Three Cheers

Having Gerard back in my sights, it was so hard for me to have the guts to leave. It was hard for me to convince myself that this was really, really bad. We needed help, I needed help, and Gerard needed it just as much as I did.

I let Gerard take me home, he wasn't drunk, just a little high. I put on the mask of being his wife; happy and not caring. I did care, but Gerard didn't want me to care. He wanted me to turn a blind eye to his addictions.

I settled on the bed, taking my shoes off. Gerard stood in front of me, pulling his boots off, and the latch to his belt. I watched him pull his jeans down, his shirt off, and kneel in front of me. He put his hands on my hips, "I love you."

I felt the tears began their journey to my eye ducts, "I love you, too."

Gerard leaned forward and kissed me, his hands rolled up and down my sides. My heart began to race, out of anticipation and slight anger. I was anger about him wanting to have sex with me; sex couldn't fix our relationship.

He pushed on the bed, gently, and hovered over me, kissing me softly, rolling his tongue against mine. I suddenly felt at ease, I felt comfortable, I felt madly in love. I couldn't help but to kiss him back.

Within these slow minutes, my clothes were shred, my hands and fingernails dug into his bare back. Gerard pulled from my lips, he bucked his hips against mine, then buried his mouth against my neck. My breathing was growing heavier and heavier, I could feel his lips traveling along my neck, I was getting queasy. I could feel his teeth, now, scraping against my skin, and I unexpectedly moaned.

Gerard chuckled, "That's it, baby."

Suddenly I hate myself. 

I stop myself, I pushed away from Gerard's embrace. He gave me this look of confusion and I shake my head, "What are we doing?"

Gerard gave a sheepish shrug, "Making love."

My heart flutters at his words. Love making. Here I was categorizing it as sex.

"This doesn't fix what's wrong." I told him softly.

He sighed, "Let me love you, October. I want to make you happy, I want to do what I used to do for you."

I want to cry, but again, I hold back, "I still love you, Gerard, but I hate that you won't let me help you. I don't want you to think that just because we have sex that--"

He stopped me, "I know, I understand. This is for you. I want to make you feel better, because I love you so damn much. I don't want you to hurt you anymore."

Shit, I was letting the flood gates open. I started to cry. 

Gerard propped up on his elbows and kissed at my cheeks. Then, he kissed my lips, I could taste my own salty tears on his lips. He pulled away, he brought his hand up and wiped my eyes, "Will you let me love you?" He looked at me with curious eyes.

I exhaled and nodded, "Yes."

Gerard smiling, kissing me again and shiver at the quickness of his tongue forcing it's way into my mouth. I cupped his jaw, he hovered over me, his right hand pulled my thigh onto his hip. He pulled his lips from mine, licking his bottom lip quickly, "I don't want you to ever think I don't love you."

I don't know what to say, I just let him continue without a reply from myself.

He pulled my panties down, then his hand swam around my middle. He brought his lips down on mine again, I gasped against his when I felt his index finger run up and down my opening roughly. I twirled my hips, wanting more, feeling wanton.

He used his fingers to open me for himself, and without warning he thrust into me quickly. I gasped louder, bucking my hips upward, "Shit." I muttered.

"Put your legs around me." He panted against my neck.

I did as he told me, groaning softly as he began to move slowly. I clawed at his back, letting the feeling build almost too quickly. I couldn't believe how fast my climax was approaching; suddenly, Gerard pulled out of me.

I looked furrowed my brows, his lips trailed down my chest; "What the hell?" I snapped at him.

Gerard lifted his head to look at me, "I told you, I'm doing this for you."

"But I was almost there." I mumbled.

He nodded, bringing his lips down my sternum; he moved his body down the bed, until he got to my core. I propped up, my heat was vibrating crazily, and Gerard knew it. He put his hands on my thighs, opening my legs to him; he moved down the line of my pelvis, leaving open mouth kisses towards my middle. I bit down on my lip when he did so, I could hardly contain myself. Finally, he dipped his head down placing a kiss on my clit, then darting his tongue around it.

I shivered again, and moaned loudly when he forced his tongue into me. I fell back off my elbows, and shook slightly, his thumb began to rub my sensitive nub, causing me to toss my head side to side. His tongue worked deep within me, causing my orgasm to rebuild quickly.

"Gee!" I sputtered his name in a deep breath.

Gerard made a vibration against me, making my leg shake. I screamed in delight, bunching the blanket beneath my fingers. I could hardly hold on any longer, I bucked my hips, feeling delicious torture.

Within a few seconds, my orgasm hit me like a large wave. I wrapped the blanket in my fist and cried out, my body pulsating. My body shook, and Gerard pulled away from me, climbing up my body and placing wet kisses around my warm skin.

