my shirt. "Huh?" He got up to put a pair of pants on. "Tim Shepard just stopped by. Started rubbing it in about the rumble."
Dally's boyfriend comment really bothered me. I don't know why, bad timing I guess. "What do you mean boyfriend?" He finally turned around. "It was a joke. Lighten up." I wiped my eyes again. "Are you crying?" He started laughing. "Nothing's funny." He came over and stood in front of me, using his thumbs to wipe tears off of my cheeks. "It's Johnny, huh?" I nodded my head without saying anything. "How bad is it?" I couldn't tell Dally how bad off Johnny really was. "Not that bad." Dally started shaking his head. "Don't lie to me, Nicole. It's that bad?" At this point, I was lying for the sake of myself. "No, really. He'll be alright." Dally knew me too well. "Stop fucking lying to yourself. You know how bad it is. If he was alright you wouldn't still be crying." He was yelling now. I've kept everything bottled up and I knew that I was about to blow. I couldn't take Dally yelling at me, or anyone for that matter. I already knew that if Johnny died, it would be on my shoulders. "Alright Dally, you wanna know how bad it is? If Johnny lives, IF, he won't be able to walk again. Ever. Not with crutches, a walker, nothing. He's paralyzed from the waist down. He'll never be the same again. We'll never get the old Johnnycake back. There. Happy?" For a second I could tell that he was hurt but he covered it up quickly.
"This is your fault. You know that right?" I tried to talk but nothing came out. I wasn't expecting him to say that. "You had to go in to that fucking burning church. You and fucking Ponyboy. Are you happy now? Do you feel great that you saved those stupid fucking children?" I knew why he was blaming everything on me. Dally knew that he told them to go to that church. He feels the same way that I feel. He feels like he killed Johnny. "Dally, I didn't mean to..." He cut me off. "No. It's your fucking fault. I can't even look at you." I didn't wanna argue with him any more. It wasn't gonna do either of us any good. I started walking out. "Wait, don't go." I ignored him. I wasn't really mad at Dally but I couldn't stay there. I knew that I would end up blaming the whole Johnny thing on him.
I walked into the hallway and ran into Pony and Two Bit. "Wrong way. We're goin' to see Dal." I sighed. "Not a good time. Why don't we head home? We'll come back later." Two Bit didn't ask any questions, instead he let Pony walk ahead of us then asked if I was alright. "Yeah I'm fine." It was silent the rest of the way home.
It was almost dark by the time we got home and Steve, Soda and Darry were getting ready for the rumble, which I had forgotten about. Two Bit went in to the fridge and grabbed a beer then sat down on the couch.
"Listen Nicole." I heard Darry behind me. I turned around and faced him. "We're getting ready to leave. The second we walk out that door you lock it. Keep your blade handy just incase. We shouldn't be back too late." I nodded. "Yeah, I know the drill." He rolled up the sleeves on bis black T-shirt. "Yeah,yeah. And don't you leave this house, do you hear me? It's dark and if you get in any trouble you have no way of reaching any of us." I sat down on the couch. "Yeah Darry, I got it." He rolled his eyes. "Famous last words. Alright, are ya'll ready?" The rest of the guys got up and started walking towards the door. "Good luck! Don't get killed!" I yelled after them.
I got up and locked the door after they left. I sat back down on the couch and played around with the TV for a while until I got bored. "Maybe I'll call Dally..." I got up and stared at the phone in the kitchen. "Maybe I shouldn't. He might be mad at me and I might say something stupid." It took me a couple minutes before I realized that I was having a full on conversation with myself. I picked up the phone and called the hospital, then asked for Dally's room. It rang once, then twice, then three times. He didn't answer. I sat back down on the couch for a couple minutes, then got up and walked out the door and began making my way to the hospital.
Luckily, I didn't run in to any trouble on the way there. I made my way up to Dally's room but of course I had to pass Johnny's room on the way. I knocked then poked my head in. "Hey, Johnny." No response. I took a step in to the room and saw Johnny laying with his eyes closed on the hospital bed. I took another step closer. "Johnny?" Nothing. I started panicking. Johnny's dead. I said his name one more time before backing out of the room. I couldn't do it. I took off for Dally's room.
"Dally! Johnny's dea..." His room was empty and his hospital gown was laying on his bed. It only took me a second to figure out where he was. Before we started arguing earlier I remember him saying that Shepard stopped by and was making fun of Dal for not being in the rumble. Dally loved fights more than he loved anything (almost) and I should've known he wouldn't miss this fight. I decided to run back to Johnny's room and make sure before I ran over to the empty lot where the rumble was taking place because I knew Darry would kill me.
I took a few steps in to Johnny's room again. "Johnny?" Again, nothing. I tried to get closer to him but the thought of Johnny lying there cold and not breathing was too much. As a last resort, I decided to kick the end of his bed. "Huh?" My eyes shot open and I ran over to the side of the bed. "Johnny? You're alive?" He nodded his head but kept his eyes closed. "Get Pony and Dally." I knew that this was it. Johnny wasn't gonna make it. "You got it." I kissed his forehead then took off for the empty lot.
"You guys wanna know something?" I made myself look up at Johnny again. " I used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. But I don't wanna die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years just ain't gonna be long enough. Hell, I wouldn't care so much if there hadn't been so many things I haven't done yet. So many, so many damn things I ain't seen or done."
