I Could Use Somebody

“Hey Dal!”

Buck Merril was always in a good mood. It grossed me out. Dally shook his hand then went behind the bar and filled a cooler with beer, then led me up stairs. He shoved me into a bedroom, then closed the door behind me. I looked at the bed and decided to sit on top of the desk to save both of us from feeling awkward. He opened two beers then looked at me.

“What are you doing?”

I took the beer from his hand. “I'm sitting. Are you really this dumb? That's the second stupid question you've asked me in the past twenty minutes.”

He sighed then sat on the bed. “God, Nicole. I almost forgot how charming you are.”

I took a big sip of the beer. “Mmm, it's a blessing and a burden.”

It was quiet for a few minutes. I knew why. We were both avoiding something. Neither of us wanted to talk about what happened last year but I know that's what we came here to do. I finished my beer and slammed it down on the desk.

“So uh, what's with this whole talking thing between us now?” He finished his beer then, tossed it on the floor and opened two more, handing one to me. “Wait a second.” He chugged his beer then reached under the bed and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and took a big swig out of it. I narrowed me eyes.

“Why do you need to get hammered to talk to me?” He put a cigarette in his mouth.

“Because.” He took out a match and lit it on his necklace. I almost made a noise. I forgot how hot he looked when he did that. “You make me nervous.”

"Oh, please." I laughed, then got up and grabbed the bottle off of the floor. “And you don't think you make me nervous?” I took a sip from the bottle then climbed back on the desk with it in my hand. “Can we talk now or do you wanna do a couple of Jaeger bombs? And by the way, we did this in the wrong order. Liquor first, then beer.” I took another sip of Jack.

“Do you know how much I loved you?” I almost spit it out all over the floor. I wasn't expecting that.

“Yeah. I remember how much you loved me.”

He shook his head before I was even done talking. “No, Nicole. At one point I would have done anythin' for you. I would've taken a bullet for you, easily. No questions asked. As stupid as this sounds, you were my everything. You were the only thing I had to hold onto.” I just stared at him. He's never said anything like this to me before. Not even when we were dating. “Bring that bottle back over here?”

I got up and handed him the bottle. I figured we were gonna be passing it back and forth, so I sat on the bed and leaned back against the wall. “It's not stupid, Dallas.”

His voice got louder. “And I looked like a fucking idiot when you dicked me over! I told you shit I told myself I would never say out loud . You were the closest I've ever been to anyone. And then you reminded me why I never got that close to people. Because everyone...” He lit another cigarette, then finished his sentence “...always ends up leaving you.” He took a sip out of the bottle and without looking at me, handed it back to me. I've been avoiding this conversation for over a year.

“I didn't mean to hurt you.” I took a sip and knocked the bottle on his shoulder so he would take it. He laughed sarcastically.

“Yeah, I'm sure you were trying to make me feel real good when you hooked up with Shepard.” He handed the bottle back to me.

“Ouch.”

"Yeah ouch.” I shook my head.

“Dallas turn around and look at me. I don't feel like talking to the back of your head.”

He turned around and sarcastically said “Yes ma'am.” I took a big sip then handed it back to him. I was starting to really feel all the Jack Daniels now, and thank god, because it was gonna make this part a hell of a lot easier.

“I only did it because someone told me that you were cheating on me. First with Sylvia, then with my cousin.”

He shot up. “And who the fuck told you that?” The bottle of Jack started to fall over on the bed but I caught it before it could spill.

“I heard it from...”

He cut me off. “And you never thought to come to me and ask me about it?” He was yelling now.

“Dallas...” He grabbed an empty beer bottle and chucked it at the wall. “What the fuck are you doing?”

I started yelling, then stopped myself. “You don't get it do you?” I shook my head.

“No, Dally. I don't get it. It was over a year ago.” He laughed then, opened the door and started to walk through it. Now I got mad.

“Yeah you talk about me leaving you. Look at what you're doing right now. You're leaving. You're the one who always fucking leaves.” He came back in the room and got in my face.

“You left. Not me. You fucked up. Not me.” He slammed the door. “The best thing I ever had ended all because you couldn't ask me if I was cheating on you.” I pushed him away from me.

“I didn't need to ask you! When four people tell you the same story, it's gotta be fucking true!”

I didn't feel like talking anymore and I definitely didn't feel like being at Buck Merril's. I opened the door and started walking down the stairs.

"Who were the four people?" I heard Dally screaming from the top of the stairs.

"Ask Two Bit." I yelled back before I got down the stairs. There were so many people there. I was hoping no one tried to have a conversation with me. I knew most of the people there. Buck and Dally have been good friends for a while. I made it out of the house without talking to anyone. Again, I was walking alone at night. But I figured everyone was either at Dylan's or Buck's so I thought I would be alright on the walk home. On the way home I started thinking about Dally. He gets upset so easily. He is by far the most emotional person that I knew. "Emotional" is literally the last word anyone would use to describe Dallas Winston, except I knew how he really was. He acted tough but he cared about what people thought of him. He would never show it but he had feelings. I think people forget that. Finally, I was almost home. I took a step around the corner and I swore I got hit by a car. Before I knew it I was lying on the ground. I heard someone coughing next to me so I looked over. I squinted and moved my head closer before I realized who it was.

"Jesus Christ, Ponyboy. What are you doing?" I got up and pulled him to his feet. "Do you know what time it is? You better get home, Darry's gonna kill you."

He sniffled, then rubbed his arms. Like me, he wasn't wearing a jacket. "I ain't goin' home."

I didn't realize he was crying until he opened his mouth. "Pony, what's wrong?"

He took out a cigarette and lit it, then offered me one. I shook my head and he put them back in his pocket. "Darry hit me."

I sat down on the curb and he followed. "You know he loves you. He didn't mean to do it." He was still crying so I started to rub his back. "He has a lot on his shoulders right now Pony, that's all. I don't know what happened, but I'm positive it was an accident."

He stopped crying and mumbled "sure."

"Come on, I'll walk you home."

He stood up but he started shaking his head. "I'm just gonna go find Johnny in the lot. Stay there with him."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Pony. That's a long walk and I wanna get home. Your house is right there. I don't feel like walkin' to the lot."

His voice changed. "You don't need to walk me. I should be walkin' you home. You're the one that ain't supposed to be walking by yourself at night. The guys tell you that all the time. You want Darry to find out?"

Darry would flip if he knew that I was walking by myself at night. If Pony told him he would go on and on about how stupid I was. "You're a pain in the ass Ponyboy. Get to the lot quickly and if Johnny's not there, you go home." He started walking away so I yelled after him. "And get home before Darry leaves tomorrow morning or he'll kill you for stayin' out all night." After he was out of sight, I turned around and walked home for the third time that night.