My breathing was returning to normal as Gerard laid beside me, placing a kiss on my shoulder. With my body flushed, I wrapped my arms around his neck and resting my head against his chest. Gerard placed a kiss atop of my head.

My sweaty skin stuck to his and I found myself falling to sleep. I could hear his heart beating gently and it was lulling me there to sleep. All of my feelings were in a whirlwind, I just didn't know what to feel really. My mind was sorting through what I should do. My heart felt one thing and my mind told me to do another.

I love Gerard with my whole heart and soul. I wanted to make life better for him, I wanted to make life better for us. I wanted to have a baby and be a family, to be what our parents weren't for us.


Gerard held me from behind while we had slept, but I had waken up and was thinking again. I held him close to me, holding his hands in mine, hoping that I could sway him with his addictions. I hated that I constantly thought of this, I wanted some peace.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt Gerard sigh against the back of my neck and kiss me there. My body warmed up, and I wiggled against him, causing him to laugh, "Hey Sugar."

"Hey." I murmured a response.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm okay." I answered softly.

"You wanna go out to eat? I'm suppose to meet up with Mikey."

"Yeah, sure."

Gerard and I got up and redressed; I went into the bathroom, fixed my hair and makeup. Gerard came in and splashed his face, then began to leave, but I stopped him, "Aren't you gonna brush your teeth?"

He smirked at me, "No, I can taste you."

I shook my head, "You're gross."

"I ain't gross. You should feel flattered, Sugar." 

I rolled my eyes, and continuing to fix my hair. 

After I went back into the room, where Gerard was making the bed up. I raised my brow at him, "You're making the bed?"

"Yeah, why is that a shock?" He looked at me after tossing the pillow correctly at the head.

"You never make anything." 

He chuckled, "Gimme a break, I'm trying."

That made me smile a bit, "Well, that's very kind of you, Gee."

"Thanks."

I kissed his cheek, "Alright, so tell me where it is we're going."

"Some place Mikey wanted to go to. He was ravin' about their coffee or some shit." He laughed softly.

"Lead the way."

Gerard had taken my hand and drove us to Mikey and Ray's place. Ray and Frank were playing a video game, while Mikey was getting ready. Gerard had gone into the kitchen, saying, "I'm gonna take one of your beers, bro."

I held my tongue and sat down on the couch, beside Frank. He looked at me once, then back at the TV where he was boxing with Ray, "Hey October. How's my favorite person with the coolest month as a name?"

I chuckled, "You said a mouthful there, Frankie. I'm fine, how about you?"

He smiled slightly, jabbing the controller buttons like crazy, "I'm good. I'm handing Ray his ass to him."

"No you aren't," Ray said, "I got two letters for you, Frank."

"What?"

"K O!" With that, Frank's character was knocked out by Ray's.

Frank threw down his controller, "Oh fuck!"

Ray laughed, "I got you!"

Mikey came down the stairs, "What?"

"I whooped Frank's ass." Ray smirked happily from his position on the floor.

"I almost had you!" Frank countered back.

"No you didn't." 

Frank looked at me, "Didn't I?"

I shrugged, "I couldn't tell."

Ray laughed, "Ha! Told you."

Mikey shook his head, "You should know Frank, Ray is the best."

"Fuck it. Rematch."

Ray and Frank started another game, Mikey looked down at me, "Where's Gerard?"

"I'm right here." Gerard nursed a beer bottle, "Ready?"

"Yeah. Wait, I thought you were gonna drive?"

"October can do it." Gerard told him.

Mikey frowned, "I can drive, October, if you want me to?"

"Do you wanna drink tonight too?"

He shrugged, "It's cool."

"I can drive, Mikey, don't worry."

"I don't wanna be rude." Mikey said sheepishly.

"It's fine, Mikes, geez." Gerard muttered as he walked over, "Can we go now? I'm starved."

Mikey rolled his eyes, "Yeah."

We left Mikey's; Gerard climbed in the front seat of Mikey's car, Mikey was to drive there, and I'd drive back. I sat in the back seat, listening to Mikey talk to us about upcoming shows. I hadn't known that Gerard was going to leave so soon.

"That's stupid that they have us come home for two weeks and take us back out." Gerard mumbled.

"How long are you guys going to be gone."

Mikey sighed, "Like three months."

My eyes bulged, "Oh, wow, without breaks?"

"Yeah," Gerard answered, then looked back at me, "I'm sorry."

I shrugged, there wasn't much I could do. Gerard would be gone again, and his drinking would spiral because he didn't care. I would sit at home, worrying my head about him.

I just couldn't win.