I couldn't take it. I couldn't stand there and listen to Johnny talk about dying. He was still a baby. I knew that I was gonna start bawling so I started making my way towards the door. I turned to look at Johnny on my way out. "I'm sorry." I didn't really know who I was apologizing to. There was Johnny, who followed me into the burning church which landed him on his death bed. There was Pony Boy who was most likely going to lose his best friend all because I didn't make him go home that one night where Johnny killed the Soc. Then there was Two Bit who I left standing in that room alone. He had to be strong for those two because I couldn't do it. I had finally hit my breaking point. I used the back of my hand as a tissue, wiping tears off of my cheeks, all the way down to Dally's room. I walked into his room and leaned up against the wall. His back was turned to me while he was trying to find his lighter but I guess he heard me come in.
"You just missed your boyfriend." I wiped the tears away from my eyes with the top of my shirt. "Huh?" He got up to put a pair of pants on. "Tim Shepard just stopped by. Started rubbing it in about the rumble."
Dally's boyfriend comment really bothered me. I don't know why, bad timing I guess. "What do you mean boyfriend?" He finally turned around. "It was a joke. Lighten up." I wiped my eyes again. "Are you crying?" He started laughing. "Nothing's funny." He came over and stood in front of me, using his thumbs to wipe tears off of my cheeks. "It's Johnny, huh?" I nodded my head without saying anything. "How bad is it?" I couldn't tell Dally how bad off Johnny really was. "Not that bad." Dally started shaking his head. "Don't lie to me, Nicole. It's that bad?" At this point, I was lying for the sake of myself. "No, really. He'll be alright." Dally knew me too well. "Stop fucking lying to yourself. You know how bad it is. If he was alright you wouldn't still be crying." He was yelling now. I've kept everything bottled up and I knew that I was about to blow. I couldn't take Dally yelling at me, or anyone for that matter. I already knew that if Johnny died, it would be on my shoulders. "Alright Dally, you wanna know how bad it is? If Johnny lives, IF, he won't be able to walk again. Ever. Not with crutches, a walker, nothing. He's paralyzed from the waist down. He'll never be the same again. We'll never get the old Johnnycake back. There. Happy?" For a second I could tell that he was hurt but he covered it up quickly.
"This is your fault. You know that right?" I tried to talk but nothing came out. I wasn't expecting him to say that. "You had to go in to that fucking burning church. You and fucking Ponyboy. Are you happy now? Do you feel great that you saved those stupid fucking children?" I knew why he was blaming everything on me. Dally knew that he told them to go to that church. He feels the same way that I feel. He feels like he killed Johnny. "Dally, I didn't mean to..." He cut me off. "No. It's your fucking fault. I can't even look at you." I didn't wanna argue with him any more. It wasn't gonna do either of us any good. I started walking out. "Wait, don't go." I ignored him. I wasn't really mad at Dally but I couldn't stay there. I knew that I would end up blaming the whole Johnny thing on him.
I walked into the hallway and ran into Pony and Two Bit. "Wrong way. We're goin' to see Dal." I sighed. "Not a good time. Why don't we head home? We'll come back later." Two Bit didn't ask any questions, instead he let Pony walk ahead of us then asked if I was alright. "Yeah I'm fine." It was silent the rest of the way home.
It was almost dark by the time we got home and Steve, Soda and Darry were getting ready for the rumble, which I had forgotten about. Two Bit went in to the fridge and grabbed a beer then sat down on the couch.
"Listen Nicole." I heard Darry behind me. I turned around and faced him. "We're getting ready to leave. The second we walk out that door you lock it. Keep your blade handy just incase. We shouldn't be back too late." I nodded. "Yeah, I know the drill." He rolled up the sleeves on bis black T-shirt. "Yeah,yeah. And don't you leave this house, do you hear me? It's dark and if you get in any trouble you have no way of reaching any of us." I sat down on the couch. "Yeah Darry, I got it." He rolled his eyes. "Famous last words. Alright, are ya'll ready?" The rest of the guys got up and started walking towards the door. "Good luck! Don't get killed!" I yelled after them.
I got up and locked the door after they left. I sat back down on the couch and played around with the TV for a while until I got bored. "Maybe I'll call Dally..." I got up and stared at the phone in the kitchen. "Maybe I shouldn't. He might be mad at me and I might say something stupid." It took me a couple minutes before I realized that I was having a full on conversation with myself. I picked up the phone and called the hospital, then asked for Dally's room. It rang once, then twice, then three times. He didn't answer. I sat back down on the couch for a couple minutes, then got up and walked out the door and began making my way to the hospital.
Luckily, I didn't run in to any trouble on the way there. I made my way up to Dally's room but of course I had to pass Johnny's room on the way. I knocked then poked my head in. "Hey, Johnny." No response. I took a step in to the room and saw Johnny laying with his eyes closed on the hospital bed. I took another step closer. "Johnny?" Nothing. I started panicking. Johnny's dead. I said his name one more time before backing out of the room. I couldn't do it. I took off for Dally's room.
"Dally! Johnny's dea..." His room was empty and his hospital gown was laying on his bed. It only took me a second to figure out where he was. Before we started arguing earlier I remember him saying that Shepard stopped by and was making fun of Dal for not being in the rumble. Dally loved fights more than he loved anything (almost) and I should've known he wouldn't miss this fight. I decided to run back to Johnny's room and make sure before I ran over to the empty lot where the rumble was taking place because I knew Darry would kill me.
I took a few steps in to Johnny's room again. "Johnny?" Again, nothing. I tried to get closer to him but the thought of Johnny lying there cold and not breathing was too much. As a last resort, I decided to kick the end of his bed. "Huh?" My eyes shot open and I ran over to the side of the bed. "Johnny? You're alive?" He nodded his head but kept his eyes closed. "Get Pony and Dally." I knew that this was it. Johnny wasn't gonna make it. "You got it." I kissed his forehead then took off for the empty lot.